The Top 8 Myths/Misconceptions about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston
Many people feel completely terrified at the idea of going to marriage counseling in Houston. But, a lot of couples just struggle on their own for years and years without knowing how to actually fix the situation.
What you do not know is that a skilled marriage counselor in Houston can take your relationship from raggedy and uninspiring, to fun, enjoyable and amazing.
Here are some of the top nine myths about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston that you need to know.
We have to stop this foolishness guys.
1) Marriage counseling will lead to divorce.
If you and your partner decide to get a divorce after going through marriage counseling in Houston, chances are it was NOT the couples counseling that led to the divorce. My guess is that your marriage has been on the rocks for a while, and the relationship counseling simply just helped shine the light on the cracks that are already present in your relationship.
Now I'll admit this, it is not the job of the couples therapist to fix your marriage. That is actually you and your spouse’s job. The goal of marriage counseling is simply to give you tools to help you work to improve your friendship, intimacy and trust.
If you and your spouse do not put in the necessary work, you will not meet your goals. Will marriage counseling guarantee that your marriage will be happily ever after? No. But marriage counseling most certainly can give you the tools that you and your spouse need to help you reach the happily ever after.
2) Marriage counseling is for non-Christians only.
There is this really dangerous myth within certain churches that couples counseling is for non-Christians only. So what does this mean? It means that there are thousands of Christians out there who are suffering in silence, rather than getting the tools that they need to unlock happiness in their marriages.
I believe that the Bible actually encourages us to seek wisdom. There is nothing unbiblical about marriage counseling. If you want to, you can even seek the services of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston. That way they can integrate your faith, as well as your Christian beliefs into the therapy.
But do not for one minute think that being a Christian means that your job is to be miserable in a marriage. I believe that God actually wants your married to succeed. So why not go to someone who has the professional skills and expertise to help your marriage succeed? Sometimes you need more than prayer.
3) The couples therapist will blame me for everything that has been going wrong in my marriage.
Many people run away from marriage counseling in Houston because they think that all the blame will be placed on them. I see this in women a lot.
A skilled, professional marriage and family therapist, or a skilled marriage counselor will NOT place the blame on one party. I have never seen a relationship in which one spouse holds all of the blame. After all, it does take two to tango.
I believe that marriages unravel because each person is unaware of how to meet their spouses needs, or sometimes they bring in trauma and negative relational dynamics into the relationship, which then starts to eat away at the happiness of the marriage.
If you are currently working with a marriage therapist who is blaming one party for everything, please run in the opposite direction. Couples counseling should not feel like you are getting stoned. Both partners should feel heard and supported by their therapist.
4) There's no point in going to see a marriage counselor when I can just read self-help books
If self-help books were enough to help you build your marital relationship, you will not be having relationship struggles in the first place. Is there a place for self-help books? Of course. They are a great addendum to couples or relationship therapy.
But self-help books will not help you understand how your generational trauma is playing a role in your marriage. Self-help books might not give you all the tools you need to clearly communicate when you're in a conflict with your spouse.
Self-help books are not tailored to focus on all the nuances that occur within relationships. Many self-help books are pretty generalized and might not completely pertain to your own marriage.
So I would suggest continuing to read self-help books, but also getting additional knowledge from a trained marriage therapist.
5) I cannot afford marriage counseling in Houston.
This might not be entirely true. Your insurance might actually be willing to cover a part of your marriage counseling costs. All you have to do is pick up the phone, and ask them if they cover marriage counseling.
If your insurance does not cover the cost of marriage counseling, there are tons of therapists out there who have affordable fee structures. Do your research first, before assuming that you cannot afford marriage counseling.
I would actually argue that the cost of marriage counseling is far less than the cost of a messy divorce. When you think about the emotional toll, the physical toll, as well as the financial mess that often happens after a divorce, you might need to put marriage counseling as a line item on your monthly budget.
Whatever we put our energy towards will grow.
6) Marriage counseling in Houston is pretty boring
If your only experience with marriage counseling has been through movies, I'm pretty sure that you have the wrong idea about marriage counseling. And chances are that you have not worked with me.
Marriage counseling does not have to be boring. Marriage counseling does not have to feel like a wrestling match.
Marriage counseling counseling is simply just a system to equip you with the necessary tools that you need to thrive in your relationship.
Every week, we focus on a different area of your relationship. It could be friendship and intimacy, managing conflict, building life's hopes and dreams, establishing communication, trust and commitment. I typically will bring my personality into the session, so we will share lots of laughs. I throw in a little bit of shade, and it does not have to feel like a funeral.
7) Marriage counseling will finally fix my husband/wife
If you're coming into couples therapy or marriage counseling to fix your spouse, I have bad news for you. Your entire job in couples therapy is actually to work on you. You have absolutely no control over what your spouse does or thinks, however you have 100% of control over your thoughts, your feelings and your behavior. The process of marriage counseling actually helps you look inward and repair the areas where you are weak.
You’ll learn how to listen, how to speak, how to manage overwhelming emotions, and possibly how to become a lot more trustworthy. It’s basically like individual therapy, but your spouse tags along.
8) we are going to be in couples counseling forever
Most of my couples actually do not spend a whole lot of time with me. Because I do an in-depth science backed assessment during the first four sessions, we will know what your relational areas of strength are as well as your areas of weaknesses.
My job during couples counseling is to focus solely on the areas of weakness, teach you practical skills to improve those weaknesses, and help you communicate with one another so that you're better able to manage conflicts.
Now depending on what your situation is (trauma, substance use, infidelity), the sessions could run longer. But the length of couples therapy sessions depend on you. Small work you put into it, the sooner you see positive results.
If you are ready to turn your cold relationship into a red hot, intimate and friendship filled marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. Couples counseling in Houston can help you turn your relationship around.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust
If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.