How to become an active listener in your marriage in 5 easy steps

One of the most prevalent concerns I see in Houston relationship therapy is couples that don't listen to one another. Things get heated at the moment, and you realize you have no idea how to listen to your partner correctly.

Better communication in marriage contributes to increased closeness and intimacy. When most people hear their spouse speak, they think about their possible responses rather than listening to what their spouse is saying. Here's a straightforward approach to improve communication in your marriage if you're having trouble improving your active listening skills.

Before we dive in, what exactly is active listening? 

Most couples come to Christian marriage counseling in Houston saying they want a stronger connection. Active listening is listening intently to grasp better what your partner is saying. It helps create empathy and connection in a relationship.

On the other hand, passive listening is listening just because or listening while waiting for your spouse to stop talking so that you can finish up whatever you are saying. 

Active listening helps improve intimacy and connection. Passive listening is self-serving and doesn't do anything to improve your relationship. And if you'd like to improve your communication in marriage, you want to become pretty good at active listening.

So, here are the steps to become a better active listener in your marriage or relationship.

1) Allow your spouse to speak without interruptions.

Listen without saying anything while your spouse is talking about something essential. All your energy should ensure you hear every last word. Focus on his body language gives you a little clue about how he feels. It's critical to fight the impulse to correct or defend yourself.

It seems easy, but it's pretty tricky, so I practice with my Couples counseling in Houston. 

This seems easy, but it’s actually quite difficult- which is why I practice with my couples who are in marriage counseling.

2.)Repeat what you heard him say.

So often, when we are trying to listen to others, we pass what they are saying through our mental filter. Sometimes what we hear them say is not what they're saying. 

It is when miscommunication and arguments happen in relationships. Instead of clarifying, we argue back and forth. To avoid arguments, after every sentence or 2, pause your spouse and repeat back what you heard him say. 

If he agrees with you correctly, he can move on to the following sentence. If you misheard him, he gets to clarify. Please don't blame him for the wording. Focus on trying to understand him.

It is another crucial step when clients work with me during marriage counseling in Houston.

3) Suspend judgment and the need to defend yourself. Marriage is not war.

Marriage is not war. I say this all the time during marriage therapy in Houston. A healthy marriage comprises two partners who are willing to communicate and understand each other. To achieve that, you should benefit your spouse from the doubt. Expect and assume that your spouse only wants what is best for you and your marriage. Because marriage is not war, you do not have to defend yourself. So when your spouse is speaking, do not jump in to defend yourself. Take some deep breaths and try to get to the bottom of what he is trying to say. Make it about him- not you.

The best marriage counselors in Houston will let you know that preconceived assumptions can cause trouble in relationships.

4) Put your empathy hat on.

One thing Houston relationship therapist is: "Trying to understand why your spouse is feeling this way." Put your feelings aside and try to empathize with him. When you can empathize, lower your guard to come to a resolution with him. It involves teamwork. Remember that your spouse is your partner, and your joint enemy is disagreement. So work together to overcome it.

5) Respond appropriately by validating your spouse. It's a great way to have a peaceful marriage.

After you have spent time actively listening to your spouse, and It is done with his side of the story, it's time to validate him. Most Houston couples in therapy do not validate enough. They jump straight from talking about the issue to trying to fix it. But they miss a huge step. Validation is the key to repairing when there's a misunderstanding. Validation doesn't necessarily mean you agree with what your spouse is saying. Validation helps your spouse feel seen and increases connection.

After completing the above steps, you can talk about your side of the story. Hopefully, your partner will also follow the above steps.

What will active listening do for your marriage?

If you are ready to improve the communication in your marriage to form a much deeper connection with your spouse, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me (I'm a Black marriage therapist in Houston seeing clients in Texas and throughout the Murrieta area). Remember, marriage isn't war.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Top 8 Myths/Misconceptions about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston

Many people feel completely terrified at the idea of going to marriage counseling in Houston. But, a lot of couples just struggle on their own for years and years without knowing how to actually fix the situation.

What you do not know is that a skilled marriage counselor in Houston can take your relationship from raggedy and uninspiring, to fun, enjoyable and amazing.

Here are some of the top nine myths about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston that you need to know.

We have to stop this foolishness guys.

1) Marriage counseling will lead to divorce.

If you and your partner decide to get a divorce after going through marriage counseling in Houston, chances are it was NOT the couples counseling that led to the divorce. My guess is that your marriage has been on the rocks for a while, and the relationship counseling simply just helped shine the light on the cracks that are already present in your relationship.

Now I'll admit this, it is not the job of the couples therapist to fix your marriage. That is actually you and your spouse’s job. The goal of marriage counseling is simply to give you tools to help you work to improve your friendship, intimacy and trust.

If you and your spouse do not put in the necessary work, you will not meet your goals. Will marriage counseling guarantee that your marriage will be happily ever after? No. But marriage counseling most certainly can give you the tools that you and your spouse need to help you reach the happily ever after.

2) Marriage counseling is for non-Christians only.

There is this really dangerous myth within certain churches that couples counseling is for non-Christians only. So what does this mean? It means that there are thousands of Christians out there who are suffering in silence, rather than getting the tools that they need to unlock happiness in their marriages.

I believe that the Bible actually encourages us to seek wisdom. There is nothing unbiblical about marriage counseling. If you want to, you can even seek the services of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston. That way they can integrate your faith, as well as your Christian beliefs into the therapy.

But do not for one minute think that being a Christian means that your job is to be miserable in a marriage. I believe that God actually wants your married to succeed. So why not go to someone who has the professional skills and expertise to help your marriage succeed? Sometimes you need more than prayer.

3) The couples therapist will blame me for everything that has been going wrong in my marriage.

Many people run away from marriage counseling in Houston because they think that all the blame will be placed on them. I see this in women a lot.

A skilled, professional marriage and family therapist, or a skilled marriage counselor will NOT place the blame on one party. I have never seen a relationship in which one spouse holds all of the blame. After all, it does take two to tango.

I believe that marriages unravel because each person is unaware of how to meet their spouses needs, or sometimes they bring in trauma and negative relational dynamics into the relationship, which then starts to eat away at the happiness of the marriage.

If you are currently working with a marriage therapist who is blaming one party for everything, please run in the opposite direction. Couples counseling should not feel like you are getting stoned. Both partners should feel heard and supported by their therapist.

4) There's no point in going to see a marriage counselor when I can just read self-help books

If self-help books were enough to help you build your marital relationship, you will not be having relationship struggles in the first place. Is there a place for self-help books? Of course. They are a great addendum to couples or relationship therapy.

But self-help books will not help you understand how your generational trauma is playing a role in your marriage. Self-help books might not give you all the tools you need to clearly communicate when you're in a conflict with your spouse.

Self-help books are not tailored to focus on all the nuances that occur within relationships. Many self-help books are pretty generalized and might not completely pertain to your own marriage.

So I would suggest continuing to read self-help books, but also getting additional knowledge from a trained marriage therapist.

5) I cannot afford marriage counseling in Houston.

This might not be entirely true. Your insurance might actually be willing to cover a part of your marriage counseling costs. All you have to do is pick up the phone, and ask them if they cover marriage counseling.

If your insurance does not cover the cost of marriage counseling, there are tons of therapists out there who have affordable fee structures. Do your research first, before assuming that you cannot afford marriage counseling.

I would actually argue that the cost of marriage counseling is far less than the cost of a messy divorce. When you think about the emotional toll, the physical toll, as well as the financial mess that often happens after a divorce, you might need to put marriage counseling as a line item on your monthly budget.

Whatever we put our energy towards will grow.

6) Marriage counseling in Houston is pretty boring

If your only experience with marriage counseling has been through movies, I'm pretty sure that you have the wrong idea about marriage counseling. And chances are that you have not worked with me.

Marriage counseling does not have to be boring. Marriage counseling does not have to feel like a wrestling match.

Marriage counseling counseling is simply just a system to equip you with the necessary tools that you need to thrive in your relationship.

Every week, we focus on a different area of your relationship. It could be friendship and intimacy, managing conflict, building life's hopes and dreams, establishing communication, trust and commitment. I typically will bring my personality into the session, so we will share lots of laughs. I throw in a little bit of shade, and it does not have to feel like a funeral.

7) Marriage counseling will finally fix my husband/wife

If you're coming into couples therapy or marriage counseling to fix your spouse, I have bad news for you. Your entire job in couples therapy is actually to work on you. You have absolutely no control over what your spouse does or thinks, however you have 100% of control over your thoughts, your feelings and your behavior. The process of marriage counseling actually helps you look inward and repair the areas where you are weak.

You’ll learn how to listen, how to speak, how to manage overwhelming emotions, and possibly how to become a lot more trustworthy. It’s basically like individual therapy, but your spouse tags along.

8) we are going to be in couples counseling forever

Most of my couples actually do not spend a whole lot of time with me. Because I do an in-depth science backed assessment during the first four sessions, we will know what your relational areas of strength are as well as your areas of weaknesses.

My job during couples counseling is to focus solely on the areas of weakness, teach you practical skills to improve those weaknesses, and help you communicate with one another so that you're better able to manage conflicts.

Now depending on what your situation is (trauma, substance use, infidelity), the sessions could run longer. But the length of couples therapy sessions depend on you. Small work you put into it, the sooner you see positive results.

If you are ready to turn your cold relationship into a red hot, intimate and friendship filled marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. Couples counseling in Houston can help you turn your relationship around.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

What to expect when working with a marriage counselor in Houston

Starting marriage counseling can be daunting. You've been on Google for hours trying to find the best couples counselor in Houston. You have no idea what to expect. The average couple waits about six or seven years from the start of their marital struggles before they pick up the phone to call a marriage counselor.

So by the time you get to the marriage counselor’s Houston office or virtual office, chances are you have a WHOLE LOT to unpack.

Here's what to expect should you choose to make the amazing decision to start marriage counseling in Houston.

1) Expect to be nervous and uncomfortable during your first few marriage counseling sessions.

Like I said previously, when you go into marriage counseling you're probably there because there are one or more things within your relationship that you are desperately wanting to change. That’s what relationship therapy in Houston is for.

Chances are that you might be on the verge of divorce, or perhaps you and your spouse are still friends, but there's one persistent issue that keeps coming up over and over again.

You might find it a little bit embarrassing to share some of your issues in front of a couples therapist whom you’ve never met. This feeling is normal. It takes a little bit of faith, and a lot of courage to seek any type of counseling. The nervousness and discomfort will fade as you get to know your couples counselor better. As a marriage counselor in Houston, it’s my job to help you feel less awkward in therapy.

2) Expect a thorough assessment before you dive into couples counseling in Houston

Not every Houston couples therapist works in the same way. Some dive straight in on the first session. By the way, the way I work is pretty different. I actually spend the first four relationship therapy sessions truly getting to know you and your partner.

I ask questions about what brings you into couples therapy, I ask if you've ever been to couples therapy and what your experiences have been, I ask about your upbringing, your mental health history, if you have any children and what those relationships look like.

I ask about the friendship between you and your spouse, what is working for you, what no longer works for you, as well as what you wish to see.

I do not assume that every client or couple is the same. So, I spend quite a few hours really getting into the nitty-gritty, so that we can figure out what your areas of strength are, and the areas of growth, before we dive in.

This prevents us from playing the guessing game and it saves you time. I take couples counseling pretty seriously. Couples counseling in Houston is not a game- it’s about depending your friendship and actually improving your relationship.

3) Expect brutal honesty from me if I’m you’re couples therapist in Houston

Many people thoroughly believe that a couples therapist in Houston should be completely neutral. After all, when we watch couples therapy on TV, the marriage therapist sits on a couch with her legs crossed, glasses on, pen in hand and she just seems to nod and smile.

I do not take that approach.

I believe in brutal honesty. If I feel like your approach to your spouse is rude, I will say so. If I feel like you're holding back, I will say so.

If you have been waiting six years to work on your marital issues, the last thing that you need is a couples therapist who just stares at you blankly. My job is to actually help you work through those issues so that you can indeed meet your marriage therapy goals.

(Side note: I use the terms relationship counselor, marriage counselor and couples therapist interchangeably. In my opinion, they all mean the same thing).

4) Expect lots of laughs in our Houston marriage counseling sessions

I don't know how other couples therapists in Houston are conducting their couples therapy, but I am known for belly laughs and lots of cackling. I do understand that troubled relationships is very serious business.

But I also believe that there is room for laughter and lightness. You and your spouse are coming to see me because chances are you're both driving each other nuts. You deserve a few minutes of joy as you both work really hard to salvage your relationship. And let’s face it, a great marriage is based on a solid friendship.

So marriage therapy with me is not just somber and boring, there are some times when I throw in a little bit of shade and I bring in the lightness. Every couples counseling session will not feel like a funeral.

5) Expect lots of homework and accountability in Houston couples therapy

If you keep doing what you've been doing in your marriage, you will keep getting what you already have. And chances are you do not like what you already have, so you might as well try something different.

When you work with me in marriage counseling, I will be giving you specific skills that you should be practicing outside of session. You only meet with me for about an hour a week, but you live with each other for 24 hours each day, times seven days a week. That is a total of 168 hours each week.

To actually see some changes in your couples relationship, you have to work hard to change the way you think about your spouse, change the way you speak to him, and completely overhaul your interactions with one another. This is when you actually see true progress in your relationships.

And it is my job to hold you accountable so that you can actually get the desired results – which is an amazing marriage.

If I sound like your ideal Houston marriage therapist, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. You deserve a marriage that is filled with belly laughs, close friendship, intimacy and shared goals.

Do not wait seven years to seek marriage counseling. You can get the marriage that you've dreamed of right now.

As a Black couples therapist in Houston, I see couples throughout California and Texas.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Questions to ask a prospective marriage counselor or therapist in Houston

Starting marriage counseling could be nerve-racking – especially if you've never been to marriage counseling in Houston before. You get some referrals from your church or maybe you get referrals from friends and loved ones. They tell you to check out this amazing marriage counselor, but you’re not even sure what to ask them when you finally get on the phone with them.

Here are some simple questions that you can ask a prospective relationship therapist in Houston, to ensure that you get the best marriage counseling in Houston.

1) What is your couples counseling style?

All marriage counseling in Houston is NOT created equally. Some relationship therapists in Houston have so much better skill than others. It is important that you find the best marriage counseling in Houston for you. Marriage counseling can easily become a referee separating two opponents. And you don’t want that. You want emotional safety and understanding.

The best couples counselors in Houston know that it is very important to have an in-depth assessment, so that they can better understand your emotional history, the way you were raised, your specific environment, your personality, as well as everything that makes you who you are.

Great couples counseling in Houston should actually involve specific skills to help you change the way you interact with your spouse. So don't be shy to ask your potential marriage counselor to go in depth about their marriage counseling style. Your marriage is too important to skip over this.

2) How long will we meet for marriage counseling and how often?

In my opinion, great marriage counseling in Houston should occur every week- at least at the beginning of couples counseling sessions. When you begin marriage counseling, you and your spouse are probably in a pretty bad place in your relationship and you're both willing to do the work now. Great relationship therapy in Houston or couples therapy in Houston should be consistent.

If you do not see your Houston marriage counselor frequently enough, you can easily lose motivation and go back to old habits that landed your marriage in the position that you are right now. So in order to see change, it is important that you are willing to see your marriage therapist each week until you have met all your goals.

Which brings us to goals. A great marriage counselor will set specific goals so that you know whether or not the therapy is working.

3) How much does marriage counseling in Houston cost?

Marriage counseling in Houston is often not covered by insurance. However, do not take my word for it. I highly suggest that you call your insurance company to see if they provide reimbursement for marriage counseling. It is important that before the sessions begin, you ask the therapist how much the sessions would cost. That way you and your spouse can put this recurring cost into your monthly budget.

I like to get this part out of the way so that once we begin couples counseling, our only focus should be on the health of your relationship, rather than finances.

It is important to note that marriage counseling in Houston, and everywhere else, is an additional skill that not every licensed marriage and family therapist or licensed clinical counselor or licensed clinical social worker is great at. In graduate school, many of us did not get adequate knowledge and skills for conducting marriage counseling.

That being said, marriage counseling is a specialized skill and it could possibly be costly. But do not necessarily go for the cheapest marriage counselor, go for the one who is the best marriage counselor for you. Marriage counseling is cheaper than a divorce.

4) Will we be doing any formal assessments during couples therapy or will this be casual?

I might be biased, but I believe that great marriage counseling should involve formal assessments, so that your therapist is not just guessing. You want your therapist to actually have scientific back up to know where your strengths are as well as where your weaknesses are. This saves a lot of time on guessing games.

However, you might not like formal assessments. So it is important to know whether or not a couples counselor will be using formal assessments- so that you can decide whether or not they are a great fit for you.

5) What happens if me and my spouse have an argument in a marriage counseling session?

There is a possibility that marriage counseling sessions could get heated. Sometimes your spouse will bring up something that gets on your last nerves- and you might decide to yell at him. At the beginning of marriage counseling sessions in Houston, usually everybody is on their best behavior, but as you begin to get more comfortable with your therapist, the wild side can show up.

Ask the couples therapist exactly what they will do should both of you start to go at it in session. This is important, so that you know whether or not this relationship therapist is a great fit for you.

Notice that I talk about goodness of fit a lot. In my opinion, the best marriage counselor for you would be one whose skills, educational background, and personality match you and your partners. Some marriage counselors are more uptight, some are more jokey (like me), and some have no personality. Pick the one whom both of you are the most comfortable with.

6) How do we know when we are ready to graduate from marriage counseling in Houston?

Marriage counseling in Houston should not go on forever. Although it may feel nice to be heard and to be in a validating environment, there has to be an end to couples therapy at some point. Ask your Houston relationship therapist if they have any type of outcome measures to help you understand how close you are to getting to your goal. That way you're not playing the guessing game and wondering when this whole couples therapy thing will be over.

The best marriage counselors in Houston are the ones who are transparent and whose clients are able to trust them.

7) Do you have additional training in marital counseling or relationship therapy?

Marriage counseling is actually a specialized skill which many therapists and counselors do not possess. Although I am called a licensed marriage and family therapist, that title can actually be deceptive.

In many therapy graduate programs, the students are not provided with as much knowledge of marriage counseling as they could be. Because of this, many of us therapists seek additional training and supervision in the art of marriage counseling after we are done with our degrees. Let me say that again. The best marriage counselors in Houston keep learning and growing.

Ask any potential marriage counselor in Houston if they have additional training in couples therapy or relationship therapy. You could even ask them what that additional training is.

For me, I am trained in level 1 and 2 of the Gottman method. This is one of the most renowned marriage counseling methods. It is research-based and produces positive results. So ask. Your marriage is worth it.

8) What are your credentials?

You can ask them what their credentials are. Are they a life coach? Are they a relationship coach? Are they a licensed marriage and family therapist? Are they an associate marriage and family therapist? Are they a licensed professional clinical counselor? Are they a social worker? Or are they a licensed clinical social worker?

Although there is a lot of overlap in these professions, it's good to know exactly whom you are seeing. This way you don't end up seeing a life coach when you thought you were seeing a therapist or vice versa.

There you have it. Those are some questions that you should ask a potential marriage counselor in Houston. If you're ready to begin working on your marriage so that you can increase friendship, intimacy and you can finally start to enjoy your life again, click here to schedule a free 15- minute consultation call with me today.

Relationship therapy in Houston is what you need.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a Black licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Top 8 Truths about marriage counseling or therapy in the Houston area

Couples therapy in Houston is a lot more popular than you might think. Many couples have attributed the success of their marriages to marriage counseling.

If you're hesitant about attending marriage counseling in Houston, here are some simple truths about marriage counseling or marriage therapy in the Houston area.

1) Couples therapy in Houston is not just for failing marriages.

Many couples are hesitant to start couples therapy in Houston, because some people falsely believe that marriage counseling will be the beginning of the end. This is simply not true. It is much like saying that if you go to the gym then it is the beginning of the end.

Marriage counseling in Houston is simply a healthy practice. Couples simply come together with a couples counselor to learn simple skills to help them deal with conflict, learn to communicate calmly with one another, learn to validate each other's feelings, and learn how to be seen and heard.

In couples therapy you'll learn how to strengthen your friendship with one another and how to create a marriage that is more in line with the marriage that you dreamt of when you got married in the first place.

Can marriage counseling lead to divorce? My argument is no. If you and your spouse decide to get a divorce, it is because you both are making a conscious decision to end the relationship- not because you decided to go through counseling. If in the course of marriage counseling, the couple decides to go their separate ways, chances are there were other issues festering the entire time.

2) the best Marriage counseling in Houston takes a lot of work, commitment, and practice

Many people think marriage counseling in Houston is easy. Houston relationship therapy simple teaches couples practical skills to help strengthen their relationship. The purpose of relationship counseling in Houston or marriage counseling is learning how to truly listen to each other, and learning how to do things differently. I often tell my couples- if you continue doing what you've been doing, you continue to get what you've currently gotten.

When you work with a marriage counselor, it takes a lot of work on your part. Depending on the couples therapist in Houston you work with, your sessions will probably last anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. Some marriage counselors or relationship therapist in Houston even conduct marathon counseling- that’s a situation in which you and your spouse are in marriage counseling for 6 hours a day over a span of 3 days or more.

If you were to think about the 24 hours you have in a day, these Houston couples therapy sessions are only a very tiny fraction of your marriage. The majority of the work in your marriage actually happens outside of session.

If you and your partner are not absolutely working through the issues that brought you into session, and practicing the new skills that you learned in marriage counseling, you will not see any difference in your marriage. This is not magic folks! Marriage counseling is simply just the art of communication and connection.

3) If you don't practice the skills learned in marriage counseling, your marriage will NOT improve

I feel like I need to say this again. If you do not practice the skills that you're learning in marriage counseling, your marriage will absolutely not improve. Like I said previously, marriage counseling is not magic. When you come in to couples counseling or relationship therapy, you and your spouse are probably gridlocked on an issue.

Chances are you have specific problems that have been happening over and over again, and you have no idea how to solve them. If you are not actively practicing the skills that you're learning in marriage counseling, your marriage will remain the same. Even the best marriage counselor cannot save your marriage if you’re not putting in any work. The reason why some couples think that marriage counseling caused the demise of their relationship, is that they probably weren’t practicing the skills that they learned in session.

They went into session, the therapist gave them skills to work on, they went on with the marriage as if nothing ever happened. Then the other partner got extremely tired and decided to call it quits.

It was not the marriage counseling or the couples therapy that caused the demise of your relationship. It was the negative pattern that caused the demise of the relationship.

4) couples therapy in houston can be a whole lot of fun

Many people come into couples therapy in Houston looking like they're heading to the slaughter. Houston relationship therapy absolutely does not have to be a drag. Some people think that marriage counseling involves two people raising their voices, rolled eyes, and complete chaos.

If you work with a skilled marriage counselor, they actually help you slow down the conversation so that your partner can hear you. They help your partner engage with you so that you both feel like you have an emotional connection, and they ensure that there is emotional safety in the session. Marriage counseling can be a whole lot of fun.

Yes there will be some difficult moments, however if your marriage counselor is skilled, there will also be many different moments of connection, understanding, and lots of laughter. I am a couples therapist who happens to believe that laughter is the best medicine and I do incorporate humor into everything that I do. Life is already stressful, let's learn to laugh a little.

5) Your pastor or church is not always the best place to get the best marriage counseling in houston

As a therapist who is also provides Christian marriage counseling in Houston, I know that I'm going to get some flack for this. Sometimes, your pastor or your church elders are not the people to give you the best marriage counseling in Houston. Yes, your pastor can give you a lot of spiritual advice, but sometimes your pastor is not equipped to work on the emotional struggles, the trauma, and some of the deeper layers that happen within a marriage or relationship.

Sometimes, marital struggles are caused by trauma. Sometimes marital struggles occur because one person is struggling with some sort of an addiction. Sometimes there are issues of abuse going on. And sometimes there is a mixture of all these issues at the same time, coupled with other emotional struggles.

In my opinion, only a licensed therapist who has additional training in these areas, is fully equipped to work on these issues. So while your pastor probably has your best interest at heart, sometimes, he or she is completely out of depth and cannot help you with some of the deeper layers of your marriage. For the best marriage counseling in Houston, find a licensed therapist who gets you.

6) A skilled marriage counselor in Houston will not blame you or your upbringing for everything

One concern about going into marriage counseling in Houston is that the counselor will probably side with your spouse and blame you for everything. A skilled marriage counselor absolutely should not do that.

We try to understand both parties and help you to communicate your thoughts and feelings appropriately to your spouse. Our job is not to split the couple and cause more rifts. Our job is simply to provide understanding and teach you how to communicate clearly to each other so that your friendship can grow. Blaming one party for everything will definitely not repair the relationship. It only causes more harm. The best marriage counseling in Houston feels safe for both parties.

7) Marriage counseling or relationship therapy is not for ‘Failures’

Some people run away from marriage counseling because they believe going to marriage counseling will mean that they are a complete failure. On the contrary, the person who goes to marriage counseling is someone who is definitely dedicated to making their relationship work.

It says that you are ready to learn new ways of communicating, you're ready to understand your spouse, and you're ready to roll up your sleeves and do what it takes to take the relationship to a new level.

Think about a marriage counseling session like a workout. You go to the gym to strengthen your muscles. In the same way, people go to marriage counseling to strengthen their love muscles, friendship or communication. Marriage counseling helps you become a much better spouse.

8) Sometimes, you’re not able to solve your marriage struggles on your own- enter RELATIONSHIP therapy in houston

Sometimes it does not matter how hard you try; You and your spouse are still at loggerheads. The truth is that majority of the persistent issues that married couples face are actually unsolvable. The job of the best marriage counseling in Houston is not necessarily to solve all of your issues, it is simply to teach you how to manage the unsolvable issues.

Because you're not able to solve your marriage struggles does not mean that you're a failure. We all know that marriage can be difficult. Even the best marriage counselors in Houston go to marriage counseling to learn new skills. It's sometimes nice to let a licensed professional who has years of training in human behavior teach you how to get past the hurdles so that your relationship can truly thrive.

If you can leave car fixing to mechanics and plumbing to plumbers, why not allow a professional marriage counselor assist you with your marriage?

If you’re ready to take your marriage from chaos, confusion and misunderstanding, to a place of love, intimacy and passion, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call. I am a Black marriage counselor in Houston who also provides Christian marriage counseling in Houston.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Finding the best marriage counseling in the Houston area: A Simple Guide

Marriage can be blissful. You meet someone, fall in love and when you think about them, you have butterflies in your stomach. You think about them all day long, and you can’t wait until you get to see them again.

But sometimes, marriage can be extremely complicated. You forget how to talk to and listen to each other. Everything becomes a fight or an argument, and sometimes you absolutely cannot stand each other.

If this sounds like your marriage, it might be time to seek marriage counseling. Here is a simple guide on how to find a great marriage therapist in the Houston area.

Ask yourself what type of relationship therapy in Houston you want/need

Before beginning relationship therapy in Houston, it is important to know what type of therapist you want. Are you looking for Christian marriage counseling in Houston? Are you specifically looking for a Black marriage counselor in Houston? Do you prefer a male marriage therapist in Houston? Do you want to participate in conjoint marriage therapy? (Conjoined marriage therapy means you actually get to work with two therapists at the same time). Often the therapists are a therapist duo who are partners in real life. Do you want intensive marriage counseling (engage in couples therapy for 6 hours a day over a 2 to 3-day weekend), or do you want to meet with the marriage counselor weekly? This will determine whom you actually choose.

Start with a simple Google search (It could be as simple as- ‘Relationship Therapy Houston’ or ‘Couples Therapy Houston’)

Now that technology is everywhere, most marriage therapists in Houston have an online presence. This is a benefit for you. That way you can get to check out the couples therapist’s social media presence, their website, and sites where they have been interviewed so that you can decide if they are the one for you.

I highly recommend before you call the couples therapist or marriage counselor in Houston, you actually do some snooping. OK maybe we wouldn't call it snooping, let's just call it research. Find out what their approach to marriage counseling is, and figure out if their approach to therapy will work for you. Go with your gut. If you browse their website and you do not like them, strike them off your list. You should love your marriage therapist. Luckily Houston has an abundance of great marriage therapists for you to choose from.

One of the most important aspects in the success of marriage counseling in Houston is the connection between the marriage counselor and the client. Don't ignore this. The best marriage counseling in Houston for you involves a therapist whose approach works well for you.

Here are some examples of some simple keywords you can search in Google. The basic search formula is ‘Marriage counseling’ + [your city] or ‘Couples counseling’ + [your city] or ‘Relationship counseling + [Your city]. Feel free to add other specifiers such as therapist’s gender, race and religion.

Here are some sample searches you can type straight into Google:

Black marriage counseling Houston

Houston Couples therapy

Best marrriage counseling Houston

Christian marriage counseling Houston

Relationship counseling Houston

Houston relationship therapy

Marriage counseling Houston

Marriage counselor Houston, TX

Couples counseling Cypress

Couples therapy Katy, Texas

Black marriage counseling Houston, TX

Keep in mind that because of online therapy, you can meet with any couples therapist throughout the state of Texas. You don’t have to focus on couples therapists in Houston alone. Marriage therapists are licensed to work with anybody within their specific state. So if you happen to love a couples counselor who is not in your city, you can still work with them as long as they are licensed in your state.

Ask around in your church for a referral for Christian marriage counseling in Houston

Sometimes people avoid marriage counseling because they do not know that there are Christian marriage counselors in Houston. If your religion or spirituality is very important to you and you want to integrate your faith into your marriage counseling, a good place to start could actually be your church or place of worship. If you feel comfortable asking around, you might want to ask your pastor, bishop, priest, or religious leader for a few referrals.

You may actually be surprised to find out that a lot of churches actually encourage Christian couples counseling or Christian relationship counseling outside of the church as they know that licensed marriage and family therapists in Houston have a deeper training in relational dynamics and human emotions than pastors do. So don't be shy, ask your church for some referrals.

Ask your friends or loved ones for a referral to a marriage counselor in Houston

I can assure you that you are not the only person who is struggling within your marriage or relationship. Chances are that your friends or loved ones have also struggled too. I bet that one or two people whom you know have actually been in couples therapy in Houstonbefore. Sometimes the people with the strongest marriages actually do have the strongest marriages because they seek further counseling from professionals.

Ask them what exactly it is that they liked about their marriage counselor, ask them to tell you about their experience, and decide whether or not this might be the thing for you.

Try searching for a marriage counselor in Houston by searching on a therapist or counselor directory

These days there are a ton of different therapy or counseling directories that have done the work for you. Some of the directories that you can go on are:

Therapy for Black girls

Clinicians of Color Directory

Psychology Today

Melanin and Mental Health

Therapy Den

There are even specific directories to find therapists who integrate faith.

The great thing about these directories is that they let you narrow your search according to your state, ZIP Code, what type of insurance you have, your faith or religion, the gender of the therapist, as well as a long list of other filters. These can rapidly cut down on your search time.

Do not feel the need to come up with a long list of 10 therapists. Just pick about three or four and roll with it.

Do some background research when you have narrowed down to about 3 to 4 marriage counselors in Houston

Therapy is an emotional and financial investment in the health of your marriage. If you are to spend an hour a week pouring out your heart to a marriage counselor, then you better love the approach of the marriage counselor.

When you have come up with your shortlist of 3 to 4 marriage counselors, spend some time doing some background work on them. Go to their websites, and see if the website speaks to you. I highly suggest that you also include your partner in this search, as it is important that they also feel comfortable with the therapist that you choose.

Set up a free consultation call for marriage counseling in Houston

Some couples therapists in Houston offer free 15 to 20 minute consultation calls. This is a great time to ask questions, find out more about their marriage therapy style and feel out their vibe. If you feel comfortable with them over the phone, then you can move to the next step, which would be to schedule your first couples counseling appointment.

Searching for the right marriage therapist does not have to take a ton of time. But it does involve some research and patience on your part. Once you find a therapist you love, dive right in, Your relationship will thank you.

If you are ready to begin the work of healing your marriage, I am a Black marriage therapist in the Houston area, who sees clients throughout Texas and California. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call to determine if I’m the best fit for you.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a Black licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

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