The Top 8 Truths about marriage counseling or therapy in the Houston area
Couples therapy in Houston is a lot more popular than you might think. Many couples have attributed the success of their marriages to marriage counseling.
If you're hesitant about attending marriage counseling in Houston, here are some simple truths about marriage counseling or marriage therapy in the Houston area.
1) Couples therapy in Houston is not just for failing marriages.
Many couples are hesitant to start couples therapy in Houston, because some people falsely believe that marriage counseling will be the beginning of the end. This is simply not true. It is much like saying that if you go to the gym then it is the beginning of the end.
Marriage counseling in Houston is simply a healthy practice. Couples simply come together with a couples counselor to learn simple skills to help them deal with conflict, learn to communicate calmly with one another, learn to validate each other's feelings, and learn how to be seen and heard.
In couples therapy you'll learn how to strengthen your friendship with one another and how to create a marriage that is more in line with the marriage that you dreamt of when you got married in the first place.
Can marriage counseling lead to divorce? My argument is no. If you and your spouse decide to get a divorce, it is because you both are making a conscious decision to end the relationship- not because you decided to go through counseling. If in the course of marriage counseling, the couple decides to go their separate ways, chances are there were other issues festering the entire time.
2) the best Marriage counseling in Houston takes a lot of work, commitment, and practice
Many people think marriage counseling in Houston is easy. Houston relationship therapy simple teaches couples practical skills to help strengthen their relationship. The purpose of relationship counseling in Houston or marriage counseling is learning how to truly listen to each other, and learning how to do things differently. I often tell my couples- if you continue doing what you've been doing, you continue to get what you've currently gotten.
When you work with a marriage counselor, it takes a lot of work on your part. Depending on the couples therapist in Houston you work with, your sessions will probably last anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. Some marriage counselors or relationship therapist in Houston even conduct marathon counseling- that’s a situation in which you and your spouse are in marriage counseling for 6 hours a day over a span of 3 days or more.
If you were to think about the 24 hours you have in a day, these Houston couples therapy sessions are only a very tiny fraction of your marriage. The majority of the work in your marriage actually happens outside of session.
If you and your partner are not absolutely working through the issues that brought you into session, and practicing the new skills that you learned in marriage counseling, you will not see any difference in your marriage. This is not magic folks! Marriage counseling is simply just the art of communication and connection.
3) If you don't practice the skills learned in marriage counseling, your marriage will NOT improve
I feel like I need to say this again. If you do not practice the skills that you're learning in marriage counseling, your marriage will absolutely not improve. Like I said previously, marriage counseling is not magic. When you come in to couples counseling or relationship therapy, you and your spouse are probably gridlocked on an issue.
Chances are you have specific problems that have been happening over and over again, and you have no idea how to solve them. If you are not actively practicing the skills that you're learning in marriage counseling, your marriage will remain the same. Even the best marriage counselor cannot save your marriage if you’re not putting in any work. The reason why some couples think that marriage counseling caused the demise of their relationship, is that they probably weren’t practicing the skills that they learned in session.
They went into session, the therapist gave them skills to work on, they went on with the marriage as if nothing ever happened. Then the other partner got extremely tired and decided to call it quits.
It was not the marriage counseling or the couples therapy that caused the demise of your relationship. It was the negative pattern that caused the demise of the relationship.
4) couples therapy in houston can be a whole lot of fun
Many people come into couples therapy in Houston looking like they're heading to the slaughter. Houston relationship therapy absolutely does not have to be a drag. Some people think that marriage counseling involves two people raising their voices, rolled eyes, and complete chaos.
If you work with a skilled marriage counselor, they actually help you slow down the conversation so that your partner can hear you. They help your partner engage with you so that you both feel like you have an emotional connection, and they ensure that there is emotional safety in the session. Marriage counseling can be a whole lot of fun.
Yes there will be some difficult moments, however if your marriage counselor is skilled, there will also be many different moments of connection, understanding, and lots of laughter. I am a couples therapist who happens to believe that laughter is the best medicine and I do incorporate humor into everything that I do. Life is already stressful, let's learn to laugh a little.
5) Your pastor or church is not always the best place to get the best marriage counseling in houston
As a therapist who is also provides Christian marriage counseling in Houston, I know that I'm going to get some flack for this. Sometimes, your pastor or your church elders are not the people to give you the best marriage counseling in Houston. Yes, your pastor can give you a lot of spiritual advice, but sometimes your pastor is not equipped to work on the emotional struggles, the trauma, and some of the deeper layers that happen within a marriage or relationship.
Sometimes, marital struggles are caused by trauma. Sometimes marital struggles occur because one person is struggling with some sort of an addiction. Sometimes there are issues of abuse going on. And sometimes there is a mixture of all these issues at the same time, coupled with other emotional struggles.
In my opinion, only a licensed therapist who has additional training in these areas, is fully equipped to work on these issues. So while your pastor probably has your best interest at heart, sometimes, he or she is completely out of depth and cannot help you with some of the deeper layers of your marriage. For the best marriage counseling in Houston, find a licensed therapist who gets you.
6) A skilled marriage counselor in Houston will not blame you or your upbringing for everything
One concern about going into marriage counseling in Houston is that the counselor will probably side with your spouse and blame you for everything. A skilled marriage counselor absolutely should not do that.
We try to understand both parties and help you to communicate your thoughts and feelings appropriately to your spouse. Our job is not to split the couple and cause more rifts. Our job is simply to provide understanding and teach you how to communicate clearly to each other so that your friendship can grow. Blaming one party for everything will definitely not repair the relationship. It only causes more harm. The best marriage counseling in Houston feels safe for both parties.
7) Marriage counseling or relationship therapy is not for ‘Failures’
Some people run away from marriage counseling because they believe going to marriage counseling will mean that they are a complete failure. On the contrary, the person who goes to marriage counseling is someone who is definitely dedicated to making their relationship work.
It says that you are ready to learn new ways of communicating, you're ready to understand your spouse, and you're ready to roll up your sleeves and do what it takes to take the relationship to a new level.
Think about a marriage counseling session like a workout. You go to the gym to strengthen your muscles. In the same way, people go to marriage counseling to strengthen their love muscles, friendship or communication. Marriage counseling helps you become a much better spouse.
8) Sometimes, you’re not able to solve your marriage struggles on your own- enter RELATIONSHIP therapy in houston
Sometimes it does not matter how hard you try; You and your spouse are still at loggerheads. The truth is that majority of the persistent issues that married couples face are actually unsolvable. The job of the best marriage counseling in Houston is not necessarily to solve all of your issues, it is simply to teach you how to manage the unsolvable issues.
Because you're not able to solve your marriage struggles does not mean that you're a failure. We all know that marriage can be difficult. Even the best marriage counselors in Houston go to marriage counseling to learn new skills. It's sometimes nice to let a licensed professional who has years of training in human behavior teach you how to get past the hurdles so that your relationship can truly thrive.
If you can leave car fixing to mechanics and plumbing to plumbers, why not allow a professional marriage counselor assist you with your marriage?
If you’re ready to take your marriage from chaos, confusion and misunderstanding, to a place of love, intimacy and passion, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call. I am a Black marriage counselor in Houston who also provides Christian marriage counseling in Houston.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are: