Long day? Here's how to vent to your spouse and get the support you need in marriage-Tips from a marriage therapist in Houston

One of the most important skills that couples have to master when we work together in my Houston marriage counseling practice, is how to vent to one another when they are going though stress. Being that stress is a part of life, it's important to know how to support each other. On the surface, it might just look like venting, but when you can effectively communicate your stress and frustration to your spouse, you receive support in return.

Support builds intimacy and closeness between you and your spouse.

What most couples say they do when I see them in marriage counseling in Houston is they come home from work, or they have a long day, they have all this pent up stress inside them, but they have no place to put it. They do this same dance over and over again until it creates emotional separation between them.

When you are frustrated and stressed, but do not accurately communicate that with your spouse, it ends up looking like you are rejecting your spouse. If you are worried about how to effectively communicate with your spouse when you are having a bad or stressful day, here are some easy steps for you:

1) Pick the right time

Timing is everything when it comes to communication. Ensure that neither you nor your spouse are feeling emotionally charged before you have this conversation. If you need to take a few moments to relax or unwind first, then do so.

2) Decide who will be the speaker and who will be the listener

This sounds awfully formal, but it’s a lot easier than it sounds. While there is room for both of you to talk about your stress, it is a lot easier if you take turns. This will ensure that each person gets the attention and support they need.

The speaker’s job is easy. All you have to do is speak to your spouse about the stress you are going through. That’s it. In this framework, the listener does all the hard work.

3) The listener needs to stick to these simple rules

Most married people think they are great listeners, but you know what? Most people suck at listening. After you learn this framework in my Houston marriage counseling practice, you’ll realize we all have room to grow.

Here are some simple rules when it comes to listening.

• Maintain eye contact and show interest. Ask questions to get more details about what your spouse is experiencing.

• Ensure your partner knows that you are on his side. Do not take the side of whomever he is complaining about. This might be challenging for you, but just bite your tongue.

• Remember that you are on the same team. This is not the time to correct or challenge your spouse.

• Be empathetic. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try to imagine how he is feeling.

4) reflect back what you are hearing

To be a good listener in marriage, it’s important that you first understand what you are hearing. An easy way to know if you have heard correctly, is to simply repeat what you’ve heard.

Yup. Repeat exactly what your spouse has said word for word.

If your spouse corrects you, take note and just repeat what you’ve heard again. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes.

5) Ask your spouse what he needs

Once you have gone through this entire process, ask your spouse if he needs your advice or if he just wants to vent. This is important because often times, we skip the empathy and jump right to advice. But sometimes, your spouse isn’t looking for your advice. He just wants a listening ear.

And there you have it. A simple formula to help you vent and reduce stress with your spouse.

Is communication strained in your marriage?As a marriage therapist in Houston, I can help you and your spouse develop healthier ways to support each other. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consult call for marriage counseling in Houston.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali.

I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist providing Christian marriage counseling in Houston and throughout California.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Questions to ask a prospective Christian marriage counselor

You’ve been thinking about going to marriage counseling. But you don’t want to go to the church or your pastor.

Because your Christian faith is very important to you, you would rather meet with a Christian counselor in Houston or a Christian marriage therapist in Houston who is also a licensed therapist.

Here are some questions you should ask a prospective Christian marriage counselor to let you know if they are the best marriage therapist in Houston for you.

Do you include faith and scripture in your marriage counseling sessions?

There's a difference between a marriage counselor who is a Christian and a Christian marriage counselor. Some marriage counselors are Christians, however they do not actually integrate Christian faith or scripture into their counseling work.

Christian marriage counselors in Houston on the other hand, feel much more comfortable speaking about Jesus in session, pointing you towards scripture, as well as exploring your Christian faith while integrating that into the marriage counseling process.

It is important to ask prospective marriage counselors whether or not they feel comfortable integrating your Christian faith into the therapy.

What are your faith belief systems/doctrinal beliefs?

The term ‘Christian’ is very broad. Some people are very conservative, while others are pretty liberal. There are so many different Christian denominations and doctrines out there. It is important that you find a Christian marriage therapist whose Christian beliefs are probably similar to yours.

Ensure that both you and the Christian marriage counselor in Houston share similar beliefs, so that they do not point you in the wrong direction or in a direction that you do not feel comfortable going into.

How often will we meet for marriage counseling sessions?

It is important to know what to expect so that you can put it on your schedule. Some Christian marriage therapists in Houston will meet with you once a week, while others can meet with you every other week. Ensure that you know how long the sessions will last. Some Christian couples therapists do 45 minute sessions, while others will do a 90-minute session.

What will Christian marriage counseling sessions look like?

Every Christian therapist is unique. Some will only meet with the couple. While others will meet with each party independently. Will there be prayer involved? Will there be homework involved? Will the therapy favor one person over the other? Just ask away, so you have some clarity before jumping in.

Do you interpret scripture during Christian marriage counseling sessions?

My personal belief is that it is not my job to interpret scripture. I believe that it is the Holy Spirit who does the work in your heart and convicts you. I however will point you in the direction of a scripture and we can explore what that scripture means to you and your spouse.

However, you might be looking for a Christian couples therapist in Houston who does interpret scripture and who does give you the understanding of what the scripture means. This is why it is important to have this conversation with a prospective Christian therapist in the first place. You want to ensure that the therapy is moving in the direction that you expect it to.

What are your Christian beliefs about the role of a husband and a wife?

This basic belief can color the entire process of Christian Marriage counseling. There are some Christians who believe that a husband is the ultimate authority and he is able to be borderline abusive towards his wife.

There are other Christians who absolutely do not believe this and believe that the man and the wife should be loving and kind towards his wife.

Ask the Christian marriage therapist in Houston what their beliefs are about the role of the husband and the wife. You do not want to pour gasoline on an already burning fire.

Apprehension is normal

If you are new to marriage counseling or Christian marriage counseling in Houston, it is normal to feel a little bit of apprehension before you jump in. My recommendation is that you create a short list of marriage counselors that you feel comfortable with.

Ask for a consultation

After doing this, ask to schedule a free consultation call so that you can get more of a feel for their personality and their beliefs.

Ask yourself what you need in a Christian marriage counselor before you begin. Do you have a specific gender? Christian denomination? Age range? Race? Ethnicity? Language spoke? You and your spouse have to be comfortable for marriage counseling or couples therapy to be effective.

If you're ready to start the process of healing and greater communication in your marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. I am a Black Christian marriage counselor in the Houston area. I see married couples throughout California and Texas. Please remember that as long as you and your spouse are willing, you can have the marriage of your dreams.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Misconceptions about Christian marriage counseling

If you’ve never been to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, you might be confused about what it actually is. Perhaps you might be wondering, “Why don’t I just go to speak to a friend or a pastor?” I’m here to clear up some of the misconceptions around what Christian marriage counseling in Houston is.

Here are some popular myths about Christian marriage counseling.

Christian counseling is the same as speaking to your pastor

Pastors are experts in the Bible, teaching and service to others. Most pastors do not actually have training or a background in human behavior and mental health counseling. Most pastors also do not have training in mental health and trauma. Chances are if you or your spouse is experiencing depression, anxiety, OCD, an eating disorder or an addiction, your pastor won’t know what to do with that.

And that is the advantage of going to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston.

You're able to get the integration of your Christian faith, as well as the years of experience in all of the aforementioned areas. We are able to work with you on previous trauma, exploring emotions, effective communication skills, friendship, intimacy as well as whatever other mental health issues you might be struggling with. I am not against going to your pastor, however sometimes the marital issues are way beyond what your pastor can handle.

The only thing that Christian marriage counselors do is read Bible scripture to you

This is probably the biggest misconception about Christian marriage counseling in Houston. Most people assume that the Christian counselor will open up scripture, read it to you and send you on your merry way. While the marriage counselor could use the Bible to frame the counseling sessions, you'll be learning actual tools to help you communicate better with your spouse and repair what has been broken.

You'll also learn why certain behaviors came to be, how your past and your environment affect your relationship, as well as practical tips to help you improve your relationship.

Christian marriage counseling in Houston is not the same as listening to a sermon. if you’re currently working with a Christian marriage counselor in Houston who just preaches at you, but does not give you practical tools to work through your struggles, please run! NOW!

Christian MARRIAGE counselors blame the wife for everything

Christian Marriage Counseling not about the blame game. I am yet to see a relationship or a marriage in which one party is to blame for everything. A skilled Christian marriage counselor will spend time getting to know both parties, getting to understand your mental health needs, and helping you identify your part in the relationship. The goal is to create a system of accountability- not judgment or blame.

Christian marriage counselors just give you advice and tell you not to get divorced

First of all, it is not the role of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston to give you advice. We simply lay the foundation to help you communicate your needs and wants to your partner in an appropriate way. We teach you skills to increase friendship, trust, and improve your bond. It is not our job to tell you whether or not to get divorced. We don’t even give you advice. That decision is completely up to you and your spouse.

Christian marriage counselors only work with Christians

I often get calls asking me if I work with people who are not Christians. The answer is yes. It is not my job to indoctrinate anyone. It is also not my job to force anybody to believe what I believe. I only integrate Christian faith into marriage counseling when my clients actually want me to do so.

So as you see, Christian marriage counseling does not have to be a terrifying thing. The best Christian marriage counselors in Houston have a strong background in mental health and are able to integrate the Christian faith without blaming, shaming, indoctrination and intimidation.

If you are ready to finally learn how to communicate your feelings clearly and honestly to your spouse, I am a Black Christian marriage counselor in the Houston area. Click here to schedule your free 15-min consultation call. Your marriage does not have to be a constant struggle. it can actually be much easier than you think.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Top 8 Truths about marriage counseling or therapy in the Houston area

Couples therapy in Houston is a lot more popular than you might think. Many couples have attributed the success of their marriages to marriage counseling.

If you're hesitant about attending marriage counseling in Houston, here are some simple truths about marriage counseling or marriage therapy in the Houston area.

1) Couples therapy in Houston is not just for failing marriages.

Many couples are hesitant to start couples therapy in Houston, because some people falsely believe that marriage counseling will be the beginning of the end. This is simply not true. It is much like saying that if you go to the gym then it is the beginning of the end.

Marriage counseling in Houston is simply a healthy practice. Couples simply come together with a couples counselor to learn simple skills to help them deal with conflict, learn to communicate calmly with one another, learn to validate each other's feelings, and learn how to be seen and heard.

In couples therapy you'll learn how to strengthen your friendship with one another and how to create a marriage that is more in line with the marriage that you dreamt of when you got married in the first place.

Can marriage counseling lead to divorce? My argument is no. If you and your spouse decide to get a divorce, it is because you both are making a conscious decision to end the relationship- not because you decided to go through counseling. If in the course of marriage counseling, the couple decides to go their separate ways, chances are there were other issues festering the entire time.

2) the best Marriage counseling in Houston takes a lot of work, commitment, and practice

Many people think marriage counseling in Houston is easy. Houston relationship therapy simple teaches couples practical skills to help strengthen their relationship. The purpose of relationship counseling in Houston or marriage counseling is learning how to truly listen to each other, and learning how to do things differently. I often tell my couples- if you continue doing what you've been doing, you continue to get what you've currently gotten.

When you work with a marriage counselor, it takes a lot of work on your part. Depending on the couples therapist in Houston you work with, your sessions will probably last anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. Some marriage counselors or relationship therapist in Houston even conduct marathon counseling- that’s a situation in which you and your spouse are in marriage counseling for 6 hours a day over a span of 3 days or more.

If you were to think about the 24 hours you have in a day, these Houston couples therapy sessions are only a very tiny fraction of your marriage. The majority of the work in your marriage actually happens outside of session.

If you and your partner are not absolutely working through the issues that brought you into session, and practicing the new skills that you learned in marriage counseling, you will not see any difference in your marriage. This is not magic folks! Marriage counseling is simply just the art of communication and connection.

3) If you don't practice the skills learned in marriage counseling, your marriage will NOT improve

I feel like I need to say this again. If you do not practice the skills that you're learning in marriage counseling, your marriage will absolutely not improve. Like I said previously, marriage counseling is not magic. When you come in to couples counseling or relationship therapy, you and your spouse are probably gridlocked on an issue.

Chances are you have specific problems that have been happening over and over again, and you have no idea how to solve them. If you are not actively practicing the skills that you're learning in marriage counseling, your marriage will remain the same. Even the best marriage counselor cannot save your marriage if you’re not putting in any work. The reason why some couples think that marriage counseling caused the demise of their relationship, is that they probably weren’t practicing the skills that they learned in session.

They went into session, the therapist gave them skills to work on, they went on with the marriage as if nothing ever happened. Then the other partner got extremely tired and decided to call it quits.

It was not the marriage counseling or the couples therapy that caused the demise of your relationship. It was the negative pattern that caused the demise of the relationship.

4) couples therapy in houston can be a whole lot of fun

Many people come into couples therapy in Houston looking like they're heading to the slaughter. Houston relationship therapy absolutely does not have to be a drag. Some people think that marriage counseling involves two people raising their voices, rolled eyes, and complete chaos.

If you work with a skilled marriage counselor, they actually help you slow down the conversation so that your partner can hear you. They help your partner engage with you so that you both feel like you have an emotional connection, and they ensure that there is emotional safety in the session. Marriage counseling can be a whole lot of fun.

Yes there will be some difficult moments, however if your marriage counselor is skilled, there will also be many different moments of connection, understanding, and lots of laughter. I am a couples therapist who happens to believe that laughter is the best medicine and I do incorporate humor into everything that I do. Life is already stressful, let's learn to laugh a little.

5) Your pastor or church is not always the best place to get the best marriage counseling in houston

As a therapist who is also provides Christian marriage counseling in Houston, I know that I'm going to get some flack for this. Sometimes, your pastor or your church elders are not the people to give you the best marriage counseling in Houston. Yes, your pastor can give you a lot of spiritual advice, but sometimes your pastor is not equipped to work on the emotional struggles, the trauma, and some of the deeper layers that happen within a marriage or relationship.

Sometimes, marital struggles are caused by trauma. Sometimes marital struggles occur because one person is struggling with some sort of an addiction. Sometimes there are issues of abuse going on. And sometimes there is a mixture of all these issues at the same time, coupled with other emotional struggles.

In my opinion, only a licensed therapist who has additional training in these areas, is fully equipped to work on these issues. So while your pastor probably has your best interest at heart, sometimes, he or she is completely out of depth and cannot help you with some of the deeper layers of your marriage. For the best marriage counseling in Houston, find a licensed therapist who gets you.

6) A skilled marriage counselor in Houston will not blame you or your upbringing for everything

One concern about going into marriage counseling in Houston is that the counselor will probably side with your spouse and blame you for everything. A skilled marriage counselor absolutely should not do that.

We try to understand both parties and help you to communicate your thoughts and feelings appropriately to your spouse. Our job is not to split the couple and cause more rifts. Our job is simply to provide understanding and teach you how to communicate clearly to each other so that your friendship can grow. Blaming one party for everything will definitely not repair the relationship. It only causes more harm. The best marriage counseling in Houston feels safe for both parties.

7) Marriage counseling or relationship therapy is not for ‘Failures’

Some people run away from marriage counseling because they believe going to marriage counseling will mean that they are a complete failure. On the contrary, the person who goes to marriage counseling is someone who is definitely dedicated to making their relationship work.

It says that you are ready to learn new ways of communicating, you're ready to understand your spouse, and you're ready to roll up your sleeves and do what it takes to take the relationship to a new level.

Think about a marriage counseling session like a workout. You go to the gym to strengthen your muscles. In the same way, people go to marriage counseling to strengthen their love muscles, friendship or communication. Marriage counseling helps you become a much better spouse.

8) Sometimes, you’re not able to solve your marriage struggles on your own- enter RELATIONSHIP therapy in houston

Sometimes it does not matter how hard you try; You and your spouse are still at loggerheads. The truth is that majority of the persistent issues that married couples face are actually unsolvable. The job of the best marriage counseling in Houston is not necessarily to solve all of your issues, it is simply to teach you how to manage the unsolvable issues.

Because you're not able to solve your marriage struggles does not mean that you're a failure. We all know that marriage can be difficult. Even the best marriage counselors in Houston go to marriage counseling to learn new skills. It's sometimes nice to let a licensed professional who has years of training in human behavior teach you how to get past the hurdles so that your relationship can truly thrive.

If you can leave car fixing to mechanics and plumbing to plumbers, why not allow a professional marriage counselor assist you with your marriage?

If you’re ready to take your marriage from chaos, confusion and misunderstanding, to a place of love, intimacy and passion, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call. I am a Black marriage counselor in Houston who also provides Christian marriage counseling in Houston.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Finding the best marriage counseling in the Houston area: A Simple Guide

Marriage can be blissful. You meet someone, fall in love and when you think about them, you have butterflies in your stomach. You think about them all day long, and you can’t wait until you get to see them again.

But sometimes, marriage can be extremely complicated. You forget how to talk to and listen to each other. Everything becomes a fight or an argument, and sometimes you absolutely cannot stand each other.

If this sounds like your marriage, it might be time to seek marriage counseling. Here is a simple guide on how to find a great marriage therapist in the Houston area.

Ask yourself what type of relationship therapy in Houston you want/need

Before beginning relationship therapy in Houston, it is important to know what type of therapist you want. Are you looking for Christian marriage counseling in Houston? Are you specifically looking for a Black marriage counselor in Houston? Do you prefer a male marriage therapist in Houston? Do you want to participate in conjoint marriage therapy? (Conjoined marriage therapy means you actually get to work with two therapists at the same time). Often the therapists are a therapist duo who are partners in real life. Do you want intensive marriage counseling (engage in couples therapy for 6 hours a day over a 2 to 3-day weekend), or do you want to meet with the marriage counselor weekly? This will determine whom you actually choose.

Start with a simple Google search (It could be as simple as- ‘Relationship Therapy Houston’ or ‘Couples Therapy Houston’)

Now that technology is everywhere, most marriage therapists in Houston have an online presence. This is a benefit for you. That way you can get to check out the couples therapist’s social media presence, their website, and sites where they have been interviewed so that you can decide if they are the one for you.

I highly recommend before you call the couples therapist or marriage counselor in Houston, you actually do some snooping. OK maybe we wouldn't call it snooping, let's just call it research. Find out what their approach to marriage counseling is, and figure out if their approach to therapy will work for you. Go with your gut. If you browse their website and you do not like them, strike them off your list. You should love your marriage therapist. Luckily Houston has an abundance of great marriage therapists for you to choose from.

One of the most important aspects in the success of marriage counseling in Houston is the connection between the marriage counselor and the client. Don't ignore this. The best marriage counseling in Houston for you involves a therapist whose approach works well for you.

Here are some examples of some simple keywords you can search in Google. The basic search formula is ‘Marriage counseling’ + [your city] or ‘Couples counseling’ + [your city] or ‘Relationship counseling + [Your city]. Feel free to add other specifiers such as therapist’s gender, race and religion.

Here are some sample searches you can type straight into Google:

Black marriage counseling Houston

Houston Couples therapy

Best marrriage counseling Houston

Christian marriage counseling Houston

Relationship counseling Houston

Houston relationship therapy

Marriage counseling Houston

Marriage counselor Houston, TX

Couples counseling Cypress

Couples therapy Katy, Texas

Black marriage counseling Houston, TX

Keep in mind that because of online therapy, you can meet with any couples therapist throughout the state of Texas. You don’t have to focus on couples therapists in Houston alone. Marriage therapists are licensed to work with anybody within their specific state. So if you happen to love a couples counselor who is not in your city, you can still work with them as long as they are licensed in your state.

Ask around in your church for a referral for Christian marriage counseling in Houston

Sometimes people avoid marriage counseling because they do not know that there are Christian marriage counselors in Houston. If your religion or spirituality is very important to you and you want to integrate your faith into your marriage counseling, a good place to start could actually be your church or place of worship. If you feel comfortable asking around, you might want to ask your pastor, bishop, priest, or religious leader for a few referrals.

You may actually be surprised to find out that a lot of churches actually encourage Christian couples counseling or Christian relationship counseling outside of the church as they know that licensed marriage and family therapists in Houston have a deeper training in relational dynamics and human emotions than pastors do. So don't be shy, ask your church for some referrals.

Ask your friends or loved ones for a referral to a marriage counselor in Houston

I can assure you that you are not the only person who is struggling within your marriage or relationship. Chances are that your friends or loved ones have also struggled too. I bet that one or two people whom you know have actually been in couples therapy in Houstonbefore. Sometimes the people with the strongest marriages actually do have the strongest marriages because they seek further counseling from professionals.

Ask them what exactly it is that they liked about their marriage counselor, ask them to tell you about their experience, and decide whether or not this might be the thing for you.

Try searching for a marriage counselor in Houston by searching on a therapist or counselor directory

These days there are a ton of different therapy or counseling directories that have done the work for you. Some of the directories that you can go on are:

Therapy for Black girls

Clinicians of Color Directory

Psychology Today

Melanin and Mental Health

Therapy Den

There are even specific directories to find therapists who integrate faith.

The great thing about these directories is that they let you narrow your search according to your state, ZIP Code, what type of insurance you have, your faith or religion, the gender of the therapist, as well as a long list of other filters. These can rapidly cut down on your search time.

Do not feel the need to come up with a long list of 10 therapists. Just pick about three or four and roll with it.

Do some background research when you have narrowed down to about 3 to 4 marriage counselors in Houston

Therapy is an emotional and financial investment in the health of your marriage. If you are to spend an hour a week pouring out your heart to a marriage counselor, then you better love the approach of the marriage counselor.

When you have come up with your shortlist of 3 to 4 marriage counselors, spend some time doing some background work on them. Go to their websites, and see if the website speaks to you. I highly suggest that you also include your partner in this search, as it is important that they also feel comfortable with the therapist that you choose.

Set up a free consultation call for marriage counseling in Houston

Some couples therapists in Houston offer free 15 to 20 minute consultation calls. This is a great time to ask questions, find out more about their marriage therapy style and feel out their vibe. If you feel comfortable with them over the phone, then you can move to the next step, which would be to schedule your first couples counseling appointment.

Searching for the right marriage therapist does not have to take a ton of time. But it does involve some research and patience on your part. Once you find a therapist you love, dive right in, Your relationship will thank you.

If you are ready to begin the work of healing your marriage, I am a Black marriage therapist in the Houston area, who sees clients throughout Texas and California. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call to determine if I’m the best fit for you.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a Black licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Finding a therapist in the Houston area: A Simple Guide

Finding a therapist or counselor in the Houston area can be a little bit tricky, because Houston is such a large area. When you try to break it down, do you want to find a counselor in Cypress, a therapist in Sugar Land, or in one of the many surrounding neighborhoods in the Houston area?

You might also ask yourself “Do I need to be searching for a psychiatrist, a counselor, a therapist, or a psychologist?”

I'm going to break down every single thing you need to find a therapist or counselor in the Houston area that will be a great match for you. Don't worry, it's not as hard as you might think.

Questions to ask yourself before doing research about counseling in Houston

1) “Do I want an online therapist in Houston or would I prefer an In person therapist or counselor in Houston?”

When looking for a therapist in Houston, it is important to ask yourself whether you want virtual visits, or if you absolutely want to be seen in person. In my opinion, it really doesn't matter whether you are seen in person or virtually. Both forms of therapy are quite effective.

Pros and cons of in person therapy or counseling in Houston

The upside to being seen in person is that you get to drive away from your typical environment and you get to sit in a lovely office. Some people like to come into my office early, grab some tea, listen to sounds of nature and just take a moment to ground themselves before the therapy session. And some people love driving and looking at the Houston area sights. They create an entire vibe in their cars when they are on their way to their therapy session.

Pros and cons of seeing a virtual or online therapist in Houston

Now if you're seeing your therapist virtually, the upside is that you do not have to be in traffic at all- and we all know how annoying those Houston commutes can be. Virtual therapy in Houston is quite convenient. You can meet with your therapist while sitting in your car, while on your lunch break, in your office or while your baby is taking a nap. There is zero commute time and because of this, chances are you will probably attend counseling or therapy sessions more frequently.

If you do choose to see an online therapist in Houston though, this opens you up to a wider selection of therapists because you can meet with any therapist who is licensed in your state. So there is no geographical boundary holding you back. That means you can see a therapist in Houston, a therapist in Dallas, a therapist in Austin, or any therapist who is licensed in Texas.

Whether you attend virtually or in person, in my professional opinion, therapy can work either way.

2) “Why do I need a therapist in Houston?” (This helps you pick a therapist in Houston with the right niche)

Just like physicians, therapists in Houston (and everywhere else) also have specialties. It is important to note that most of us are not jack of all trades, and we prefer to see clients within a specific niche.

So ask yourself why you’re seeking the support of a therapist. Is it for depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, problems at work, problems of parenting, infertility… and the list goes on. I happen to be an anxiety therapist in Houston, because that is what I do best. It is important to find a therapist who can actually cater to some of the issues that you are struggling with.

Again, similar to seeing a physician, you wouldn't go to a dentist for your heart issues. So it is important that you know why you want therapy so that you can find a therapist that has a set of skills that are particularly suited for what you're experiencing.

3) “Do I want to use my insurance? And what is my therapy budget?”

A therapy budget is a subject that I have never seen online before, so I thought I should address it with you. Typically, therapists love to see their clients weekly. For me, doing this ensures that there is continuity of care and that my clients are moving fast towards their goals.

When you have a therapy budget, you are able to plan better so that there won’t be breaks in your therapy sessions. Know what you are comfortable paying for, so that you can find a therapist who is also within your budget.

If you choose to go through your insurance, ensure that you know what your co-pay will be, how many sessions your insurance will cover, as well as what types of sessions your insurance will cover (30 minute sessions, 45 minute sessions, couples therapy, family therapy, etc). Get these logistics out of the way before you begin the therapy process. That being said it is important to note that the best therapist Houston for you may not necessarily be the cheapest or the most expensive.

The best therapist in Houston for you is a therapist who has a lot of experience managing what your area of struggle is, and his personality is a perfect match for yours. It is a perfect marriage between the two. So do not be tempted to go for the free therapist whose niche is nowhere near what you need. Your mental health needs come first. If I went to a cardiologist to help me with my kidneys, chances are I would get a bad result. So buyer beware.

Pros and cons of using your insurance for therapy in Houston

The upside to using your insurance is that it is usually so much cheaper. One of the downsides could be that some of the therapists within your network might be full, or your insurance may have specific stipulations that may not work for you. My recommendation is that you call your insurance company before beginning sessions so that you know what your plan covers. It is also possible that the therapist or counselor you want to work with, doesn't take your insurance. Please note that insurance companies often expect your therapist to diagnose you. Keep that in mind.

Pros and cons of paying out of pocket for therapy in Houston

On the other hand, the upside to going out of pocket is that you can have as many sessions as you need, and typically, therapists who are private pay are often able to see their clients a lot sooner. The downside of course is that it could cost you more than if you were to use your health insurance. Pick the option that works best for you.

Now that we’ve covered the preliminary questions about finding a therapist in Houston, let’s dive in deeper.

Where to find a therapist in Houston

1) Ask your friends and loved ones who their therapist is.

Therapy in Houston and throughout Texas is becoming increasingly common. Chances are that your friends and loved ones have seen a therapist before. If you're comfortable asking them, simply ask them who they go to for therapy and why they like them.

Have an open discussion about the pros and cons of that specific therapist, their therapy style, and what attracted your loved one to that therapist. Please note that because your loved one had a great experience with that therapist does not necessarily mean that the therapist will be a perfect match for you.

I highly recommend that you schedule a consultation call with the therapist before you begin to work with them. The call is a great time for the therapist to get to know what you need support with, to tell you more about their style of work, and to decide if you and the therapist are compatible with one another. Without this compatibility, therapy will fall flat. You can go to the best therapist in the world, but if they are not a good fit for you, it won’t work.

2) Search for a therapist in a mental health directory

There are a multitude of therapist directories out there. These are a shortcut to helping you find the best therapist in Houston for you.

You can narrow down by ZIP Code, state, insurance, therapist’s specialty, therapist’s gender, religious or spiritual beliefs, race, as well as a long list of other areas. It’s important that you pick a therapist that you will be comfortable with. Some people often feel bad when they call me and say that they would prefer a Black therapist in Houston. Please don't feel bad. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own therapy session.

Some therapist directories to try are:

• Therapy for Black Girls

• Clinicians of Color Directory

• Therapy Den

• Melanin and Mental Health

3) Search for a therapist in the Houston area on Google

If you do not feel like going to a therapist directory, or speaking to a friend or loved one, you can use good old Google to find a therapist in Houston. Just search for a therapist according to what you need or a therapist in your city.

So some examples of searches could be:

• Anxiety therapist in Houston.

• Depression therapist Katy, Texas.

• Black therapist in Houston

• Premarital counseling Houston

• Female Black therapist Houston.

• Therapist for trauma in Cypress, Texas.

Or you can search by gender and religion. For example:

• Black Christian therapist Houston

• Christian counseling Katy

• Christian counselor Houston

• Christian counseling Sugar Land, TX

Once you find the therapist’s website, take about one or two minutes to look around. Does the therapist look like somebody whom you would feel comfortable working with? Does the therapist’s website speak to you? Go with your gut instinct. After looking at the therapist’s website, see if they do consultations and schedule a consultation with them.

Finding a therapist in the Houston area does not have to be a daunting task. Dedicate one or two days to finding about two or three therapists that appear to be a good fit for you.

If you really need support in finding a therapist click here to schedule a free consultation call. If you are searching for a Black therapist in the Houston area who can help you move from a place of anxiety to greater self confidence, or help your marriage move from a roommate situation to a passionate situation, then I might be the therapist for you. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. You can read more about how I help with anxiety, insomnia and marriage counseling here. Don't wait.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.