How to Balance Ambition and Sensitivity: A Blueprint for Thriving in Both Worlds

Ambition Meets Sensitivity: How to Have It All Without Losing Yourself

High sensitivity and ambition do not have to be mutually exclusive. They can actually exist together. High sensitivity simply means that you feel emotions deeply and you think things through also very deeply. Essentially you are a thinker and a feeler. Because you spend so much time processing the rich world within and around you, you can easily burn out if you do not set clear boundaries.

That being said, it is not uncommon to be a highly sensitive person who is very ambitious. The important thing is that you cannot burn the candle at both ends. Because of your sensitive nature, rest and boundary setting are essential for your well-being. Time management is also quite crucial. You have to know when to call it quits, when to say “No,” and when to keep going. It is also important to ask for help. Know that you cannot do it all by yourself -if not you will feel resentful, stressed out and completely burned out. And burnout does nothing to help you accomplish your big goals.

Nurture your personal relationships while keeping your ambition at the forefront. I have to say that I do not believe in balance, but I do believe in juggling different tasks and responsibilities. In some seasons you juggle things a little bit better, and in some seasons you'll have to drop other responsibilities. Wisdom is knowing the difference between the two. The great thing about Brainspotting therapy is that it allows you to go into the deeper layers of your brain to be able to sort out what you should prioritize and what should be on the back burner in each season of your life.

Mastering the Art of Being Both Bold and Gentle in Your Relationships

One of the pitfalls of high sensitivity is people pleasing. Because of your deep empathy and because you feel such a strong connection to people you love, you feel the need to carry their weight on your shoulders. The problem is that it suddenly becomes your job to take care of everyone else while keeping yourself on the back burner. This does nothing to help you achieve your big goals.

It is important to know how to navigate your relationships and to ensure that you are only inviting safe people into your circle. A safe person is someone who respects you, even if they do not understand your sensitivity. A safe person will also understand that your needs are just as important as theirs. When you set clear, kind boundaries with them, even if they might be disappointed, they will still respect you. Go to my goal is a highly sensitive person who is also ambitious is to be able to pursue your career ambitions fiercely (of course while sticking to your values) and being able to be soft but boundaried in your personal relationships.

One of the reasons why I love Brainspotting therapy in Houston, is that it helps you uncover emotional blockages that keep you stuck and in people pleasing mode. Once these blockages have been removed, it allows you to be more assertive both in your career and personal relationships (while still being gentle). And the truth is that even though we might run away from boundary setting, your friends and family members tend to respect you better and think about your needs more when you said clear boundaries with them.

Brainspotting therapy in Houston sometimes will help you unlock why you struggle with boundary setting, how you got stuck in the first place and it will take you down the rabbit hole to help you actually get unstuck. Once you know why you do the things that you do, it is so much easier to change those habits. Sometimes just knowing yourself better gives you the confidence to change and to get unstuck from patterns that have been keeping you uncomfortable and preventing you from achieving big goals.

Striking the Perfect Balance: How High-Performing Women Can Cultivate Deeper Connections

If you're struggling with how to strike the perfect balance between your sensitivity and ambition, just keep your relationships at the forefront. And know that balance is not actually a real thing. The important thing to know is that your personal relationships are so much more important than ambition. Now you do not have to get rid of ambition for the sake of personal relationships. They can coexist quite happily. If you pick the right people in your circle, they will be able to help you to continue to work towards your goals while also being able to honor the friendship.

Personal relationships can actually help us with our ambition. You can find people who are similar to you, whether it is their high sensitivity, or they are safe people who respect your sensitivity. You can also find friends who are equally as ambitious and can put you onto new ideas. Just build relationships naturally. High sensitivity is just simply who you are. Lots of people would love to connect with you because of your sensitivity. It is your sensitivity and the empathy that you have that will actually help you attract close friends and confidantes.

One of the things that I love so much about brainspotting therapy, as a trauma therapist in Houston is because it is a great way to help actually strengthen your personal relationships while excelling professionally. I have done therapy with entrepreneurs, with people who are working hard to climb up the ladder in their career. Brainspotting therapy is a great way to help you learn how to remove blocks and barriers that are keeping you from being your true self and excelling both personally and professionally. As a highly sensitive person it is important to embrace vulnerability. As vulnerability is the only path to true connection. The more you put yourself out there, the higher chances you have of meeting like-minded people who are willing to embrace who you are. You do not have to go through the rest of your life putting on a mask or a persona.

No More Compromising: How to Stay Ambitious Without Sacrificing Your Sensitivity

Think of yourself as a whole person. You do not have to choose either high sensitivity or ambition- both can exist quite nicely together. When we work together in a Brainspotting therapy session, we work a lot on boundary setting. If you are a highly sensitive woman who has very low bandwidth or your energy gets depleted easily, it is definitely very important to know how to prioritize your time. You cannot get sucked into stressful conversations or carrying everybody else's burdens because that means that none of your stuff will ever get done. You have to learn how to say no without feeling guilty and you have to learn when to ask for help because you cannot do everything by yourself.

But the great thing about Brainspotting therapy in Houston is once we have removed those mental blocks, things become a whole lot easier. The great thing about being an ambitious highly sensitive woman, is that as you build your career, you have a team approach. You're able to take care of your needs while also keeping the needs of others in mind. As an enterpreneur that means that you are an ethical boss. You're bringing all of the things that you wish you had in your 9-to-5 and you create a work environment that is conducive for everyone. You are very intentional in the way you do your work and this is great when you are ambitious. Because most ambitious people are very intentional in the way they carry themselves and execute tasks. And if you work in a 9 to 5, intentionality actually gets you noticed.

Turn Your Sensitivity Into a Superpower: How to Build Strong Relationships While Chasing Success

Because high sensitivity it's not a common of a trait, only about 20% of the population of highly sensitive. It can be very important to use your high sensitivity to your advantage. People are not used to the level of detail that highly sensitive women bring in the workplace. People are not used to the level of detail that highly sensitive women also bring in personal relationships. Because of the deep level of empathy and the deep thoughts that we put into everything, we make for actually very good friends.

You might not have the bandwidth to have a long list of friends and connections, however you can treasure the few that you have. When you have deep relationships, you're able to talk to them about your goals and ambitions, your struggles as well as your successes. We know that a big part of success is your network. It is important to build the right network of people and this will deeply help you with your ambition. The goal is to ensure that you have the right people around you as you are climbing up the ladder.

Are you a high-performing, highly sensitive woman who’s struggling to balance ambition and personal relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in brainspotting, I help ambitious women like you thrive in both worlds. Whether you're navigating relationship challenges or seeking a deeper connection with yourself, brainspotting therapy can help.

Book a free 15-minute consult call with me- a Black therapist in Houston and start your journey to emotional balance and success.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Long day? Here's how to vent to your spouse and get the support you need in marriage-Tips from a marriage therapist in Houston

One of the most important skills that couples have to master when we work together in my Houston marriage counseling practice, is how to vent to one another when they are going though stress. Being that stress is a part of life, it's important to know how to support each other. On the surface, it might just look like venting, but when you can effectively communicate your stress and frustration to your spouse, you receive support in return.

Support builds intimacy and closeness between you and your spouse.

What most couples say they do when I see them in marriage counseling in Houston is they come home from work, or they have a long day, they have all this pent up stress inside them, but they have no place to put it. They do this same dance over and over again until it creates emotional separation between them.

When you are frustrated and stressed, but do not accurately communicate that with your spouse, it ends up looking like you are rejecting your spouse. If you are worried about how to effectively communicate with your spouse when you are having a bad or stressful day, here are some easy steps for you:

1) Pick the right time

Timing is everything when it comes to communication. Ensure that neither you nor your spouse are feeling emotionally charged before you have this conversation. If you need to take a few moments to relax or unwind first, then do so.

2) Decide who will be the speaker and who will be the listener

This sounds awfully formal, but it’s a lot easier than it sounds. While there is room for both of you to talk about your stress, it is a lot easier if you take turns. This will ensure that each person gets the attention and support they need.

The speaker’s job is easy. All you have to do is speak to your spouse about the stress you are going through. That’s it. In this framework, the listener does all the hard work.

3) The listener needs to stick to these simple rules

Most married people think they are great listeners, but you know what? Most people suck at listening. After you learn this framework in my Houston marriage counseling practice, you’ll realize we all have room to grow.

Here are some simple rules when it comes to listening.

• Maintain eye contact and show interest. Ask questions to get more details about what your spouse is experiencing.

• Ensure your partner knows that you are on his side. Do not take the side of whomever he is complaining about. This might be challenging for you, but just bite your tongue.

• Remember that you are on the same team. This is not the time to correct or challenge your spouse.

• Be empathetic. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try to imagine how he is feeling.

4) Reflect back what you are hearing

To be a good listener in marriage, it’s important that you first understand what you are hearing. An easy way to know if you have heard correctly, is to simply repeat what you’ve heard.

Yup. Repeat exactly what your spouse has said word for word.

If your spouse corrects you, take note and just repeat what you’ve heard again. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes.

5) Ask your spouse what he needs

Once you have gone through this entire process, ask your spouse if he needs your advice or if he just wants to vent. This is important because often times, we skip the empathy and jump right to advice. But sometimes, your spouse isn’t looking for your advice. He just wants a listening ear.

And there you have it. A simple formula to help you vent and reduce stress with your spouse.

Is communication strained in your marriage?As a marriage therapist in Houston, I can help you and your spouse develop healthier ways to support each other. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consult call for marriage counseling in Houston.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali.

I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist providing Christian marriage counseling in Houston and throughout California.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

5 Romantic date ideas to rekindle the spark in your marriage

Dates are important in a marriage. They help refresh your memory about why you fell in love with each other. Dates also cut through the dull, mundane couples therapy in Houston. It helps you escape everyday chores and responsibilities. You can be wrapped up in your world for a few hours.

You must continue to pursue one another. If not, things get stale.

And if the idea of planning a date scares you, breathe. Dates should tailor to the interests of you and your spouse. And these dates don't have to be surprised either; simply plan them together to avoid disappointment.

Here are five romantic date ideas that you and your spouse can try.

1) For food lovers: Take a culinary tour

This one is best for couples who are food. A great way to get to know other cultures is through their food. Find a mom-and-pop or traditional restaurant that serves some sort of exotic or unfamiliar cuisine. 

If you're feeling particularly explorative, you can hit 2 or 3 different restaurants, hole-in-the-wall shops, or food trucks in 1 day- hence the title "culinary tour.".

A culinary tour can cover different regions of a single country or numerous countries' cuisine in a single day. Only an empty stomach and an open mind are required.

2) For travel lovers and Wanderers: Explore a city or country that you've both been itching to go to

You and your spouse can receive your passports and travel now that the crossings are reopened. Who said dates had to revolve solely around dinner and food?

If the thought of jet setting isn't an excellent idea for you, Houston relationship therapy starts by exploring a part of your city that you've never gotten a chance to explore. Or explore a nearby city or state. You learn so much more about each other when you're both wonderstruck.

 Road trips, day trips, or staycations can help scratch the traveling itch. It can also have you feeling like you're a college kid again.

3) For art lovers: Do an art tour.

There are numerous things to do here. You can take a painting class together. You can explore pottery making and glassblowing; you can visit a museum. Spend time learning about your favourite artists.

This can spark some rich conversation.

4) For creatives: Get the juices flowing.

If you are creative, do something that feels out of the box. You can join a book club and engage in knowledge sharing. You can also go to an escape room and enjoy teamwork. 

It can even involve watching a documentary that sparks some intellectual conversation.

Who said dates had to revolve solely around dinner and food?

5) For nature lovers: Go outside.

Go on a hike, take a botany class together. To learn how to make flower arrangements, go to the botanical gardens, the aquarium, or an animal shelter together. 

 Dates do not have to be cliche or boring. Try new things all the time and see the world together.

Couples counseling Houston helps married couples improve communication, connection, and conflict resolution if they want to learn how to communicate effectively with their husband or wife. Click to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How to reconnect with your spouse after a big fight

Although most people pretend that their marriage is a bed of roses, we all know that arguments are a part of marriage. What are you supposed to do when your spouse drives you completely nuts? Here are some simple steps that you can take after you and your spouse have had a huge fight or a horrible disagreement.

Take a time out to cool off

After a huge blowout or disagreement in your marriage, it is important for both of you to go to your respective corners. Go cool off, listen to some music, take a walk, take a shower, pray- do someone else to distract yourself from the volcano of emotions that are surging inside you.

During this time out, your goal is to cool off. So, no thinking about how awful your husband is (you know you have those thoughts, but I won’t judge you). No cursing him out under your breath (you know you do that also). Just cool off by focusing on something else.

Schedule a time to talk with your spouse

After you feel like you've been able to sort through your feelings, and calm down, reach out to your spouse and make an appointment. Appointments don’t sound sexy, but this will ensure that both of you can talk at a time in which neither of you is busy or distracted.

Before you have this conversation, know that the goal of the conversation is NOT to prove that you’re right. It’s to get over the hump and prevent this issue from rearing its ugly head in the future.

Got it?

Start with talking about your feelings (or your spouse’s feelings)

Before we dive in, note that I utilize the Gottman Method for couples therapy. It’s research backed and it works!)

Let’s jump in.

In this conversation, there has to be a speaker and a listener. The listener’s job is to listen, understand and empathize with the speaker. It’s an active process. You can’t be a good listener while actively cursing your spouse out in your head or trying to come up with reasons why he’s wrong.

Use actual feeling words like angry, sad, upset, lonely, etc. This helps your spouse better understand what is going on in your mind. Here’s a link to the feelings wheel to help you pinpoint your emotions.

When your spouse talks about his feelings, simply listen. Don’t try to talk about yours until he’s done with his role as speaker. Also, do not try to convince him that his feelings are false.

Talk about your perspective on the issue

Summarize what you think happened during the argument. Stick to “I” statements. Try not to blame him or point the finger.

Here’s an example of a good “I” statement:

“Earlier today, when we came into the house, I felt ignored when I saw you on the phone.”

Here’s a bad example of an “I” statement:

“Earlier today when we came into the house, you were ignoring me as usual by staring at your stupid phone. You’re addicted to the phone and you have a problem.”

Talk about what triggered you during the incident or leading up to the incident

Arguments often happen because of unmet needs or triggers. So this is your opportunity to invite your spouse into your internal world. Avoid assuming that “He should know” what bugs you.

Perhaps you were already tired. Maybe you felt ignored. Maybe you had to remind him for the 7th time.

Let him know your triggers, but say it nicely.

Acknowledge your role in the communication breakdown

Talk about at least 1 thing you did to increase the miscommunication. Maybe you snapped. Maybe you were impatient. Maybe you jumped to conclusions.

Here’s the time for self reflection.

What can your spouse do to prevent this from happening in the future?

Watch your tone here. Be respectful but honest. Let him know what he can do differently next time so that he does not push your buttons.

The best marriages come from a place of humility, hardwork and a willingness to listen.

If you’re ready to move your marriage from a place or constant disagreements, to a place of great communication and friendship, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. I am a Black marriage therapist in Houston who provides couples counseling throughout Texas and California. I also provide Christian marriage counseling in Houston.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

7 validation statements that could seriously save your marriage

Validation is a skill that very few people truly understand. I see it every time during couples counseling in Houston. However, it is actually such an important skill when it comes to connecting with your spouse in marriage. In my couples therapy sessions in Houston, I often find that couples want to jump from problem, straight to solution. However, the middle ground that is missing is the skill of validation.

So what exactly is validation? According to dictionary.com, validation is “Recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.”

Notice that it doesn’t state that you have to completely understand the other person’s point of view. It also does not state that you have to completely agree with their point of view. It is simply just recognizing that their feelings are worthwhile and valid.

What role does validation play in a marriage?

It helps your spouse feel seen and heard. And when your spouse feels seen and heard, they are more likely to feel connected to you.

So how do you validate in marriage?

Simply work to acknowledge that what your spouse is feeling is real. Don’t just think it, say it out loud to them.

Here are 7 simple statements you can say to your spouse when they are having a big emotion or both of you are involved in a disagreement:

1) I can see that you’re experiencing a big emotion, tell me more about what’s going on for you.

2) I can totally understand how that could feel difficult for you.

3) I can see why you feel that way.

4) That sounds very difficult.

5) How can I support you?

6) Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?

7) I see you’re [insert emotion here], how can I support you?

As you can see, these statements are not very long or complicated. When next your spouse is showing a big emotion like anger, sadness, hurt, pain or disappointment, take a moment to help them understand that you see and hear them.

If you are ready to learn how to connect intimately with your spouse, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me. I provide marriage counseling in Houston and virtually throughout Texas.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Here's why Christians run away from marriage counseling/couples therapy

As a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I cannot tell you how many terrified clients come to see me in the dead of night. Okay maybe not in the dead of night, but I cannot tell you how many couples struggle with their marriage for 6 or 7 years before they finally decide to pick up the phone and call me.

I’ve often wondered why Christians run away from marriage counseling or couples therapy outside the church, and I think I’ve figured it out.

Here are 6 reasons why you might also be running from counseling or therapy as a Christian:

They think that marriage counseling or therapy in general is not biblical

The number one struggle or fear that Christians often have is going to a marriage counselor whom they believe will speak against their Christian beliefs. People often assume that because a therapist has studied psychology or human behavior, that they somehow will speak against the Bible.

In many churches, we are taught to pray, seek God and just keep your struggles to yourself. But if you search the Bible, you will notice that the early Christians actually shared each other’s burdens and lived life as a united community.

If you are in a place in your marriage where things feel super hard, I encourage you to do some research. Please know that there are indeed many Christian therapists who can integrate biblical principles into their counseling.

Here are some questions to ask a prospective marriage counselor to ensure that her beliefs are in line with your own Christian beliefs.

They are afraid to share their marriage struggles outside the church

Many Christians believe in a life of martyrdom.

No matter how hard they struggle, they hold it all to their chest and tell no one about it. Some people also believe that they are having struggles in their marriage because of some sin they must have committed in the past.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it holds your marriage ransom. When you go through couples therapy, you will quickly learn that your marriage can be fixed if you and your spouse have a desire to do so. And if you want to keep your sins close to your chest, then why did Christ die for you?

They think they can pray their marital problems away

This is one I see over and over again. Many Christians believe that if they pray hard enough, their marriage will be healed. But what they fail to realize is that faith without works is dead- and I got that straight from the Bible. Even the Bible tells us to seek wise counsel.

If you pray over and over again, but you and your husband do not have the adequate tools to strengthen your friendship, improve your communication and learn adequate conflict resolution skills, your marriage will feel like an uncofmrtorbale battle ground forever, and you will be robbing your family of a happy future.

They believe that people who go to couples therapy are weak.

No one wants to look weak. We all want to believe that we are made of grit and resiliency. But you see, as humans who live in a fallen world, we are bound to have struggles sometimes.

The problem with trying to avoid looking weak, is that your marriage will eventually deteriorate if you’re not doing anything to improve it.

The great thing about working with a licensed marriage and family therapist, is that we keep your business confidential. We are not allowed to talk to others about you. Many of us do not judge you or see you as weak. We simply just see you as to individuals who are doing the best you can to keep your marriage alive.

When people go to the doctor for a check up, we certainly don’t think they are weak. So why do we think people who go to marriage counseling or couples therapy are weak?

Their marital issues aren’t serious enough for therapy

Your marriage does not have to be on the verge of collapse for couples therapy to benefit you. Why would you wait for the house to collapse before you start repairs?

Couples therapy is best for people who are interested in doing the work, being vulnerable with one another and reconnecting.

It’s important to seek couples counseling in Houston before things become irreparable. Prevention is better than cure.

They can talk to their friends or family about their marital problems

Of course you can talk to your friends and family about your marital problems, but are they trained in human behavior? Do they have a background in psychology? Are they able to give you the necessary skills and tools to do life with your spouse? Or will they just nod their heads, pray for you and send you on your merry way?

Although your friends and family members probably mean well, sometimes, they inadvertently give you advice that will end up sabotaging your entire marriage.

It’s important to note that couples therapists have years of experience and training that is specific to couples and marriages, and they know how to help you listen, communicate in a way that is stress free, and also how to stop persistent problems that have plagued your marriage for years.

If you are ready to finally have a marriage that feels easy, and learn how to appropriately communicate with your spouse, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me.