Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA &amp; TX

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/25/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/25/25

Vulnerability as a Path to Emotional Intimacy: A Guide for Highly Sensitive Women

Fear of vulnerability can keep highly sensitive women from the deep emotional intimacy they crave. This guide explores how to gently embrace openness in romantic relationships, fostering trust and connection. Healing takes courage—but you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can help.

The Link Between Vulnerability and Emotional Intimacy

Vulnerability can be a scary word- especially if you have been hurt in past relationships. Some people have been hurt by their parents or caregivers, some have been hurt by friends, and others have been betrayed by exes. When this happens, you begin to feel like the world can never be safe again. But the interesting thing is that vulnerability is the only true path to emotional intimacy and connection in marriage.

When you are vulnerable, it means that you bring your walls down so that your spouse can see the real you. When your spouse can see the real you, then he gets a chance to actually choose you. And when he chooses you and knows you, then he can love you in the ways that you actually need to be loved. But when he doesn’t actually know you, the the object of his love is just a facade. This means he’ll only be able to partially love you. So that scary thing called vulnerability is actually the thing that you need to get to the other side of emotional intimacy in marriage. Being vulnerable is the only way to ever experience the deep, unconditional love that you’ve been craving this entire time. And when you receive unconditional love, your response will hopefully be to return the same level of love. That creates a stronger connection between partners.

Common Myths About Vulnerability and Why They’re Harmful

Some people have a misunderstanding about vulnerability. We equate vulnerability to weakness, lack of intelligence or having poor boundaries. Sometimes we think that vulnerability means that you're not strong. However it does take a certain level of strength to know what your walls are and to intentionally bring them down so that you can receive the love that you know you deserve. It does take a certain level of emotional intelligence to identify someone whom you would like to love you and allow them to love you in the deepest of ways.

When we do not have a good understanding of what vulnerability is, it actually leaves us lonely. This is because if you shy away from being vulnerable with someone, it means that you go through life alone and you might risk never having received true love. You might have lots of friends and even romantic relationships, but without vulnerability, the emotional connection will always be shallow. There will be things you will be unable to share with that person. There might also be experiences that you are too scared to let them have with you. Therefore the relationships will lack emotional depth.

Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability in Your Marriage

Vulnerability does not mean that you just go around telling people your business. It also does not mean that you allow people to hurt you. Vulnerability is an intentional choice. Only people who deserve to see and know the real you are invited to experience your vulnerability.

The first step in knowing who to be vulnerable with is to watch them and ensure that they are actually safe. Safe people typically exhibit safe behaviors over a period of time. Therefore you can only tell who is safe through time and consistency. It's like how in the Bible talks about how you can know who is a Christian by their fruit. A safe person will exhibit safe fruits such as showing interest in you, comforting you when you are down, apologizing when they are wrong, taking responsibility for their behavior, and the relationship will be reciprocal. You can give and take. It’s never one sided.

Vulnerability also starts slowly. Pick something simple to share with the other person and see how they react to it. Do they laugh at you? Do they judge you? Or do you feel completely seen and validated by the person? If someone is worthy of smaller pieces of vulnerability, then you can start building up to the larger things. It takes time. And this has to be reciprocal.

You also are expected to be a safe place for them to land. That means you have to help them feel understood, you have to have moments where you’re soft with them and they have to feel like you accept them for who they are. This is what an emotionally healthy relationship looks like

How to Be Vulnerable Without Feeling Overwhelmed

There's a difference between being vulnerable in an emotionally intelligent way and word vomit. Testing vulnerability does not mean that you have to share every single thing that has happened in your life in one day. Pace yourself. Before you share your first vulnerable thing, take some time to ground yourself. Take a look around the room and identify five things you can hear, four things you can see, three things you can smell, two things you can touch and one thing you can taste. This will get your heart rate nice and slow.

After this, practice out loud how to share the valuable piece of information with them before they even enter the room. Give yourself grace. Whenever you're about to do something different or scary, your body will respond accordingly. Nerves are normal when you're about to do something as important as bringing an emotional wall down.

Also pick the right day and the right time. Only share when you’re truly ready to share and pick a day in which you’re not already overwhelmed with work and too many responsibilities. Prepare the other person for the conversation. Let them know that you are about to share something important, and you would like some support and undivided attention.

How Christian Marriage Counseling Can Facilitate Emotional Intimacy Through Vulnerability

If you have tried being vulnerable and it has not quite worked out for you, then maybe Christian marriage counseling in Houston can help. My job as a Christian marriage counselor is to help you provide guidance and tools to help you connect better with your spouse. My job is to help you learn how to talk to him in a way that he can receive and also for him to talk to you in a way that you can receive. The only way to do this successfully is through vulnerability. I’ll help you both get there. I teach couples how to become safe partners for one another so that you can pretty much share anything with one another. Through couples counseling, you'll learn how to strengthen your friendship, build trust, laugh together again and also talk about the hard things.

If you’re ready to deepen your emotional intimacy and embrace vulnerability, Christian marriage counseling in Houston with a Black therapist can support you in nurturing a more intimate, connected marriage. Click here for your free 15-minute consultation call.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/18/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/18/25

Self-Care Tips for Highly Sensitive People: Creating a Routine That Supports Your Well-Being

Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) can feel overwhelming in a world that rarely slows down. Creating a self-care routine that nurtures your well-being is essential. This blog shares gentle, practical tips to help you recharge and set boundaries. Read on for strategies to thrive as an HSP!

Your Self-Care Routine, Reimagined: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Build Stronger Relationships

Self care is such an important lifestyle choice for everyone to consider. Without self care, you will eventually burn out. But especially for Highly Sensitive People, it is important that you take time to recharge so that you actually have something left to pour out into the world. But self care does not have to be only about bubble baths and facials.

Self care can involve intellectual, emotional, spiritual, physical AND social. Now before you run away, the social aspect can be interwoven into all the other areas, and it does not have to be exhausting. Let’s explore them.

Think about intellectual self care like things that stimulate the intelligent part of you- reading books, watching educational videos, having intellectually stimulating conversations with others and generally getting smarter. See, social and intellectual marry very well.

Emotional self care looks like doing things that take care of you emotionally. That could be going to therapy, journaling, working with a life coach, or even venting to a safe friend at the end of the day. See how we added the social there?

Spiritual self care involves engaging in activities that connect you to God. That could be going out in nature, reading your Bible, attending a Bible study or church services. The last 2 directly utilize social skills as well.

Physical self care involves taking care of your body- eating well, exercising, getting physicals and getting medical care when you don’t feel well. And if you would like to add the social aspect, you can exercise in a group or workout with a friend. If you don’t enjoy this, you may even have a friend be your accountability buddy. So you’re not necessarily working out with her, but you check every once in a while to spur each other on.

I’m sure you’ve never thought about adding the social aspect into your self care. You see, you need people. Even though you might get drained when you’ve been pouring into others all day, you need people because they can provide you with social stimulation, they give you advice when you need, they’re there for you to laugh with cry with and just not feel all alone in the world.

Boundaries, Baby! How to Protect Your Energy While Building Meaningful Connections

When dealing with relationships, it’s always important to know your limits. Although we all need people to combat loneliness, we also need time to recharge. And your limits will change on a week to week basis. Some weeks, self care will involve being by yourself, and other weeks, you might need to reach out to others to support you.

But start with a solid self care routine. Know your non negotiables, so that no one can push you around. Think about activities like having a nice morning routine, as well as a bedtime routine. That way you day starts and end in a non chaotic way.

And when you reach out to others, be clear about what you need from them. Be direct and specific. If you need a shoulder to cry on, say that. If you need them to just sit and be quiet with you, then say that. In some seasons of your life, you might not want to pick up your phone whenever it rings, and that’s okay too. But your loved ones do need you to tell them what you need so that they can help provide it.

To prevent complete burnout from relationships, there has to be a good balance between spending time with others and connecting back to yourself. That way you’re not always pouring into others.

From Overwhelmed to Overflowing: Self-Care Tips to Recharge and Reconnect

Self care does not have to be anything huge- just tiny changes in your daily routine can make a huge difference. Pay attention to what time you go to bed every night, what time you wake up, as well as what you do right before bedtime and when you wake up. Instead of grabbing your phone first thing in the morning, consider spending some time in quiet, or starting the day with a prayer or Bible study. Maybe listen to some calming music to start your day off right.

Throughout the day, be intentional about eating and drinking enough food and water. The way you treat your physical body will also affect your emotional state. Be careful about zoning out. Try to stay in the moment as much as you can. And when you need someone to talk to, do so. Vulnerability will help you get stuff off your chest while sttaying connected to others.

Choose your friends wisely. Safe friends understand the need for both connection and alone time. They won’t judge you- they’ll actually encourage you so that you don’t burn out.

When you are not completely exhausted all day, you will be able to better connect with the people around you, because you have more to give. If you want to be overflowing with energy and clarity, it starts with taking care of yourself first.

The Perfect Self-Care Routine for High-Performing HSPs: Less Stress, More Connection

Think of a routine not as a list of never ending obligations, but simply as a flexible set of guidelines that help you stay afloat and thriving. A good self care routine will involve multiple aspects- physical, social, emotional, relational and spiritual. Simply ask yourself how you can feed all those areas daily. You don’t have to pay equal attention to all the above areas- just as long as you’re neglecting any of the area.

Delete anything that causes you to feel stressed, overwhelmed, fearful or tired (within reason of course). To do this, take stock of all the activities you do within a week and ask yourself how you feel when engaging in the activity, as well as after the activity is complete. This would include social media scrolling, friends you talk to, places you visit, books you read and rooms within your home. After the week is over, notice the activities that aren’t seeing you well, and find a way to limit or get rid of them if possible.

Then think about the activities that recharge and bring you joy. Is it sitting alone in your bed, talking to a specific friend? reading something specific? Going outside? Do more of that. Sometimes we have to pay attention before we notice things that are good for us. The goal is to cut out as much stress as you can.

And for the stressful activities you cannot delete, is there a plan to delegate them to someone else, or delete them eventually?

Nurture Yourself, Nurture Your Relationships: The HSP Guide to Self-Care and Connection

What some highly sensitive people think his that they do not like people. But that is untrue. Because of the deep level of empathy that you feel, you might get easily exhausted when you are around too many people- especially people who drain your energy. So the best thing to do is to be intentional when you are building relationships. Does the person accept you for who you are? Do you feel comfortable around this person? Can you laugh, cry and just be vulnerable around this person or do you feel your wall going up when you're in their presence? Pay attention to how you feel when you're with them as well as when you are away from them. If you find yourself feeling excited and at peace with someone, then that is a good sign. But if you find yourself wishing the conversation will stop right now or sighing before you pick up their call, then that might be a red flag. It is quite possible to take care of yourself while keeping healthy relationships. It is just really about knowing when to connect and when to take some time to yourself. My suggestion is to carve out alone time every single week. This will give you time to reflect, recharge and regain the energy that you need to pour into others.

The better you take care of yourself and use your voice, the easier it will be to balance your relationship with others. Emotional wellbeing will enhance relationship satisfaction. People who feel good about themselves will be able to select health relationships.

Struggling to find balance between self-care and maintaining meaningful relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston, I specialize in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, including Black women, to create routines that support well-being and relationship building. Through brainspotting therapy, you can release the emotional blocks that prevent you from fully caring for yourself and connecting with others. Book a free 15-minute consultation call today with a Black therapist in Houston, and let’s get started on your self-care journey!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/11/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/11/25

How Highly Sensitive People Can Set Clear Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty.

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) often struggle with setting boundaries due to their deep empathy and fear of disappointing others. This blog explores practical strategies to set clear, healthy boundaries while overcoming guilt. By embracing self-awareness, assertive communication, and self-care, HSPs can protect their energy and well-being.

Why Saying ‘No’ Feels So Hard: The Struggle of High-Performing, Highly Sensitive Women

When you are a high achieving, highly sensitive woman, it is very difficult to say ‘no’ in your personal relationships. Sometimes you know that your energy is completely spent, but you feel extremely guilty just at the thought of saying no.

Because of your deep level of overthinking as well as the deep amounts of empathy that you possess, you feel like you owe people your efforts and energy because you are so good at helping people. “If I can help them, what’s the harm in doing so? Why should I turn them away?”

And so when you have times when you have to walk away from the needs of others, you feel very guilty. You might even find yourself helping others while putting your own needs on the back burner. The problem with this is that you become the go to person or the super woman who people think can always figure things out- which can cause you to feel internally frustrated.

Another problem is that sometimes you say ‘yes’ to their requests, but you secretly resent your loved ones because in your mind you my think, “She knew I was tired and that I am completely spent, so why is she still asking for my help?”

There's constantly this push and pull between wanting to help and needing to protect your own energy. This is especially true for highly sensitive women who do not have a whole lot of bandwidth. What do I mean by this? This means that when you juggle a whole lot of tasks and responsibilities, by the end of the day you feel completely overstimulated, tired, frustrated and maybe even unable to focus on sleep. This means that the difficulty in saying ‘no’ is actually costing you your emotional health.

Brainspotting for Boundary Setting: How Therapy Can Help You Find Your Inner ‘No’

One of my favorite things to do in my trauma therapy practice in Houston, is to help highly sensitive and deeply emotionally attuned women finally find their inner ‘no.’ It is possible for you to set clear boundaries and still have a good balance between taking care of your own emotional needs, while supporting your loved ones. You see, when your loved ones know that you have solid, healthy boundaries, after a while they will have no choice but to adjust to you.

It shifts you from the role of enabler to the role of chief supporter of your loved ones. Your loved ones will finally learn to take a moment to try to help themselves first before they jump on the phone to call you. They will learn how to think for themselves and find solutions for themselves before tapping into you. This is a win-win for everyone.

But before you can notice behavioral change, the change has to first of all start in your mind. Particularly in your actual brain. Through Brainspotting therapy in Houston, we work on releasing some of the guilt and anxiety that you have around boundary setting. We identify some of the emotional blocks and areas of ‘stuckness’ that have been hardwired into you. Once your body has been able to process, digest and then release these emotional blocks, they no longer have you in a chokehold.

You will then find that it is so much easier to know how you are feeling around boundary setting, identify the boundaries that are healthy for you and then go one more step by communicating exactly what the boundaries are. You can become a communication ninja who is able to be both assertive and kind. Yes, it is possible.

People-Pleasing vs. Personal Power: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Set Loving Boundaries

One of the struggles I see in my Houston therapy practice is that a lot of my highly sensitive female clients often struggle with the need to please others. They want people to be happy with them, they want to be liked and they do not like to ruffle feathers. They also do not enjoy having difficult conversations in their personal relationships. They want to be seen as the good, kind woman. And most of my clients are indeed the good, kind woman.

But the problem with people pleasing is that you always find yourself at the bottom of the barrel. Sometimes, even your loved ones who might come off as having the best of intentions, will sometimes take advantage of your kind nature. And so the question becomes, “How do I maintain personal power in my relationships?”

The first thing to ask yourself when you are creating boundaries is “How do I feel about the situation?” Use feeling words like ‘Happy, confused, disrespected, sad, overlooked, invisible.’ This can help you really pinpoint what is going on for you internally.

Next, ask yourself “How do I want to feel about the situation?” Use another feeling word like ‘Empowered, strong, happy, respected, important.’

Now that you know the outcome that you want, it is time to identify what you need.

For example, if you want to feel empowered, then you might need to have your voice be heard. A simple way to state what you need is by using this simple formula:

I feel [insert emotion word] about [insert situation], what I need is [insert need here].

Spend some time practicing this formula until you feel confident about it. Once you feel a little bit more confident about it, then it is time to communicate it to your loved one. Remember that boundary setting does not happen overnight, it is some thing that you get better at as you practice more and more.

Boundaries Without the Guilt: How to Say ‘No’ and Still Feel Like the Amazing Woman You Are

Setting firm boundaries in your personal relationships will actually create closeness in those relationships. If you are in relationships with people who care about you and respect you, they actually want to ensure that your boundaries are protected. They care about your well-being, and so they will be willing to listen to you when you tell them what is hurtful versus what can empower you.

Sometimes when you set boundaries, you might feel like you're letting others down. But remember that you cannot be all things to all people all the time. There will be times when you cannot meet the needs of others because your needs are not being met or because you're simply too tired. Sometimes your schedule is just so full that you cannot accommodate everybody else. You are not a martyr. It is important that your needs are met and your feelings are treated as important too.

And so when you start to set boundaries, remind yourself that it is OK to let others down sometimes. It is also OK that your needs be met as well. Boundary setting helps people understand what your need are and it helps them be there for you. That also creates a level of vulnerability. Without vulnerability there is not true, deep connection with our loved ones.

Stop the Overwhelm: How Brainspotting Helps High-Performing Women Set Clear Boundaries

One of my favorite things about Brainspotting therapy in Houston is that it actually helps to calm your nervous system by giving highly sensitive women the clarity and confidence they need to set boundaries that protect their emotional well-being. When you know that you were able to speak up for yourself and set good boundaries, you feel so much more comfortable in your own skin. You feel like you're able to protect yourself from the big, bad world. Your loved ones also know how to meet you at the point of your need, so you know longer have to wear the cape of superwoman. Brainspotting provides so much clarity and you begin to notice behavioral and relational patterns that you did not even know were there. When you know these patterns, you are at a better position to fix them.

Ready to set boundaries without the guilt? Try Brainspotting Therapy in Houston! Brainspotting can help you find emotional clarity, set boundaries, and maintain healthy personal relationships—all while thriving in your high-achieving lifestyle. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation call today and find out if Brainspotting therapy in Houston is right for you.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/4/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 2/4/25

Balancing Sensitivity and Assertiveness: Tips for Highly Sensitive People

Finding the balance between sensitivity and assertiveness can feel tricky, but it’s absolutely possible! This blog explores practical tips to help highly sensitive people set boundaries with confidence. Need extra support? Trauma therapy in Houston with a Christian therapist in Houston can help you thrive!

Speak Up Without Shutting Down: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Find Their Assertive Voice

One of the difficulties of high sensitivity is being able to communicate effectively and assertively when you are feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes you find that it is much easier for you to write out your thoughts than actually speaking them out loud. But that's OK because we all process differently. The good thing about high sensitivity is that there's really nothing that you need to fix about yourself, you just have to learn how to live with your trait. Once you learn how to live with your trait, your relationships can blossom.

Sometimes when you do try to assert yourself in your personal relationships, you either feel overwhelmed or you think you are being mean. But remember, assertiveness simply means that you are talking to someone with the assumption that both of you matter. This means that your needs deserve to be met and so do theirs. Aggressiveness or meanness, means approaching a relationship with the assumption that the other persons needs do not matter.

A great way of remedying this situation, is to take a short time out when you feel overwhelmed, Rather than trying to push the big emotions away, take a break and lean into them. Notice the emotions welling up in your body. Acknowledge them and let them be there until they are ready to simmer down. Don’t try to fix the situation while still feeling overwhelmed.

The next step is to find an activity to take your mind off the situation. It could be going outside and noticing the passersby, writing, working out, praying, music, singing or spending time alone. Do whatever soothes you. Once you feel adequately soothed, you can now spend some time figuring out why you feel the way that you do and how you want to communicate your needs verbally. If it helps to write it out first, then do so. If it helps to practice what you’re going to say in your head or out loud, then do so. This could give you the confidence you need.

And if you just get stuck in the chronic cycle of shutting down, enter Brainspotting therapy in Houston. This is a great way to help you get unstuck and break habits that have not been serving you well. Brainspotting therapy in Houston can help you uncover the root of people pleasing and also help you build the confidence that you need to speak up assertively. Because if you have not uprooted people pleasing, speaking assertively will be very difficult for you.

How to Be Both Empathetic and Assertive in Your Relationships (Yes, You Can Do Both!)

Yes, it is actually possible to be empathetic and assertive at the same time. Because the root of assertiveness lies in the idea that both people in the relationship are important. And empathy is really about understanding the other person’s point of view and emotions. To be assertive means that you were able to take the other person into consideration, honor their emotions and state your point of view to get your needs met.

Before trying to be assertive with someone, ensure that you are not in an emotionally overwhelmed state. It is OK if you take some time to breathe and gather your thoughts. You might also want to practice your statement a few times before actually saying it to them. This ensures that you'll be able to discuss it in a clearheaded and confident manner. Ask yourself what outcome you are looking to achieve. And that will determine exactly what to say and how to say it. Remember to state what you have to say calmly and confidently. You might want to ask them to give you some time to talk without them interrupting you (to reduce feelings of overwhelm). And if you feel like past traumas or fears are preventing you from standing up for yourself, consider Brainspotting therapy in Houston. It is a great way to quickly uproot difficult emotional blocks that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from being the assertiveness boss lady that you know you can be.

Empathy is helping people also respect you and your feelings. We do others a disservice when we cater to them uneccesraily. The kind thing to do is show them how to share space with you by assertively speaking up when you do have soothing to say.

Here’s a quick formula to help you with assertiveness.

“I feel [insert feeling word] about [identify the situation]. And here’s what I need [include your direct and specific needs here].”

For example:

“ I feel upset about not being included in the planning. What I need is an invite to the planning committee.”

“I feel disrespected when you stare at your phone when speaking to me. What I need is eye contact when I am speaking to you.”

Setting Boundaries with Love: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Assert Themselves Without Guilt

When you are thinking about setting clear boundaries with others, remember your why. Give yourself one or two reasons why these boundaries are actually important to you. What do you have to gain from setting these boundaries? What will you lose if you refuse to set the boundary? What part of your life is not working well because you have refused to set boundaries?

You might even want to write this down on an index card or on your phone so that you can constantly remind yourself about the importance of boundary setting. For most people, lack of boundary setting can lead to people pleasing, frustration, and a breakdown in the relationship. You might even feel that you're constantly being used by the other person with nothing to gain on your part. Once you know exactly why boundary setting is important, it is a lot easier to finally set better boundaries. And ensure that when you want to set the boundary, you actually create rules that you are able to keep.

Start small, be firm, yet loving. Remember that when you set boundaries, it actually helps the other person respect you more. And respectful relationships are healthy relationships.

Here’s the simple formula again. First address your emotions, then say what led to the emotions. Finally, ask for what you need.

“I feel disrespected because you did not invite me to the dinner with the team. What I would like is to be included in team meetings and dinners.” It’s simple and straight to the point.

Here’s another example.

“I feel tired from working all day. I would like to stay home instead of go out tonight.”

To take the guilt away, remind yourself that healthy assertive boundaries help people respect you and also understand your needs. Assertiveness teaches others how to treat us so that we don’t feel stepped on.

From Overwhelmed to Empowered: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Master Assertive Communication

High performing women can quickly fall into the trap of constantly being overwhelmed by taking on the responsibility of others and creating mile long to do lists. High-performing women also struggle with asking for help and delegating when they do need it. And because of the elements of people pleasing, highly sensitive high-performing women sometimes struggle in silence while appearing to look competent.

Because you look so competent and you always seem to figure things out, nobody knows that you are struggling and so nobody comes to your aid. But when you have mastered the art of assertive communication, people tend to see you as human as opposed to a superwoman.

Instead of beginning your boundary setting journey with tough conversations, begin to practice outsourcing tasks to other people. You do not have to lead with “I am overwhelmed.” Simply look around and begin to take some things off your plate. This communicates to others that you need help just like everybody else. And sometimes when these conversations feel too tough for you, remember your why.

Remember how your shoulders feel like they are breaking and ask yourself what will happen to you if you don't actually do this. If this feels too hard to do on your own, then Brainspotting therapy in Houston can help. It can help you better communicate your needs so that you can build stronger relationships through assertive communication.

Why Assertiveness Is the Key to Healthy Relationships (and How Brainspotting Can Help)

Sometimes you feel like your needs are never met in your friendships. Everyone gets what they want, but no one even remembers to check up on you. Well, in this case, it might be because you are not speaking up. Consider that people might not know what you need, unless you actually tell them what you need.

But because you have such a great poker face, you tend to look like everything is alright- when it’s not. Assertiveness is a great way to know whether or not your friends are safe. If your needs go unmet because you never told your loved ones what you need, we can argue that they don’t know your needs. However, if your needs are going unmet despite telling them what you need- that’s different story,

Assertiveness helps build vulnerability, connection and trust. When you can tell people what you need clearly, it allows them to bless you by serving you, checking up on you and providing emotional safety. If you struggle with people pleasing or being direct with people brainspotting therapy in Houston could help. It could help you heal trauma that may be blocking your ability to stand up for yourself and create healthier, more balanced relationships.

And my favorite thing about brainspotting is that it’s quite gentle on your brain.

Struggling to balance sensitivity and assertiveness in your relationships? You’re not alone. As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, I use brainspotting therapy to help you overcome the fear of speaking up, set healthy boundaries, and build stronger relationships. Whether you’re seeking a Black therapist in Houston or need trauma therapy in Houston, virtual sessions are available. Book your free 15-minute consultation session today and start your journey toward empowered relationships!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 1/21/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 1/21/25

Perfectionism vs. Peace: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Break Free from the 'Always Perfect' Trap

Struggling with perfectionism? Highly sensitive women often feel pressure to be flawless, but it’s time to embrace peace over perfection. Learn practical strategies to set boundaries, silence your inner critic, and live authentically. Discover how therapy, like brainspotting, can help you break free from the 'always perfect' trap. Start your journey to peace with a trauma therapist in Houston today!

Perfectionism vs. Peace: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Break Free from the 'Always Perfect' Trap

When you struggle with perfectionism, you constantly feel tense because you know exactly how you want to operate in the relationship, but you find yourself saying and doing things that are incongruent with who you actually are. You essentially operate for the other person and do everything to please the other person. This creates a lot of guilt and shame for you. Because you know what you want to do. It's like your head and your heart have a disconnect. And that leaves you feeling small, feeling bad about yourself and just generally spinning your wheels. The positive thing is that perfectionism is not hardwired into your DNA. With a somatic type of therapy like Brainspotting therapy in Houston, we can actually actively work on how to remove those perfectionistic tendencies so that you can be free to be yourself again. Brainspotting does a good job of releasing the pressure of perfectionism and just allowing you to be who you really are.

How to Set Loving Boundaries in Your Relationships (Without Feeling Guilty)

When you are not used to setting clear boundaries regularly, upon the first try (and during the next few tries) you will definitely be riddled with guilt. Because you spend so much time hoping that the other person is not mad at you. You might think that they'll stop being your friend- all because of the boundary that you set. You just go down an entire rabbit hole- all because you set a boundary. Now the problem with perfectionism, is that it makes boundary setting so difficult, especially in your personal relationships. Because perfectionists expect their relationships to also be perfect. And when someone is mad at you for setting a boundary, that defeats the purpose of perfectionism. When you falter in your boundary setting attempts, that also does not register as perfect.

Setting boundaries could even cause you some anxiety and lots of discomfort. Enter my favorite thing- Brainspotting therapy. With the help of brainspotting you can go from a woman who did everything for everyone else and put her needs on the back burner, to a woman who put her needs first, continues to be empathetic and kind, and is able to create space for herself, relationships and other people too.

You do not have to give up on being the kind person that you already are. Once we are able to identify why perfectionism and people pleasing are staples in your life, we are then able to practice how to set boundaries without the presence of guilt. I love brainspotting for this as opposed to talk therapy. Because talk therapy focuses so much on logic and chances are you're already a very logical person who likes to talk herself out of setting boundaries. With brainspotting, we will focus mostly on emotions and we connect you back to your body. When you're able to identify how emotions affect you, and also heal trauma, it is a lot easier to let go of perfectionism.

Ditch the Superwoman Cape: How to Let Go of Perfectionism and Build Stronger Connections

Do you know the sad thing about superwoman? Everyone loves how strong she is and how she rushes in to save the day. We marvel at how she's able to multitask and save an entire city without breaking a sweat. But do you know that nobody even asks how her shoulders are doing. We don't ask her if she gets enough sleep, if she's tired or if she wants a break. Nobody cares about superwoman's feelings. This is why you need to seriously ditch the cape. You are NOT superwoman. You are just a woman and that is OK. That is what your life needs to look like every single day.

Because superwoman is perfect. And humans cannot relate to people who are perfect. We can only relate to people who are actually human. To build stronger connections it is important to be able to ask for help. It is important to rest sometimes. It's important to let people know when things are too much for you. It's important to cry sometimes. It's important to show people that you have real emotions. It's important for you to know when to move and went to call it quits. When the people around you see that you are indeed functioning like a human, they will hopefully start to treat you like you are human. Because nobody can connect with a perfect person. But we all know what it is to be flawed and real.

Stop Perfectionism from Ruining Your Relationships: How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help

When you always show up as a perfect friend, it already creates unrealistic expectations. They expect you to never make mistakes, they expect you to always be on point, and they expect you to probably carry the entire relationship on your shoulders. This leads to frustration and strain for not just you, but for your friends as well. It is important to note that you can be a high achieving woman who is not perfect. Because high achieving simply means that you have big goals and you have achieved quite a few things in your life. This means that you work hard and you know where you are trying to go in life.

High achieving does not mean that you are perfect in the way that you implement your goals. And it does not mean that you will achieve every single goal that you have put your mind to. The great thing about brainspotting is that it helps you unlock patterns that have been driving you but no longer work for you. As a high achieving woman in Houston, you probably are an entrepreneur who does multiple businesses. But perfectionism can actually stop you from meeting your business goals. Because sometimes you do not put out content and you do not put out work because it is not perfect. With Brainspotting you will learn exactly why you became a perfectionist and then we can work together to unravel that so that you can function as simply a human- no super woman needed.

Ready to Be Perfectly Imperfect? How Brainspotting Helps You Embrace Your True Self

Imperfections actually make us human. Imperfections can be a way to connect with other people. Because other people have flaws too. So when they see that you have a similar struggle with them, they can partner with you so that you can hold each other accountable. Imperfections are actually just proof that you are human. And if you want to be treated like the human that you are, and if you want people to see you for who you are, then you have to take the bold step to be vulnerable and let people see all of you.

I'm not saying that you have to share all of your life with everyone on social media. All I'm saying is that if you want to truly connect with close friends and loved ones, you have to take off that façade of perfectionism. Because perfectionism can drive them crazy. Sometimes when you're a perfectionist, you expect so much out of your loved ones and they actually cannot give you all the perfection that you need. But when you are human and you allow them to be human too, things are less tense in the relationship. Brainspotting therapy can actually help you connect with the real you. Perhaps the real you is a high-powered, high achieving woman who also likes to be goofy. Perhaps you are a k-drama loving, highly sensitive woman who loves the stock market. Perhaps you are a woman who sometimes burns dinner, but you're also an amazing physician. You can show up as you actually are and people will accept you for who you are.

Are you ready to break free from perfectionism and start building stronger, more meaningful relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston, I specialize in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, including Black women, to overcome the perfectionism trap. Through brainspotting therapy, you can release past trauma, set healthier boundaries, and embrace your true self. Book a free 15-minute consultation call today and take the first step toward deeper connection and personal peace.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are: