The Top 8 Myths/Misconceptions about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston

Many people feel completely terrified at the idea of going to marriage counseling in Houston. But, a lot of couples just struggle on their own for years and years without knowing how to actually fix the situation.

What you do not know is that a skilled marriage counselor in Houston can take your relationship from raggedy and uninspiring, to fun, enjoyable and amazing.

Here are some of the top nine myths about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston that you need to know.

We have to stop this foolishness guys.

1) Marriage counseling will lead to divorce.

If you and your partner decide to get a divorce after going through marriage counseling in Houston, chances are it was NOT the couples counseling that led to the divorce. My guess is that your marriage has been on the rocks for a while, and the relationship counseling simply just helped shine the light on the cracks that are already present in your relationship.

Now I'll admit this, it is not the job of the couples therapist to fix your marriage. That is actually you and your spouse’s job. The goal of marriage counseling is simply to give you tools to help you work to improve your friendship, intimacy and trust.

If you and your spouse do not put in the necessary work, you will not meet your goals. Will marriage counseling guarantee that your marriage will be happily ever after? No. But marriage counseling most certainly can give you the tools that you and your spouse need to help you reach the happily ever after.

2) Marriage counseling is for non-Christians only.

There is this really dangerous myth within certain churches that couples counseling is for non-Christians only. So what does this mean? It means that there are thousands of Christians out there who are suffering in silence, rather than getting the tools that they need to unlock happiness in their marriages.

I believe that the Bible actually encourages us to seek wisdom. There is nothing unbiblical about marriage counseling. If you want to, you can even seek the services of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston. That way they can integrate your faith, as well as your Christian beliefs into the therapy.

But do not for one minute think that being a Christian means that your job is to be miserable in a marriage. I believe that God actually wants your married to succeed. So why not go to someone who has the professional skills and expertise to help your marriage succeed? Sometimes you need more than prayer.

3) The couples therapist will blame me for everything that has been going wrong in my marriage.

Many people run away from marriage counseling in Houston because they think that all the blame will be placed on them. I see this in women a lot.

A skilled, professional marriage and family therapist, or a skilled marriage counselor will NOT place the blame on one party. I have never seen a relationship in which one spouse holds all of the blame. After all, it does take two to tango.

I believe that marriages unravel because each person is unaware of how to meet their spouses needs, or sometimes they bring in trauma and negative relational dynamics into the relationship, which then starts to eat away at the happiness of the marriage.

If you are currently working with a marriage therapist who is blaming one party for everything, please run in the opposite direction. Couples counseling should not feel like you are getting stoned. Both partners should feel heard and supported by their therapist.

4) There's no point in going to see a marriage counselor when I can just read self-help books

If self-help books were enough to help you build your marital relationship, you will not be having relationship struggles in the first place. Is there a place for self-help books? Of course. They are a great addendum to couples or relationship therapy.

But self-help books will not help you understand how your generational trauma is playing a role in your marriage. Self-help books might not give you all the tools you need to clearly communicate when you're in a conflict with your spouse.

Self-help books are not tailored to focus on all the nuances that occur within relationships. Many self-help books are pretty generalized and might not completely pertain to your own marriage.

So I would suggest continuing to read self-help books, but also getting additional knowledge from a trained marriage therapist.

5) I cannot afford marriage counseling in Houston.

This might not be entirely true. Your insurance might actually be willing to cover a part of your marriage counseling costs. All you have to do is pick up the phone, and ask them if they cover marriage counseling.

If your insurance does not cover the cost of marriage counseling, there are tons of therapists out there who have affordable fee structures. Do your research first, before assuming that you cannot afford marriage counseling.

I would actually argue that the cost of marriage counseling is far less than the cost of a messy divorce. When you think about the emotional toll, the physical toll, as well as the financial mess that often happens after a divorce, you might need to put marriage counseling as a line item on your monthly budget.

Whatever we put our energy towards will grow.

6) Marriage counseling in Houston is pretty boring

If your only experience with marriage counseling has been through movies, I'm pretty sure that you have the wrong idea about marriage counseling. And chances are that you have not worked with me.

Marriage counseling does not have to be boring. Marriage counseling does not have to feel like a wrestling match.

Marriage counseling counseling is simply just a system to equip you with the necessary tools that you need to thrive in your relationship.

Every week, we focus on a different area of your relationship. It could be friendship and intimacy, managing conflict, building life's hopes and dreams, establishing communication, trust and commitment. I typically will bring my personality into the session, so we will share lots of laughs. I throw in a little bit of shade, and it does not have to feel like a funeral.

7) Marriage counseling will finally fix my husband/wife

If you're coming into couples therapy or marriage counseling to fix your spouse, I have bad news for you. Your entire job in couples therapy is actually to work on you. You have absolutely no control over what your spouse does or thinks, however you have 100% of control over your thoughts, your feelings and your behavior. The process of marriage counseling actually helps you look inward and repair the areas where you are weak.

You’ll learn how to listen, how to speak, how to manage overwhelming emotions, and possibly how to become a lot more trustworthy. It’s basically like individual therapy, but your spouse tags along.

8) we are going to be in couples counseling forever

Most of my couples actually do not spend a whole lot of time with me. Because I do an in-depth science backed assessment during the first four sessions, we will know what your relational areas of strength are as well as your areas of weaknesses.

My job during couples counseling is to focus solely on the areas of weakness, teach you practical skills to improve those weaknesses, and help you communicate with one another so that you're better able to manage conflicts.

Now depending on what your situation is (trauma, substance use, infidelity), the sessions could run longer. But the length of couples therapy sessions depend on you. Small work you put into it, the sooner you see positive results.

If you are ready to turn your cold relationship into a red hot, intimate and friendship filled marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. Couples counseling in Houston can help you turn your relationship around.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

What to expect when working with a marriage counselor in Houston

Starting marriage counseling can be daunting. You've been on Google for hours trying to find the best couples counselor in Houston. You have no idea what to expect. The average couple waits about six or seven years from the start of their marital struggles before they pick up the phone to call a marriage counselor.

So by the time you get to the marriage counselor’s Houston office or virtual office, chances are you have a WHOLE LOT to unpack.

Here's what to expect should you choose to make the amazing decision to start marriage counseling in Houston.

1) Expect to be nervous and uncomfortable during your first few marriage counseling sessions.

Like I said previously, when you go into marriage counseling you're probably there because there are one or more things within your relationship that you are desperately wanting to change. That’s what relationship therapy in Houston is for.

Chances are that you might be on the verge of divorce, or perhaps you and your spouse are still friends, but there's one persistent issue that keeps coming up over and over again.

You might find it a little bit embarrassing to share some of your issues in front of a couples therapist whom you’ve never met. This feeling is normal. It takes a little bit of faith, and a lot of courage to seek any type of counseling. The nervousness and discomfort will fade as you get to know your couples counselor better. As a marriage counselor in Houston, it’s my job to help you feel less awkward in therapy.

2) Expect a thorough assessment before you dive into couples counseling in Houston

Not every Houston couples therapist works in the same way. Some dive straight in on the first session. By the way, the way I work is pretty different. I actually spend the first four relationship therapy sessions truly getting to know you and your partner.

I ask questions about what brings you into couples therapy, I ask if you've ever been to couples therapy and what your experiences have been, I ask about your upbringing, your mental health history, if you have any children and what those relationships look like.

I ask about the friendship between you and your spouse, what is working for you, what no longer works for you, as well as what you wish to see.

I do not assume that every client or couple is the same. So, I spend quite a few hours really getting into the nitty-gritty, so that we can figure out what your areas of strength are, and the areas of growth, before we dive in.

This prevents us from playing the guessing game and it saves you time. I take couples counseling pretty seriously. Couples counseling in Houston is not a game- it’s about depending your friendship and actually improving your relationship.

3) Expect brutal honesty from me if I’m you’re couples therapist in Houston

Many people thoroughly believe that a couples therapist in Houston should be completely neutral. After all, when we watch couples therapy on TV, the marriage therapist sits on a couch with her legs crossed, glasses on, pen in hand and she just seems to nod and smile.

I do not take that approach.

I believe in brutal honesty. If I feel like your approach to your spouse is rude, I will say so. If I feel like you're holding back, I will say so.

If you have been waiting six years to work on your marital issues, the last thing that you need is a couples therapist who just stares at you blankly. My job is to actually help you work through those issues so that you can indeed meet your marriage therapy goals.

(Side note: I use the terms relationship counselor, marriage counselor and couples therapist interchangeably. In my opinion, they all mean the same thing).

4) Expect lots of laughs in our Houston marriage counseling sessions

I don't know how other couples therapists in Houston are conducting their couples therapy, but I am known for belly laughs and lots of cackling. I do understand that troubled relationships is very serious business.

But I also believe that there is room for laughter and lightness. You and your spouse are coming to see me because chances are you're both driving each other nuts. You deserve a few minutes of joy as you both work really hard to salvage your relationship. And let’s face it, a great marriage is based on a solid friendship.

So marriage therapy with me is not just somber and boring, there are some times when I throw in a little bit of shade and I bring in the lightness. Every couples counseling session will not feel like a funeral.

5) Expect lots of homework and accountability in Houston couples therapy

If you keep doing what you've been doing in your marriage, you will keep getting what you already have. And chances are you do not like what you already have, so you might as well try something different.

When you work with me in marriage counseling, I will be giving you specific skills that you should be practicing outside of session. You only meet with me for about an hour a week, but you live with each other for 24 hours each day, times seven days a week. That is a total of 168 hours each week.

To actually see some changes in your couples relationship, you have to work hard to change the way you think about your spouse, change the way you speak to him, and completely overhaul your interactions with one another. This is when you actually see true progress in your relationships.

And it is my job to hold you accountable so that you can actually get the desired results – which is an amazing marriage.

If I sound like your ideal Houston marriage therapist, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. You deserve a marriage that is filled with belly laughs, close friendship, intimacy and shared goals.

Do not wait seven years to seek marriage counseling. You can get the marriage that you've dreamed of right now.

As a Black couples therapist in Houston, I see couples throughout California and Texas.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Questions to ask a prospective marriage counselor or therapist in Houston

Starting marriage counseling could be nerve-racking – especially if you've never been to marriage counseling in Houston before. You get some referrals from your church or maybe you get referrals from friends and loved ones. They tell you to check out this amazing marriage counselor, but you’re not even sure what to ask them when you finally get on the phone with them.

Here are some simple questions that you can ask a prospective relationship therapist in Houston, to ensure that you get the best marriage counseling in Houston.

1) What is your couples counseling style?

All marriage counseling in Houston is NOT created equally. Some relationship therapists in Houston have so much better skill than others. It is important that you find the best marriage counseling in Houston for you. Marriage counseling can easily become a referee separating two opponents. And you don’t want that. You want emotional safety and understanding.

The best couples counselors in Houston know that it is very important to have an in-depth assessment, so that they can better understand your emotional history, the way you were raised, your specific environment, your personality, as well as everything that makes you who you are.

Great couples counseling in Houston should actually involve specific skills to help you change the way you interact with your spouse. So don't be shy to ask your potential marriage counselor to go in depth about their marriage counseling style. Your marriage is too important to skip over this.

2) How long will we meet for marriage counseling and how often?

In my opinion, great marriage counseling in Houston should occur every week- at least at the beginning of couples counseling sessions. When you begin marriage counseling, you and your spouse are probably in a pretty bad place in your relationship and you're both willing to do the work now. Great relationship therapy in Houston or couples therapy in Houston should be consistent.

If you do not see your Houston marriage counselor frequently enough, you can easily lose motivation and go back to old habits that landed your marriage in the position that you are right now. So in order to see change, it is important that you are willing to see your marriage therapist each week until you have met all your goals.

Which brings us to goals. A great marriage counselor will set specific goals so that you know whether or not the therapy is working.

3) How much does marriage counseling in Houston cost?

Marriage counseling in Houston is often not covered by insurance. However, do not take my word for it. I highly suggest that you call your insurance company to see if they provide reimbursement for marriage counseling. It is important that before the sessions begin, you ask the therapist how much the sessions would cost. That way you and your spouse can put this recurring cost into your monthly budget.

I like to get this part out of the way so that once we begin couples counseling, our only focus should be on the health of your relationship, rather than finances.

It is important to note that marriage counseling in Houston, and everywhere else, is an additional skill that not every licensed marriage and family therapist or licensed clinical counselor or licensed clinical social worker is great at. In graduate school, many of us did not get adequate knowledge and skills for conducting marriage counseling.

That being said, marriage counseling is a specialized skill and it could possibly be costly. But do not necessarily go for the cheapest marriage counselor, go for the one who is the best marriage counselor for you. Marriage counseling is cheaper than a divorce.

4) Will we be doing any formal assessments during couples therapy or will this be casual?

I might be biased, but I believe that great marriage counseling should involve formal assessments, so that your therapist is not just guessing. You want your therapist to actually have scientific back up to know where your strengths are as well as where your weaknesses are. This saves a lot of time on guessing games.

However, you might not like formal assessments. So it is important to know whether or not a couples counselor will be using formal assessments- so that you can decide whether or not they are a great fit for you.

5) What happens if me and my spouse have an argument in a marriage counseling session?

There is a possibility that marriage counseling sessions could get heated. Sometimes your spouse will bring up something that gets on your last nerves- and you might decide to yell at him. At the beginning of marriage counseling sessions in Houston, usually everybody is on their best behavior, but as you begin to get more comfortable with your therapist, the wild side can show up.

Ask the couples therapist exactly what they will do should both of you start to go at it in session. This is important, so that you know whether or not this relationship therapist is a great fit for you.

Notice that I talk about goodness of fit a lot. In my opinion, the best marriage counselor for you would be one whose skills, educational background, and personality match you and your partners. Some marriage counselors are more uptight, some are more jokey (like me), and some have no personality. Pick the one whom both of you are the most comfortable with.

6) How do we know when we are ready to graduate from marriage counseling in Houston?

Marriage counseling in Houston should not go on forever. Although it may feel nice to be heard and to be in a validating environment, there has to be an end to couples therapy at some point. Ask your Houston relationship therapist if they have any type of outcome measures to help you understand how close you are to getting to your goal. That way you're not playing the guessing game and wondering when this whole couples therapy thing will be over.

The best marriage counselors in Houston are the ones who are transparent and whose clients are able to trust them.

7) Do you have additional training in marital counseling or relationship therapy?

Marriage counseling is actually a specialized skill which many therapists and counselors do not possess. Although I am called a licensed marriage and family therapist, that title can actually be deceptive.

In many therapy graduate programs, the students are not provided with as much knowledge of marriage counseling as they could be. Because of this, many of us therapists seek additional training and supervision in the art of marriage counseling after we are done with our degrees. Let me say that again. The best marriage counselors in Houston keep learning and growing.

Ask any potential marriage counselor in Houston if they have additional training in couples therapy or relationship therapy. You could even ask them what that additional training is.

For me, I am trained in level 1 and 2 of the Gottman method. This is one of the most renowned marriage counseling methods. It is research-based and produces positive results. So ask. Your marriage is worth it.

8) What are your credentials?

You can ask them what their credentials are. Are they a life coach? Are they a relationship coach? Are they a licensed marriage and family therapist? Are they an associate marriage and family therapist? Are they a licensed professional clinical counselor? Are they a social worker? Or are they a licensed clinical social worker?

Although there is a lot of overlap in these professions, it's good to know exactly whom you are seeing. This way you don't end up seeing a life coach when you thought you were seeing a therapist or vice versa.

There you have it. Those are some questions that you should ask a potential marriage counselor in Houston. If you're ready to begin working on your marriage so that you can increase friendship, intimacy and you can finally start to enjoy your life again, click here to schedule a free 15- minute consultation call with me today.

Relationship therapy in Houston is what you need.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a Black licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.