Boundaries without the guilt: How to say ‘No’ and still feel like the superwoman that you are

Embracing Your Inner Superwoman: The Power of Saying ‘No’ in Personal Relationships

Let’s face it, without you, your household will end up in chaos. You don’t enjoy it being this way, but that’s where you are currently. The goal is to get to a point in which you still maintain your sensitivity, warmth and softness, but you no longer shoulder everyrone’s burdens on your back. I have to be honest, I don’t personally love the title of ‘Superwoman,’ but I do have to admit that you are definitely playing that role right now.

You are the nucleus of your family- both your immediate and extended family. Without you, it appears that everything will fall apart. While that sounds great in theory, in practice, it means you get no days off. It means you rarely get time to yourself. It also means that the people around you do not attempt to do certain tasks, because it is assumed that you’ve got this.

The outcome?

You end up burned out, frustrated and resentful. Not a good place to be.

But then you begin to know your boundaries and set those boundaries with your friends and loved ones, you start to reclaim some of your time. You start to tell them what you will be willing to do and what you are no longer willing to do. They begin to see you as human- not Superwoman. They start to think about your needs, your wants, your bandwidth and your time. They start to check up on you the way you have checked up on them for years. This can greatly strengthen your relationships.

Overcoming Guilt: Why Saying ‘No’ Doesn’t Mean You’re Letting Others Down

The most difficult part of setting boundaries is the guilt that comes with it. When you first learn to say ‘No,’ you will most likely get push back from the people around you. They might think you are mean, they might think you no longer care about them, they might wonder why you have chosen not to help them, even though they know you are capable.

And this will scare you, sadden you, surprise you. Because you know you are only setting boundaries to maintain your own mental and physical health. So there has to be a mindset shift that comes with boundary setting. Every time you try to set a boundary, give yourself a pep talk. Remind yourself that you might receive backlash. But also remind yourself that you are doing this to set yourself free from a life of resentment, burnout and complete exhaustion.

You might also think that setting boundaries is selfish. Because you have spent majority of your life catering to people who are perfectly capable of helping themselves. The more you have done that, the more they have thrived and the more exhausted you have felt. After a while, people begin to think that it is your job to take care of them. They stop thanking you for your help and they start assuming that it is now your duty. Remind yourself of this. If you don’t get good at boundary setting, where will you be? Write it out.

Boundary setting is a strength- not a form of selfishness. Selfishness means you never think of others. Strength means that you are able to do something, but you hold back so that the other person can learn how to take care of themselves and how to think about your needs too.

The Art of Saying ‘No’ with Confidence: Tips from a Trauma Therapist in Houston

When you are trying to set a boundary, it is important to exude confidence and to be very clear. I often say that I specialize in helping people set clear, kind boundaries. Because boundaries and assertiveness doesn’t equal meanness. Sometimes you try to set a boundary, but your words are so unclear that the person has no clue what you’re talking about. And for people who are manipulative, if they notice that you appear uncomfortable about your boundaries, they will steam roll you.

Sad, but true.

Here are some simple boundary setting steps:

1)) The first step in boundary setting is believing in the boundary. Know why you are setting the boundary in the first place. What is your goal? Is it to gain freedom from the expectations of others? Is it to finally have time to yourself? Is it to stop the phone from ringing so much? Know why you are setting the boundary.

2) The next step is to allow guilt to come. When you have taken care of people for so long, you almost feel obligated to continue to do so- even though you are tired. Expect that you will feel guilty when you set the boundary. However do not let the guilt completely take over. Notice the guilt, let it sit there, but still set the boundary anyway. The more you get used to setting boundaries, the sooner the guilt will shrink.

3) Next comes the practice. Practice what you are going to say. The goal of clear communication is this:

If a stranger were to walk in on your boundary setting conversation, will they be able to understand exactly what you meant? Or could they draw another conclusion from your statement?

Here is a simple framework to use. Please remember to keep your statements short and straight to the point. There is no need to beat about the bush or over explain why you have chosen a certain set of boundaries. Use this simple framework that was developed by Dr. and Dr. Gottman.

I feel [include emotion], about [say the situation]. Here is what I need [include needs here].

For example: “I feel frustrated about having to wake you up every day. What I need is for you to set an alarm every morning.

Notice I didn’t over explain. I kept it straight to the point. When you try to over explain yourself, people tend to try to poke holes in your explanation and talk you out to it. So Just keep it short and sweet.

Building Healthy Relationships: How Boundaries Lead to Stronger Connections

Boundary setting is also a great way to know whether or not the people around you are safe. Safe people generally respect the boundaries of others. Safe people also want to see you grow and thrive. When they upset you or cause you some sort of discomfort, they are quick to apologize. They also don’t take advantage of you. Even though they might know that boundary setting feels uncomfortable for you, they will take a step back and honor your wishes.

And when you realize that your friends are safe, it brings you so much closer together. It fosters an environment of respect and understanding. Saying ‘No’ helps the people around know your likes and dislikes. It also helps you better understand what you do and do not want to do. It enhances personal relationships because you can move beyond being superficial and get to your deeper feelings and needs.

Finding Freedom in ‘No’: A Journey with a Black Therapist in Houston

Learn how therapy can support you in establishing and maintaining boundaries that empower you in all areas of your life.

If boundary setting sounds like something completely terrifying, it’s okay. You can breathe. A knowledgable therapist in Houston (AKA me!) can help you work through how to gently establish and maintain boundaries in your life. Boundary setting can help empower you, remove a lot of the stress that comes from constantly putting your needs on the back burner. You will learn how to stand up for yourself, what your actual needs are, how to communicate them in a way that does not seem totally awful, and how to manage the big guilt that shows up when you do the brave thing and set boundaries.

The great thing about boundary setting is that it doesn’t have to be limited to just your personal relationships. You can learn how to set boundaries with strangers, at work, as well as even boundaries with yourself. The work can be hard at first, but once you get the hang of it, you can walk in freedom.

Ready to Reclaim Your Power? Connect with a Trauma Therapist in Houston Today!

Don’t let guilt hold you back any longer. Contact me to learn how to set loving boundaries and embrace your superwoman human self with the guidance of a skilled Black therapist in Houston! Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call and see if boundary setting therapy in Houston is right for you.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Why saying “No” feels so hard: The struggle of high performing, highly sensitive women

The Burden of Expectations: Why High-Performing Women Struggle to Say 'No'

When you grow up in a collectivist culture- especially if you are either the oldest child or the oldest daughter, the responsibilities on your shoulder are intense. You are expected to take care of your siblings, take care of your parents, and also look out for extended family members like aunts, uncles and cousins.

Every move you make feels like it is being monitored by the aunties and elders. Everything you do also reflects upon your parents and family. You do everything in your power not to tarnish the family name. You are typically expected to say “How high?” when asked to jump. You are not to complain, and your needs take a backseat to the needs of the collective.

While collectivistic living isn’t all bad, after all you have an entire family who loves you, who spend time with you and who will come running when things go bad, it does feel stifling at times.

Because you are expected to be a good daughter all the time, you naturally will feel bad when you decide not to follow through with the expectations of others. You naturally do want to please your family, friends and community. You don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb or have the rumor mill churning because of you. But you have your own dreams and aspirations and you are unsure of how you can balance them with the needs of your family- without being offensive or rude.

So when you attempt to even set a boundary, you will get push back from everyone around you. Because the expectation is service without complaints.

High Sensitivity and High Achievement: A Double-Edged Sword

When you are highly sensitive, you are a deep thinker AND a deep feeler. When you have a conversation with someone, you are 10 steps ahead. You’re wondering, “How will my behavior affect them?,” “What will they think of me?” While also being her aware about the nuances in their facial expressions, the itchiness of the tag on your shirt, the growl in your tummy and the weird heat in the room.

By the way, no one else is thinking this deeply all the time. It’s just you.

Because you are so aware about how things affect others, you are sensitive about not wanting to hurt others. You feel like you will hurt their feelings if you say “No.” And because you are such a capable, high achieving woman, you tend to think that they will crumble if you don’t help them. When people come to you with their pain, you can sense how strongly and how deep they feel their pain. It hurts you too, and so rather than allowing them to go through their process of healing or problem solving, you jump in every single time.

You then get the reputation as official fixer of all people. This makes you tired, frustrated and a bit resentful that they don’t care about your needs. They are putting their needs above yours.

Understanding the Fear of Disappointment: The Emotional Toll of Saying 'Yes' Too Often

You are so aware of how disappointment affects others that you try hard to never let others down. You hate to see people feel sad or mad. Even when you know you don’t have the time or bandwidth to help others, you jump in to fix their problems anyway. You’ve done this for so long that they almost expect you to put your needs last.

And because you have done it for so long, it feels awkward for you to set a boundary now. But every night, you go to bed exhausted and annoyed that no one checks up on you any longer. They simply call you when they need something and they rarely say thank you any longer- after all your official title is now “Fixer.”

But a small part of you actually enjoys helping others. You are kind and empathetic. You love to see them move from dismay to joy and peace. You also feel validated when people say “You’re so great at helping people.” “What would I have done without you?” “How on earth do you juggle so much?” It strokes your ego a bit.

So you are in a tight spot. On the one hand you enjoy being a helper, but on the other hand, you just want the space to be able to actually take care of yourself.

Strategies for Empowerment: How to Say 'No' Without Guilt or Regret

If the above describes you, let’s talk about how you can maintain your empathy without being run over by others. It is important that you are able to say “No” without thinking you’re a bad person all day.

When someone asks you for help, ask yourself these questions. The answer will tell you what boundary to set.

1) Do I have the time to solve the problem right now?

2) Do I have the bandwidth to solve the problem right now?

3) Do I want to solve the problem right now?

4) Is this person capable of solving this problem on their own?

5) Does this person value me? Will they be there to help me if I needed it?

6) Am I putting my own needs on the backburner right now?

And when you’ve decided you want to say “No,” here are some phrases you can use without actually saying “No.”

1) “I’m not available at this time.'“

2) “That does not work for me.”

3) “I would rather not.”

4) “Let’s pick a later time.”

5) “There is no room on my schedule for that.”

If the person you are setting boundaries with actually respects you and wants to see you thrive, they will be understanding of you. However, if they do not have respect for you, they will definitely push back.

Finding Your Voice: Why Working with a Trauma Therapist in Houston Can Help

If you have gone all your life and have struggled with saying “No,” or if the people around you just do not respect your boundaries, it might be time to have a therapist guide you. As a Black trauma therapist in Houston, I have helped so many women learn how to set clear, kind boundaries with their strong willed relatives and friends.

I get it. You do not want to be rude or burn bridges. I totally get it. Do you know that it is possible to actually set healthy boundaries that allow you to be compassionate with yourself and others? You can put your needs out front, ask for what you want and not be so worried about what others will think about you.

Ready to Reclaim Your Power? Connect with me- a Black Therapist in Houston Today!

It's time to break free from the fear of saying 'no' and embrace your true needs. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me now to start your journey with a trauma therapist who understands your struggles and is here to help you thrive!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

People pleasing vs personal power: How highly sensitive women can set loving boundaries

Understanding People-Pleasing: The Hidden Cost for Highly Sensitive Women

Most highly sensitive women that I know are well loved by the people around them. Why? Because of their warmth and empathy. Because highly sensitive women are such deep thinkers and feelers, they are really great at shouldering the problems of others, lending a hand and solving problems.

When a highly sensitive woman comes in contact with a person in need, she can almost feel the person’s pain. But what they are actually feeling is deep empathy. Because of the empathy, they sometimes will jump in to rescue the person from pain or perceived danger. The more people notice that you are great at helping them with their problems, solving struggles and listening, the more they come to you. Now the problem with that is that it could quickly lead to emotional exhaustion.

Many HSPs spend so much time taking care of the needs of others, that they do not have time for themselves. Imagine spending all day absorbing the emotions of others and brainstorming how to help. There is zero time to recharge and reflect- which is essential to the wellbeing of HSPs. Because they do not want to be perceived as mean or selfish, they often keep silent while others walk all over them. This could lead to resentment, sadness and even a strain in your personal relationships.

The Power of "No": Why Setting Boundaries is Essential for Your Well-Being

To get rid of resentment, it is important that you learn how to set clear boundaries and say “No.” You do not have to help everyone every time just because you can. Whenever you jump in to solve a problem that could have been solved by the other person, you actually rob them of the opportunity to problem solve and strategize.

When a person is spending majority of their energy on others, without paying enough attention to themselves, it takes a huge toll. Take a step back. Ask yourself where boundaries need to be set. Who are the people in your life that are using up too much of your bandwidth? In what areas do you need to stand up for yourself or reset those boundaries?

At first when you say “No,” people around you might be shocked, but if you hang in there, they will eventually understand that this is your new way of living. The thing about boundaries is that it is your job to enforce them, or no one will take you seriously.

Balancing Empathy and Assertiveness: A Guide for Highly Sensitive Women

When setting boundaries, it is important to remember that your needs matter too. Setting boundaries does not mean that you have to put your empathetic side away. It means that you can juggle both. Assertiveness means that your needs matter just as much as the needs of others.

When you are called upon to solve a problem, here are some questions to ask yourself:

1) Do I have the time to solve the problem right now?

2) Do I have the bandwidth to solve the problem right now?

3) Do I want to solve the problem right now?

4) Is this person capable of solving this problem on their own?

Take time to reflect on the above and make a sound decision after this. Remember that saying “No” when you are asked for help, does not make you a mean person. It actually helps people respect you better. It sends the message that even though you are capable of solving their problem, your time and energy are also important. They cannot just barge in whenever they want, with the expectation that you will drop everything and serve them. This is not being mean. It is respecting yourself and others.

Real Stories, Real Change: How Women Like You Have Overcome People-Pleasing

Still wondering how on earth you can become a high performing highly sensitive woman who can keep your empathy and still jump in to help people? Let me walk you through an anecdotal story (Don’t worry, this is not an example from a real client. I protect their privacy at all costs!)

Jane is a highly sensitive woman who is great at everything she does. She always got amazing grades in school, followed all the rules, and she has steadily worked hard to accomplish most of her goals. She is the eldest daughter of a large family, and because of this, she has always been the second mom to her siblings. While this has helped her become super responsible, she is tired. Tired of shouldering the family’s burdens. Tired of being the one called upon to help with finances. Tired of being the one who takes care of everyone’s needs. Tired of being the one who organizes everything. Whenever something important comes up, everyone seems to take a back seat and expects her to step it up.

Jane realized one day that even though she loves her family of origin and wants to fulfill her duty as the eldest, she was exhausted, resentful and beginning to ignore calls and texts from family members. She felt trapped. Something needed to change.

Jane started delegating when it was time to get stuff done within the family. She also started telling them when she would be unavailable to answer phone calls. She set up a discretionary fund each month in case of family emergencies. Once that money was gone, she didn’t give any more. She started focusing on what she had the bandwidth to do. She stuck with her boundaries. At first, her family was exasperated. They tried to guilt her into taking all the responsibilities that she was trying to leave behind. But she stood her ground. She let them know that she is stressed out, on the verge of depression, she cries sometimes and the responsibility is too much for her to bear.

Over time, her family grudgingly started respecting her boundaries. They stopped being offended when she ignored calls sometimes. They started pitching in when Jane asked for help. They eventually became a cohesive family unit. Jane’s resentment left, she was much happier and she had more time to spend on the things she actually loved.

As you can see, boundary setting is not easy, You will experience push back form your family and loved ones, but the only way to release yourself from the burden is to actually consistently set boundaries.

Seeking Support: How a Trauma Therapist in Houston Can Help You Thrive

I see clients like Jane all the time. Clients who are from beautiful collectivist cultures in which the collective wants to act like disjointed individuals. They love their families, but they don’t want them to think they are being mean when they say “No.” My job is not to change your culture or help you run away from your family and loved ones. My job is to help you decide what you have the bandwidth for, how you want to actually maneuver the situation and empower you to say what’s on your mind.

At first it will be difficult, but the more you practice boundary setting, the more you get used to it. It eventually will become your default and the people around you will adjust to suit your new pace. A skilled Black therapist in Houston can help you create a culturally appropriate boundary setting plan.

Ready to Reclaim Your Power? Connect with a Trauma Therapist in Houston Today!

Break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and start setting loving boundaries. Reach out to me- a Black therapist - to begin your journey toward personal empowerment and healthier relationships! Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Science Behind Brainspotting: Why It’s a Powerful Tool for Trauma Therapy

Something traumatic happened to you. But it was so scary and difficult that you’ve never been able to speak about it. The problem is even though you don’t talk about it, the images replay again and again in your head. You feel stuck. Anxiety, fear, and isolation plague you. After doing some research, you decide to go to a brainspotting therapist. The work is hard, but one day you suddenly realize that when you wake up in the morning, your mind doesn’t automatically go to the event. You can live freely, without fear, without anxiety. And you have your boldness back.

The truth is that brainspotting is a powerful tool in trauma therapy, particularly for high-performing and highly sensitive women in Houston. It helps to unlock trauma stored deep in the brain for lasting healing..

What is Brainspotting? A Quick Overview for Trauma Therapy in Houston

Brainspotting is essentially a simple way of allowing you to unlock the areas of your brain where trauma and strong emotions are locked. Sometimes when you go through a traumatic event, because your body or mind isn’t ready to process it, it gets trapped in the deepest layers of your brain. It then proceeds to take over your life and bother you through symptoms likes dissociation, anxiety, fear, avoidance, tearfulness and irritability. Trauma can even begin to negatively affect your work and the relationships around you.

When you are finally able to gain access to those deep layers of the brain, you can then process, digest and finally clear the trauma from your brain.

Goodbye icky feeling!

Other traditional talk therapies only allow you to target the outer layers of the brain. Can they help you get rid of trauma? Probably. But they work so much slower and are not as powerful. Brainspotting can cut down the amount of time spent in therapy.

Hello savings!

The Neuroscience of Brainspotting: How It Targets Trauma

Your eyes are a part of your brain. Therefore where you look directly affects how you feel. Each eye movement targets a certain part of the brain. And because trauma gets stored in your brain, what better way to access trauma than utilizing your eyes? It’s the closest thing we can get to accessing your brain aside from actual brain surgery!

When your therapist guides you to look at a certain location- also known as a brainspot, it allows your brain to scan itself, thereby noticing problem areas and your brain naturally begins to solve these complex problems. The brain naturally wants to solve its own problems, the struggle is that we often don’t know the right tools to do so.

But when we use brainspotting, we are able to target the specific location in the brain where the trauma is held. Once we do this, your brain can then find the trauma, scan it, digest it and discard of it.

Brainspotting essentially connects specific eye positions with emotional healing. And it’s backed by neuroscience.

Why High-Performing Women Thrive with Brainspotting Therapy in Houston

A lot of high achieving and high performing women do not like having their time wasted. They are often too busy to take the time to go to therapy. They also like quick results. So brainspotting is especially helpful because you get great results, the results are quicker than those of talk therapy and you dive deep. I’m pretty sure you do not want superficial therapy.

Struggles with anxiety, feeling stuck, dissociation, intergenerational trauma, trauma from childhood, people pleasing, perfectionism, struggles with big emotions, decision making, are all areas that we can work on during our brainspotting sessions. If it interferes with your life, we can brainspot about it.

The Brainspotting Process: What to Expect in Trauma Therapy in Houston

A typical brainspotting session is so much easier than you’d expect. You come in, pick an issue that has been bothering you. It could be an event you experienced, or even a memory. I then ask you what emotion comes up for you as it concerns the event. So you would say something like “Fear” or “Anxiety” or “Disappointment” or “Terror.” Then I ask you where you feel this in the body. Although you might not have noticed this, our minds and bodies are actually connected, so we do feel emotions physically in our bodies. We then identify how it is felt on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the smallest and 10 being the largest,

Using a pointer, I help you find your brainspot- which is simply a point in space for you to look at. Once I find your brainspot, we allow your brain to do the work. It will feel like a bunch of emotions that are connected to the event naturally come up. Sometimes you cry, sometimes you speak out loud and other times, you’re more silent. All this is normal. You can’t do it wrongly.

An important part of brainspotting is also the relationship you have with your therapist. The therapist’s role is to help you feel comfortable, provide a space in which you can process safely and in comfort. Brainspotting is great because it is gentle, non invasive and also backed by science.

Choosing the Right Brainspotting Trauma Therapist in Houston

If you are ready to give brainspotting for trauma therapy a try, it’s important to choose the right therapist. Ensure that their website or therapy profile explicitly state ‘Brainspotting.’ The best step would be to schedule a consultation if possible, and also ask the therapist if they are trained and experienced in brainspotting.

Next, ensure that you feel comfortable with the therapist. Do you like their voice? Their approach to therapy? Are you comfortable around them? Do they answer all the questions you have? Does their schedule match yours? Ask yourself whether you want in person or online (although in my opinion, both will give you great outcomes). Think of finances too. How much are you budgeting per month for therapy?

Harnessing the Science of Brainspotting for Healing

Brainspotting is a powerful way to heal from trauma and get yourself unstuck. It is a great transformative experience for those ready to overcome trauma.

Start Your Healing Journey with a Brainspotting Trauma Therapist in Houston!
Ready to experience the power of brainspotting for yourself? If you’re a high-performing woman or a highly sensitive woman looking to heal from trauma, let’s connect! Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for brainspotting trauma therapy in Houston and unlock a new path to healing!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How Brainspotting Therapy Helps High-Performing Women Heal from Trauma

When you are a busy high performing woman, your life moves at a fast pace. There are lots of things to do and many goals to accomplish. Sometimes you don’t think you have the time to attend to your own emotional needs- which is a source of continued pain for you. The great thing about brainspotting for trauma is that it could fit right into your schedule. Unlike regular talk therapy, you don’t have to spend years and years in therapy. Brainspotting is a fast, effective, yet gentle way to experience relief from trauma and anxiety. And it does not have to disrupt your busy schedule.

What is Brainspotting? The Secret Weapon of a Trauma Therapist in Houston

Brainspotting therapy is an innovative and science-based approach to trauma and anxiety recovery. It actually has many applications outside of trauma and anxiety. Unlike traditional trauma therapy that might take years to complete or involve talking about the intricate details of trauma, brainspotting focuses on your eye gaze. As your therapist asks you to focus on a specific point, the therapy actually targets the areas of your brain where trauma gets trapped. Once you are able to do this, you can finally digest the trauma,

The result? Freedom from trauma. No more irritability, tears, fear, avoidance and dissociation.

As a trauma therapist in Houston, I use brainspotting to help you heal trauma much more effectively than if you were to spend 2 years talking about the details of your trauma each week. A lot of clients come to me because they have tried all the talk therapy, read all the books, and it just didn’t seem to work for them. I love brainspotting because it is gentle, fast and gets the job done. Translation? It could help save you money in the long run.

I personally stopped using talk therapy to treat my clients’ trauma because it felt like I was only traumatizing them more. My goal as a therapist is to be kind while being efficient.

Challenges of High Performing Women

As a high performing woman you most likely feel proud of all your accomplishments and accolades, however the down side is that all the years of hard work have possibly lead you to burn out. Juggling multiple projects regularly, tending to the needs of others and frankly, not having much time for yourself can leave you feeling worn out. Many high performing women also end up chasing the never stopping perfectionism train. You do all things with excellence, however you’re not sure when enough is enough.

As if all the above isn’t difficult enough to deal with, when we stack on an additional layer of trauma, you feel like you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

The great thing is that with the right brainspotting trauma therapist, we can rewire your brain so that you stop chasing perfection, learn how to slow down and learn how to set boundaries so that you’re not constantly trying to put everyone’s needs above yours.

Imagine how freeing that is.

Why Brainspotting is Ideal for High-Performing Women

I know you love efficiency and quality. I also know you tend to put your needs last. You’ve thought about seeking therapy, but you’re not sure if you have the time or if you should make such a financial investment. I love brainspotting because it cuts down the time in therapy compared to traditional talk therapy.

It also gets the job done. While talk therapists might spend months with you, and still be unable to help you access deep layers of your brain, a brainspotting therapist can do the job in just a few sessions.

Brainspotting is great for busy high performing women because there’s no need for prep work or pre-work. We jump right in. In my case, we’ll start the actual brainspotting in session 2. It’s great for someone who might not want to do a whole lot of talking or provide a lengthy back story. It’s also great if you are ready to begin the healing process now. Because brainspotting actually works on the deep layers of your brain where trauma lives, targeting those layers helps you finally heal from trauma.

We’re not just putting a bandage on the wound. We are actually healing trauma.

The great thing is that brainspotting is flexible. As a trauma therapist in Houston, I can customize the brainspotting work depending on what you need. We focus on the issues that are most pressing or troublesome in your life so you can start to feel the relief early on.

What to Expect During Your Brainspotting Session: A Journey Tailored for You

Most people are usually apprehensive during the first session. That’s okay. Your first brainspotting session does not need any fancy bells and whistles. We’ll work together to choose the issue that you want to focus on. I’ll guide you to find the point in which you need to look at. You’ll be asked what emotion is coming up for you, where the emotion sits in your body, then I’ll give you the space to begin to process the memories and thoughts that will rise to the surface. You’ll notice something happening really quickly. It will feel like a quick rush of emotion, but towards the end of the session, you might feel your body begin to calm down.

The great thing about brainspotting trauma therapy for a busy woman like you is that you do not have to spend time driving up and down Houston traffic. We can do it virtually from the comfort of your own home, car or office. You decide.

Finding the Right Trauma Therapist in Houston for Brainspotting

The first step is finding the right trauma therapist in Houston. Brainspotting is a unique specialty, so most therapists in Houston aren’t familiar with it. The first step is to ask your prospective therapist if they are trained in brainspotting.

To find a brainspotting trauma therapist, you can do a Google search, use a therapist directory or even ask friends and family for a referral. Once you get a few names, I suggest going to the therapists’ website to find out more about them.

Think about what you want in an ideal therapist. Think of age, personality, gender, religion, virtual vs in person, cost, and what specific issues they are great at. All of these things matter.

Once you are done writing this out, focus on 3-4 therapists who fit the bill. The next step would be to schedule a consultation call. This will allow you to hear their voice, find out more about how they work, and decide if they are indeed a great fit for you. Don’t overthink this part. Just go with your gut.

If you are looking for a quick, but gentle path to healing from trauma, perfectionism or burn out, brainspotting could help.

High-performing women, it’s time to reclaim your peace! Discover how brainspotting therapy can help you heal from trauma and thrive. Click here to schedule your free consultation call for trauma therapy in Houston and take the first step toward a brighter future!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

What to Expect from Your First Session with a Trauma Therapist in Houston

Therapy is super common these days, however it’s absolutely normal if you feel apprehensive or nervous before reaching out to a therapist. After all, there is a level of trust you have to have in this stranger. But once you find the right therapist for you, you have a world of healing ahead of you.

I encourage you to vet your therapist well before diving in with them.

If you have been carrying around the baggage of trauma, I strongly encourage you to find yourself a trauma therapist in Houston. Why? because not all therapists are trained to work with trauma.

And the right trauma therapist will help you process, digest and finally get rid of the trauma that has been holding you back.

If you do not want to be in therapy long term, then I have a treat for you. I specialize in brainspotting therapy- an innovative, efficient and gentle way of healing your brain from trauma without having to do too much talking or retraumatizing yourself.

The Warm Welcome: Meeting Your Trauma Therapist in Houston

Once you have gone through a few therapists’ website or online profiles, select about 3 who resonate strongly with you. Ensure that their websites actually mention trauma and/or brainspotting.

Schedule a consultation call so that you can get your questions answered before your first session.

On to the first session

If you are signed up for virtual therapy (in my opinion, it’s just as effective as in person therapy), show up as you would if you were going into the therapist’s office.

Be comfy. Bring a notebook and a pen if you want to, and always bring some water in case you get thirsty. Some people show up in their bonnets, with a blanket or in their pajamas.

I’m cool with all of it.

Understanding Your Story: The First Step in Trauma Therapy

During our first session, we’ll be getting to know each other better. You’ll get a sense of how I talk, how I work and I’ll get your background story- so to speak.

I’ll be asking about your symptoms, physical and emotional health, family background, past experiences in therapy, your sleep, trauma experiences, social relationships, intimate relationships, and a lot more. This will help me tailor therapy for you. No cookie cutter here.

By the end of the first session, you will probably have a good sense for whether or not we are actually a fit. If you decide you want to continue on, then we’ll schedule another session. If not, I’ll hopefully help you find someone who is a better fit for you.

Towards the end of the first session, we will work together to pinpoint about 2 to 3 goals of therapy. You can pick whatever you want and it’s flexible. You can always change your goals.

Trauma therapy is a lot less scary than it sounds. It’s simply just a time to help you begin to clear out some of the traumatic memories that have been sitting in your body and your brain so that you can feel free and unhindered.

Introducing Brainspotting: How It Fits into Trauma Therapy

During the second session, it’ll be time to jump into brainspotting- a powerful technique for processing trauma.

In a nutshell, brainspotting is essentially gently going into the deep layers of your brain where trauma and strong emotions are stored, allowing you to access those emotions and digest them.

Because we are able to access deep layers of the brain, it reduces the total amount of time you’ll spend in therapy. It is powerful and efficient.

As we continue on our brainspotting trauma therapy journey together, I’ll continue to check in with you to see how you’re feeling. Are you sleeping okay? Do you have any physical symptoms? Tiredness maybe? Do you feel like you are beginning to clear out the trauma?

Are there any other areas you would like to touch on in session?

I am a pro at catering to the specific needs of women in Houston. Typically, in addition to trauma therapy, many of my clients want to work on building back their self esteem, learning how to establish firm, but kind boundaries with themselves and others, as well as establishing safe, healthy relationships. We can do all that.

Feeling Comfortable and Supported with Your Trauma Therapist in Houston

Remember that therapy is a process. You might not feel completely healed after the first or second session, but as you continue to be open to the process, you will feel relieved.

During the first few sessions, you are also getting to know your therapist better. It’s okay if you feel shy or awkward at first.

Brainspotting can feel difficult at first, but there is no type of healing that comes without a little bit of a challenge.

If you are looking for a quicker non-invasive way to heal trauma, consider connecting with a brainspotting trauma therapist in Houston.

Ready to start your healing journey with a trusted trauma therapist in Houston? Schedule your free consultation call with me for trauma therapy in Houston and take the first step toward reclaiming your life!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.