FAQ about counseling or therapy in Houston

The Houston area is a pretty large metropolitan area. There are probably hundreds of therapists in Houston alone as well as in its surrounding cities. When you are thinking of starting therapy, you might have a million questions- and no one to help you answer them.

I’m going to answer frequently asked questions that you might have about counseling or therapy in the Houston area. Here is a link to my previous post about how to find a counselor in Houston.

What exactly is counseling or therapy?

Therapy or counseling is the process of helping you work through emotional struggles, or difficult experiences that are causing you discomfort. Some people come to therapy because of trauma, anxiety, insomnia or depression. Others come because of life circumstances such as switching careers, moving to a new city, struggles in their marriage, or phase of life issues. As a counselor in Houston, I can defiantly tell you that my clients have such varying life experiences.

As an anxiety therapist in Houston, my clients experience anxiety due to trauma, difficult family upbringings, impostor syndrome, marriage struggles, insomnia and a host of other reasons.

Do I have to have a certain diagnosis to go to therapy?

Nope! You do not have to be experiencing specific symptoms to attend therapy. Some people who go to therapy do have a mental health diagnosis, however it is not a prerequisite for therapy. And not every therapist will diagnose you.

However, please note that if your health insurance company will be paying for services, they will require your therapist in Houston diagnose you in order to reimburse you for services rendered.

Do Black people go to therapy?

Absolutely! As a Black therapist in Houston, I can definitely verify that Black people also have emotional struggles and want to experience healing too. In fact, a long list of my clients are Black people as well as people of color. It is important to note that pretty much anyone of any race or ethnicity can benefit from therapy. Gone are the days when people just sat at home and struggled. it’s okay to let a counselor or therapist support you.

What should I expect from my first therapy session?

Every therapist conducts their sessions differently. When clients work with me, the first session is really dedicated to you getting to know me, and me getting to know you as well. That way I can provide you with a personalized therapy plan that would work for you.

During the first few therapy sessions we are really building rapport to ensure that we both feel comfortable with one another- so that you can open up. The most important factor in the success of counseling is the rapport and comfort between therapist and client.

In my first session, if we're doing talk therapy, as opposed to brainspotting therapy, I'll ask you questions about your upbringing, about what brings you to therapy, about your career, your physical health, past traumas, your significant relationships- all the things that make you who you are. This helps me create an individualized plan for you that will help you meet your therapy goals as quickly as we can.

Is it okay if a Christian goes to therapy?

Yes! In fact, as a Christian therapist in Houston, I work with my Christian clients to integrate scripture and faith into our therapy sessions. I believe that healing should involve the mind, the body and the spirit.

What do I say during my therapy session?

Say whatever comes to your mind. It’s normal to feel shy or unsure during the first few sessions- as you’re just getting to know your therapist. if I’m working with you, I’ll give you some prompts, so that things don’t get awkward.

Some of my clients like to write a list of things that are causing them pain or discomfort and we just go down the list in session. And if something else comes up organically, you’re free to discuss it.

Will my therapist in Houston tell everybody about my business?

Nope! We are sworn to confidentiality- okay maybe not sworn- but we do have to keep your information confidential by law. The only times when we might disclose your information is to report suspected child abuse, dependent adult abuse and elder abuse. We also could report if we suspect that you are a danger to yourself, to others or the property of others.

Will therapy work for me?

I can’t tell you absolutely that it will. However, therapy seems to work well for many people. As long as you are willing to trust the process and be open with your therapist, you probably will gain some new insights.

If you are ready to finally move beyond the anxiety that has held you hostage for years, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for therapy in Houston or counseling in Houston. I also conduct brainspotting therapy in Houston for anxiety and trauma, as well as marriage counseling in Houston.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Follow These 4 Effective Steps to Prevent Anxiety Attacks

Guess Post by Cheryl Conklin of Wellness Central

Anxiety is the emotion of fear and worry, which, on occasion, is easy to control. However, when this feeling becomes constant, it can have an overbearing impact on personal relationships, work, and quality of life. 

To prevent anxiety attacks it is important to understand its cause and then make changes to overcome it. The Zinnia Practice shares four effective lifestyle changes you can make to manage anxiety.

Have a Good Sleep Schedule

According to the ADAA, anxiety, and sleep have a strong correlation. Feeling anxious can impact your ability to sleep, while lack of sleep can trigger anxiety attacks. To overcome this cycle, it is important to gain control over your sleep schedule by following these steps:

●      Set a fixed time to sleep and wake up each day. This helps your body create a sleep-wake cycle leading to you feeling naturally sleepy at night.

●      Focus on getting around seven to nine hours of sleep daily.

●      Avoid food with high caffeine and sugar content such as coffee, chocolates, toffies, etc. before bed.

●      Refrain from using electronic devices such as your mobile phone at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Blue light emitted from screens inhibit the release of melatonin, the sleep hormone, keeping you awake and suppressing sleep.

 Practice Visualization

The goal of visualization exercises is to help you gain control over negative thoughts by imagining yourself in a relaxing environment. This environment can be a calm natural setting, a happy memory, or any other frame which invokes a positive response. According to research, our brain perceives visualized imagery in the same way as the actual experience. As a result, while practicing visualization, you may experience a drop in heart rate and an increase in deep breathing, naturally making you feel calm.

Practicing visualization two to three times a week can help keep anxiety attacks in check. Visualization should be done in a place you are comfortable in such as your bedroom or garden. Additionally, set a time when disturbances are minimal and you can fully concentrate. 

Opt for Therapy

It is important to understand that you do not need to deal with your anxiety alone. While it is natural to feel nervous about sharing your thoughts and experiences with others, opting to go for anxiety therapy can help you improve your mental health. Therapy doesn’t always need to be a long-term affair as many individuals experience significant improvement within the first 8-10 sessions. 

Make a Career Change

Working in an environment where you have an enormous workload, long hours, and low returns (in terms of recognition and pay) can lead to you feeling stressed and anxious. Additionally, job anxiety can reduce your self-confidence and productivity and lead to a lack of sleep and excessive worrying. When facing such a scenario, it is important to make a career change.

Choosing to pursue an online degree program could help you take a positive step towards overcoming job anxiety. Attending classes can expose you to an environment that is positive and productive. You could feel excited learning about new things and working towards moving up in your career. Additionally, with flexible schedules, you can learn at your convenience. While pursuing an MBA is a popular choice, other in-demand degrees include, MSc in Economics and an M.S. in Information Technology Management.

Adopting these lifestyle changes could help you to alleviate stress, have control over your mood and prevent anxiety attacks.

Dear Superwoman: It’s Time to Take Off the Cape – How to Ask for Help Like a Pro

When you are a highly responsible or goal oriented woman, it is easy to do everything yourself. After all, you've always been successful at everything you’ve laid your hands on, so why on earth do you need to ask anybody for help?

As a therapist in Temecula, I know that asking for help is important because it is a great way to connect with your spouse. Being overly independent can quickly become a problem in a marriage if you live your life like you're an island on to yourself. Being overly independent can lead to your spouse feeling disengaged from you.

If you have ever wanted to break away from the struggle of being overly independent, here are some tips for you:

Get to the bottom of why it is difficult for you to ask for help

By the way, being independent is not a bad thing, but having a really difficult time asking for help when you really need it could really be a struggle. Behind every highly independent woman are some emotional hurts (or perhaps, an upbringing) that led her to become this way.

Here’s an exercise I have my clients go through during our counseling sessions in Temecula. Sit back and dig into your mind. Ask yourself how you became super independent. Perhaps when you were growing up, your caregivers encouraged you to be heavily independent. Or perhaps they really encouraged you to check things off lists and achieve a lot. Or maybe you just receive a lot of inner joy and affirmation when you did things yourself.

Remember that asking for help is not a bad thing

Remind yourself that inter-dependency (not independence) is healthy for a marriage relationship. Interdependence simply means that both partners are independent, but they choose to lean on each other when they need help.

They can do things by themselves and for themselves, however they choose to share the world with each other in a healthy way. So it is important to tell yourself this so that you get more comfortable with opening up to your partner.

Start with asking for help with the small things

I get it. Asking your husband for help on the huge projects could feel close to impossible. So why not just start small? Ask him to help you with simple things like picking up the dry cleaning or dropping the kids off at school or making that sandwich that you just don't want to make.

It is easier to start with the small things and then slowly graduate to much larger tasks. Each time you ask him for help, check in with yourself to see how it feels. At first it might feel oddly uncomfortable, but sit with that feeling and it will soon pass.

Have daily conversations with your spouse to invite him into your life

When you are very independent, it is easy to get sucked into your own world and completely forget that your spouse exists. So to combat this, once a week, or maybe at the end of day, have a short, connecting conversation with your spouse. This is another intervention I use when counseling in Murrieta.

Ask him how his day went, and also invite him into your own world. Talk to him about what's going on in your day, what’s going on with the kids, the new updates at work and what has been happening in your mind. That way he gets to understand your internal struggles. It’s okay for your spouse to see you as a human with real struggles and joys.

Try giving yourself a deadline before you ask for help

Because you are naturally a very independent person, you probably spend a lot of time hitting your head on a wall before reaching out for support.

So give yourself a deadline. Perhaps you can say “If I am still struggling after 1 week, I will ask for help.” Although asking for help can be a struggle, practice makes it easier.

There you have it. If you struggle with being super independent, and you want to learn how to let your husband into your internal world, schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. It is totally possible to live interdependently with your husband.

As a Black therapist in Temecula, it is my joy to help goal oriented women find deeper connection. I provide therapy to clients in Murrieta, Temecula, San Diego, Los Angeles and throughout California.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Lessons to superwoman: How to manage the fear of success

Most of us have heard of the fear of failure, but did you know that a lot of women actually have the fear of success? As a therapist in Temecula, CA, I hear about this a lot. Here's what to do if you struggle with the fear of success.

Get honest about what your true thoughts are on success

Think about some of the women around you who have been successful. What is it about them that you admire? What is it about them that you dislike? What is your mind telling you will happen if people view you continue to climb up the ladder of success?

Do you have the fear of being seen? Do you worry that being successful will take away your ‘street cred?’ Or perhaps do you worry that your friends and family will no longer be able to connect with you if you were much more successful than them? Maybe you’re worried that your spouse will feel threatened if you are successful. This is something you can process in counseling.

It is important that you get clear about some of the thoughts that come up for you, so that you are able to work through them. Get out a sheet of paper and write out about 2 to 3 thoughts that come up for you when you think about being successful.

Remind yourself how hard you have worked

People who worry about being successful are often people who are high achieving, goal oriented, and hard-working. Although at the back of your mind you know that you want your hard work to pay off, but these pesky thoughts keep coming in the way to block you.

Next the list of your thoughts about success, write down reasons why you deserve to be successful. Remind yourself of how hard you have worked, remind yourself about how brilliant that you are, remind yourself of how deserving you are to be recognized for your efforts.

Remember, being successful does not really have anything to do with being famous, being successful simply means that your efforts are fruitful. And everyone deserves to be rewarded for their efforts – including you. Luckily, counseling or therapy can help.

Get some wise mentorship

Being comfortable with success can seem almost impossible if you do not hang out with people who are way higher on the ladder of success than you are. You can start by doing a social media search. Find women who are doing exactly what it is that you want to be doing in five years.

During my counseling sessions in Murrieta, I often encourage my clients to be bold. If you feel comfortable, you can even reach out to them and let them know that you are inspired by them. When we spend time with people who are more successful than us, and we begin to see that successful people are just as human as we are, it eases some of the stress associated with the fear of success.

Continuously affirm yourself

Positive affirmations have been a longstanding top in counseling or therapy. When you struggle with the fear of being seen, or the fear of success, chances are that your mind is filled with a lot of negative thoughts such as "I do not belong here," “I will never be successful," “Being successful is scary,,” "They know a lot more than me." So as you get up every morning, write down positive affirmations to help you bring your mind to where your heart is.

Some of the affirmations could go something like this:

“I am just as smart and deserving as everyone else.” “I deserve success.” “I deserve for my hard work to be rewarded.” “I deserve a seat at the table.” “I belong in the company of successful people.” “As a successful woman, I will have a bigger reach to help people.”

Remember that you are deserving in all that you do. And also remember that the fear of success is actually quite common. I hear this problem over and over again in my counseling sessions for anxious women in the Murrieta Temecula area. So go easy on yourself.

If you are a high achieving, goal oriented woman of color who struggles with the fear of success or the fear of being seen, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call so that you can better manage those pesky thoughts and finally feel confident sitting at the table of success. You deserve success.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Simple tips for a successful marriage: Repair when you've messed up

Sometimes when you're speaking to your partner, you get so upset and you say the wrong thing.

Before the words come out of your mouth you instinctively know that you have hit below the belt. The great news is that no matter what you say to your partner, you can still repair your relationship with them. As a therapist in the Temecula area who provides marriage counseling, I’ve probably seen and heard it all.

Here are six simple ways to repair when you have messed up in your marriage. Please note that this post is not talking about abusive behavior or infidelity. I am simply just focusing on repairing when you have been careless with your words or gotten into an argument.

The goal of the conversation: To repair and take responsibility

Before you start talking to your spouse remember that the goal of this conversation is to repair and seek understanding, rather than defend yourself or blame your spouse. If you get defensive, it will only make things worse. So it is important that you take responsibility for the things that you have said, and then apologize.

Step 1: Share how you felt

The first step is to share how you felt. This is an important skill I teach as a therapist in the Murrieta, Temecula area.

You don't have to explain why you felt the way that you felt. It is important for your partner to understand what was going on for you internally. Use some feeling words.

You can say something as simple as "I felt defensive." Or “I felt disrespected." Or “I felt shocked.” Or you can say “I felt afraid.” This will help your partner feel a little bit more connected to you.

Step 2: Describe your point of view

Describe to your spouse what you feel happened during the incident. Do not describe what you think they did or how you think they felt. Just stick to describing your perception of the situation. It is important that you do not point the finger, attack them, or blame them.

Just state the facts of what you said or what you think you heard them say. So for example you can frame it as "I heard you say…” Don’t get stuck on the semantics of things. Just focus on your reality.

Step 3: Give your spouse space to speak

Next it's time for you to give your spouse a chance to speak their own reality. Listen to their side of the story, and do not focus on trying to correct them or blame them. When they speak, try to summarize what you're hearing them saying, and also validate their experiences. For example you can say something like "I can see how you heard that.” “I can understand why that felt offensive.”

Ensure that they feel understood before you move on. If they don't, you can ask them to give you more information to ensure that they are actually feeling understood. This is the one area where couples get stuck in my Temecula marriage counseling sessions.

Also help them understand some of your experiences that have triggered why you felt the way that you felt. For example let's say you feel disrespected because your spouse did not consult you before doing something important. You can say to them “I am sensitive to feeling ignored because it reminds me of the time that you made a big purchase without me.”

Step 4: Take responsibility for your role in the communication breakdown

I talk about this a lot when I facilitate marriage counseling in Murrieta. It's now time to take responsibility for your role in the fight. Let them know what your state of mind was before you said what you said.

For example you can say:

• “I've been feeling stressed lately.”

• “I've been taking you for granted”

• “I've been ignoring you.”

• “I've been completely exhausted lately.”

• “I've been feeling like I'm tired lately.

Specify what you regret and also apologize for what you said wrong. Be very specific.

For example “I am sorry for yelling at you.” “I'm sorry that I attacked you.” Or “I'm sorry for disrespecting you.”

Step 5: Make a plan for the future

After apologizing, tell your spouse what you need if this situation comes up again in the future.

Make a plan for what to do if the situation comes up again. Help your spouse understand the way you want to be treated, and also get a good understanding of how they want to be talked to. This prevents persistent problems from happening over and over again.

Having a successful marriage takes an immense amount of work and great communication, however every marriage can become an amazing marriage with friendship and intimacy in abundance.

If you're looking for a black marriage counselor in the Temecula, Murrieta area, and you're ready to take your marriage to a new, healthy place, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call. Your future, healthy marriage thanks you.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

8 Ways to Make Your Bedroom More Conducive to Sleep

Below is a guest post from Cheryl Conklin of Wellness Central.

Important studies have shown that getting enough sleep can improve mood and positively influence mental health. What’s more, sleep deprivation can actually exacerbate mental health struggles. That said, getting enough quality sleep can be difficult. Here are a few ways you can make your bedroom a more conducive space for sleep.

 If you’re having difficulty sleeping, The Zinnia Practice offers therapy for high achieving women with anxiety and insomnia. Book a free 15-minute consultation today. 

Woman sleeping. Photo via pexels

1. Get some blackout curtains

Data from the Institute for Cancer Research shows that having too much light in your room is associated with a number of negative health effects, including weight problems and problems with regulating your body’s internal clock. Sleeping in a dark room will help your body identify when it’s time to rest. You can find blackout curtains online or at your local furniture stores. They’re relatively easy to install and can help you stay asleep.

2. Reduce external noise

If you can’t control all of the external noises or sounds in the area that you’re sleeping, consider using a white noise machine. A white noise machine basically sends out a constant stream of low volume noise that can mask other distracting sounds in the background. You can also reduce noise by using ear plugs, although earplugs can cause buildup. Fans are also an effective way of adding white noise.

3. Modify the temperature

Your body temperature naturally drops when you sleep. Some scientists think that this small drop in temperature is the way that your body syncs up its circadian rhythms and helps you get quality rest. Modifying your bedroom temperature can help with this as well. Try making your room slightly colder. Don’t make it too cold that you can’t fall asleep, but make it cool enough that you’ll be able to fall asleep comfortably.

4. Check your mattress

If your mattress is more than 10 years old, it’s likely to be pretty well worn and, unfortunately, a worn-out mattress may not provide your body the support it needs. If you aren’t getting good enough support while you sleep, the sleep you are getting won’t be of high quality. If you need to upgrade your mattress, the options can feel overwhelming. Narrow down your choices by focusing on your sleeping position and body type (two important considerations when choosing the best mattress), and then pair that with honest online reviews of popular brands. 

5. Only use bedroom for sleep

If you use your bedroom for a lot of tasks, it can be a lot harder to easily fall asleep. Try not to use your bed for working on your computer. The same goes for looking at your cell phone, reading and other mind-stimulating activities. If you only sleep in your bed, your body will more readily associate sleep with the bed and start getting drowsier. The results may not be immediate, but they will come and make it easier for you to get more sleep.

6. Plan relaxing nighttime activities

Sleep problems or disorders are often associated with stress and anxiety, which is exactly why finding relaxing ways to unwind is so important for your sleep health. Try doing a relaxing sleep routine at least an hour before bed. This can involve brushing your teeth, washing your face, and engaging in relaxing media that will help you fall asleep. Other relaxing activities include reading a slightly boring book, meditating and listening to relaxing music.

7. Get a weighted blanket

Using a weighted blanket has been shown to help some people with mood disorders or chronic sleep problems to relax and finally get the restorative kind of rest they want. Weighted blankets aren’t necessarily as hot as other heavy blankets, which can help you at any time of the year. They’re especially useful in combination with lowering your bedroom temperature. While they may be a little pricier upfront, they are well worth the investment.

8. Keep your bedroom organized

Believe it or not, clutter and disorganization can cause you to experience an increase in stress and anxiety, which, in turn, can lead to frustration and anger. So, do your best to keep your bedroom as clutter- and chaos-free as possible. Not only can a tidy house reduce those feelings of stress and anxiety, but it can help eliminate any “negative energy” all that clutter may have trapped in the process.

A report on sleep from Harvard Medical School says that 50-80 percent of people who have psychiatric conditions also struggle from a chronic sleep disorder. Finding good ways to deal with sleep problems can increase your cognition, help deal with mental health problems, and improve overall well-being. Make it a priority to make sleep come more easily. This will improve your sleep quality, as well as your mental health. Good sleep is just as important as eating healthy and exercise.