Lessons to superwoman: How to manage the fear of success
Most of us have heard of the fear of failure, but did you know that a lot of women actually have the fear of success? As a therapist in Temecula, CA, I hear about this a lot. Here's what to do if you struggle with the fear of success.
Get honest about what your true thoughts are on success
Think about some of the women around you who have been successful. What is it about them that you admire? What is it about them that you dislike? What is your mind telling you will happen if people view you continue to climb up the ladder of success?
Do you have the fear of being seen? Do you worry that being successful will take away your ‘street cred?’ Or perhaps do you worry that your friends and family will no longer be able to connect with you if you were much more successful than them? Maybe you’re worried that your spouse will feel threatened if you are successful. This is something you can process in counseling.
It is important that you get clear about some of the thoughts that come up for you, so that you are able to work through them. Get out a sheet of paper and write out about 2 to 3 thoughts that come up for you when you think about being successful.
Remind yourself how hard you have worked
People who worry about being successful are often people who are high achieving, goal oriented, and hard-working. Although at the back of your mind you know that you want your hard work to pay off, but these pesky thoughts keep coming in the way to block you.
Next the list of your thoughts about success, write down reasons why you deserve to be successful. Remind yourself of how hard you have worked, remind yourself about how brilliant that you are, remind yourself of how deserving you are to be recognized for your efforts.
Remember, being successful does not really have anything to do with being famous, being successful simply means that your efforts are fruitful. And everyone deserves to be rewarded for their efforts – including you. Luckily, counseling or therapy can help.
Get some wise mentorship
Being comfortable with success can seem almost impossible if you do not hang out with people who are way higher on the ladder of success than you are. You can start by doing a social media search. Find women who are doing exactly what it is that you want to be doing in five years.
During my counseling sessions in Murrieta, I often encourage my clients to be bold. If you feel comfortable, you can even reach out to them and let them know that you are inspired by them. When we spend time with people who are more successful than us, and we begin to see that successful people are just as human as we are, it eases some of the stress associated with the fear of success.
Continuously affirm yourself
Positive affirmations have been a longstanding top in counseling or therapy. When you struggle with the fear of being seen, or the fear of success, chances are that your mind is filled with a lot of negative thoughts such as "I do not belong here," “I will never be successful," “Being successful is scary,,” "They know a lot more than me." So as you get up every morning, write down positive affirmations to help you bring your mind to where your heart is.
Some of the affirmations could go something like this:
“I am just as smart and deserving as everyone else.” “I deserve success.” “I deserve for my hard work to be rewarded.” “I deserve a seat at the table.” “I belong in the company of successful people.” “As a successful woman, I will have a bigger reach to help people.”
Remember that you are deserving in all that you do. And also remember that the fear of success is actually quite common. I hear this problem over and over again in my counseling sessions for anxious women in the Murrieta Temecula area. So go easy on yourself.
If you are a high achieving, goal oriented woman of color who struggles with the fear of success or the fear of being seen, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call so that you can better manage those pesky thoughts and finally feel confident sitting at the table of success. You deserve success.
