Brainspotting for boundary setting:How therapy can help you find your inner ‘No.’

1. The Power of Saying No: How Brainspotting Therapy Helps You Set Healthy Boundaries

When you experience trauma, it could feel like your power and control have been taken away from you. Your voice feels silenced, your body feels weaker, your mind feels unstable. You walk around experiencing fear, you no longer want to engage with the people or places that used to bring you joy. You might end up feeling like a shadow of your former self- or having no knowledge of who you used to be.

This is where a great trauma therapist in Houston can help you. As we work together, you can relearn how to feel safe again, how to get rid of those thoughts that tell you that something bad is going to happen to you again. You can learn how to feel safe in your body again, and most importantly, how to find your voice.

When I use brainspotting to help you get rid of trauma that has been sitting in your body and in your brain, a big part of our work will be learning how to set clear, healthy boundaries that not only keep you safe, but help you connect to safe people around you. You can live life on your terms, stay safe and finally thrive again. A skilled trauma therapist in Houston can help you confidently establish personal boundaries.

2. Breaking Free from People-Pleasing: Using Brainspotting to Reclaim Your Voice

Many of my clients are really nice women. I also consider myself to be a compassionate Black therapist in Houston. Now the great thing is that being nice and setting boundaries can coexist quite nicely (pun intended). Many of my clients feel so horrible when they have to say “No” to others. They would much rather sacrifice themselves and be uncomfortable, instead of simply saying “No” and moving on with their day.

I get it.

Because you don’t want anyone to think you are mean or that you don’t care about them. You don’t want to be disliked, challenged or even for someone to be mean to you in retaliation.

The great thing about brainspotting is we can go deeper than traditional talk therapy. So we essentially go into deeper parts of your brain, where the stuck-ness is held and it can help rewire that stuff.

You’ll learn what boundaries you need and how you can establish them regardless of what people think. And yes, you get to keep your kindness. Because boundaries, in my opinion, should be clear AND kind. A compassionate Black therapist in Houston (that’s me!) can guide you to say “No’ without too much guilt.

3. Finding Freedom in Boundaries: How Brainspotting Supports Highly Sensitive People

When you are a high performing, highly sensitive woman, you want to move at a fast pace, so that you can accomplish everything you have going on, but sometimes you might not have the bandwidth to do it all- because your brain spends so much energy deeply processing the world within and around you.

This means that the only choice you have is to learn how to set appropriate boundaries with your time, with your friends, with your coworkers and with yourself. Because if you say “Yes” to all the people about all the things, you will eventually reach a horrible stage of burnout that feels like your shouders being crushed.

So think about boundary setting as a great way to practice kindness to yourself- allowing you the bandwidth to accomplish the things that are actually essential in your life- rather than wasting time of activities that bring you no joy and add nothing to your long term goals.

Brainspotting will help you connect to deeper parts of your brain so that you can remove the blocks that keep you from saying “No.” It could help you learn how to break free from trauma and anxiety that keep you stuck and silenced. The outcome? Boundary setting becomes so much easier for high performing, highly sensitive women like you.

4. Creating Space for Yourself: Brainspotting as a Tool for Healthy Relationship Boundaries

When trauma has been blocking your brain, it feels like you are paralyzed. But once that trauma has been cleared up, you are now ready to begin to redefine the boundaries in your life. If you feel like you are stuck when boundary setting, you could also use brainspotting to help you find your stuck points, so that you can begin to communicate with more clarity.

If you struggle in saying '‘No,” brainspotting can help with that. If you struggle to say what you actually mean, it could help as well. Because without clear, gentle boundaries you’ll continue to feel frustrated.

5. Discover Your Inner “No”: Empowering Boundary Setting with a Trauma Therapist in Houston

A big part of my work of trauma therapy in Houston is teaching you how to empower yourself to set firm boundaries. A firm boundary is one that sticks to the rules. Too tired? Don’t do it. Doesn’t feel nice? Tell them.

A life of freedom isn’t so concerned about what others think. Rather you are concerned about creating health, space and joy in your life. Effective boundary setting respects both you and the people around you. And once you have been able to identify who the safe people in your life are, thing just become easier for you.

With brainspotting, you connect better to your own feelings, without worrying too much about what social norms say you should do. You can still maintain being a respectful and kind person, while honoring your needs. A win win!

Ready to Embrace Your Boundaries? Connect with a Black Therapist in Houston Today

Take the first step toward finding your “No” and nurturing healthier relationships. Start your journey with Brainspotting therapy, designed to help you set empowering boundaries with ease. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for brainspotting therapy in Houston. I also see clients throughout California.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

A simple 4-step soothing nighttime routine for highly sensitive people

Highly sensitive people are especially prone to feeling stressed out, cranky or overwhelmed when they do not get enough sleep (I know this all too well). It might take you longer to settle in at night, and you might notice that you need more sleep that your adult counterparts.

So if you notice that you need more than 8 hours of sleep- know that it’s totally normal. Here are some things you can do to set you up for a great night of uninterrupted sleep.

1) Take some time to unwind after your work day

One of the struggles that highly sensitive people often face is that there is difficulty transitioning from one activity to the other. For example, it might be hard for you to settle down when you come home from work. I don’t suggest you just plop into your bed and expect your body to shut down.

Rather, carve out 10 to 30 minutes engaging in an activity that can take your mind off all the stressful activities of the day. This can look like eating a yummy meal, engaging on the phone with a funny friend, listening to some music and dancing as you go along, a podcast, prayer, changing out of your clothes, etc. You might have to try a few activities to figure out what will work for you. And if you don’t like baths (‘cos the internet seems to love bubble baths), you don’t ever have to take one.

P.S: If you are a parent to a little one, you might not have the luxury of carving out 30 minutes. Just do what you can. It gets easier. I promise!

2) Reflect on your day

Had a bad day? Well don’t just pull the covers over your head and expect your brain to forget. Many people spend about an hour tossing and turning in bed because they have not adequately processed the emotions that came up during the day.

It sometimes feels like your heart is pounding out of your chest as you think over the stressors of your day. Sit in a quiet place and allow yourself to do what feels natural- talk it through with someone if that helps. Some people like to pray about it. Others journal, still others talk to themselves about it.

Don’t sleep on talking to yourself. It sounds funny, but feels good.

3) Spend 5 minutes tidying up your bedroom

I often say that your bedroom is your sanctuary. It’s the place your tired mind and body get to spend a huge amount of time. It’s the place where cellular turnover happens. It should be a place of peace, calm and joy.

Highly sensitive people can easily get overstimulated with clutter. But the irony is that we can quickly create clutter when we are in a busy season or going through a lot.

But if you spend 5 minutes at the end of each day tidying up, you’ll save yourself some headache. Try this practice and watch your life change

P.S: I’m also an insomnia expert, so here’s a link to my previous blog posts on everything sleep.

4) Get rid of distractions

Before going into the bed, think of anything that could possibly wake you up from sleep (aside from little ones) and figure out how to silence those things for the next 8-10 hours.

This can include social media notifications, text notifications, television, your laptop, annoyingly bright lights, itchy sheets, labels in your pajamas, uncomfortable room temperature, etc.

The next time you lay in bed, think of things that have bothered you- then get rid of them. For example, if you notice that the sun hits you in the face every morning, consider closing the blinds before going to bed.

A soothing nighttime routine doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. It’s just something you have to be consistent with.

What is 1 thing you have to do before going to bed? I’d love to find out.

If you’re a highly sensitive woman who is looking to finally understand sensitivity, learn how to manage overwhelm and stand up for yourself, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consult call with me. I’d love to connect with you.

My framework for helping highly sensitive women understand sensitivity, stand up for themselves and get rid of overwhelm.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali.

I teach highly sensitive women how to stand up for themselves, set clear, kind boundaries and create solid relationships.

I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist also providing Christian marriage counseling in Houston and throughout California.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.