Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA & TX

Anxiety, About Therapy Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali Anxiety, About Therapy Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

What is online therapy really like?

Technology can be a beautiful thing. Especially lately with social distancing and the pandemic going on. Can you imagine how horrific our lives would be if we couldn’t FaceTime our loved ones or hear their voices over the phone?

Or if the kids had to be completely out of school due to a lack of technology? But teachers everywhere are breathing a sigh of relief because Zoom and Google Meet keeps them connected to their students.

Technology can be a beautiful thing. Especially while the pandemic was in full swing. Can you imagine how horrific our lives would be if we couldn’t FaceTime our loved ones or hear their voices over the phone?

Or if the kids had to be completely out of school due to a lack of technology? But teachers everywhere were able to breathe a sigh of relief because Zoom and Google Meet kept them connected to their students.

And I am certainly happy to be a therapist in this day and age. Because it means that my clients can still continue to work on their anxiety and insomnia.

Did you know that many therapists provide online counseling? Actually I can legally provide online therapy to clients throughout California. So that way, I can keep helping you reduce anxiety, finally get rid of insomnia and work through your marital problems in marriage counseling- without leaving the comfort of your home.

Before we talk about whaat online therapy is like, let’s first talk about what you need before starting online counseling.

Tools you need to begin online therapy counseling in California.

First of all, let’s talk about what you need in order to be ready for online therapy.

1) A quiet location: I highly suggest that you are alone and distraction free when you meet with your therapist online. Shut down other devices, put head phones on if you need to and utilize this time as you normally would if you were at your therapist’s office.

2) A strong internet connection: Online therapy works best if you have a strong internet connection. That way you can see and hear your therapist clearly, and your session isn’t interrupted.

3) A device that can connect to the internet: This goes without saying. You’ll need a phone, tablet, laptop or desktop that is connected to the internet.

4) Something to prop up your device: If you’re using a tablet or a phone, I highly suggest that you prop up your device to keep it still. This will save your arm during your session and also keep the video still so that your therapist doesn’t have to stare at shaky video for almost an hour.

What is online therapy like?

Online therapy is quite similar to in person therapy. The major difference is that you are not able to come into my counseling office in Murrieta. It feels similar to a Skype or FaceTime call. You can see and hear me through your computer or phone. And I can also see and hear you.

However, I do not use Skype or FaceTime. I prefer to use Doxy.me, which is a secure online platform created specifically for health providers.

Your online security and confidentiality are important to me.

The process I use for online therapy is also very easy. You can connect with me in 3 simple steps:

1) Step 1: You type or click my confidential Doxy link. I use the same link every time.

2) Step 2: Enter your name so that I know it’s you.

3) Step 3: Wait until I add you and we begin our session.

It’s truly that easy.

During our online therapy session you can talk like you normally would, I sound the same as I always do. I use the same tools and skills that I do in person.

Some people think that online therapy is a watered down version of in person therapy. But that’s not true. You gain just as much from online therapy as you would if you saw me in person.

The only difference is that you don’t get to soak in the ambience of my Murrieta counseling office. I sometimes tell clients to get a glass of water, put on sounds of nature and also diffuse their favorite oils during an online session. This way your therapy hour becomes a wholistic experience.

Some times people ask if online therapy is just as effective as in person therapy. I certainly think so, as I use the same skills and knowledge online and I would in person. let’s put it like this. With online therapy, you don’t have to get all dressed up if you don’t want to, you can work on yourself from the comfort of your home or office. No need to navigate through traffic or spend extra time getting ready.

Some people absolutely love the convenience of online sessions, while others prefer in person sessions. I typically use my professional judgement to only see clients whom I believe online sessions will benefit. If I don’t think you’ll be a great candidate for online therapy or counseling, then I will definitely let you know.

If you are ready to finally get rid of anxiety, insomnia or regain the friendship you once had in your marriage through marriage counseling or couples therapy, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call.

I am a Black therapist in Murrieta, CA who helps women of color and couples break generational cycles and find friendship again.

Blog updated October 3, 2022.

Get the free e-book.png

Ready to ditch anxiety and fear?

5 Simple ways to gain control of anxiety and fear

Read More
About Therapy, Anxiety Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali About Therapy, Anxiety Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

How your therapist is really feeling

Today’s blog post is going to be a bit different. We are living in pretty strange times. None of us has ever been through a pandemic. None of us has ever had to distance ourselves from our loved ones. None of us has had to walk around with face masks and hand sanitizer. We’ve never done this before. I want to have a heart to heart with you. I want to take off my therapist hat for a moment.

Today’s blog post is going to be a bit different. We are living in pretty strange times. None of us has ever been through a pandemic. None of us has ever had to distance ourselves from our loved ones. None of us has had to walk around with face masks and hand sanitizer.

We’ve never done this before.

And so I want to have a heart to heart with you. I want to take off my therapist hat for a moment and put on my human hat. My citizen hat.

As a therapist, it is my job to hold space for my clients. I go into the dark spaces, they tell me things they’ve never told anyone, we create amazing transformation! I always have my clients’ best interests at the forefront of my mind. From my website, to the way my phone is answered, to my emails, to my gorgeous mental health spa (my office), I pride myself in giving my clients a top notch experience. Everything has been curated especially for my clients.

Everything I do is to ensure that my clients have a beautiful, one of a kind experience. Working with me is a whole mood in itself.

I don’t provide cookie cutter service at all, because I know each individual I work with is unique. For some people, I provide Christian counseling- we integrate scripture and faith into the details of the work we do.

Yes, prayer and Jesus are allowed in my therapy office.

For others, I utilize Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBTI), or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). I use my expertise to help you knock anxiety down, finally say goodbye to insomnia or help repair your marriage.

And my loud, loud laughter often echoes through the office while we are in session. My clients know exactly what I mean.

But in this season, things have changed.

Things look different. My mental health spa office is no longer open for clients to sit in. I’ve had lots of people tell me how much they miss my soft blue microfiber couch, my assorted teas, my sound machine and the smell of lemongrass.

Oh, the smell of lemongrass.

Lean in, let me tell you a secret. I miss those things too.

I’m now solely seeing clients online. Although I’ve always offered online counseling services for people throughout Calfornia, this is the first time that I’ve had to practice 100 percent online.

It’s challenging. For you AND for me.

But you know what remains the same? Our resiliency. Your resiliency. Over the years I’ve worked with some amazing people and I’ve seen how truly strong the human spirit can be.

I’ve seen people rise from the impossible. I’ve seen chronic insomniacs finally sleep well after 10 years of angst. I’ve seen people who were in the pit of anxiety, finally take control of their own lives, ditch people pleasing, walk a little bit taller and use their big girl voices again!

I’ve seen couples who practically hate each other, finally hold hands again, giggle like high school kids and fight for their love after going through couples counseling.

I’ve seen people heal from trauma, after putting in so much work while sitting on my soft blue microfiber therapy couch.

But something remains the same.

  • I still have my therapist’s heart. I am still committed to helping my clients fight anxiety and insomnia.

  • I am still committed to making therapy feel like an entire mood (my clients know what that means).

  • I still have my unusually loud, echoey laugh.

  • I still provide individualized counseling or therapy services for people in the Temecula/Murrieta area. Actually I’ve always provided online therapy for women throughout California.

  • I am still here to walk into the dark, scary spaces and help you reach the light.

  • I am still here to pray with you when you want that.

  • I am still here with all my knowledge, expertise and experience.

  • I can still give you homework, make you think deeper than ever and push you so that you can flex those emotional muscles.

  • I am still here to provide you with what you need. Although this pandemic has created some unique circumstances, technology allows me to continue to provide therapy services using a secure platform.

If you are a woman in California, struggling with anxiety or insomnia, don’t wait until things seem normal to reach out. Reach out now. Your future self will thank you.

I am a Black therapist in Murrieta, CA who is committed to helping women of color, find generational healing and finally feel comfortable using their voice. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

I also provide online counseling in California to all California residents.

Ready to ditch anxiety and fear?

Click image to download the FREE e-book

Read More
Anxiety, Relationships/Boundaries Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali Anxiety, Relationships/Boundaries Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

An introvert's COVID-19 survival tips for extroverts

Social distancing is a new concept for most people. But if you are an introvert, chances are you have probably been practicing a watered down version of social distancing for most of your life.

Social distancing can be exceptionally problematic for extroverts. You crave in person connections with others. You love outdoor activities that involve face to face time with friends. Maybe you’re even a hugger who thrives off of physical connections with people. Perhaps you miss some of your hobbies and you just want things to go back to normal.

You’re going stir crazy and you don’t know what to do.

Never fear. Here are some tips for surviving social distancing from a self proclaimed ‘Introvert’s introvert.’

1) Adjust your mindset

Your outcome is really dependent on the way you view this situation. Don’t look at COVID-19 and social distancing as the end of fun. Rather, use it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself, connect with people around you (virtually), enjoy nature and to take a small step back.

Because you don’t have the luxury of seeing people in person, doesn't mean that you are completely disconnected from the world. So get creative.

You can schedule daily zoom or Google hangouts with friends. You can pick up the phone and call loved ones. Being faraway does not cut you off from others.

2) Get a workout in

Being home for the majority of the day is a great opportunity for you to get in shape. Even though you might not be able to go to the gym like you’re used to, many gyms are actually offering online group classes. Check in with your local gym to see if they are doing so.

If your gym doesn't have that service, you can actually start a virtual exercise group of your own. Just gather a few of your buddies online, and workout to the same routine. Youtube has thousands of workout videos ranging from dance, yoga, stretch, pilates to strength training.

If Youtube isn’t your thing, maybe you can find a routine that works for you and encourage your friends to workout alongside you virtually.

You get to enjoy time with your friends while sweating the stress away.

Plus your body produces endorphins (happy hormones) when you work out. It’s a win win.

3) Don’t forget to check in with your friends

Introverts are known for having deep, personal discussions with their small groups of friends. Here is your opportunity to truly be there for your loved ones. Social distancing is not the same thing as being a social recluse. Luckily for you, you have technology at your disposal and you can use it to your advantage. Because lots of people are working from home, some of your friends will be bored and more than happy to take your call.

Bored people typically enjoy being checked up on.

Now is the time to call friends that you have lost touch with or friends you wouldn't normally check in with. Embrace you inner introvert and really connect beneath the surface. Now you get to practice this skill.

At first it might seem awkward to talk about such important things, but you’ll really get to connect with others at a deep level.

You still have FaceTime and video chat platforms. That way you get to see their faces as you engage with them.

4) Take a nap if you can

Well this isn’t just for extroverts. Napping isn’t particularly an introverted trait. It just feels nice for all humans. Everyone can benefit from nap time. Naps not only rejuvenate you, but they also help pass the time away.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed in the middle of the day, set a 30 minute timer and lay down. If you have kids, you can institute family nap time. At first your kids will think you’re weird, but they might eventually get into it.

You will wake up feeling so refreshed and ready to complete your tasks.

5) Explore a new hobby

Many introverts engage in activities that keep them occupied all day. Think back to when you were a child. What did you enjoy doing? Now is the time to explore your rich inner world. Do you like to read? Do you like to draw, color, paint, knit, crochet, sing or dance?

If you like math, there are so many brain games out there to keep your mind focused. If you’ve always dreamed of writing a short story, here is your chance. Because your world might have slowed down a bit, it opens up the creative part of your brain.

Maybe you can even start virtual book club or a virtual Bible study with friends. Social distancing doesn’t necessarily mean boredom and gloom.

And here’s my personal favorite. Try downloading the calm app and practice mindfulness skills. It’ll really help you with some of the anxiety and angst you feel.

Here is your challenge. Write out 5 enjoyable activities and commit to participating in 1 or 2 a week. You will discover that there is so much fun to be had.

6) Spend intentional time with your family

Many introverts are very intentional about their relationships with their loved ones. While introverts tend to keep their friend circle small, they go really deep. Because they spend a lot of time noticing their environment, they tend to notice things about their loved ones that extroverts might miss.

Carve time each day to really connect with the people you live with. Ask them how social distancing is going for them. Talk about non corona related things. Talk about their hopes and dreams, talk about your relationship with them and how you can really deepen it.

Ask them how you both can support one another during this pandemic. When you turn toward each other, life feels so much better.

If you have a spouse, do regular relationship check ins in which you both discuss what has been going great and things you’d like to tweak within the home.

If you have kids, also have a daily check in with them to ensure that things are going well.

Embrace your inner child. Play board games, video games, engage in imaginary play and really bond with your kids. I bet you both will enjoy it. You will never get this time back.

7) Get out of the house (if you can)

Social distancing does not mean that you have to be cooped up at home 24/7. You can sit in your front yard or backyard and take in the sights and sounds of nature. One of my favorite mindfulness activities is using my 5 senses to enjoy nature.

You can sit outside and take in the smell around you, the feeling of the breeze on your skin, the sight of the leaves swaying in the wind, the fluttering of birds as they enjoy their day, the beautiful colors of the sky, trees and everything around you.

Take a moment to truly enjoy the beauty that is all around you.

You can take a walk around the block or find a new hiking trail. Your body and your mind will thank you for this.

If you find that you are struggling with anxiety, insomnia or your marriage feels challenged due to COVID-19, I provide online therapy services to individuals throughout California. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call so that anxiety can be a thing of the past.

Ready to ditch anxiety and fear?

Click image to download the FREE e-book

Read More
Parenting, Anxiety Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali Parenting, Anxiety Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

Parenting during coronavirus: How to stay sane with your kids amidst social distancing

Parenting during the coronavirus pandemic is exceptionally challenging. You don’t have the luxury of dropping your kids off at school, dropping them off at daycare, having the nanny come over, going to the public park or library, going out to eat, or having amazing playdates.

Now the pressure is on you to keep them entertained and occupied all day long.

If this is your plight, don’t fret. I’ve got you. Here are some simple ways to survive being cooped up with your kids all day.

Parenting during the coronavirus pandemic is exceptionally challenging. You don’t have the luxury of dropping your kids off at school, dropping them off at daycare, having the nanny come over, going to the public park or library, going out to eat, or having amazing playdates.

Now the pressure is on you to keep them entertained and occupied all day long.

If this is your plight, don’t fret. I’ve got you. Here are some simple ways to survive being cooped up with your kids all day.

1) Create a simple schedule

One thing that many parents do to make this transition easier, is to have a simple schedule. You do not have to map out every minute of every day, but a flexible schedule can be helpful in giving your kids structure.

That way you don’t feel like you’re raising wild chickens on a farm.

If you are working from home, ensure that the schedule works for you. Because your kids’ lives are no longer determined by the school schedule, you get to make your own! That’s actually a great thing.

The easiest tasks to plan out are meal times and bed times. But I’m sure you probably already have meal times in your home. Keep meal times and bedtime the same, so that the transition to normal life isn’t too hard when they have to go back to school.

Once you’ve chosen meal times and a bed time, it’s time to actually plan activities.

If your kids are school aged, chances are that they are homeschooling. Throw in a few of their school subjects (Math, ELA, Science), give them many breaks in between, and they should be good. Luckily, many schools aren’t just throwing parents in the wind. They are giving them some work and websites to play on.

If you feel confused about what your child should be doing academically, reach out to your child’s teacher for some tips. This is also a great time to reach out to other friends who are in the same boat. Remember, you are not alone. Pretty much most parents in the world are going through this with you.

Also add clean up time and chore time on your schedule. Chores help kids learn vital life skills. They also create a sense of independence and competence.

Ensure that you include a time when your child can hang out with you. This is an amazing time to secure that parent-child bond. Yes, even teenagers need time with mom and dad.

Let’s not forget that self care is incredibly important during this season. If you’re not taking care of yourself, things become increasingly frustrating. Here is a link to some healthy habits you can incorporate for yourself.

2) Include time for free play

Although schedules are great for kids- because predictable lives help kids feel safe- do not over schedule them.

Just like no adult can go 8 hours without some type of break, your kids also need to be kids.

Little ones do well when they are able to just roam around the house using their imagination. Elf course you want to secure cabinets and other areas that could present safety hazards. Encourage the kids to get off the couch and just move.

I personally love the Nintendo Wii and other gaming systems that encourage movement. Of course, there has to be a fine line. You don’t want your kids staring at a screen all day, You get to decide how much screen time is too much.

Many parents are also using Go noodle as a way to get their kids moving and shaking. And if you want to get the kids moving without using screens, put on some music so the kids can just dance. You can even join in the fun.

Younger kids can build forts (yes, I know they look a mess, but they are so enjoyable), play with Legos, draw, color or paint. Older kids can also create art, read and engage in all sorts of crafts. They don’t have to sit in front of video games all day.

You are only limited by your imagination.

3) Stay connected virtually

One of the toughest things about social distancing is that kids are disconnected from their friends. They don’t get playdates, they don’t get to run around the neighborhood, and they do not get to engage in their usual extracurricular activities.

Enter technology.

Virtual playdates can help to maintain social connections. Create blocks of time when your kids can call friends on the phone or even video chat with them.

I recently discovered a app called Marco Polo. It’s pretty cool. You get to send short video messages to your loved ones. Both you and your kids will probably enjoy this.

Although this isn’t the same as an in person connection, it’s much better than being all alone. So get creative.

4) Let the kids help you

If your kids are old enough, now is the time to get your house in tip top shape. If you already have daily or weekly chores for your kids, make sure you continue with those.

And if you don’t, now could be a good time to implement new ones.

You do not have to use the word ‘Chore.’ You can say ‘Responsibilities,’ or ‘Tasks.’ Truth is every human has to have chores.

If you’re an entrepreneur, your business is an endless list of chores. If you’re a parent, keeping your kids alive is a series of chores. If you are an employee, keeping your job is an endless list of chores. Starting them young only prepares them for the future.

Chores are simply life skills that help your kids become healthy, successful adults.

Embed the chores into your daily schedule. You could have them make their beds each morning, put away their dishes, fold laundry or put their toys away.

Here is a blog post that details a bunch of age appropriate chores for kids.

Start with 1 or 2 chores, then build up from there. Your kids will thank you when they become competent adults!

5) Help your kids understand the new normal

This is a stressful and uncertain time for a lot of people. And of course, as a parent, you don’t have all the answers.

Explain the situation as best you can. Little ones definitely have no idea what a virus is, so maybe help them understand that we have to stay in our bubble for a little while.

For older kids, you could explain what a virus is, and let them know why we are actually practicing social distancing.

There is no need to go over numbers, charts and all the gritty details with them. Let them be kids. But reframe this situation as our new normal. Naturally, some kids will feel afraid. This is the time to validate their feelings, offer them comfort and let them know that you will be here with them.

I highly suggest keeping the news turned off so that kids aren’t terrified. Their little brains cannot possibly process what’s going on.

Because social distancing is such an unknown thing, structure will help kids feel safe and loved. But if the house feels chaotic, it could make them feel so much more uneasy.

Check in with them daily or every few days so that they can share their thoughts with you. Nothing connects a child to a parent more than love and attention.

How is social distancing affecting you and your household?

If you are feeling anxious about the current situation or struggling with insomnia, I’m here to help. I’m a therapist in Murrieta who offers therapy for anxiety, insomnia, as well as marriage counseling in the Temecula-Murrieta area. Due to social distancing guidelines, I am now seeing clients online. Click here if you’d like to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation so that you can finally shake your anxiety.

Marriage counseling Murrieta

5 Simple ways to gain control of anxiety and fear

Read More
Marriage Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali Marriage Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

COVID-19 and your marriage: How to navigate working from home with your spouse

Working from home can be a challenge if you have never done it before. Working from home is a double challenge when you and your spouse are doing it together.

But the great thing is that if you are intentional about it, it could work great for the both of you. Here are 5 simple tips to help you and your spouse survive working from home together.

White and Green Female People & Blogs Youtube Video Outro-2.png

Working from home can be a challenge if you have never done it before. Working from home is a double challenge when you and your spouse are doing it together.

But the great thing is that if you are intentional about it, it could work great for the both of you. Here are 5 simple tips to help you and your spouse survive working from home together.

1) Have a plan for the day

If you and your spouse are to have a peaceful home while working at home simultaneously, it’s important to plan out your day in a way that will work well for the entire family. If you have school aged kids, chances are you are now homeschool parents. Have a conversation about how to split the kids’ work. Sync your schedules so that each of you knows who is in charge of which tasks around the home. If you want to be really organized, you can actually create a Trello board or a written out plan of what your schedules should be.

Talk about who is in charge of meals, cleaning, when both of you will be taking breaks, where each of you will be working within the house, and of course, who will be helping the kids out with their school work. Without an actual plan, I can assure you that the transition to working from home will be quite chaotic. Split up chores so that the house still remains organized while you are working.

I highly suggest trying to have meal times together if possible. The beauty of having the family home is that you all get to really bond and enjoy one another. It’s such a luxury in this fast paced society.

2) Check on your spouse during the workday

If you and your spouse are working from different areas of the home, check up on him or her during the work day. You can send a text or even just pop your head in to say “Hello.” It might sound corny or weird, but everyone likes to be checked on. It shows a whole lot of care and it helps you both strengthen your friendship.

3) Respect each other’s work boundaries

If you and your spouse do not usually work together, working from home could be a challenge. Talk about each other’s ideal work space. Some people like an immaculate and organized space, while others can thrive in an office that looks like it has been hit like a hurricane.

If you are not so organized, but your partner thrives in a tidy environment, respect that. Perhaps you could work together to create a welcoming home office environment so that both of you feel comfortable.

If you thrive with loud music and your spouse likes to work in silence, simply pop in some head phones. Although both of you might be different in the way that you work, you both have a common goal- to get some work done.

Remember that although you both might be home all day, you should remember that both of you have to be productive.

4) Give your spouse some space

Working from home together does not mean that you both have to be around each other 24/7. If one of you is highly sensitive or introverted, chances are you value alone time. Explain that to your spouse in a kind, loving way. If you both share a home office, and you happen to need some space from your spouse and kids, you can take breaks alone so you can recharge and unwind.

During these breaks you can stretch, go for a walk, watch something funny, read a book, workout or even do chores around the house. Some couples do not do well when they have been together all day long. If you and your partner are that couple, prevent arguments and irritation by simply ensuring that both of you get the alone time that you need.

5) End the day together

And when the day is over and the kids are in bed, it’s time to debrief. Talk about what you loved about the day and what did not go so well. But be careful not to be too nit picky so that it doesn't turn into a full blown argument.

Use this time as a bonding moment. You can pray together, listen to a podcast together, sit on the couch together or just be together in silence if you want.

Although there is a crisis going on in the outside world, there is no reason why there should be a crisis within your home as well. Turn to each other, cover each other in love. Make it your mission to make your marriage a lot stronger when this whole thing is over.

If you and your spouse are looking to really strengthen your friendship with one another, I offer marriage counseling in the Temecula/Murrieta area. Due to social distancing guidelines, I am now providing couples counseling online to California residents. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call to see if couples therapy in Murrieta is right for your marriage.

Read More
Parenting, Anxiety Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali Parenting, Anxiety Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali

Unstructured structure: How to plan the perfect(ish) day for kids during COVID-19

A few weeks ago, you were living the life. You had a job you commuted to, you would drive your kids to a school they loved, and the world seemed to be perfectly aligned.

But things just got real.

You are now a homeschool parent, wondering when the kids will go back to school and where to send your resignation letter. You are not used to being home with your kids all day, but here you are. Even though you were not built for this life, all hope is not lost. You can do this.

A few weeks ago, you were living the life. You had a job you commuted to, you would drive your kids to a school they loved, and the world seemed to be perfectly aligned.

But things just got real. 

You are now a homeschool parent, wondering when the kids will go back to school and where to send your resignation letter. You are not used to being home with your kids all day, but here you are. Even though you were not built for this life, all hope is not lost. You can do this.

Here is how to plan the perfect (ish) structured day for your kids during this social distancing era. It’s a lot easier than you think.

1. Start with bedtimes and meal times

Because this shelter in place order is so open ended, please do not forget that your kids still need schedules and routines. If you let them run wild, by the time life returns to normal, they will have to readjust to going to bed at a specific time. This adjustment will most definitely affect them when they have to go to school. So save yourself the hassle and keep things simple.

When creating a schedule, the first thing to plug in is what time you want your kids to wake up, what time you want them to go to bed, and what time you want to serve meals. Super simple.

Now of course, there is room for leeway, but stick to specific mealtimes and bedtimes so you can schedule everything else around that. If you already have these in place, now is the time to continue to enforce that. Kids need a lot more sleep than we think for their own development and health. Please don’t overlook this. Here are the sleep guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Regarding meal times, when you feed kids around the same time each day, it just helps them have more predictability in their lives. They begin to get hungry around the same time each day and you have a better understanding of when to start getting meals ready. Your life as a parent is also a lot easier when you are able to predict how you want the day to unfold.

2. Schedule time for school work

Being that the entire world is struggling at this time, you’re now a homeschool parent and school work should be scheduled so that everyone is on the same page. The last thing you want is to be scrambling day after day. Block out specific times each day for learning. The easiest way to handle this is to lean on your kids’ teachers. Ask them for help so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Many teachers have created curricula for home. Just take that and plug it into a calendar.

Your child’s home school day doesn't have to be as long as the regular school day. Remember that learning doesn't just involve math and language arts. Kids can learn informally as they work with you at home. This is a great time to truly get to understand how your child learns, what his or her likes and dislikes are, and what makes him or her tick.

But be easy on yourself. If you imagine that you will be just as great as a teacher who has spent many years learning childhood education, honing the craft, and practicing with kids, please take the pressure off yourself. You are simply a substitute who is filling in for the teacher until your kids can return to school.

Decide the best timing for your child. Some people start school right after breakfast. Some start in the afternoon. Do what works for you. Fill in specific blocks of time when learning is supposed to happen. Depending on how old your child is, you can set aside 15 minute to 1-hour blocks for learning. Take into consideration your child’s attention span. Don’t expect a 5 year old so sit and work for 2 hours. It just won’t happen.

For example, you can spend 30 minutes on math, take a break in between, then move on to 30 minutes of art. Pick 2 or 3 activities per day, and voila! It’s done.

3. Schedule time for play

Play is a great part of learning. Think about this- even adults take regular breaks during the work day. Your kids need to do so too. Remember in step 2 above when I mentioned scheduling breaks in between? Now is where you decide what you want your kids to do during their breaks. The options are limitless. They can engage in free play (running around the place like kids do), imaginative play (using their imaginations), they can engage in crafts, art, they can draw, they can exercise with you, dance, learn a new language, learn how to type, or even sing. Whatever you decide is great, just make it fun.

Play is a great way to reduce boredom and engage your kids’ brains. And if you have teenagers, encourage them to begin a hobby within the home. Having them stare at a screen all day isn’t helpful. Perhaps they can begin a fun project. You can also encourage them to Facetime or video conference with their friends so that they still get human contact.

4. Schedule time for chores

Chores are another great way to teach kids. Chances are you’re going to be cleaning up around the home. Why not let the kids join you? One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is to teach him or her independence. Every child will one day grow up to become an adult, so wouldn't it be great if they learned valuable life skills?

Little kids would probably love being able to be your helpers. On your schedule, create a block of time for clean up. This would free up so much time for you and give your kids a great sense of independence. If your kids aren't used to doing chores, they might fight you when you start this, but as time goes on, everyone will settle in and get used to it. When everyone pitches in, parents are a lot less stressed.

5. Schedule family time

Another block of time can be set aside for the family to just unwind and have fun. Play some board games, talk to the kids, have a dance party, watch a movie, let loose and make the best of the situation. Although this COVID-19 pandemic was very unexpected, it can be a great time to bond with your kids. The goal is to have your kids relish this time they get to be with you.

Depending on how old your kids are, check in with them a few times a week to see how they are doing. Some kids will be totally unbothered by social distancing, and others will worry. Either way, it’s important that the kids know that you are there to protect them and validate their feelings.

And there you have it- the perfect (ish) unstructured schedule has blocks of time dedicated to work, blocks of time dedicated to play and blocks of time dedicated to family time. What does your perfect(ish) schedule look like?

If social distancing and spending time at home is bringing up feelings of anxiety or affecting your sleep, I am here to help. Like many therapists in Murrieta and Temecula, I am still providing therapy, but all services are being held online until social distancing guidelines have been relaxed. Don’t struggle alone. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

If you are struggling with anxiety and you are sick of it, I’ve created a FREE guide to help you manage anxiety and fear in 5 easy steps.

Anxiety and fear.png

5 simple ways to gain control of anxiety and fear.

Read More

Ready to get rid of anxiety, finally kick insomnia or for marriage counseling?


Blog Categories


Search the blog


Social Media