Parenting during coronavirus: How to stay sane with your kids amidst social distancing

Parenting during the coronavirus pandemic is exceptionally challenging. You don’t have the luxury of dropping your kids off at school, dropping them off at daycare, having the nanny come over, going to the public park or library, going out to eat, or having amazing playdates.

Now the pressure is on you to keep them entertained and occupied all day long.

If this is your plight, don’t fret. I’ve got you. Here are some simple ways to survive being cooped up with your kids all day.

1) Create a simple schedule

One thing that many parents do to make this transition easier, is to have a simple schedule. You do not have to map out every minute of every day, but a flexible schedule can be helpful in giving your kids structure.

That way you don’t feel like you’re raising wild chickens on a farm.

If you are working from home, ensure that the schedule works for you. Because your kids’ lives are no longer determined by the school schedule, you get to make your own! That’s actually a great thing.

The easiest tasks to plan out are meal times and bed times. But I’m sure you probably already have meal times in your home. Keep meal times and bedtime the same, so that the transition to normal life isn’t too hard when they have to go back to school.

Once you’ve chosen meal times and a bed time, it’s time to actually plan activities.

If your kids are school aged, chances are that they are homeschooling. Throw in a few of their school subjects (Math, ELA, Science), give them many breaks in between, and they should be good. Luckily, many schools aren’t just throwing parents in the wind. They are giving them some work and websites to play on.

If you feel confused about what your child should be doing academically, reach out to your child’s teacher for some tips. This is also a great time to reach out to other friends who are in the same boat. Remember, you are not alone. Pretty much most parents in the world are going through this with you.

Also add clean up time and chore time on your schedule. Chores help kids learn vital life skills. They also create a sense of independence and competence.

Ensure that you include a time when your child can hang out with you. This is an amazing time to secure that parent-child bond. Yes, even teenagers need time with mom and dad.

Let’s not forget that self care is incredibly important during this season. If you’re not taking care of yourself, things become increasingly frustrating. Here is a link to some healthy habits you can incorporate for yourself.

2) Include time for free play

Although schedules are great for kids- because predictable lives help kids feel safe- do not over schedule them.

Just like no adult can go 8 hours without some type of break, your kids also need to be kids.

Little ones do well when they are able to just roam around the house using their imagination. Elf course you want to secure cabinets and other areas that could present safety hazards. Encourage the kids to get off the couch and just move.

I personally love the Nintendo Wii and other gaming systems that encourage movement. Of course, there has to be a fine line. You don’t want your kids staring at a screen all day, You get to decide how much screen time is too much.

Many parents are also using Go noodle as a way to get their kids moving and shaking. And if you want to get the kids moving without using screens, put on some music so the kids can just dance. You can even join in the fun.

Younger kids can build forts (yes, I know they look a mess, but they are so enjoyable), play with Legos, draw, color or paint. Older kids can also create art, read and engage in all sorts of crafts. They don’t have to sit in front of video games all day.

You are only limited by your imagination.

3) Stay connected virtually

One of the toughest things about social distancing is that kids are disconnected from their friends. They don’t get playdates, they don’t get to run around the neighborhood, and they do not get to engage in their usual extracurricular activities.

Enter technology.

Virtual playdates can help to maintain social connections. Create blocks of time when your kids can call friends on the phone or even video chat with them.

I recently discovered a app called Marco Polo. It’s pretty cool. You get to send short video messages to your loved ones. Both you and your kids will probably enjoy this.

Although this isn’t the same as an in person connection, it’s much better than being all alone. So get creative.

4) Let the kids help you

If your kids are old enough, now is the time to get your house in tip top shape. If you already have daily or weekly chores for your kids, make sure you continue with those.

And if you don’t, now could be a good time to implement new ones.

You do not have to use the word ‘Chore.’ You can say ‘Responsibilities,’ or ‘Tasks.’ Truth is every human has to have chores.

If you’re an entrepreneur, your business is an endless list of chores. If you’re a parent, keeping your kids alive is a series of chores. If you are an employee, keeping your job is an endless list of chores. Starting them young only prepares them for the future.

Chores are simply life skills that help your kids become healthy, successful adults.

Embed the chores into your daily schedule. You could have them make their beds each morning, put away their dishes, fold laundry or put their toys away.

Here is a blog post that details a bunch of age appropriate chores for kids.

Start with 1 or 2 chores, then build up from there. Your kids will thank you when they become competent adults!

5) Help your kids understand the new normal

This is a stressful and uncertain time for a lot of people. And of course, as a parent, you don’t have all the answers.

Explain the situation as best you can. Little ones definitely have no idea what a virus is, so maybe help them understand that we have to stay in our bubble for a little while.

For older kids, you could explain what a virus is, and let them know why we are actually practicing social distancing.

There is no need to go over numbers, charts and all the gritty details with them. Let them be kids. But reframe this situation as our new normal. Naturally, some kids will feel afraid. This is the time to validate their feelings, offer them comfort and let them know that you will be here with them.

I highly suggest keeping the news turned off so that kids aren’t terrified. Their little brains cannot possibly process what’s going on.

Because social distancing is such an unknown thing, structure will help kids feel safe and loved. But if the house feels chaotic, it could make them feel so much more uneasy.

Check in with them daily or every few days so that they can share their thoughts with you. Nothing connects a child to a parent more than love and attention.

How is social distancing affecting you and your household?

If you are feeling anxious about the current situation or struggling with insomnia, I’m here to help. I’m a therapist in Murrieta who offers therapy for anxiety, insomnia, as well as marriage counseling in the Temecula-Murrieta area. Due to social distancing guidelines, I am now seeing clients online. Click here if you’d like to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation so that you can finally shake your anxiety.

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COVID-19 and your marriage: How to navigate working from home with your spouse

Working from home can be a challenge if you have never done it before. Working from home is a double challenge when you and your spouse are doing it together.

But the great thing is that if you are intentional about it, it could work great for the both of you. Here are 5 simple tips to help you and your spouse survive working from home together.

1) Have a plan for the day

If you and your spouse are to have a peaceful home while working at home simultaneously, it’s important to plan out your day in a way that will work well for the entire family. If you have school aged kids, chances are you are now homeschool parents. Have a conversation about how to split the kids’ work. Sync your schedules so that each of you knows who is in charge of which tasks around the home. If you want to be really organized, you can actually create a Trello board or a written out plan of what your schedules should be.

Talk about who is in charge of meals, cleaning, when both of you will be taking breaks, where each of you will be working within the house, and of course, who will be helping the kids out with their school work. Without an actual plan, I can assure you that the transition to working from home will be quite chaotic. Split up chores so that the house still remains organized while you are working.

I highly suggest trying to have meal times together if possible. The beauty of having the family home is that you all get to really bond and enjoy one another. It’s such a luxury in this fast paced society.

2) Check on your spouse during the workday

If you and your spouse are working from different areas of the home, check up on him or her during the work day. You can send a text or even just pop your head in to say “Hello.” It might sound corny or weird, but everyone likes to be checked on. It shows a whole lot of care and it helps you both strengthen your friendship.

3) Respect each other’s work boundaries

If you and your spouse do not usually work together, working from home could be a challenge. Talk about each other’s ideal work space. Some people like an immaculate and organized space, while others can thrive in an office that looks like it has been hit like a hurricane.

If you are not so organized, but your partner thrives in a tidy environment, respect that. Perhaps you could work together to create a welcoming home office environment so that both of you feel comfortable.

If you thrive with loud music and your spouse likes to work in silence, simply pop in some head phones. Although both of you might be different in the way that you work, you both have a common goal- to get some work done.

Remember that although you both might be home all day, you should remember that both of you have to be productive.

4) Give your spouse some space

Working from home together does not mean that you both have to be around each other 24/7. If one of you is highly sensitive or introverted, chances are you value alone time. Explain that to your spouse in a kind, loving way. If you both share a home office, and you happen to need some space from your spouse and kids, you can take breaks alone so you can recharge and unwind.

During these breaks you can stretch, go for a walk, watch something funny, read a book, workout or even do chores around the house. Some couples do not do well when they have been together all day long. If you and your partner are that couple, prevent arguments and irritation by simply ensuring that both of you get the alone time that you need.

5) End the day together

And when the day is over and the kids are in bed, it’s time to debrief. Talk about what you loved about the day and what did not go so well. But be careful not to be too nit picky so that it doesn't turn into a full blown argument.

Use this time as a bonding moment. You can pray together, listen to a podcast together, sit on the couch together or just be together in silence if you want.

Although there is a crisis going on in the outside world, there is no reason why there should be a crisis within your home as well. Turn to each other, cover each other in love. Make it your mission to make your marriage a lot stronger when this whole thing is over.

If you and your spouse are looking to really strengthen your friendship with one another, I offer marriage counseling in the Temecula/Murrieta area. Due to social distancing guidelines, I am now providing couples counseling online to California residents. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call to see if couples therapy in Murrieta is right for your marriage.

Unstructured structure: How to plan the perfect(ish) day for kids during COVID-19

A few weeks ago, you were living the life. You had a job you commuted to, you would drive your kids to a school they loved, and the world seemed to be perfectly aligned.

But things just got real. 

You are now a homeschool parent, wondering when the kids will go back to school and where to send your resignation letter. You are not used to being home with your kids all day, but here you are. Even though you were not built for this life, all hope is not lost. You can do this.

Here is how to plan the perfect (ish) structured day for your kids during this social distancing era. It’s a lot easier than you think.

1. Start with bedtimes and meal times

Because this shelter in place order is so open ended, please do not forget that your kids still need schedules and routines. If you let them run wild, by the time life returns to normal, they will have to readjust to going to bed at a specific time. This adjustment will most definitely affect them when they have to go to school. So save yourself the hassle and keep things simple.

When creating a schedule, the first thing to plug in is what time you want your kids to wake up, what time you want them to go to bed, and what time you want to serve meals. Super simple.

Now of course, there is room for leeway, but stick to specific mealtimes and bedtimes so you can schedule everything else around that. If you already have these in place, now is the time to continue to enforce that. Kids need a lot more sleep than we think for their own development and health. Please don’t overlook this. Here are the sleep guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Regarding meal times, when you feed kids around the same time each day, it just helps them have more predictability in their lives. They begin to get hungry around the same time each day and you have a better understanding of when to start getting meals ready. Your life as a parent is also a lot easier when you are able to predict how you want the day to unfold.

2. Schedule time for school work

Being that the entire world is struggling at this time, you’re now a homeschool parent and school work should be scheduled so that everyone is on the same page. The last thing you want is to be scrambling day after day. Block out specific times each day for learning. The easiest way to handle this is to lean on your kids’ teachers. Ask them for help so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Many teachers have created curricula for home. Just take that and plug it into a calendar.

Your child’s home school day doesn't have to be as long as the regular school day. Remember that learning doesn't just involve math and language arts. Kids can learn informally as they work with you at home. This is a great time to truly get to understand how your child learns, what his or her likes and dislikes are, and what makes him or her tick.

But be easy on yourself. If you imagine that you will be just as great as a teacher who has spent many years learning childhood education, honing the craft, and practicing with kids, please take the pressure off yourself. You are simply a substitute who is filling in for the teacher until your kids can return to school.

Decide the best timing for your child. Some people start school right after breakfast. Some start in the afternoon. Do what works for you. Fill in specific blocks of time when learning is supposed to happen. Depending on how old your child is, you can set aside 15 minute to 1-hour blocks for learning. Take into consideration your child’s attention span. Don’t expect a 5 year old so sit and work for 2 hours. It just won’t happen.

For example, you can spend 30 minutes on math, take a break in between, then move on to 30 minutes of art. Pick 2 or 3 activities per day, and voila! It’s done.

3. Schedule time for play

Play is a great part of learning. Think about this- even adults take regular breaks during the work day. Your kids need to do so too. Remember in step 2 above when I mentioned scheduling breaks in between? Now is where you decide what you want your kids to do during their breaks. The options are limitless. They can engage in free play (running around the place like kids do), imaginative play (using their imaginations), they can engage in crafts, art, they can draw, they can exercise with you, dance, learn a new language, learn how to type, or even sing. Whatever you decide is great, just make it fun.

Play is a great way to reduce boredom and engage your kids’ brains. And if you have teenagers, encourage them to begin a hobby within the home. Having them stare at a screen all day isn’t helpful. Perhaps they can begin a fun project. You can also encourage them to Facetime or video conference with their friends so that they still get human contact.

4. Schedule time for chores

Chores are another great way to teach kids. Chances are you’re going to be cleaning up around the home. Why not let the kids join you? One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is to teach him or her independence. Every child will one day grow up to become an adult, so wouldn't it be great if they learned valuable life skills?

Little kids would probably love being able to be your helpers. On your schedule, create a block of time for clean up. This would free up so much time for you and give your kids a great sense of independence. If your kids aren't used to doing chores, they might fight you when you start this, but as time goes on, everyone will settle in and get used to it. When everyone pitches in, parents are a lot less stressed.

5. Schedule family time

Another block of time can be set aside for the family to just unwind and have fun. Play some board games, talk to the kids, have a dance party, watch a movie, let loose and make the best of the situation. Although this COVID-19 pandemic was very unexpected, it can be a great time to bond with your kids. The goal is to have your kids relish this time they get to be with you.

Depending on how old your kids are, check in with them a few times a week to see how they are doing. Some kids will be totally unbothered by social distancing, and others will worry. Either way, it’s important that the kids know that you are there to protect them and validate their feelings.

And there you have it- the perfect (ish) unstructured schedule has blocks of time dedicated to work, blocks of time dedicated to play and blocks of time dedicated to family time. What does your perfect(ish) schedule look like?

If social distancing and spending time at home is bringing up feelings of anxiety or affecting your sleep, I am here to help. Like many therapists in Murrieta and Temecula, I am still providing therapy, but all services are being held online until social distancing guidelines have been relaxed. Don’t struggle alone. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

If you are struggling with anxiety and you are sick of it, I’ve created a FREE guide to help you manage anxiety and fear in 5 easy steps.

5 simple ways to gain control of anxiety and fear.

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How to not ruin your marriage during COVID-19

Before I begin, let’s just get this clear. COVID-19 is a really serious virus. Please follow all the instructions and pay attention to the guidelines that the medical community has outlined for us. I know this new social distancing lifestyle is tough. But if we all play our part, we will all make it through.

Now on to the post.

Marriage is already a challenge. But how on earth do you survive when you, your spouse, and everyone who lives with you (kids, in-laws, and other family members) have to be in the same space 24/7?

Never fear. It’s actually possible to improve your marriage during this pandemic by doing 5 simple things.

1) Check your mindset

Rather than viewing COVID-19 and social distancing as the end of your marriage as we know it, view it as an opportunity to rebuild. Remember when you first met your spouse? You had wonderful butterflies in your stomach, you had a tingle in your chest when you’d hear his voice. You thought the world revolved around him. This is your chance to get back to that place. Use this time as a real opportunity to get to know each other.

If you think of this situation as the worst possible thing, I promise you that you will be miserable until life returns to normal. But if you view it as an opportunity, your marriage will end up stronger than ever. After all, if your marriage can make it through this, you guys are ninjas! And we all know that ninjas aways win.

Instead of thinking, “I’m stuck in the house with my husband,” think this instead: “I get to be in the house with my husband and we get a second chance at our marriage.”

The way you think directly affects the way you feel, which also affects your behavior. So a great marriage starts with how you view it.

2) Actually spend time together

Although you and your spouse are probably home together all day (assuming you get to work from home), do not avoid each other like the plague.

Eat meals together, talk to one another, look at each other, compliment each other, ask each other how the day is going, reminisce about the past (only the great parts of the past) and try to get back to a happy place.

Think of this as an opportunity to re-ignite a friendship. Imagine your spouse is a friend whom you are just getting to know. Ask him questions and make life fun again.

This is also a great time to watch movies together, listen to podcasts together, workout together and just be together. You’ll be surprised how close two people can get when they actually become intentional about time spent together.

3) Create daily rituals

One common thread amongst all couples is that they are busy. The husband gets up super early, rushes out the door, then the wife rushes around the house while getting the kids ready. Many families live in the same house, but they don’t really live together.

That team spirit is lacking.

But no more. Let’s change that. You get to actually change that. So here are some new rituals I’d like you to try. If you already practice these rituals, then that’s great! Keep it up!

• When you wake up in the morning, say “Good morning” or “Hello” or “Hey” to your spouse. Don’t just roll out of bed, grunt and go about your day. Acknowledge him or her in some way.

• Before you go to bed at night, say: “Goodnight.” And try to do it with a smile on your face. It’s the little gestures that count.

• Try to do some chores around the house together. Maybe he washes the dishes while you rinse them. Or maybe you do laundry and he folds. Or you both can fold clothes together. Get creative.

• Chances are that both of you have a little extra time on your hands. So why don’t you play a game together when the kids are in bed? It doesn’t even matter what game. Just play a game. There’s Uno, Monopoly, Chess, Checkers, The Game of Life. You could solve a sudoku puzzle or a crossword puzzle together. As long as it’s done together. If you like apps, I love Gottman Card Decks. You can download it in the app store.

• After the day is over, debrief together. Talk about how social distancing is going for the both of you. Talk about how you’re feeling, and what’s going on in your inner worlds. This is how you build closeness.

4) Pick your battles wisely

Being together more than you’re used to can easily become irritating (I’m being real here). So pick your battles wisely. Rather than focusing on everything your spouse is doing wrong, focus on what he or she is doing right.

Make a plan for the day and tackle it together. Understand that your spouse is NOT going to be perfect, but this is the spouse you chose. This is the person you fell in love with.

Don’t bicker about every single thing.

And if you have to address something negative, pick the right time and the right place.

Remember debriefing from step 3 above? Perhaps you guys can address 1 or 2 issues when everyone else is in bed.

• State your piece without yelling or name calling.

• Give your spouse a chance to say his part.

• Finally, come to an understanding of how you both will do things differently in the future.

5) Work on a shared goal

This is a great time to identify and begin to work on important goals together. There has never been a better time to work on your financial goals. Maybe you can both create a budget together and figure out how to implement it.

You could also work on a project around the house. This is also a great time to declutter, paint a room, organize something, teach your kids a new skill, learn how to use software, begin a work out program, learn a new language, plan for the future, etc.

It really doesn't matter how big or how small the project is, just work on it together!

So yes, although we are living in troubled times, you and your spouse have control over the success of your marriage.

And if you need help working on shared goals, managing battles and strengthening your friendship as a couple, I offer couples counseling. Due to social distancing and COVID-19 guidelines, I am providing couples counseling services online. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call so that your marriage can move back to a place of butterflies and bliss.

What you don't know about insurance and therapy

Perhaps you have done your research, and you’re ready to begin therapy. There are lots of decisions to make: What therapist to choose, when to begin therapy, what questions to ask the therapist, what to focus on in therapy and whether or not to use your insurance. It’s a tough call. But before you make the decision, let’s talk a bit about the insurance piece.

Here are 6 things you should know before you make the decision about whether or not to use your health insurance when you go to therapy. Of course for many, it’s a no brainer. After all, why would you want to pay for health insurance each month and opt not to use it when you’re seeking therapy services?

Now, before I begin, let me make it clear that I am not for or against insurance. It’s important that you make an informed decision and that you do what is right for your specific situation.

Okay, here it goes:

1) Your insurance doesn’t always pay your therapist’s full fee

Typically, when you go to a therapist’s website in the Murrieta/Temecula area, you might see a tab on the site that says “Insurance and fees” or “Rates.” It’s important to note that many insurance companies do not actually pay your therapist their full fee. Some reimburse very poorly, and others are more generous. Sometimes you’ll have to pay a co-pay in order to see your therapist. Other times you’ll be responsible for the difference. So for example, if your therapist, psychologist or counselor charges $100 per session, and insurance only reimburses the therapist $85, you’ll be responsible to pay the leftover bill of $15.

It’s important to call your insurance company before beginning therapy or counseling services in Murrieta/Temecula so that you are able to budget appropriately. So for example, let’s say your therapist’s full fee is $100 per session, the insurance company makes a judgment call about how much to pay the therapist. Many times it’s not based on your therapist’s educational background, training and experience. There is typically an arbitrary ‘Usual and customary rate.’ The insurance company can choose to reimburse the therapist as little as $30 for a session or if they are generous, they might pay the therapist more. They decide the therapist’s worth.

2) Your information is not always confidential

When you use your health insurance, ask the insurance company exactly what type of information will be collected from your therapist. Usually your insurance company will want to know when you came to session, what type of session you were in (couples, family or individual) and how long the session was (30 minutes, 45 minutes, 50 minutes or more).

Other insurance companies want a treatment plan (a specific written down plan of what goals you’ll be working on in session and how long it’ll take to complete the goals). Sometimes they want to know how exactly the therapist plans to help you reach your goal.

Still, some other insurance companies ask for more specific information about your sessions. Some might at some point ask to see the therapist’s notes or perhaps their initial assessment note. To protect your privacy, ensure that you have a good understanding of the information that is passed between the therapist and the insurance company, so that only what you’re comfortable with gets shared.

3) Your insurance company typically requires a diagnosis

Most insurance companies require a mental health diagnosis before they can pay for your sessions. This means your therapist has to diagnose you with a mental health condition in order for the services to be paid for. As a consumer of services you can ask your therapist, psychologist or counselor what he or she has diagnosed you with. Sometimes your diagnosis changes as you work longer with your therapist. These are all discussions that you can have with your therapist.

Some insurance companies will only pay for ‘Mild’ diagnoses, while others only pay for ‘Moderate to severe’ diagnoses. This mental health diagnosis becomes a part of your permanent record, so it’s important that you remain informed about this so that it doesn't affect you in the future.

Some people choose not to go the insurance route because they do not want to have a diagnosis on their record because of the nature of the work they do or because of work they might do in the future. Others choose not to have a diagnosis for other personal reasons. Neither is wrong or right. You pick which works for you.

4) They determine the type and number of sessions

Your insurance company usually decides how many sessions you need, the types of sessions you can utilize, as well as how long these sessions are. For example. they can decide that you only get 6 45-minute sessions. Now some insurance companies are flexible and if the therapist is able to put in a good justification for additional services, they’ll cover it. And with other insurance companies, you simply get what you get.

Some insurance companies are very generous and they’ll pay for 6 months, 1 year or even many years worth of therapy. The struggle with this is that the insurance company often has the power over what your treatment could look like. It’s important to be informed about how many sessions you can have so that your mental health care isn’t abruptly cut short.

5) Your therapist’s job doesn't stop after your session is over

When you use your insurance to cover therapy sessions, typically your therapist is spending time on the phone with your insurance company, sometimes going back and forth with them. Sometimes faxes are sent back and forth and additional paperwork has to be sent. So when you go into session, your therapist most definitely spends much more time than the 30 to 60 minutes you spend sitting in their office. However, insurance companies only pay therapists for the face to face time they spend with you.

6) Insurance doesn’t always pay for tele therapy or couples therapy

As life gets busy, some people prefer online therapy. And if you live in the Temecula area, you know that traffic gets a lot heavier at certain times of the morning and evening. To prevent sitting in traffic, many people prefer online therapy or counseling. As a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, my license allows me to see clients all over California. So you can sit in your home in Orange County or Los Angeles, log in to my online portal from your phone, tablet or laptop and participate in therapy from the comfort of your home or office. Some people even sit in their parked car and log into their counseling session.

Well, it’s important to first check with your insurance company. More and more insurance panels understand the benefits of online or distance therapy- especially in large cities in California. But some have still not moved with the times. Some will only cover phone sessions, while others only cover sessions when you drive to the therapist’s office.

Another type of therapy that is often not covered by insurance is couples or marriage counseling. Although the divorce rates are sky rocketing each day and more and more couples are open to speaking to a therapist to improve their relationship, not all insurance companies are willing to cover couples therapy. It’ll be important to check with your insurance company to see if they will be willing to help you out with the cost of therapy.

Are there any of the above points that took you by surprise? Comment below.

And if you’re ready to get rid of your anxiety or insomnia or begin marriage counseling in Murrieta, click here for your free 15-minute consultation call. I also provide therapy services online for people who live throughout California.

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What your therapist is thinking when you're in session

Going to therapy or counseling with a therapist or psychologist can be difficult. You’ve probably struggled with whatever the issue is for months, or maybe years. You scour through all the Google or Psychology Today searches trying to find the best therapist for you. Maybe it’s your first time in therapy, so you’re super nervous about the therapy process. You’re not sure what to expect. And if you happen to live nearby, you know there a ton of therapists in the Murrieta/Temecula area to choose from.

Maybe you’ve watched therapy sessions on YouTube to try to get a feel for what therapy might look like. Or maybe you’ve Googled your way around the internet to help you feel more comfortable with the concept of siting with a therapist. By the way, I wrote a blog post about what your first therapy session looks like. You can read more about that here. Well if you’re ready to dive into therapy, and you wonder what your therapist is thinking when she sits across from you for 50 minutes, I’m here to lift the veil a bit. Therapy is a lot less spooky than you think. And no, I don’t typically say “What I hear you saying is…”

So here it goes. Here are 5 things I’m thinking when I sit across from my therapy clients:

You have a ton of strengths

When I meet you for the first time, I make it a point to listen in for as many strengths as I can. In our first session together, I typically will ask you “What are your strengths?” If at that time, you’re not able to come up with any, that’s fine, because I have got you covered. As you talk to me about who you are, what brought you into therapy and what you’re trying to accomplish, all I hear are your strengths. Most people I see are kind, resilient and intelligent, the problem is they haven’t been told that before. It is my job to help you see your strengths and learn how to harness the power of your strengths so that your life can blossom.

You’re going to be okay

Typically, I know that you’re going to be okay before you do. I’ve been a therapist for many years, I’ve seen so many different types of clients come in with all sorts of struggles, and I have a good sense of what the outcome will be. Because I am very selective about the clients I work with, I typically pick clients whom I can help- that way I’m not wasting your time. So after the first session, I know that you are going to be okay. The challenge for me is helping you truly believe that and harnessing your super powers (everyone has them) so that it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for you.

I really love what I do

Some days I really feel like pinching myself because I don’t believe that people actually allow me the privilege of entering into the dark spaces of their hearts and minds, and walking with them as they find their way to the light. Every single time I get to be in a therapy session, I think about the unique honor of being a therapist. And do I really love what I do? Absolutely. There is no other profession I would have chosen. And yes, sometimes when I’m sitting across from you, my heart does feel warm and fuzzy because you have allowed me to be a part of your success story.

If you think about it, most people hold on to their struggles and pain. Only very few people actually go on to see a therapist to talk about these painful struggles that they’ve been battling with for years. And so it’s not lost on me that you are making a brave choice to come into my therapy office in Murrieta or meet with me for online counseling or teletherapy.

I can’t wait till you get to the other side of your pain

My job is to hold hope for you when you don’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel. And sometimes, because I’m the only one in the room who knows there’s light at the end of the tunnel, my job is to help you get to the other side of your pain. Sometimes it is difficult for me to watch you feel pain and struggle, but because I always hold hope for my clients, I know that your life is going to be so amazing if I can get you over the threshold and unto the other side. Because although there are many lessons to learn when you’re sitting on the therapy couch and battling through all the difficulty, when you finally get to the other side, your life will blossom beyond your wildest imagination- at least that’s what I think.

You’re going to do great things

Now of course, I am very biased and I believe in the transformative power of therapy. But it is my belief that when people are transformed in the therapy room, they not only change their lives, but they also have the opportunity to change the lives of their families, friends and loved ones for the better. Your outlook on life changes, the way you talk changes, who you are even changes as well. And when I sit across from you, I get to see the transformation week to week. I often think about the way my clients are going to impact their families, impact their friends and just become a much better version of themselves.

The therapy process is truly a beautiful thing.

And there you have it. A little peak into the mind of a therapist. If you are considering seeking out therapy or counseling in Murrieta, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call. It’s important that your therapist is a great fit for you, so that you too can get to the other side of your anxiety or insomnia. I provide therapy or counseling services for women who struggle with anxiety and insomnia. Call now for your free 15-minute consultation.

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