Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA & TX
What to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area
These days it appears that on every show on TV, everybody and their mama, is constantly talking about going to therapy. You've played around with the idea of therapy or counseling in your head, however you're not sure what to expect.
You've heard that talking to a therapist is just like talking to your best friend. But if it is similar to talking to your best friend, then why pay money and spend time you don’t have in therapy? Why not just go to your best friend?
Here's a quick list of what to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area.
Everyone and their mother appears to be talking about going to therapy on every show these days. You've entertained the idea of therapy or counseling in your mind, but you're not sure what to expect.
You've probably heard that talking to a therapist is similar to talking to your best friend. But, if it's the same as talking to your best friend, why spend money, and the time you don't have in therapy? Why not ask your best friend?
Here's a quick list of what to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area.
Before we begin, all therapists must be different, so I will be speaking from my own perspective. These are my practices as a therapist.
I won't be giving you advice during therapy or counseling.
The number one misconception about therapy is your therapist specifically tells you what to do. Your therapist is entirely different from your best friend or your mentor. My job is NOT to tell you what to do; after all, who am I to tell you what to do? I am not your boss. My job is simply to ask you questions that give you the space to think deeply, weigh the pros and cons, brainstorm, and eventually come to your own conclusion. You'll learn more about the whys of things, common patterns in your life, and what makes you who you are.
Would it not be a form of control if I told you what to do?
I'm not 100 percent neutral in therapy.
When you watch TV, the therapist is 100% neutral. They really have a blank stare on their face, they nod and smile, and they just appear to have no personality.
I am not like that.
If I feel like you are moving in a perilous direction, I will let you know. I am not neutral at all. My ulterior motive is to guide you towards the completion of your goals. To be neutral will mean that I have no investment in your success. Being neutral would mean that I am a blank slate. I am no blank slate.
My real intention is to guide you to become the person you said you wanted to become when you began working with me.
Therapy is hard work.
From the outside looking in, therapy is just two people looking at each other and talking for an hour. This is far from the truth. As a couple therapist in Houston, I have spent over a decade honing my skills, learning human behavior, learning about interpersonal relationships, learning about nonverbal behavior, and even learning about how the brain works to quickly get you your therapy goals.
Therapy is not a walk in the park. There will be tears, some shade was thrown (mostly on my end), moments of deep reflection, and you will feel uncomfortable.
You'll feel like a lot better version of yourself when you've gone through some of those challenging feelings when you're done. To grow a healthy tree, I always remind my clients that they must first dig through the sludge.
And yes, another thing to expect when you work with me is a series of proverbs and sayings that I often make up on the fly.
What can I say? It is the West African therapist in me.
In our therapy or counseling sessions, I won't be blaming your mom for everything.
People often shy away from therapy in Houston (and everywhere else) because they believe their family will be put on blast or that the therapist will not respect their heritage.
As a Black marriage counselor in Houston and an immigrant, I understand the importance of culture and family and their complexity.
I will absolutely not be blaming your mom, your dad, your grandma, or your neighborhood for everything. I understand that your environment, personality, and family upbringing all play a role in making you who you are. It is entirely unjust to place all of the blame on one person.
As a therapist, I have no preconceived notions about you.
Although I primarily work with couples and high-achieving women with anxiety and insomnia, I do not expect all of my clients to be the same. I absolutely do not take a one-size-fits-all approach to my work.
I believe that you are unique, and a massive part of my work is listening and observing. You are the one who tells me the story of who you are, you are the one who walks me through, and you are the captain of the ship.
When you go to a therapy session with me, I have no preconceived notions about you. I do not expect you to check off all of the boxes in the DSM V (the DSM V is the official manual from which therapists diagnose clients).
Instead, I take an approach of not knowing, as I believe you are the expert yourself. You may not realize it yourself better than anyone else or will ever know you. Let us all learn to accept that together.
I ask you what your goals for therapy are
Our first Couples counseling Houston session together is like a discovery session. I ask you a lot of questions about your upbringing, your current environment, your time in school, your career, the significant relationships in your life, what brings you into therapy, your emotions, your past experiences in therapy, as well as who you want to be when our time together is done.
All of these questions help me (and you) understand you better. It is like putting 1 million puzzle pieces together to see the big picture. Therapy, in my opinion, should have clear goals so that we know precisely when it is time for you to graduate. No guessing games are involved.
Before diving into therapy, we get all the insurance things out of the way.
For therapy to succeed, you need to know exactly what to expect. That means also discussing the boring insurance stuff. If you wish to go through your insurance, I'll tell you everything you should be telling your insurance company so that the road will be smooth.
If you choose to work with me as an out-of-network therapist, I will also sort everything out before starting our sessions. It is essential that when we start sessions, there are no distractions. The ultimate goal is to get you in the headspace necessary to reach your therapy goals.
Expect to laugh (A LOT) in therapy.
I am absolutely NOT a nod and smile therapist. You will not get a blank slate or stare from me, and I won't be the therapist who repeatedly asks you, "How does that make you feel?"
We go deeper than that, and I bring in my authentic self. Some days I am loud. Some days I cackle. I happen to laugh A LOT, and yes, we'll have some belly laughs even while discussing anxiety, insomnia, marital struggles, and trauma.
I am an expert. I believe that laughter may help heal a broken heart. So even though we will be doing a lot of work, and tears will be shed, expect to laugh a lot. After all, laughter is the best medicine.
So there it is. Those are some of the elements you should expect when working with me in therapy in the Houston area. As a Black therapist in Houston, I pride myself on helping women of color and couples of color move from surviving to thriving. If you struggle and barely treading water, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call. Because you absolutely deserve to wake up every day and enjoy your life
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
The Top 8 Myths/Misconceptions about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston
Many people feel terrified about going to marriage counseling in Houston. This causes a lot of couples to struggle on their own for years without knowing how to actually fix it. What you don't know is that a skilled marriage counselor in Houston can take your relationship from raggedy to blissful. Here are the top 8 myths about relationship therapy or marriage counseling in Houston.
Many people feel completely terrified at the idea of going to marriage counseling in Houston. But, a lot of couples just struggle on their own for years and years without knowing how to actually fix the situation.
What you do not know is that a skilled marriage counselor in Houston can take your relationship from raggedy and uninspiring, to fun, enjoyable and amazing.
Here are some of the top nine myths about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston that you need to know.
We have to stop this foolishness guys.
1) Marriage counseling will lead to divorce.
If you and your partner decide to get a divorce after going through marriage counseling in Houston, chances are it was NOT the couples counseling that led to the divorce. My guess is that your marriage has been on the rocks for a while, and the relationship counseling simply just helped shine the light on the cracks that are already present in your relationship.
Now I'll admit this, it is not the job of the couples therapist to fix your marriage. That is actually you and your spouse’s job. The goal of marriage counseling is simply to give you tools to help you work to improve your friendship, intimacy and trust.
If you and your spouse do not put in the necessary work, you will not meet your goals. Will marriage counseling guarantee that your marriage will be happily ever after? No. But marriage counseling most certainly can give you the tools that you and your spouse need to help you reach the happily ever after.
2) Marriage counseling is for non-Christians only.
There is this really dangerous myth within certain churches that couples counseling is for non-Christians only. So what does this mean? It means that there are thousands of Christians out there who are suffering in silence, rather than getting the tools that they need to unlock happiness in their marriages.
I believe that the Bible actually encourages us to seek wisdom. There is nothing unbiblical about marriage counseling. If you want to, you can even seek the services of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston. That way they can integrate your faith, as well as your Christian beliefs into the therapy.
But do not for one minute think that being a Christian means that your job is to be miserable in a marriage. I believe that God actually wants your married to succeed. So why not go to someone who has the professional skills and expertise to help your marriage succeed? Sometimes you need more than prayer.
3) The couples therapist will blame me for everything that has been going wrong in my marriage.
Many people run away from marriage counseling in Houston because they think that all the blame will be placed on them. I see this in women a lot.
A skilled, professional marriage and family therapist, or a skilled marriage counselor will NOT place the blame on one party. I have never seen a relationship in which one spouse holds all of the blame. After all, it does take two to tango.
I believe that marriages unravel because each person is unaware of how to meet their spouses needs, or sometimes they bring in trauma and negative relational dynamics into the relationship, which then starts to eat away at the happiness of the marriage.
If you are currently working with a marriage therapist who is blaming one party for everything, please run in the opposite direction. Couples counseling should not feel like you are getting stoned. Both partners should feel heard and supported by their therapist.
4) There's no point in going to see a marriage counselor when I can just read self-help books
If self-help books were enough to help you build your marital relationship, you will not be having relationship struggles in the first place. Is there a place for self-help books? Of course. They are a great addendum to couples or relationship therapy.
But self-help books will not help you understand how your generational trauma is playing a role in your marriage. Self-help books might not give you all the tools you need to clearly communicate when you're in a conflict with your spouse.
Self-help books are not tailored to focus on all the nuances that occur within relationships. Many self-help books are pretty generalized and might not completely pertain to your own marriage.
So I would suggest continuing to read self-help books, but also getting additional knowledge from a trained marriage therapist.
5) I cannot afford marriage counseling in Houston.
This might not be entirely true. Your insurance might actually be willing to cover a part of your marriage counseling costs. All you have to do is pick up the phone, and ask them if they cover marriage counseling.
If your insurance does not cover the cost of marriage counseling, there are tons of therapists out there who have affordable fee structures. Do your research first, before assuming that you cannot afford marriage counseling.
I would actually argue that the cost of marriage counseling is far less than the cost of a messy divorce. When you think about the emotional toll, the physical toll, as well as the financial mess that often happens after a divorce, you might need to put marriage counseling as a line item on your monthly budget.
Whatever we put our energy towards will grow.
6) Marriage counseling in Houston is pretty boring
If your only experience with marriage counseling has been through movies, I'm pretty sure that you have the wrong idea about marriage counseling. And chances are that you have not worked with me.
Marriage counseling does not have to be boring. Marriage counseling does not have to feel like a wrestling match.
Marriage counseling counseling is simply just a system to equip you with the necessary tools that you need to thrive in your relationship.
Every week, we focus on a different area of your relationship. It could be friendship and intimacy, managing conflict, building life's hopes and dreams, establishing communication, trust and commitment. I typically will bring my personality into the session, so we will share lots of laughs. I throw in a little bit of shade, and it does not have to feel like a funeral.
7) Marriage counseling will finally fix my husband/wife
If you're coming into couples therapy or marriage counseling to fix your spouse, I have bad news for you. Your entire job in couples therapy is actually to work on you. You have absolutely no control over what your spouse does or thinks, however you have 100% of control over your thoughts, your feelings and your behavior. The process of marriage counseling actually helps you look inward and repair the areas where you are weak.
You’ll learn how to listen, how to speak, how to manage overwhelming emotions, and possibly how to become a lot more trustworthy. It’s basically like individual therapy, but your spouse tags along.
8) we are going to be in couples counseling forever
Most of my couples actually do not spend a whole lot of time with me. Because I do an in-depth science backed assessment during the first four sessions, we will know what your relational areas of strength are as well as your areas of weaknesses.
My job during couples counseling is to focus solely on the areas of weakness, teach you practical skills to improve those weaknesses, and help you communicate with one another so that you're better able to manage conflicts.
Now depending on what your situation is (trauma, substance use, infidelity), the sessions could run longer. But the length of couples therapy sessions depend on you. Small work you put into it, the sooner you see positive results.
If you are ready to turn your cold relationship into a red hot, intimate and friendship filled marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. Couples counseling in Houston can help you turn your relationship around.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust
If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.
Questions to ask a prospective Christian marriage counselor
Perhaps you have been thinking about going to marriage counseling. But you’re not crazy about going to your pastor. However, you would prefer someone who is professionally trained in marriage counseling.
Because your Christian faith is very important to you, you would rather meet with a Christian counselor in Houston or a Christian marriage therapist in Houston.
Here are some questions you should ask a prospective Christian marriage counselor to let you know if they are the best marriage therapist for you.
You’ve been thinking about going to marriage counseling. But you don’t want to go to the church or your pastor.
Because your Christian faith is very important to you, you would rather meet with a Christian counselor in Houston or a Christian marriage therapist in Houston who is also a licensed therapist.
Here are some questions you should ask a prospective Christian marriage counselor to let you know if they are the best marriage therapist in Houston for you.
Do you include faith and scripture in your marriage counseling sessions?
There's a difference between a marriage counselor who is a Christian and a Christian marriage counselor. Some marriage counselors are Christians, however they do not actually integrate Christian faith or scripture into their counseling work.
Christian marriage counselors in Houston on the other hand, feel much more comfortable speaking about Jesus in session, pointing you towards scripture, as well as exploring your Christian faith while integrating that into the marriage counseling process.
It is important to ask prospective marriage counselors whether or not they feel comfortable integrating your Christian faith into the therapy.
What are your faith belief systems/doctrinal beliefs?
The term ‘Christian’ is very broad. Some people are very conservative, while others are pretty liberal. There are so many different Christian denominations and doctrines out there. It is important that you find a Christian marriage therapist whose Christian beliefs are probably similar to yours.
Ensure that both you and the Christian marriage counselor in Houston share similar beliefs, so that they do not point you in the wrong direction or in a direction that you do not feel comfortable going into.
How often will we meet for marriage counseling sessions?
It is important to know what to expect so that you can put it on your schedule. Some Christian marriage therapists in Houston will meet with you once a week, while others can meet with you every other week. Ensure that you know how long the sessions will last. Some Christian couples therapists do 45 minute sessions, while others will do a 90-minute session.
What will Christian marriage counseling sessions look like?
Every Christian therapist is unique. Some will only meet with the couple. While others will meet with each party independently. Will there be prayer involved? Will there be homework involved? Will the therapy favor one person over the other? Just ask away, so you have some clarity before jumping in.
Do you interpret scripture during Christian marriage counseling sessions?
My personal belief is that it is not my job to interpret scripture. I believe that it is the Holy Spirit who does the work in your heart and convicts you. I however will point you in the direction of a scripture and we can explore what that scripture means to you and your spouse.
However, you might be looking for a Christian couples therapist in Houston who does interpret scripture and who does give you the understanding of what the scripture means. This is why it is important to have this conversation with a prospective Christian therapist in the first place. You want to ensure that the therapy is moving in the direction that you expect it to.
What are your Christian beliefs about the role of a husband and a wife?
This basic belief can color the entire process of Christian Marriage counseling. There are some Christians who believe that a husband is the ultimate authority and he is able to be borderline abusive towards his wife.
There are other Christians who absolutely do not believe this and believe that the man and the wife should be loving and kind towards his wife.
Ask the Christian marriage therapist in Houston what their beliefs are about the role of the husband and the wife. You do not want to pour gasoline on an already burning fire.
Apprehension is normal
If you are new to marriage counseling or Christian marriage counseling in Houston, it is normal to feel a little bit of apprehension before you jump in. My recommendation is that you create a short list of marriage counselors that you feel comfortable with.
Ask for a consultation
After doing this, ask to schedule a free consultation call so that you can get more of a feel for their personality and their beliefs.
Ask yourself what you need in a Christian marriage counselor before you begin. Do you have a specific gender? Christian denomination? Age range? Race? Ethnicity? Language spoke? You and your spouse have to be comfortable for marriage counseling or couples therapy to be effective.
If you're ready to start the process of healing and greater communication in your marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. I am a Black Christian marriage counselor in the Houston area. I see married couples throughout California and Texas. Please remember that as long as you and your spouse are willing, you can have the marriage of your dreams.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Misconceptions about Christian marriage counseling
If you’ve never been to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, you might be confused about what it actually is. Perhaps you might be wondering, “Why don’t I just go to speak to a friend or a pastor?” I’m here to clear up some of the misconceptions around what Christian marriage counseling in Houston is.
Here are some popular myths about Christian marriage counseling.
If you’ve never been to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, you might be confused about what it actually is. Perhaps you might be wondering, “Why don’t I just go to speak to a friend or a pastor?” I’m here to clear up some of the misconceptions around what Christian marriage counseling in Houston is.
Here are some popular myths about Christian marriage counseling.
Christian counseling is the same as speaking to your pastor
Pastors are experts in the Bible, teaching and service to others. Most pastors do not actually have training or a background in human behavior and mental health counseling. Most pastors also do not have training in mental health and trauma. Chances are if you or your spouse is experiencing depression, anxiety, OCD, an eating disorder or an addiction, your pastor won’t know what to do with that.
And that is the advantage of going to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston.
You're able to get the integration of your Christian faith, as well as the years of experience in all of the aforementioned areas. We are able to work with you on previous trauma, exploring emotions, effective communication skills, friendship, intimacy as well as whatever other mental health issues you might be struggling with. I am not against going to your pastor, however sometimes the marital issues are way beyond what your pastor can handle.
The only thing that Christian marriage counselors do is read Bible scripture to you
This is probably the biggest misconception about Christian marriage counseling in Houston. Most people assume that the Christian counselor will open up scripture, read it to you and send you on your merry way. While the marriage counselor could use the Bible to frame the counseling sessions, you'll be learning actual tools to help you communicate better with your spouse and repair what has been broken.
You'll also learn why certain behaviors came to be, how your past and your environment affect your relationship, as well as practical tips to help you improve your relationship.
Christian marriage counseling in Houston is not the same as listening to a sermon. if you’re currently working with a Christian marriage counselor in Houston who just preaches at you, but does not give you practical tools to work through your struggles, please run! NOW!
Christian MARRIAGE counselors blame the wife for everything
Christian Marriage Counseling not about the blame game. I am yet to see a relationship or a marriage in which one party is to blame for everything. A skilled Christian marriage counselor will spend time getting to know both parties, getting to understand your mental health needs, and helping you identify your part in the relationship. The goal is to create a system of accountability- not judgment or blame.
Christian marriage counselors just give you advice and tell you not to get divorced
First of all, it is not the role of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston to give you advice. We simply lay the foundation to help you communicate your needs and wants to your partner in an appropriate way. We teach you skills to increase friendship, trust, and improve your bond. It is not our job to tell you whether or not to get divorced. We don’t even give you advice. That decision is completely up to you and your spouse.
Christian marriage counselors only work with Christians
I often get calls asking me if I work with people who are not Christians. The answer is yes. It is not my job to indoctrinate anyone. It is also not my job to force anybody to believe what I believe. I only integrate Christian faith into marriage counseling when my clients actually want me to do so.
So as you see, Christian marriage counseling does not have to be a terrifying thing. The best Christian marriage counselors in Houston have a strong background in mental health and are able to integrate the Christian faith without blaming, shaming, indoctrination and intimidation.
If you are ready to finally learn how to communicate your feelings clearly and honestly to your spouse, I am a Black Christian marriage counselor in the Houston area. Click here to schedule your free 15-min consultation call. Your marriage does not have to be a constant struggle. it can actually be much easier than you think.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
What to expect when working with a marriage counselor in Houston
Starting marriage counseling can be daunting. You've been on Google for hours trying to find the best couples counselor in Houston. You have no idea what to expect. The average couple waits about six or seven years from the start of their marital struggles before they pick up the phone to call a marriage counselor.
So by the time you get to the marriage counselor’s Houston office or virtual office, chances are you have a WHOLE LOT to unpack.
Here's what to expect should you choose to make the amazing decision to start marriage counseling in Houston.
1) Expect to be nervous and uncomfortable during your first few marriage counseling sessions.
Like I said previously, when you go into marriage counseling you're probably there because there are one or more things within your relationship that you are desperately wanting to change. That’s what relationship therapy in Houston is for.
Chances are that you might be on the verge of divorce, or perhaps you and your spouse are still friends, but there's one persistent issue that keeps coming up over and over again.
You might find it a little bit embarrassing to share some of your issues in front of a couples therapist whom you’ve never met. This feeling is normal. It takes a little bit of faith, and a lot of courage to seek any type of counseling. The nervousness and discomfort will fade as you get to know your couples counselor better. As a marriage counselor in Houston, it’s my job to help you feel less awkward in therapy.
2) Expect a thorough assessment before you dive into couples counseling in Houston
Not every Houston couples therapist works in the same way. Some dive straight in on the first session. By the way, the way I work is pretty different. I actually spend the first four relationship therapy sessions truly getting to know you and your partner.
I ask questions about what brings you into couples therapy, I ask if you've ever been to couples therapy and what your experiences have been, I ask about your upbringing, your mental health history, if you have any children and what those relationships look like.
I ask about the friendship between you and your spouse, what is working for you, what no longer works for you, as well as what you wish to see.
I do not assume that every client or couple is the same. So, I spend quite a few hours really getting into the nitty-gritty, so that we can figure out what your areas of strength are, and the areas of growth, before we dive in.
This prevents us from playing the guessing game and it saves you time. I take couples counseling pretty seriously. Couples counseling in Houston is not a game- it’s about depending your friendship and actually improving your relationship.
3) Expect brutal honesty from me if I’m you’re couples therapist in Houston
Many people thoroughly believe that a couples therapist in Houston should be completely neutral. After all, when we watch couples therapy on TV, the marriage therapist sits on a couch with her legs crossed, glasses on, pen in hand and she just seems to nod and smile.
I do not take that approach.
I believe in brutal honesty. If I feel like your approach to your spouse is rude, I will say so. If I feel like you're holding back, I will say so.
If you have been waiting six years to work on your marital issues, the last thing that you need is a couples therapist who just stares at you blankly. My job is to actually help you work through those issues so that you can indeed meet your marriage therapy goals.
(Side note: I use the terms relationship counselor, marriage counselor and couples therapist interchangeably. In my opinion, they all mean the same thing).
4) Expect lots of laughs in our Houston marriage counseling sessions
I don't know how other couples therapists in Houston are conducting their couples therapy, but I am known for belly laughs and lots of cackling. I do understand that troubled relationships is very serious business.
But I also believe that there is room for laughter and lightness. You and your spouse are coming to see me because chances are you're both driving each other nuts. You deserve a few minutes of joy as you both work really hard to salvage your relationship. And let’s face it, a great marriage is based on a solid friendship.
So marriage therapy with me is not just somber and boring, there are some times when I throw in a little bit of shade and I bring in the lightness. Every couples counseling session will not feel like a funeral.
5) Expect lots of homework and accountability in Houston couples therapy
If you keep doing what you've been doing in your marriage, you will keep getting what you already have. And chances are you do not like what you already have, so you might as well try something different.
When you work with me in marriage counseling, I will be giving you specific skills that you should be practicing outside of session. You only meet with me for about an hour a week, but you live with each other for 24 hours each day, times seven days a week. That is a total of 168 hours each week.
To actually see some changes in your couples relationship, you have to work hard to change the way you think about your spouse, change the way you speak to him, and completely overhaul your interactions with one another. This is when you actually see true progress in your relationships.
And it is my job to hold you accountable so that you can actually get the desired results – which is an amazing marriage.
If I sound like your ideal Houston marriage therapist, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. You deserve a marriage that is filled with belly laughs, close friendship, intimacy and shared goals.
Do not wait seven years to seek marriage counseling. You can get the marriage that you've dreamed of right now.
As a Black couples therapist in Houston, I see couples throughout California and Texas.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Questions to ask a prospective marriage counselor or therapist in Houston
Starting marriage counseling could be nerve-racking – especially if you've never been to marriage counseling in Houston before. You get some referrals from your church or maybe you get referrals from friends and loved ones. They tell you to check out this amazing marriage counselor, but you’re not even sure what to ask them when you finally get on the phone with them.
Here are some simple questions that you can ask a prospective relationship therapist in Houston, to ensure that you get the best marriage counseling in Houston.
1) What is your couples counseling style?
All marriage counseling in Houston is NOT created equally. Some relationship therapists in Houston have so much better skill than others. It is important that you find the best marriage counseling in Houston for you. Marriage counseling can easily become a referee separating two opponents. And you don’t want that. You want emotional safety and understanding.
The best couples counselors in Houston know that it is very important to have an in-depth assessment, so that they can better understand your emotional history, the way you were raised, your specific environment, your personality, as well as everything that makes you who you are.
Great couples counseling in Houston should actually involve specific skills to help you change the way you interact with your spouse. So don't be shy to ask your potential marriage counselor to go in depth about their marriage counseling style. Your marriage is too important to skip over this.
2) How long will we meet for marriage counseling and how often?
In my opinion, great marriage counseling in Houston should occur every week- at least at the beginning of couples counseling sessions. When you begin marriage counseling, you and your spouse are probably in a pretty bad place in your relationship and you're both willing to do the work now. Great relationship therapy in Houston or couples therapy in Houston should be consistent.
If you do not see your Houston marriage counselor frequently enough, you can easily lose motivation and go back to old habits that landed your marriage in the position that you are right now. So in order to see change, it is important that you are willing to see your marriage therapist each week until you have met all your goals.
Which brings us to goals. A great marriage counselor will set specific goals so that you know whether or not the therapy is working.
3) How much does marriage counseling in Houston cost?
Marriage counseling in Houston is often not covered by insurance. However, do not take my word for it. I highly suggest that you call your insurance company to see if they provide reimbursement for marriage counseling. It is important that before the sessions begin, you ask the therapist how much the sessions would cost. That way you and your spouse can put this recurring cost into your monthly budget.
I like to get this part out of the way so that once we begin couples counseling, our only focus should be on the health of your relationship, rather than finances.
It is important to note that marriage counseling in Houston, and everywhere else, is an additional skill that not every licensed marriage and family therapist or licensed clinical counselor or licensed clinical social worker is great at. In graduate school, many of us did not get adequate knowledge and skills for conducting marriage counseling.
That being said, marriage counseling is a specialized skill and it could possibly be costly. But do not necessarily go for the cheapest marriage counselor, go for the one who is the best marriage counselor for you. Marriage counseling is cheaper than a divorce.
4) Will we be doing any formal assessments during couples therapy or will this be casual?
I might be biased, but I believe that great marriage counseling should involve formal assessments, so that your therapist is not just guessing. You want your therapist to actually have scientific back up to know where your strengths are as well as where your weaknesses are. This saves a lot of time on guessing games.
However, you might not like formal assessments. So it is important to know whether or not a couples counselor will be using formal assessments- so that you can decide whether or not they are a great fit for you.
5) What happens if me and my spouse have an argument in a marriage counseling session?
There is a possibility that marriage counseling sessions could get heated. Sometimes your spouse will bring up something that gets on your last nerves- and you might decide to yell at him. At the beginning of marriage counseling sessions in Houston, usually everybody is on their best behavior, but as you begin to get more comfortable with your therapist, the wild side can show up.
Ask the couples therapist exactly what they will do should both of you start to go at it in session. This is important, so that you know whether or not this relationship therapist is a great fit for you.
Notice that I talk about goodness of fit a lot. In my opinion, the best marriage counselor for you would be one whose skills, educational background, and personality match you and your partners. Some marriage counselors are more uptight, some are more jokey (like me), and some have no personality. Pick the one whom both of you are the most comfortable with.
6) How do we know when we are ready to graduate from marriage counseling in Houston?
Marriage counseling in Houston should not go on forever. Although it may feel nice to be heard and to be in a validating environment, there has to be an end to couples therapy at some point. Ask your Houston relationship therapist if they have any type of outcome measures to help you understand how close you are to getting to your goal. That way you're not playing the guessing game and wondering when this whole couples therapy thing will be over.
The best marriage counselors in Houston are the ones who are transparent and whose clients are able to trust them.
7) Do you have additional training in marital counseling or relationship therapy?
Marriage counseling is actually a specialized skill which many therapists and counselors do not possess. Although I am called a licensed marriage and family therapist, that title can actually be deceptive.
In many therapy graduate programs, the students are not provided with as much knowledge of marriage counseling as they could be. Because of this, many of us therapists seek additional training and supervision in the art of marriage counseling after we are done with our degrees. Let me say that again. The best marriage counselors in Houston keep learning and growing.
Ask any potential marriage counselor in Houston if they have additional training in couples therapy or relationship therapy. You could even ask them what that additional training is.
For me, I am trained in level 1 and 2 of the Gottman method. This is one of the most renowned marriage counseling methods. It is research-based and produces positive results. So ask. Your marriage is worth it.
8) What are your credentials?
You can ask them what their credentials are. Are they a life coach? Are they a relationship coach? Are they a licensed marriage and family therapist? Are they an associate marriage and family therapist? Are they a licensed professional clinical counselor? Are they a social worker? Or are they a licensed clinical social worker?
Although there is a lot of overlap in these professions, it's good to know exactly whom you are seeing. This way you don't end up seeing a life coach when you thought you were seeing a therapist or vice versa.
There you have it. Those are some questions that you should ask a potential marriage counselor in Houston. If you're ready to begin working on your marriage so that you can increase friendship, intimacy and you can finally start to enjoy your life again, click here to schedule a free 15- minute consultation call with me today.
Relationship therapy in Houston is what you need.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a Black licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Ready to get rid of anxiety, finally kick insomnia or for marriage counseling?