Perfectionism vs. Peace: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Break Free from the 'Always Perfect' Trap

Perfectionism vs. Peace: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Break Free from the 'Always Perfect' Trap

When you struggle with perfectionism, you constantly feel tense because you know exactly how you want to operate in the relationship, but you find yourself saying and doing things that are incongruent with who you actually are. You essentially operate for the other person and do everything to please the other person. This creates a lot of guilt and shame for you. Because you know what you want to do. It's like your head and your heart have a disconnect. And that leaves you feeling small, feeling bad about yourself and just generally spinning your wheels. The positive thing is that perfectionism is not hardwired into your DNA. With a somatic type of therapy like Brainspotting therapy in Houston, we can actually actively work on how to remove those perfectionistic tendencies so that you can be free to be yourself again. Brainspotting does a good job of releasing the pressure of perfectionism and just allowing you to be who you really are.

How to Set Loving Boundaries in Your Relationships (Without Feeling Guilty)

When you are not used to setting clear boundaries regularly, upon the first try (and during the next few tries) you will definitely be riddled with guilt. Because you spend so much time hoping that the other person is not mad at you. You might think that they'll stop being your friend- all because of the boundary that you set. You just go down an entire rabbit hole- all because you set a boundary. Now the problem with perfectionism, is that it makes boundary setting so difficult, especially in your personal relationships. Because perfectionists expect their relationships to also be perfect. And when someone is mad at you for setting a boundary, that defeats the purpose of perfectionism. When you falter in your boundary setting attempts, that also does not register as perfect.

Setting boundaries could even cause you some anxiety and lots of discomfort. Enter my favorite thing- Brainspotting therapy. With the help of brainspotting you can go from a woman who did everything for everyone else and put her needs on the back burner, to a woman who put her needs first, continues to be empathetic and kind, and is able to create space for herself, relationships and other people too.

You do not have to give up on being the kind person that you already are. Once we are able to identify why perfectionism and people pleasing are staples in your life, we are then able to practice how to set boundaries without the presence of guilt. I love brainspotting for this as opposed to talk therapy. Because talk therapy focuses so much on logic and chances are you're already a very logical person who likes to talk herself out of setting boundaries. With brainspotting, we will focus mostly on emotions and we connect you back to your body. When you're able to identify how emotions affect you, and also heal trauma, it is a lot easier to let go of perfectionism.

Ditch the Superwoman Cape: How to Let Go of Perfectionism and Build Stronger Connections

Do you know the sad thing about superwoman? Everyone loves how strong she is and how she rushes in to save the day. We marvel at how she's able to multitask and save an entire city without breaking a sweat. But do you know that nobody even asks how her shoulders are doing. We don't ask her if she gets enough sleep, if she's tired or if she wants a break. Nobody cares about superwoman's feelings. This is why you need to seriously ditch the cape. You are NOT superwoman. You are just a woman and that is OK. That is what your life needs to look like every single day.

Because superwoman is perfect. And humans cannot relate to people who are perfect. We can only relate to people who are actually human. To build stronger connections it is important to be able to ask for help. It is important to rest sometimes. It's important to let people know when things are too much for you. It's important to cry sometimes. It's important to show people that you have real emotions. It's important for you to know when to move and went to call it quits. When the people around you see that you are indeed functioning like a human, they will hopefully start to treat you like you are human. Because nobody can connect with a perfect person. But we all know what it is to be flawed and real.

Stop Perfectionism from Ruining Your Relationships: How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help

When you always show up as a perfect friend, it already creates unrealistic expectations. They expect you to never make mistakes, they expect you to always be on point, and they expect you to probably carry the entire relationship on your shoulders. This leads to frustration and strain for not just you, but for your friends as well. It is important to note that you can be a high achieving woman who is not perfect. Because high achieving simply means that you have big goals and you have achieved quite a few things in your life. This means that you work hard and you know where you are trying to go in life.

High achieving does not mean that you are perfect in the way that you implement your goals. And it does not mean that you will achieve every single goal that you have put your mind to. The great thing about brainspotting is that it helps you unlock patterns that have been driving you but no longer work for you. As a high achieving woman in Houston, you probably are an entrepreneur who does multiple businesses. But perfectionism can actually stop you from meeting your business goals. Because sometimes you do not put out content and you do not put out work because it is not perfect. With Brainspotting you will learn exactly why you became a perfectionist and then we can work together to unravel that so that you can function as simply a human- no super woman needed.

Ready to Be Perfectly Imperfect? How Brainspotting Helps You Embrace Your True Self

Imperfections actually make us human. Imperfections can be a way to connect with other people. Because other people have flaws too. So when they see that you have a similar struggle with them, they can partner with you so that you can hold each other accountable. Imperfections are actually just proof that you are human. And if you want to be treated like the human that you are, and if you want people to see you for who you are, then you have to take the bold step to be vulnerable and let people see all of you.

I'm not saying that you have to share all of your life with everyone on social media. All I'm saying is that if you want to truly connect with close friends and loved ones, you have to take off that façade of perfectionism. Because perfectionism can drive them crazy. Sometimes when you're a perfectionist, you expect so much out of your loved ones and they actually cannot give you all the perfection that you need. But when you are human and you allow them to be human too, things are less tense in the relationship. Brainspotting therapy can actually help you connect with the real you. Perhaps the real you is a high-powered, high achieving woman who also likes to be goofy. Perhaps you are a k-drama loving, highly sensitive woman who loves the stock market. Perhaps you are a woman who sometimes burns dinner, but you're also an amazing physician. You can show up as you actually are and people will accept you for who you are.

Are you ready to break free from perfectionism and start building stronger, more meaningful relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston, I specialize in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, including Black women, to overcome the perfectionism trap. Through brainspotting therapy, you can release past trauma, set healthier boundaries, and embrace your true self. Book a free 15-minute consultation call today and take the first step toward deeper connection and personal peace.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

People Pleasing and HSPs: How to Stand Up for Yourself Without Conflict

Goodbye People-Pleasing, Hello Confidence: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Set Boundaries Without the Drama

If you follow me on social media, you know that I'm always talking about boundary setting. I argue that because of the limited bandwidth of some highly sensitive women, it is important to protect your energy through boundary setting. If you said “Yes” to every single thing and if you helped everybody who asked you for help, you'll never have time for yourself. You only end up in resentment and overtiredness. And when a highly sensitive person is overtired, they get cranky and their mood is just completely off. If you are constantly in the state of over tiredness, that will definitely derail your goals. Which is a no-no for highly ambitious, highly sensitive women.

One of the most important things to focus on as a highly sensitive, high performing woman is to realize that your needs matter too. When you are stuck in the people pleasing cycle, you are so focused as the needs of others and making sure that they don't get mad at you. But before you set a boundary, ask yourself, how would I handle this if I actually respected myself and believe that my values are important? If you ask yourself this question all the time then you are going to be able to see it much clearer and healthier boundaries for yourself.

So it is important to learn how to set clear, kind boundaries so that the people around you can know what you need. This does not have to be a whole dramatic event. You don't have to be mean, rude or go around upsetting everyone. However, that being said, if the people around you are not safe, they will feel offended when you're simply just setting a clear and kind boundary. Because someone gets upset about your boundaries does not mean that your boundaries are wrong. Just ask yourself, “Am I holding onto my values?” “Am I stepping on anybody's toes?” This will tell you everything you need to know.

One way I help highly sensitive women is by utilizing Brainspotting therapy as a tool to help them become more confident in setting boundaries without feeling guilt or causing too much conflict. Sometimes you know the boundary that you need to set, but you just do not have the confidence to implement it. And sometimes you really are at a loss for what boundary to set. This is where the brainspotting therapy comes in. It helps us go down the rabbit hole in your brain or to figure out where the connections need to be formed. I promise you that it is important to navigate relationships without being a people pleaser.

People Pleasing 101: How to Stay True to Yourself (Even When You Hate Saying ‘No’)

Sometimes saying the word ‘No’ can feel almost physically painful because:

• You think that you are being mean by saying “No.”

• You don't want to hurt the other person's feelings

• You feel guilty because you know that you can actually help them but because you do not have the bandwidth to choose not to help them in this moment.

• You worry about what they will think and say about you.

• You worry about the potential loss of relationship. Will they stop liking you? Will they think that you're a bad person?

  All these things are running through your head because you said “No.” However, let me put it into perspective for you. If you continue to say “Yes” to every single person and every single thing, you will absolutely NOT have time for yourself. That means that you will be burning the candle on both ends which will lead to you being completely tired, resentful of yourself and others, and just raggedy. And you do not want to be raggedy, because you're too ambitious to be raggedy. As an ambitious person, you need to be refreshed and clearheaded in order to actually meet your goals. So it is important to remind yourself of why you're setting these clear, kind boundaries.

This is why I like Brainspotting therapy. Rather than spending day after day going down the rabbit hole in talk therapy, in just a few Brainspotting therapy sessions, you can easily get to the root of why it is hard for you to say “No.” You learn what the roots of your people pleasing behaviors are, we're able to approach it so that you can finally be free to set boundaries that are actually in alignment with your values.

It'll be easier to find out why people pleasing is a thing for you. Once you find out why you do what you do, it is so much easier to break the unhelpful habit and form new non-people pleasing habits.

Master the Art of Standing Up for Yourself: How HSPs Can Set Boundaries and Still Be Loved

As a highly sensitive woman, you get uncomfortable with the idea of saying “No” constantly, but a big part of boundary setting is knowing how to stand up for yourself. Because people will constantly step on your toes. Some of them are just mean spirited and actually enjoy stepping on your toes. Because you are one of the few highly sensitive people that they know- they just assume that their behavior is fine.

Instead of expecting people to come and make things right, it is important that you move up to them and start to stand up for yourself. Because it is so important to realize that people will treat you the way you let them treat you. And it is your job to teach people how to treat you. Assume that nobody knows how to treat you until you teach them. The great thing about boundary setting is that it does not have to destroy your positive relationships. Please note that I am assuming that your relationships are safe relationships. Because I have no intention of teaching you how to maintain unsafe relationships. Because we all deserve safety in our lives.

When you stay true to yourself and when you understand how you want to be treated, you can actually build stronger relationships with the people around you. When you set good boundaries, that means that you're actually allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability allows people to see past the superficial level and actually see you just as you are.

And so this is where Brainspotting therapy comes in. This therapy helps you go into the deep areas of your brain where big emotions are stored so that we can start to uncover the people pleasing habits that you have and how to get rid of them. Please note that if people genuinely love you unconditionally, they will respect your boundaries. They may not enjoy your boundaries- your boundaries might take them aback, or they might not know why you even want those boundaries, however if it is important to you, it'll become important to them too.

The goal is not to destroy your relationships wit boundary setting. The goal is to actually strengthen them so that you can be better respected.

Stop Saying ‘Yes’ When You Mean ‘No’: How Brainspotting Helps HSPs Overcome People Pleasing

Has this ever happened to you? You get a call from a loved one, but you were already at home sitting down comfortably and happily. The plan was for you to Netflix and chill with the boo, but here comes your best friend crying on the other end, talking about how she needs you now. In your mind, you know that this is NOT an emergency. You know she's actually being dramatic and that all she needs is a nap. However because she's crying so hard and she keeps saying that she needs you, you have to unwrap yourself from the warm blanket, look at your boo in his eyes and say to him, “Sorry, my friend needs me.”

And so you venture out into the cold, make the 30 minute drive to your friend’s house, by the time you get there, you realize that she has calmed down and she never even needed you in the first place.

Why did you say “Yes” when you actually meant “No?” Well could it be that you are a people pleaser? In your mind, people pleasing is a way to help you maintain a good relationship so that nobody will be mad at you. It is a way to help you avoid conflict, but the problem with people pleasing is that it is eating you up from the inside out. You essentially sacrificed your relationship with your husband to maintain your relationship with your friend. However, if you had simply just said “No” to your friend she would've understood because she's your friend who loves you.

You can maintain both relationships at the same time. Even though people pleasing appears to save relationships, it actually just sacrifices them. With the help of brainspotting therapy we can become a lot more assertive, especially in personal and professional relationships. You'll learn how to set boundaries your way and without all of the guilt.

Stand Up for Yourself Without Conflict: A Guide for High-Performing Women Who Hate People-Pleasing

If you are a high-performing woman who absolutely hates people pleasing, then gather here. The great thing about Brainspotting therapy, is that it goes into the deeper layers of the brain where big emotions are held. That is important because instead of going down the rabbit hole for weeks and weeks in talk therapy, in just a few Brainspotting therapy sessions we will be able to get to the root of why you became a people pleaser and how we can help you reverse that.

When you are no longer a people pleaser, you actually begin to form authentic relationships that are not based on what you can do for people, but are just simply based on who you are as a person. When you form authentic relationships, they stay your friend or your business partner because of the value that you bring to the table, not because of the boundaries that you have set with them.

Authentic relationships are a whole lot deeper than people pleasing relationships. If your friend is just your friend because of what you can do for them, then it means that essentially, your relationship will fizzle out fast.

And when somebody steps on your toes or upsets you, it is important to be able to stand up for yourself without conflict. Setting a boundary does not mean that you are trying to fight the other person. It is simply just a statement to help them to notice that they hurt you. And if they're a safe person, they will apologize, take notes and not do it again.

Tired of putting everyone else’s needs before your own? If you’re a highly sensitive, high-performing woman in Houston, brainspotting therapy can help you break free from people-pleasing habits and build stronger, more balanced relationships. As a trauma therapist in Houston, specializing in working with Black women, I can help you stand up for yourself with confidence. Book a free 15-minute consult session today and take the first step toward healthier boundaries and deeper connections!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How to Balance Ambition and Sensitivity: A Blueprint for Thriving in Both Worlds

Ambition Meets Sensitivity: How to Have It All Without Losing Yourself

High sensitivity and ambition do not have to be mutually exclusive. They can actually exist together. High sensitivity simply means that you feel emotions deeply and you think things through also very deeply. Essentially you are a thinker and a feeler. Because you spend so much time processing the rich world within and around you, you can easily burn out if you do not set clear boundaries.

That being said, it is not uncommon to be a highly sensitive person who is very ambitious. The important thing is that you cannot burn the candle at both ends. Because of your sensitive nature, rest and boundary setting are essential for your well-being. Time management is also quite crucial. You have to know when to call it quits, when to say “No,” and when to keep going. It is also important to ask for help. Know that you cannot do it all by yourself -if not you will feel resentful, stressed out and completely burned out. And burnout does nothing to help you accomplish your big goals.

Nurture your personal relationships while keeping your ambition at the forefront. I have to say that I do not believe in balance, but I do believe in juggling different tasks and responsibilities. In some seasons you juggle things a little bit better, and in some seasons you'll have to drop other responsibilities. Wisdom is knowing the difference between the two. The great thing about Brainspotting therapy is that it allows you to go into the deeper layers of your brain to be able to sort out what you should prioritize and what should be on the back burner in each season of your life.

Mastering the Art of Being Both Bold and Gentle in Your Relationships

One of the pitfalls of high sensitivity is people pleasing. Because of your deep empathy and because you feel such a strong connection to people you love, you feel the need to carry their weight on your shoulders. The problem is that it suddenly becomes your job to take care of everyone else while keeping yourself on the back burner. This does nothing to help you achieve your big goals.

It is important to know how to navigate your relationships and to ensure that you are only inviting safe people into your circle. A safe person is someone who respects you, even if they do not understand your sensitivity. A safe person will also understand that your needs are just as important as theirs. When you set clear, kind boundaries with them, even if they might be disappointed, they will still respect you. Go to my goal is a highly sensitive person who is also ambitious is to be able to pursue your career ambitions fiercely (of course while sticking to your values) and being able to be soft but boundaried in your personal relationships.

One of the reasons why I love Brainspotting therapy in Houston, is that it helps you uncover emotional blockages that keep you stuck and in people pleasing mode. Once these blockages have been removed, it allows you to be more assertive both in your career and personal relationships (while still being gentle). And the truth is that even though we might run away from boundary setting, your friends and family members tend to respect you better and think about your needs more when you said clear boundaries with them.

Brainspotting therapy in Houston sometimes will help you unlock why you struggle with boundary setting, how you got stuck in the first place and it will take you down the rabbit hole to help you actually get unstuck. Once you know why you do the things that you do, it is so much easier to change those habits. Sometimes just knowing yourself better gives you the confidence to change and to get unstuck from patterns that have been keeping you uncomfortable and preventing you from achieving big goals.

Striking the Perfect Balance: How High-Performing Women Can Cultivate Deeper Connections

If you're struggling with how to strike the perfect balance between your sensitivity and ambition, just keep your relationships at the forefront. And know that balance is not actually a real thing. The important thing to know is that your personal relationships are so much more important than ambition. Now you do not have to get rid of ambition for the sake of personal relationships. They can coexist quite happily. If you pick the right people in your circle, they will be able to help you to continue to work towards your goals while also being able to honor the friendship.

Personal relationships can actually help us with our ambition. You can find people who are similar to you, whether it is their high sensitivity, or they are safe people who respect your sensitivity. You can also find friends who are equally as ambitious and can put you onto new ideas. Just build relationships naturally. High sensitivity is just simply who you are. Lots of people would love to connect with you because of your sensitivity. It is your sensitivity and the empathy that you have that will actually help you attract close friends and confidantes.

One of the things that I love so much about brainspotting therapy, as a trauma therapist in Houston is because it is a great way to help actually strengthen your personal relationships while excelling professionally. I have done therapy with entrepreneurs, with people who are working hard to climb up the ladder in their career. Brainspotting therapy is a great way to help you learn how to remove blocks and barriers that are keeping you from being your true self and excelling both personally and professionally. As a highly sensitive person it is important to embrace vulnerability. As vulnerability is the only path to true connection. The more you put yourself out there, the higher chances you have of meeting like-minded people who are willing to embrace who you are. You do not have to go through the rest of your life putting on a mask or a persona.

No More Compromising: How to Stay Ambitious Without Sacrificing Your Sensitivity

Think of yourself as a whole person. You do not have to choose either high sensitivity or ambition- both can exist quite nicely together. When we work together in a Brainspotting therapy session, we work a lot on boundary setting. If you are a highly sensitive woman who has very low bandwidth or your energy gets depleted easily, it is definitely very important to know how to prioritize your time. You cannot get sucked into stressful conversations or carrying everybody else's burdens because that means that none of your stuff will ever get done. You have to learn how to say no without feeling guilty and you have to learn when to ask for help because you cannot do everything by yourself.

But the great thing about Brainspotting therapy in Houston is once we have removed those mental blocks, things become a whole lot easier. The great thing about being an ambitious highly sensitive woman, is that as you build your career, you have a team approach. You're able to take care of your needs while also keeping the needs of others in mind. As an enterpreneur that means that you are an ethical boss. You're bringing all of the things that you wish you had in your 9-to-5 and you create a work environment that is conducive for everyone. You are very intentional in the way you do your work and this is great when you are ambitious. Because most ambitious people are very intentional in the way they carry themselves and execute tasks. And if you work in a 9 to 5, intentionality actually gets you noticed.

Turn Your Sensitivity Into a Superpower: How to Build Strong Relationships While Chasing Success

Because high sensitivity it's not a common of a trait, only about 20% of the population of highly sensitive. It can be very important to use your high sensitivity to your advantage. People are not used to the level of detail that highly sensitive women bring in the workplace. People are not used to the level of detail that highly sensitive women also bring in personal relationships. Because of the deep level of empathy and the deep thoughts that we put into everything, we make for actually very good friends.

You might not have the bandwidth to have a long list of friends and connections, however you can treasure the few that you have. When you have deep relationships, you're able to talk to them about your goals and ambitions, your struggles as well as your successes. We know that a big part of success is your network. It is important to build the right network of people and this will deeply help you with your ambition. The goal is to ensure that you have the right people around you as you are climbing up the ladder.

Are you a high-performing, highly sensitive woman who’s struggling to balance ambition and personal relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in brainspotting, I help ambitious women like you thrive in both worlds. Whether you're navigating relationship challenges or seeking a deeper connection with yourself, brainspotting therapy can help.

Book a free 15-minute consult call with me- a Black therapist in Houston and start your journey to emotional balance and success.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Brainspotting for boundary setting:How therapy can help you find your inner ‘No.’

1. The Power of Saying No: How Brainspotting Therapy Helps You Set Healthy Boundaries

When you experience trauma, it could feel like your power and control have been taken away from you. Your voice feels silenced, your body feels weaker, your mind feels unstable. You walk around experiencing fear, you no longer want to engage with the people or places that used to bring you joy. You might end up feeling like a shadow of your former self- or having no knowledge of who you used to be.

This is where a great trauma therapist in Houston can help you. As we work together, you can relearn how to feel safe again, how to get rid of those thoughts that tell you that something bad is going to happen to you again. You can learn how to feel safe in your body again, and most importantly, how to find your voice.

When I use brainspotting to help you get rid of trauma that has been sitting in your body and in your brain, a big part of our work will be learning how to set clear, healthy boundaries that not only keep you safe, but help you connect to safe people around you. You can live life on your terms, stay safe and finally thrive again. A skilled trauma therapist in Houston can help you confidently establish personal boundaries.

2. Breaking Free from People-Pleasing: Using Brainspotting to Reclaim Your Voice

Many of my clients are really nice women. I also consider myself to be a compassionate Black therapist in Houston. Now the great thing is that being nice and setting boundaries can coexist quite nicely (pun intended). Many of my clients feel so horrible when they have to say “No” to others. They would much rather sacrifice themselves and be uncomfortable, instead of simply saying “No” and moving on with their day.

I get it.

Because you don’t want anyone to think you are mean or that you don’t care about them. You don’t want to be disliked, challenged or even for someone to be mean to you in retaliation.

The great thing about brainspotting is we can go deeper than traditional talk therapy. So we essentially go into deeper parts of your brain, where the stuck-ness is held and it can help rewire that stuff.

You’ll learn what boundaries you need and how you can establish them regardless of what people think. And yes, you get to keep your kindness. Because boundaries, in my opinion, should be clear AND kind. A compassionate Black therapist in Houston (that’s me!) can guide you to say “No’ without too much guilt.

3. Finding Freedom in Boundaries: How Brainspotting Supports Highly Sensitive People

When you are a high performing, highly sensitive woman, you want to move at a fast pace, so that you can accomplish everything you have going on, but sometimes you might not have the bandwidth to do it all- because your brain spends so much energy deeply processing the world within and around you.

This means that the only choice you have is to learn how to set appropriate boundaries with your time, with your friends, with your coworkers and with yourself. Because if you say “Yes” to all the people about all the things, you will eventually reach a horrible stage of burnout that feels like your shouders being crushed.

So think about boundary setting as a great way to practice kindness to yourself- allowing you the bandwidth to accomplish the things that are actually essential in your life- rather than wasting time of activities that bring you no joy and add nothing to your long term goals.

Brainspotting will help you connect to deeper parts of your brain so that you can remove the blocks that keep you from saying “No.” It could help you learn how to break free from trauma and anxiety that keep you stuck and silenced. The outcome? Boundary setting becomes so much easier for high performing, highly sensitive women like you.

4. Creating Space for Yourself: Brainspotting as a Tool for Healthy Relationship Boundaries

When trauma has been blocking your brain, it feels like you are paralyzed. But once that trauma has been cleared up, you are now ready to begin to redefine the boundaries in your life. If you feel like you are stuck when boundary setting, you could also use brainspotting to help you find your stuck points, so that you can begin to communicate with more clarity.

If you struggle in saying '‘No,” brainspotting can help with that. If you struggle to say what you actually mean, it could help as well. Because without clear, gentle boundaries you’ll continue to feel frustrated.

5. Discover Your Inner “No”: Empowering Boundary Setting with a Trauma Therapist in Houston

A big part of my work of trauma therapy in Houston is teaching you how to empower yourself to set firm boundaries. A firm boundary is one that sticks to the rules. Too tired? Don’t do it. Doesn’t feel nice? Tell them.

A life of freedom isn’t so concerned about what others think. Rather you are concerned about creating health, space and joy in your life. Effective boundary setting respects both you and the people around you. And once you have been able to identify who the safe people in your life are, thing just become easier for you.

With brainspotting, you connect better to your own feelings, without worrying too much about what social norms say you should do. You can still maintain being a respectful and kind person, while honoring your needs. A win win!

Ready to Embrace Your Boundaries? Connect with a Black Therapist in Houston Today

Take the first step toward finding your “No” and nurturing healthier relationships. Start your journey with Brainspotting therapy, designed to help you set empowering boundaries with ease. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for brainspotting therapy in Houston. I also see clients throughout California.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How Brainspotting Can Help You Break Free from Childhood Trauma: A Step-by-Step Guide

Childhood trauma seems to be more pervasive than we expect. Even though you might have survived a rough childhood or some rough moments in your childhood, these experiences can actually affect you into adulthood. It could affect your ability to connect with others, it could introduce people pleasing and perfectionism into your life. You might have bad dreams, avoid situations and people who are actually safe, find it difficult to trust people and ask for help. This could end up causing quite a bit of tension in your romantic relationships as well as work relationships.

The good news is neuroplasticity exists. This means that even though trauma might affect the structure of your brain, as well as your patterns of behavior, with science backed tools like brainspotting you could experience gentle and effective healing. And as a trauma therapist in Houston, brainspotting has been my jam for quite a while.

What Is Brainspotting and Why It’s Perfect for Healing Childhood Trauma

Brainspotting is simply utilizing where you look to target the deep layer of your brain where trauma is stored. Once you’re able to do that, then you can access the trauma, process it and then digest it. Once it’s digested, it has no reason to still sit in your brain.

Think of trauma like a ghost that hides in a closet. As long as it’s trapped in the closet, you continue to fear the closet, and maybe even fear your bedroom. You’re afraid to walk in, you can hear it moving around and making awful sounds. Every night when you go to sleep, you can’t sleep deeply, because there’s activity in the closet.

But once you call in a professional to open up the closet and contain it, you can reclaim your closet, sleep with both eyes closed and finally feel at peace in your own home.

That’s what brainspotting does.

But traditional talk therapy is like a superficial ghost containment service that cleans everything but the closet. Although your room looks and smells clean, the scary closet still goes untouched. So most things look safe, but that ghost is still running around the the deeper layer of your bedroom. Brainspotting makes for deeper and faster levels of healing from trauma.

Step 1: Identifying Emotional Triggers from Childhood

One of the first things you will notice during brainspotting is it uncovers old emotional wounds. However, never fear, because your brain will only bring up what it knows you are ready to process. Unlike traditional talk therapy in which your therapist has no choice but to keep poking around to see what will stick. Sometimes, unbeknownst to your therapist, they can inadvertently retraumatize you during talk therapy for trauma.

No bueno!

As a high performing, highly sensitive woman, one of your biggest complaints is that people don’t get you. You might have been to several therapists who either have never heard of high sensitivity (because we usually aren’t taught about it in graduate school) or they have heard about high sensitivity but have no clue what your needs are.

The great thing about brainspotting is, it completely takes all the guess work out. It is targeted and deep work.

As a high performer, you are so used to being self sufficient, and sometimes it’s really just a way for you to protect yourself after experiencing trauma. With brainspotting, you will most likely get answers to what your emotional triggers are, so that you can begin to work through them and finally find peace.

Step 2: The Beauty of Eye Positioning—How Brainspotting Targets Trauma

When your brainspotting trauma therapist guides you towards a specific eye position, that position correlates to a specific part of your brain that is linked to the specific traumatic or troubling memory you are trying to work through. So we find the location of the trauma in the brain so that you can finally get rid of it. No more ghosts in the closet.

Think of it like using a laser pointer to locate emotional knots. This makes brainspotting such a unique tool for trauma therapy. Talk therapy tends to target the outer layers of the brain, while brainspotting goes deeper. Deeper means more effective.

Step 3: Processing and Releasing Trauma Gently and Safely

When you are in a brainspotting session, the first few times, you might be in your head a lot. You might be worried about things like-

• “Is the therapist staring at me?” (My answer is “No.”).

• “Am I doing this correctly?” (My answer is “Yes”).

• “This feels weird.” (My answer is “Of course it feels weird, because it’s therapy”).

Once you are relaxed and locked in, you will feel like you are playing a video of the event. Your body will take over and you will experience a series of emotions. Sometimes you might cry, other times you’ll be in deep thought. What I love about brainspotting is that it is a safe and non-invasive approach to trauma healing. You feel relief without doing the absolute most. You do not have to ever give me a play by play of the trauma events or experiences.

Even when you feel overwhelmed, sad or anxious in session, you will eventually have moments in which you feel calm, at peace, like you finally have closure.

Back to our ghost example.

When you are trying to get rid of ghosts in your closet, opening up the closet door will cause you to scream or experience fear, but once the ghost is contained, those scary emotions will dissipate. Your room will go from a place of horror too a calm oasis where you can rest.

Step 4: Moving Forward—Building a New Relationship with Your Past

Once the traumatic memories and events are no longer taking up so much space in your brain, you will then have the ability to work through other areas of your life. You’ll be able to work through people pleasing behaviors, you’ll notice irritability will decrease, you will no longer dissociate, and you will be able to work on asking for help, making new friends, inviting safe people into your world, amongst others. You will have the freedom to create a healthier relationship with your past experiences.

In other words, you will feel empowered and more in control of your life after you’re done with the process of therapy.

We won’t delete the events form your brain, but remembering your past traumas will no longer cause you emotional overwhelm. You will be in more control over your temper and emotions once therapy is over. Imagine being bolder, more confident, no longer on the verge of tears and just excited to do life.

Brainspotting is such a powerful tool for trauma healing because in a relatively short time, you can safely and gently heal from years of childhood trauma. All you need to do is reach out.

Ready to break free from childhood trauma? As a trauma therapist in Houston, I can help you find lasting healing with Brainspotting. Book a free 15-minute consultation today to start your path to freedom!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Science Behind Brainspotting: Why It’s a Powerful Tool for Trauma Therapy

Something traumatic happened to you. But it was so scary and difficult that you’ve never been able to speak about it. The problem is even though you don’t talk about it, the images replay again and again in your head. You feel stuck. Anxiety, fear, and isolation plague you. After doing some research, you decide to go to a brainspotting therapist. The work is hard, but one day you suddenly realize that when you wake up in the morning, your mind doesn’t automatically go to the event. You can live freely, without fear, without anxiety. And you have your boldness back.

The truth is that brainspotting is a powerful tool in trauma therapy, particularly for high-performing and highly sensitive women in Houston. It helps to unlock trauma stored deep in the brain for lasting healing..

What is Brainspotting? A Quick Overview for Trauma Therapy in Houston

Brainspotting is essentially a simple way of allowing you to unlock the areas of your brain where trauma and strong emotions are locked. Sometimes when you go through a traumatic event, because your body or mind isn’t ready to process it, it gets trapped in the deepest layers of your brain. It then proceeds to take over your life and bother you through symptoms likes dissociation, anxiety, fear, avoidance, tearfulness and irritability. Trauma can even begin to negatively affect your work and the relationships around you.

When you are finally able to gain access to those deep layers of the brain, you can then process, digest and finally clear the trauma from your brain.

Goodbye icky feeling!

Other traditional talk therapies only allow you to target the outer layers of the brain. Can they help you get rid of trauma? Probably. But they work so much slower and are not as powerful. Brainspotting can cut down the amount of time spent in therapy.

Hello savings!

The Neuroscience of Brainspotting: How It Targets Trauma

Your eyes are a part of your brain. Therefore where you look directly affects how you feel. Each eye movement targets a certain part of the brain. And because trauma gets stored in your brain, what better way to access trauma than utilizing your eyes? It’s the closest thing we can get to accessing your brain aside from actual brain surgery!

When your therapist guides you to look at a certain location- also known as a brainspot, it allows your brain to scan itself, thereby noticing problem areas and your brain naturally begins to solve these complex problems. The brain naturally wants to solve its own problems, the struggle is that we often don’t know the right tools to do so.

But when we use brainspotting, we are able to target the specific location in the brain where the trauma is held. Once we do this, your brain can then find the trauma, scan it, digest it and discard of it.

Brainspotting essentially connects specific eye positions with emotional healing. And it’s backed by neuroscience.

Why High-Performing Women Thrive with Brainspotting Therapy in Houston

A lot of high achieving and high performing women do not like having their time wasted. They are often too busy to take the time to go to therapy. They also like quick results. So brainspotting is especially helpful because you get great results, the results are quicker than those of talk therapy and you dive deep. I’m pretty sure you do not want superficial therapy.

Struggles with anxiety, feeling stuck, dissociation, intergenerational trauma, trauma from childhood, people pleasing, perfectionism, struggles with big emotions, decision making, are all areas that we can work on during our brainspotting sessions. If it interferes with your life, we can brainspot about it.

The Brainspotting Process: What to Expect in Trauma Therapy in Houston

A typical brainspotting session is so much easier than you’d expect. You come in, pick an issue that has been bothering you. It could be an event you experienced, or even a memory. I then ask you what emotion comes up for you as it concerns the event. So you would say something like “Fear” or “Anxiety” or “Disappointment” or “Terror.” Then I ask you where you feel this in the body. Although you might not have noticed this, our minds and bodies are actually connected, so we do feel emotions physically in our bodies. We then identify how it is felt on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the smallest and 10 being the largest,

Using a pointer, I help you find your brainspot- which is simply a point in space for you to look at. Once I find your brainspot, we allow your brain to do the work. It will feel like a bunch of emotions that are connected to the event naturally come up. Sometimes you cry, sometimes you speak out loud and other times, you’re more silent. All this is normal. You can’t do it wrongly.

An important part of brainspotting is also the relationship you have with your therapist. The therapist’s role is to help you feel comfortable, provide a space in which you can process safely and in comfort. Brainspotting is great because it is gentle, non invasive and also backed by science.

Choosing the Right Brainspotting Trauma Therapist in Houston

If you are ready to give brainspotting for trauma therapy a try, it’s important to choose the right therapist. Ensure that their website or therapy profile explicitly state ‘Brainspotting.’ The best step would be to schedule a consultation if possible, and also ask the therapist if they are trained and experienced in brainspotting.

Next, ensure that you feel comfortable with the therapist. Do you like their voice? Their approach to therapy? Are you comfortable around them? Do they answer all the questions you have? Does their schedule match yours? Ask yourself whether you want in person or online (although in my opinion, both will give you great outcomes). Think of finances too. How much are you budgeting per month for therapy?

Harnessing the Science of Brainspotting for Healing

Brainspotting is a powerful way to heal from trauma and get yourself unstuck. It is a great transformative experience for those ready to overcome trauma.

Start Your Healing Journey with a Brainspotting Trauma Therapist in Houston!
Ready to experience the power of brainspotting for yourself? If you’re a high-performing woman or a highly sensitive woman looking to heal from trauma, let’s connect! Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for brainspotting trauma therapy in Houston and unlock a new path to healing!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.