High sensitivity 101: 3 Simple questions to ask yourself when you're overwhelmed or stressed

When you are highly sensitive, emotions feel deep and intense. Sometimes you feel multiple emotions at the same time, making it difficult for you to sort through what is actually going on within you.

Because you go through so many emotions and chances are you spend so much time trying to keep these emotions under the surface, you haven't really gotten good at identifying your emotional needs.

Here are simple questions to help you identify what you need when you are overwhelmed or stressed.

Am I hungry?

Highly sensitive people are quite sensitive to internal stimuli. While many people can go long periods of time on an empty stomach, many highly sensitive people simply cannot do this. So when you're feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself “Am I hungry?," “Have I eaten something nutritious today?”, “Are there any nutrients that I'm lacking today?”

For example highly sensitive people can be very sensitive to caffeine or sugar, or basically any stimulant. And these could create strong emotional effects. So make sure your body is filled with nutritious foods. And do not forget to drink water!

Am I tired?

When you are a busy, high achieving person, who is used to being on the go, it becomes normal practice to just push through. But sometimes, it’s important to take a step back and give your body what it needs.

If you are feeling tired, it’s important to make a plan for rest. You can take a nap, watch some TV, take a break from work, get a full night of sleep, talk to a friend, or just do whatever feels relaxing to your body.

Do I want to talk to someone?

Sometimes it feels very helpful to offload your emotions by talking to someone. It is nice to be able to pour out whatever is going on internally so that you can process it. Sometimes you might just want to process the feelings alone, but other times, it feels good to share what’s going on with others.

High sensitivity is a great superpower to have, but sometimes it’s difficult to sort through deep feelings, stop people pleasing and ask for help. That’s where I come in, If you are ready to finally learn how to thrive as a highly sensitive person, click here to schedule your free breakthrough call.

How to become an active listener in your marriage in 5 easy steps

One of the most prevalent concerns I see in Houston relationship therapy is couples that don't listen to one another. Things get heated at the moment, and you realize you have no idea how to listen to your partner correctly.

Better communication in marriage contributes to increased closeness and intimacy. When most people hear their spouse speak, they think about their possible responses rather than listening to what their spouse is saying. Here's a straightforward approach to improve communication in your marriage if you're having trouble improving your active listening skills.

Before we dive in, what exactly is active listening? 

Most couples come to Christian marriage counseling in Houston saying they want a stronger connection. Active listening is listening intently to grasp better what your partner is saying. It helps create empathy and connection in a relationship.

On the other hand, passive listening is listening just because or listening while waiting for your spouse to stop talking so that you can finish up whatever you are saying. 

Active listening helps improve intimacy and connection. Passive listening is self-serving and doesn't do anything to improve your relationship. And if you'd like to improve your communication in marriage, you want to become pretty good at active listening.

So, here are the steps to become a better active listener in your marriage or relationship.

1) Allow your spouse to speak without interruptions.

Listen without saying anything while your spouse is talking about something essential. All your energy should ensure you hear every last word. Focus on his body language gives you a little clue about how he feels. It's critical to fight the impulse to correct or defend yourself.

It seems easy, but it's pretty tricky, so I practice with my Couples counseling in Houston. 

This seems easy, but it’s actually quite difficult- which is why I practice with my couples who are in marriage counseling.

2.)Repeat what you heard him say.

So often, when we are trying to listen to others, we pass what they are saying through our mental filter. Sometimes what we hear them say is not what they're saying. 

It is when miscommunication and arguments happen in relationships. Instead of clarifying, we argue back and forth. To avoid arguments, after every sentence or 2, pause your spouse and repeat back what you heard him say. 

If he agrees with you correctly, he can move on to the following sentence. If you misheard him, he gets to clarify. Please don't blame him for the wording. Focus on trying to understand him.

It is another crucial step when clients work with me during marriage counseling in Houston.

3) Suspend judgment and the need to defend yourself. Marriage is not war.

Marriage is not war. I say this all the time during marriage therapy in Houston. A healthy marriage comprises two partners who are willing to communicate and understand each other. To achieve that, you should benefit your spouse from the doubt. Expect and assume that your spouse only wants what is best for you and your marriage. Because marriage is not war, you do not have to defend yourself. So when your spouse is speaking, do not jump in to defend yourself. Take some deep breaths and try to get to the bottom of what he is trying to say. Make it about him- not you.

The best marriage counselors in Houston will let you know that preconceived assumptions can cause trouble in relationships.

4) Put your empathy hat on.

One thing Houston relationship therapist is: "Trying to understand why your spouse is feeling this way." Put your feelings aside and try to empathize with him. When you can empathize, lower your guard to come to a resolution with him. It involves teamwork. Remember that your spouse is your partner, and your joint enemy is disagreement. So work together to overcome it.

5) Respond appropriately by validating your spouse. It's a great way to have a peaceful marriage.

After you have spent time actively listening to your spouse, and It is done with his side of the story, it's time to validate him. Most Houston couples in therapy do not validate enough. They jump straight from talking about the issue to trying to fix it. But they miss a huge step. Validation is the key to repairing when there's a misunderstanding. Validation doesn't necessarily mean you agree with what your spouse is saying. Validation helps your spouse feel seen and increases connection.

After completing the above steps, you can talk about your side of the story. Hopefully, your partner will also follow the above steps.

What will active listening do for your marriage?

If you are ready to improve the communication in your marriage to form a much deeper connection with your spouse, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me (I'm a Black marriage therapist in Houston seeing clients in Texas and throughout the Murrieta area). Remember, marriage isn't war.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Top 9 Myths about counseling and therapy in Houston

Houston is a very beautiful place to live. However, the hustle and bustle, and the endless driving could leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Perhaps you've tried to work through your feelings on your own, and you feel like it's time for therapy. The problem is you've heard so many negative things about therapy, and you’re not sure what to believe. I'm here to clear the air.

Here are some common myths about counseling or therapy in the Houston area.

1) Therapy or counseling in Houston is just for White people

I've heard it said a million times that Black people (or non-White people) do not go to therapy. However I could not think of anything that is further from the truth. As long as you're a human with a brain and actual emotions, chances are that you can benefit from therapy.

As a Black therapist in Houston myself, I promise you that I have seen clients from diverse ethnic and racial backgrounds. Therapy is not just for White people, therapy is a great way to break through the intergenerational trauma that we often experience as Black people.

Therapy is a great way to learn to set great boundaries with loved ones and family members, and therapy is a way to self reflect and offload.

Plus there are only so many blogs, self help books and Tik Tok videos to help you. Cut through the noise and get yourself a professional therapist in Houston.

2) Therapy or counseling is just for ‘crazy’ people

First of all let me just mention how much I hate the term ‘Crazy.’ I don't believe there's any such thing as a crazy person. There are only humans who are absolutely trying their best to maneuver life situations.

And no, you do not have to be crazy, on the verge of a psychological breakdown, or about to break up a relationship before you begin therapy in Houston.

Actually, I recommend that you go to therapy before you’ve reached your breaking point. After all, why not prevent a breakdown altogether?

3) Going to therapy is just like talking to your best friend

First of all, your therapist is absolutely not your friend. You will not be hanging out in coffee shops with your therapist, you won't be going to Sunday brunch with your therapist, and your therapist will probably not be attending your birthday party. Your therapist’s job is to help you accomplish your mental health goals, and to help you see your blind spots.

My job is simply to act as a guide so that you can improve your emotional health, your relationships, and it will even trickle into your career life. You'll find that your self-esteem will improve and we keep it confidential.

Unlike your friends, I do not sugar coat as your counselor. I do want you to thrive and succeed, however my job is to guide you and help you find deeper insight about your emotions and experiences.

4) Therapy is only for people who have experienced trauma or for people who are in deep emotional distress

Therapy is really different in real life. It is not like in the movies. Typically, the heroine of the movie goes through deep emotional distress, then when she's at her lowest point, she then plops herself onto the couch of a wonderful therapist who changes her life.

This is not real life.

Sometimes therapy doesn’t even involve a couch. There are many amazing online therapists in Houston.

You do not have to be in a crisis to go work with a therapist in Houston or a counselor in Houston. Some people go to therapy because they are trying to adjust to what life is throwing at them. Some work with a therapist in Houston after they change their job. Some seek counseling in Houston so they can better manage a separation in their relationship. Relationship counseling in Houston is also very common and helpful.

While others learn how to set healthy boundaries, to overcome phobias, and a whole list of issues.

If you are experiencing any type of emotional distress- even a mild one-then you could benefit from therapy.

5) You have to spend several years in therapy

Some people believe that once they start therapy they'll have to continue for the rest of their lives. Some therapists do engage in deep, long-term therapy, but not everyone has to be in therapy for a very long time.

Being in therapy for years also isn’t bad. However some people just need a few sessions and then they're able to move on.

Many of my clients come in, roll up their sleeves, work on their goals, and when they are feeling much better, we make a plan to graduate therapy.

Some are in therapy for six sessions, and some do see me for years. It really all depends on what you want to dive into and the circumstances of your life.

6) All therapists in Houston ever do is just nod and smile

If you've combed through my website, then you know that I say that I am not ‘A nod and smile therapist.’ Unlike the therapists in the movies who wear two-piece suits with pumps, are chained to a notebook and pen, and also stare at you blankly, while nodding and smiling. Then they take a break from their note taking and ask you "How do you feel?" I am not that one.

My job as a therapist in Houston is to help you dive deep into your life so that you can actually reach the goals that you came in to see me for. I speak like a human, I smile, I raise my eyebrows, I cackle a little bit, and sometimes my clients say that I do throw them some shade.

What can I say? I can’t help myself.

Yes, sometimes we do have belly laughs in therapy, but I promise you that therapy is a whole lot more than me nodding and smiling blankly. If that is all therapy was then it would be a complete waste of your time and mine.

7) My insurance won’t cover therapy in Houston/ I won’t be able to afford therapy

These days, there are so many options for therapy in Houston. Insurance companies are understanding that our emotional health is just as important as our physical health.

So if you are thinking about going to therapy, the first step would be to contact your insurance company and find out more about your mental health benefits. Some insurance companies will want you to see a therapist in Houston that is within their network. While others a bit more flexible with it. Some will put a cap on the number of therapy or counseling sessions you can have within a time period. You’ll never know if you don’t ask. So ask. Don’t use assume you can’t afford therapy.

8) Christians cannot/should not go to therapy

As a Christian therapist in Houston who integrates faith with mental health, I know firsthand the importance of taking care of our mental health as people of faith. I see Christians in therapy all the time, and yes you can talk to me about Jesus, the Bible, as well as the leading of the Holy Spirit. No, I will not think that you are crazy, and yes I do welcome people talking to me about what the Lord is saying to them. If Christians do not take care of their mental health, how does that help us?

9) My therapist will blame my parents or my upbringing for my struggles

We are now in the 21st-century. Gone are the days when all therapists did was blame your mother for your struggles. We now know that there are so many other factors that make you who you are. My job is not to castigate your entire family. My job is to give you a deeper understanding of who you are, and to help you become who you want to be. Sometimes we talk about your upbringing, and sometimes we do not, however I do have the highest level of respect for you and your family.

If you are sick and tired of being a people pleaser, the responsible one in your family, or battling anxiety, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me. As an anxiety therapist in Houston, I’ll help you finally move from survival mode to thriving mode. You deserve a life free of anxiety.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Finding a therapist in the Houston area: A Simple Guide

Finding a therapist or counselor in the Houston area can be a little bit tricky, because Houston is such a large area. When you try to break it down, do you want to find a counselor in Cypress, a therapist in Sugar Land, or in one of the many surrounding neighborhoods in the Houston area?

You might also ask yourself “Do I need to be searching for a psychiatrist, a counselor, a therapist, or a psychologist?”

I'm going to break down every single thing you need to find a therapist or counselor in the Houston area that will be a great match for you. Don't worry, it's not as hard as you might think.

Questions to ask yourself before doing research about counseling in Houston

1) “Do I want an online therapist in Houston or would I prefer an In person therapist or counselor in Houston?”

When looking for a therapist in Houston, it is important to ask yourself whether you want virtual visits, or if you absolutely want to be seen in person. In my opinion, it really doesn't matter whether you are seen in person or virtually. Both forms of therapy are quite effective.

Pros and cons of in person therapy or counseling in Houston

The upside to being seen in person is that you get to drive away from your typical environment and you get to sit in a lovely office. Some people like to come into my office early, grab some tea, listen to sounds of nature and just take a moment to ground themselves before the therapy session. And some people love driving and looking at the Houston area sights. They create an entire vibe in their cars when they are on their way to their therapy session.

Pros and cons of seeing a virtual or online therapist in Houston

Now if you're seeing your therapist virtually, the upside is that you do not have to be in traffic at all- and we all know how annoying those Houston commutes can be. Virtual therapy in Houston is quite convenient. You can meet with your therapist while sitting in your car, while on your lunch break, in your office or while your baby is taking a nap. There is zero commute time and because of this, chances are you will probably attend counseling or therapy sessions more frequently.

If you do choose to see an online therapist in Houston though, this opens you up to a wider selection of therapists because you can meet with any therapist who is licensed in your state. So there is no geographical boundary holding you back. That means you can see a therapist in Houston, a therapist in Dallas, a therapist in Austin, or any therapist who is licensed in Texas.

Whether you attend virtually or in person, in my professional opinion, therapy can work either way.

2) “Why do I need a therapist in Houston?” (This helps you pick a therapist in Houston with the right niche)

Just like physicians, therapists in Houston (and everywhere else) also have specialties. It is important to note that most of us are not jack of all trades, and we prefer to see clients within a specific niche.

So ask yourself why you’re seeking the support of a therapist. Is it for depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, problems at work, problems of parenting, infertility… and the list goes on. I happen to be an anxiety therapist in Houston, because that is what I do best. It is important to find a therapist who can actually cater to some of the issues that you are struggling with.

Again, similar to seeing a physician, you wouldn't go to a dentist for your heart issues. So it is important that you know why you want therapy so that you can find a therapist that has a set of skills that are particularly suited for what you're experiencing.

3) “Do I want to use my insurance? And what is my therapy budget?”

A therapy budget is a subject that I have never seen online before, so I thought I should address it with you. Typically, therapists love to see their clients weekly. For me, doing this ensures that there is continuity of care and that my clients are moving fast towards their goals.

When you have a therapy budget, you are able to plan better so that there won’t be breaks in your therapy sessions. Know what you are comfortable paying for, so that you can find a therapist who is also within your budget.

If you choose to go through your insurance, ensure that you know what your co-pay will be, how many sessions your insurance will cover, as well as what types of sessions your insurance will cover (30 minute sessions, 45 minute sessions, couples therapy, family therapy, etc). Get these logistics out of the way before you begin the therapy process. That being said it is important to note that the best therapist Houston for you may not necessarily be the cheapest or the most expensive.

The best therapist in Houston for you is a therapist who has a lot of experience managing what your area of struggle is, and his personality is a perfect match for yours. It is a perfect marriage between the two. So do not be tempted to go for the free therapist whose niche is nowhere near what you need. Your mental health needs come first. If I went to a cardiologist to help me with my kidneys, chances are I would get a bad result. So buyer beware.

Pros and cons of using your insurance for therapy in Houston

The upside to using your insurance is that it is usually so much cheaper. One of the downsides could be that some of the therapists within your network might be full, or your insurance may have specific stipulations that may not work for you. My recommendation is that you call your insurance company before beginning sessions so that you know what your plan covers. It is also possible that the therapist or counselor you want to work with, doesn't take your insurance. Please note that insurance companies often expect your therapist to diagnose you. Keep that in mind.

Pros and cons of paying out of pocket for therapy in Houston

On the other hand, the upside to going out of pocket is that you can have as many sessions as you need, and typically, therapists who are private pay are often able to see their clients a lot sooner. The downside of course is that it could cost you more than if you were to use your health insurance. Pick the option that works best for you.

Now that we’ve covered the preliminary questions about finding a therapist in Houston, let’s dive in deeper.

Where to find a therapist in Houston

1) Ask your friends and loved ones who their therapist is.

Therapy in Houston and throughout Texas is becoming increasingly common. Chances are that your friends and loved ones have seen a therapist before. If you're comfortable asking them, simply ask them who they go to for therapy and why they like them.

Have an open discussion about the pros and cons of that specific therapist, their therapy style, and what attracted your loved one to that therapist. Please note that because your loved one had a great experience with that therapist does not necessarily mean that the therapist will be a perfect match for you.

I highly recommend that you schedule a consultation call with the therapist before you begin to work with them. The call is a great time for the therapist to get to know what you need support with, to tell you more about their style of work, and to decide if you and the therapist are compatible with one another. Without this compatibility, therapy will fall flat. You can go to the best therapist in the world, but if they are not a good fit for you, it won’t work.

2) Search for a therapist in a mental health directory

There are a multitude of therapist directories out there. These are a shortcut to helping you find the best therapist in Houston for you.

You can narrow down by ZIP Code, state, insurance, therapist’s specialty, therapist’s gender, religious or spiritual beliefs, race, as well as a long list of other areas. It’s important that you pick a therapist that you will be comfortable with. Some people often feel bad when they call me and say that they would prefer a Black therapist in Houston. Please don't feel bad. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own therapy session.

Some therapist directories to try are:

• Therapy for Black Girls

• Clinicians of Color Directory

• Therapy Den

• Melanin and Mental Health

3) Search for a therapist in the Houston area on Google

If you do not feel like going to a therapist directory, or speaking to a friend or loved one, you can use good old Google to find a therapist in Houston. Just search for a therapist according to what you need or a therapist in your city.

So some examples of searches could be:

• Anxiety therapist in Houston.

• Depression therapist Katy, Texas.

• Black therapist in Houston

• Premarital counseling Houston

• Female Black therapist Houston.

• Therapist for trauma in Cypress, Texas.

Or you can search by gender and religion. For example:

• Black Christian therapist Houston

• Christian counseling Katy

• Christian counselor Houston

• Christian counseling Sugar Land, TX

Once you find the therapist’s website, take about one or two minutes to look around. Does the therapist look like somebody whom you would feel comfortable working with? Does the therapist’s website speak to you? Go with your gut instinct. After looking at the therapist’s website, see if they do consultations and schedule a consultation with them.

Finding a therapist in the Houston area does not have to be a daunting task. Dedicate one or two days to finding about two or three therapists that appear to be a good fit for you.

If you really need support in finding a therapist click here to schedule a free consultation call. If you are searching for a Black therapist in the Houston area who can help you move from a place of anxiety to greater self confidence, or help your marriage move from a roommate situation to a passionate situation, then I might be the therapist for you. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. You can read more about how I help with anxiety, insomnia and marriage counseling here. Don't wait.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

FAQ about counseling or therapy in Houston

The Houston area is a pretty large metropolitan area. There are probably hundreds of therapists in Houston alone as well as in its surrounding cities. When you are thinking of starting therapy, you might have a million questions- and no one to help you answer them.

I’m going to answer frequently asked questions that you might have about counseling or therapy in the Houston area. Here is a link to my previous post about how to find a counselor in Houston.

What exactly is counseling or therapy?

Therapy or counseling is the process of helping you work through emotional struggles, or difficult experiences that are causing you discomfort. Some people come to therapy because of trauma, anxiety, insomnia or depression. Others come because of life circumstances such as switching careers, moving to a new city, struggles in their marriage, or phase of life issues. As a counselor in Houston, I can defiantly tell you that my clients have such varying life experiences.

As an anxiety therapist in Houston, my clients experience anxiety due to trauma, difficult family upbringings, impostor syndrome, marriage struggles, insomnia and a host of other reasons.

Do I have to have a certain diagnosis to go to therapy?

Nope! You do not have to be experiencing specific symptoms to attend therapy. Some people who go to therapy do have a mental health diagnosis, however it is not a prerequisite for therapy. And not every therapist will diagnose you.

However, please note that if your health insurance company will be paying for services, they will require your therapist in Houston diagnose you in order to reimburse you for services rendered.

Do Black people go to therapy?

Absolutely! As a Black therapist in Houston, I can definitely verify that Black people also have emotional struggles and want to experience healing too. In fact, a long list of my clients are Black people as well as people of color. It is important to note that pretty much anyone of any race or ethnicity can benefit from therapy. Gone are the days when people just sat at home and struggled. it’s okay to let a counselor or therapist support you.

What should I expect from my first therapy session?

Every therapist conducts their sessions differently. When clients work with me, the first session is really dedicated to you getting to know me, and me getting to know you as well. That way I can provide you with a personalized therapy plan that would work for you.

During the first few therapy sessions we are really building rapport to ensure that we both feel comfortable with one another- so that you can open up. The most important factor in the success of counseling is the rapport and comfort between therapist and client.

In my first session, if we're doing talk therapy, as opposed to brainspotting therapy, I'll ask you questions about your upbringing, about what brings you to therapy, about your career, your physical health, past traumas, your significant relationships- all the things that make you who you are. This helps me create an individualized plan for you that will help you meet your therapy goals as quickly as we can.

Is it okay if a Christian goes to therapy?

Yes! In fact, as a Christian therapist in Houston, I work with my Christian clients to integrate scripture and faith into our therapy sessions. I believe that healing should involve the mind, the body and the spirit.

What do I say during my therapy session?

Say whatever comes to your mind. It’s normal to feel shy or unsure during the first few sessions- as you’re just getting to know your therapist. if I’m working with you, I’ll give you some prompts, so that things don’t get awkward.

Some of my clients like to write a list of things that are causing them pain or discomfort and we just go down the list in session. And if something else comes up organically, you’re free to discuss it.

Will my therapist in Houston tell everybody about my business?

Nope! We are sworn to confidentiality- okay maybe not sworn- but we do have to keep your information confidential by law. The only times when we might disclose your information is to report suspected child abuse, dependent adult abuse and elder abuse. We also could report if we suspect that you are a danger to yourself, to others or the property of others.

Will therapy work for me?

I can’t tell you absolutely that it will. However, therapy seems to work well for many people. As long as you are willing to trust the process and be open with your therapist, you probably will gain some new insights.

If you are ready to finally move beyond the anxiety that has held you hostage for years, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for therapy in Houston or counseling in Houston. I also conduct brainspotting therapy in Houston for anxiety and trauma, as well as marriage counseling in Houston.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.