Balancing Sensitivity and Assertiveness: Tips for Highly Sensitive People

Speak Up Without Shutting Down: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Find Their Assertive Voice

One of the difficulties of high sensitivity is being able to communicate effectively and assertively when you are feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes you find that it is much easier for you to write out your thoughts than actually speaking them out loud. But that's OK because we all process differently. The good thing about high sensitivity is that there's really nothing that you need to fix about yourself, you just have to learn how to live with your trait. Once you learn how to live with your trait, your relationships can blossom.

Sometimes when you do try to assert yourself in your personal relationships, you either feel overwhelmed or you think you are being mean. But remember, assertiveness simply means that you are talking to someone with the assumption that both of you matter. This means that your needs deserve to be met and so do theirs. Aggressiveness or meanness, means approaching a relationship with the assumption that the other persons needs do not matter.

A great way of remedying this situation, is to take a short time out when you feel overwhelmed, Rather than trying to push the big emotions away, take a break and lean into them. Notice the emotions welling up in your body. Acknowledge them and let them be there until they are ready to simmer down. Don’t try to fix the situation while still feeling overwhelmed.

The next step is to find an activity to take your mind off the situation. It could be going outside and noticing the passersby, writing, working out, praying, music, singing or spending time alone. Do whatever soothes you. Once you feel adequately soothed, you can now spend some time figuring out why you feel the way that you do and how you want to communicate your needs verbally. If it helps to write it out first, then do so. If it helps to practice what you’re going to say in your head or out loud, then do so. This could give you the confidence you need.

And if you just get stuck in the chronic cycle of shutting down, enter Brainspotting therapy in Houston. This is a great way to help you get unstuck and break habits that have not been serving you well. Brainspotting therapy in Houston can help you uncover the root of people pleasing and also help you build the confidence that you need to speak up assertively. Because if you have not uprooted people pleasing, speaking assertively will be very difficult for you.

How to Be Both Empathetic and Assertive in Your Relationships (Yes, You Can Do Both!)

Yes, it is actually possible to be empathetic and assertive at the same time. Because the root of assertiveness lies in the idea that both people in the relationship are important. And empathy is really about understanding the other person’s point of view and emotions. To be assertive means that you were able to take the other person into consideration, honor their emotions and state your point of view to get your needs met.

Before trying to be assertive with someone, ensure that you are not in an emotionally overwhelmed state. It is OK if you take some time to breathe and gather your thoughts. You might also want to practice your statement a few times before actually saying it to them. This ensures that you'll be able to discuss it in a clearheaded and confident manner. Ask yourself what outcome you are looking to achieve. And that will determine exactly what to say and how to say it. Remember to state what you have to say calmly and confidently. You might want to ask them to give you some time to talk without them interrupting you (to reduce feelings of overwhelm). And if you feel like past traumas or fears are preventing you from standing up for yourself, consider Brainspotting therapy in Houston. It is a great way to quickly uproot difficult emotional blocks that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from being the assertiveness boss lady that you know you can be.

Empathy is helping people also respect you and your feelings. We do others a disservice when we cater to them uneccesraily. The kind thing to do is show them how to share space with you by assertively speaking up when you do have soothing to say.

Here’s a quick formula to help you with assertiveness.

“I feel [insert feeling word] about [identify the situation]. And here’s what I need [include your direct and specific needs here].”

For example:

“ I feel upset about not being included in the planning. What I need is an invite to the planning committee.”

“I feel disrespected when you stare at your phone when speaking to me. What I need is eye contact when I am speaking to you.”

Setting Boundaries with Love: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Assert Themselves Without Guilt

When you are thinking about setting clear boundaries with others, remember your why. Give yourself one or two reasons why these boundaries are actually important to you. What do you have to gain from setting these boundaries? What will you lose if you refuse to set the boundary? What part of your life is not working well because you have refused to set boundaries?

You might even want to write this down on an index card or on your phone so that you can constantly remind yourself about the importance of boundary setting. For most people, lack of boundary setting can lead to people pleasing, frustration, and a breakdown in the relationship. You might even feel that you're constantly being used by the other person with nothing to gain on your part. Once you know exactly why boundary setting is important, it is a lot easier to finally set better boundaries. And ensure that when you want to set the boundary, you actually create rules that you are able to keep.

Start small, be firm, yet loving. Remember that when you set boundaries, it actually helps the other person respect you more. And respectful relationships are healthy relationships.

Here’s the simple formula again. First address your emotions, then say what led to the emotions. Finally, ask for what you need.

“I feel disrespected because you did not invite me to the dinner with the team. What I would like is to be included in team meetings and dinners.” It’s simple and straight to the point.

Here’s another example.

“I feel tired from working all day. I would like to stay home instead of go out tonight.”

To take the guilt away, remind yourself that healthy assertive boundaries help people respect you and also understand your needs. Assertiveness teaches others how to treat us so that we don’t feel stepped on.

From Overwhelmed to Empowered: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Master Assertive Communication

High performing women can quickly fall into the trap of constantly being overwhelmed by taking on the responsibility of others and creating mile long to do lists. High-performing women also struggle with asking for help and delegating when they do need it. And because of the elements of people pleasing, highly sensitive high-performing women sometimes struggle in silence while appearing to look competent.

Because you look so competent and you always seem to figure things out, nobody knows that you are struggling and so nobody comes to your aid. But when you have mastered the art of assertive communication, people tend to see you as human as opposed to a superwoman.

Instead of beginning your boundary setting journey with tough conversations, begin to practice outsourcing tasks to other people. You do not have to lead with “I am overwhelmed.” Simply look around and begin to take some things off your plate. This communicates to others that you need help just like everybody else. And sometimes when these conversations feel too tough for you, remember your why.

Remember how your shoulders feel like they are breaking and ask yourself what will happen to you if you don't actually do this. If this feels too hard to do on your own, then Brainspotting therapy in Houston can help. It can help you better communicate your needs so that you can build stronger relationships through assertive communication.

Why Assertiveness Is the Key to Healthy Relationships (and How Brainspotting Can Help)

Sometimes you feel like your needs are never met in your friendships. Everyone gets what they want, but no one even remembers to check up on you. Well, in this case, it might be because you are not speaking up. Consider that people might not know what you need, unless you actually tell them what you need.

But because you have such a great poker face, you tend to look like everything is alright- when it’s not. Assertiveness is a great way to know whether or not your friends are safe. If your needs go unmet because you never told your loved ones what you need, we can argue that they don’t know your needs. However, if your needs are going unmet despite telling them what you need- that’s different story,

Assertiveness helps build vulnerability, connection and trust. When you can tell people what you need clearly, it allows them to bless you by serving you, checking up on you and providing emotional safety. If you struggle with people pleasing or being direct with people brainspotting therapy in Houston could help. It could help you heal trauma that may be blocking your ability to stand up for yourself and create healthier, more balanced relationships.

And my favorite thing about brainspotting is that it’s quite gentle on your brain.

Struggling to balance sensitivity and assertiveness in your relationships? You’re not alone. As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, I use brainspotting therapy to help you overcome the fear of speaking up, set healthy boundaries, and build stronger relationships. Whether you’re seeking a Black therapist in Houston or need trauma therapy in Houston, virtual sessions are available. Book your free 15-minute consultation session today and start your journey toward empowered relationships!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How to Manage Overwhelm: Strategies for Highly Sensitive People

Overwhelmed by Everyone’s Needs? How to Manage Relationship Stress as a Highly Sensitive Woman

As a highly sensitive person, because you are so in tune with the feelings of others and you care so much about what happens to people around you, you might find yourself constantly tending to their emotional needs. And when people feel the level of warmth and empathy that you bring to the table, they keep coming to you to continue to fill their emotional needs. And although this is a great way to connect with others, and you do enjoy helping people (because the skill comes so easily to you), the problem is you run the risk of pouring continuously into other people without getting your own emotional needs met.

And what happens overtime is that your emotional well dries out. The good thing is that there are many strategies that you can utilize to ensure that you continue to be a caring person, while getting your needs met.

• Ask for what you need: Feel free to ask the people around you for your needs. If you need help, ask for it. Because if you keep pouring into others without receiving, you will be burned out.

• Take a break: Even though you enjoy spending time helping others, note when you bandwidth is depleted and take a step back. You can’t serve people all the time.

• Know your limit: You can’t be all things to all people all the time. Play to your strengths and let others do the rest, You can’t stretch yourself too thin.

• Balance your hobbies with your responsibilities: Each week, spend some time looking at your calendar to ensure that you include some hobbies or at least some downtime. Actually put it in, or else it won’t happen.

If the above feels like too much, brainspotting therapy can help you get unstuck. It’s an effective way of helping you break away from difficult habits that have been stubborn to break.

How to Say ‘No’ Without Feeling Guilty: Boundaries for Highly Sensitive Overachievers

Because you are so in tune with the feelings of others, you might feel like a bad person when it is time to turn somebody away. After all, you might think “What is the harm in helping them? If I know I can help them, why can't I just do that every time they call me?” The problem with this is that if every time somebody called you for help, you actually run to them, you would be helping people all day, therefore leaving yourself drained.

It is even more difficult to set boundaries when you are a high-performing woman. Because a part of you is excited and feels fulfilled when you check those tasks off your to do list. Work is actually quite enjoyable to you. And because you're quite capable of helping other people emotionally, coupled with being so great at your job, you feel extremely guilty when you have to say no or turn somebody down.

But when you constantly say “Yes,” you gain the reputation of the super responsible woman. People automatically run to you when there is a problem – even at work. And over time, you begin to resent those around you, because you wonder why all the competent people around you seem to outsource their problems and their work to you. It is because you have created a monster.

Before you say “Yes” to someone, give yourself a 24-hour window to think it through. Ask yourself if you have the bandwidth to be able to help them in this season. Think about all the other responsibilities you have. Will you be able to help them and carry out your responsibilities without burnout? Will helping them bring long-standing joy and peace for you? Just because you can help someone does not mean you should always jump in to help them.

Think about it this way: If you do not allow people to learn how to work through things, you rob them of the process of actually learning how to work through things. If you are involved in healthy work and personal relationships, then it is possible to say “No” sometimes without negative repercussions. You can prioritize your self-care without damaging your relationship.

This is where Brainspotting therapy comes in with my clients. Brainspotting therapy helps change long-standing habits that have held you back and made you feel stuck. Brainspotting targets the deeper layers of the brain so that these unhelpful habits can finally be broken. When we have broken the emotional hold, then saying “no” to prioritize your self-care becomes so much easier. And guess what? The guilt starts to go away.

Balance is Possible: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Juggle Career, Relationships, and Self-Care

As a high performing woman, it is important to accept that you will never be able to accomplish every single task that you have laid out for yourself. It’s not because you are lazy or incompetent, it is simply because your expectations for yourself are sometimes too high.

It is also important to remember that you cannot throw yourself so deep into work that you forget all your personal relationships. You can do both quite well- if you are able to put up good boundaries and prioritize your mental health. With Brainspotting therapy, you experience a world of emotional clarity so that it becomes so much easier to manage the dynamics of personal relationship versus your high-powered career.

To keep it simple, when you're looking at your weekly schedule, make sure there is actually time for you to rest, recharge and maybe connect with somebody outside of your work. If you are intentional about this on a weekly basis, it becomes a lot more difficult to be constantly drowning in work. Maybe you have some busy seasons at work where it’s all hands on deck, but when you're outside of busy season, be sure to calendar in time to actually spend with loved ones.

When you think about your work dynamics, are you carrying too heavy a load? Is there any wiggle room where you can either drop some responsibilities, outsource them or complete them at a later date? Remember that there are areas within your workspace that you have control over. Those are the areas in which you have to assert your influence and voice. Life does not just happen to you- you have a say in certain areas of your life. It’s the idea of accepting what you cannot change, but changing what you can,

When You Feel Everything: How to Keep Emotional Overload from Ruining Your Relationships

As a highly sensitive woman, you can feel like you absorb the emotions of others. But it’s not like you are actually absorbing their emotions. It’s that you notice tiny details that act like an alarm and alert you to how others are feeling. And this feels like you have actually absorbed their emotions. This can lead you to either run away from others- because you do not enjoy the feeling of constantly being tossed around by the emotions of others.

Or sometimes, you get overly involved in the emotional business of others because you want to fix and soothe them. Remember that is not necessarily your job to fix everyone. Sometimes others do not actually want your help. Sometimes they're fine with the way things are going. Sometimes they're coming to you simply to vent- not to fix. And if you do not have enough bandwidth to actually help somebody who is asking for your help, then what you will get is complete burn out, resentment and frustration. Know when you have the bandwidth to have deep conversations versus when you just want to keep things light. This will prevent you from emotional overload.

Also have at least one safe person in your life with whom you can share your emotional burdens. You are allowed to laugh wit them, cry with them, vent, and just be human. You can talk about the difficult things in your life, as well as the wins you are experiencing.

The Art of Unplugging: How to Step Away Without Feeling Disconnected from Loved Ones

One of the most important parts of being highly sensitive is having alone time and times when you minimize distractions. Even though you might live a very busy lifestyle and lots of people come to you for help, it is important that you have some non-negotiables around always being busy. As a high-performing woman, spending time by yourself gives you the opportunity to reflect on the work that you are doing and also recharge your energy so that you can continue to perform at a high level.

Unplugging does not mean that you completely ghost everyone. Unplugging simply means that you have specific times in your schedule when you can be by yourself. You can take yourself to lunch, you can sit at home and watch TV, or you can simply silence your phone so that you can do other things around the house. You can go on a relaxing vacation or you can decide that you will no longer be helping people during this season because your life is already feeling too full. It really is that simple. Some people like to set boundaries every single day by putting their phones on do not disturb from a certain hour in the evening until morning.

Are you constantly overwhelmed by the emotional demands of your relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in brainspotting therapy, I help high-performing, highly sensitive women—including Black women—manage overwhelm and build healthier, more balanced relationships. Schedule a brainspotting therapy consult call in Houston today to start your journey toward emotional peace and deeper connections!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Perfectionism vs. Peace: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Break Free from the 'Always Perfect' Trap

Perfectionism vs. Peace: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Break Free from the 'Always Perfect' Trap

When you struggle with perfectionism, you constantly feel tense because you know exactly how you want to operate in the relationship, but you find yourself saying and doing things that are incongruent with who you actually are. You essentially operate for the other person and do everything to please the other person. This creates a lot of guilt and shame for you. Because you know what you want to do. It's like your head and your heart have a disconnect. And that leaves you feeling small, feeling bad about yourself and just generally spinning your wheels. The positive thing is that perfectionism is not hardwired into your DNA. With a somatic type of therapy like Brainspotting therapy in Houston, we can actually actively work on how to remove those perfectionistic tendencies so that you can be free to be yourself again. Brainspotting does a good job of releasing the pressure of perfectionism and just allowing you to be who you really are.

How to Set Loving Boundaries in Your Relationships (Without Feeling Guilty)

When you are not used to setting clear boundaries regularly, upon the first try (and during the next few tries) you will definitely be riddled with guilt. Because you spend so much time hoping that the other person is not mad at you. You might think that they'll stop being your friend- all because of the boundary that you set. You just go down an entire rabbit hole- all because you set a boundary. Now the problem with perfectionism, is that it makes boundary setting so difficult, especially in your personal relationships. Because perfectionists expect their relationships to also be perfect. And when someone is mad at you for setting a boundary, that defeats the purpose of perfectionism. When you falter in your boundary setting attempts, that also does not register as perfect.

Setting boundaries could even cause you some anxiety and lots of discomfort. Enter my favorite thing- Brainspotting therapy. With the help of brainspotting you can go from a woman who did everything for everyone else and put her needs on the back burner, to a woman who put her needs first, continues to be empathetic and kind, and is able to create space for herself, relationships and other people too.

You do not have to give up on being the kind person that you already are. Once we are able to identify why perfectionism and people pleasing are staples in your life, we are then able to practice how to set boundaries without the presence of guilt. I love brainspotting for this as opposed to talk therapy. Because talk therapy focuses so much on logic and chances are you're already a very logical person who likes to talk herself out of setting boundaries. With brainspotting, we will focus mostly on emotions and we connect you back to your body. When you're able to identify how emotions affect you, and also heal trauma, it is a lot easier to let go of perfectionism.

Ditch the Superwoman Cape: How to Let Go of Perfectionism and Build Stronger Connections

Do you know the sad thing about superwoman? Everyone loves how strong she is and how she rushes in to save the day. We marvel at how she's able to multitask and save an entire city without breaking a sweat. But do you know that nobody even asks how her shoulders are doing. We don't ask her if she gets enough sleep, if she's tired or if she wants a break. Nobody cares about superwoman's feelings. This is why you need to seriously ditch the cape. You are NOT superwoman. You are just a woman and that is OK. That is what your life needs to look like every single day.

Because superwoman is perfect. And humans cannot relate to people who are perfect. We can only relate to people who are actually human. To build stronger connections it is important to be able to ask for help. It is important to rest sometimes. It's important to let people know when things are too much for you. It's important to cry sometimes. It's important to show people that you have real emotions. It's important for you to know when to move and went to call it quits. When the people around you see that you are indeed functioning like a human, they will hopefully start to treat you like you are human. Because nobody can connect with a perfect person. But we all know what it is to be flawed and real.

Stop Perfectionism from Ruining Your Relationships: How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help

When you always show up as a perfect friend, it already creates unrealistic expectations. They expect you to never make mistakes, they expect you to always be on point, and they expect you to probably carry the entire relationship on your shoulders. This leads to frustration and strain for not just you, but for your friends as well. It is important to note that you can be a high achieving woman who is not perfect. Because high achieving simply means that you have big goals and you have achieved quite a few things in your life. This means that you work hard and you know where you are trying to go in life.

High achieving does not mean that you are perfect in the way that you implement your goals. And it does not mean that you will achieve every single goal that you have put your mind to. The great thing about brainspotting is that it helps you unlock patterns that have been driving you but no longer work for you. As a high achieving woman in Houston, you probably are an entrepreneur who does multiple businesses. But perfectionism can actually stop you from meeting your business goals. Because sometimes you do not put out content and you do not put out work because it is not perfect. With Brainspotting you will learn exactly why you became a perfectionist and then we can work together to unravel that so that you can function as simply a human- no super woman needed.

Ready to Be Perfectly Imperfect? How Brainspotting Helps You Embrace Your True Self

Imperfections actually make us human. Imperfections can be a way to connect with other people. Because other people have flaws too. So when they see that you have a similar struggle with them, they can partner with you so that you can hold each other accountable. Imperfections are actually just proof that you are human. And if you want to be treated like the human that you are, and if you want people to see you for who you are, then you have to take the bold step to be vulnerable and let people see all of you.

I'm not saying that you have to share all of your life with everyone on social media. All I'm saying is that if you want to truly connect with close friends and loved ones, you have to take off that façade of perfectionism. Because perfectionism can drive them crazy. Sometimes when you're a perfectionist, you expect so much out of your loved ones and they actually cannot give you all the perfection that you need. But when you are human and you allow them to be human too, things are less tense in the relationship. Brainspotting therapy can actually help you connect with the real you. Perhaps the real you is a high-powered, high achieving woman who also likes to be goofy. Perhaps you are a k-drama loving, highly sensitive woman who loves the stock market. Perhaps you are a woman who sometimes burns dinner, but you're also an amazing physician. You can show up as you actually are and people will accept you for who you are.

Are you ready to break free from perfectionism and start building stronger, more meaningful relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston, I specialize in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, including Black women, to overcome the perfectionism trap. Through brainspotting therapy, you can release past trauma, set healthier boundaries, and embrace your true self. Book a free 15-minute consultation call today and take the first step toward deeper connection and personal peace.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

People Pleasing and HSPs: How to Stand Up for Yourself Without Conflict

Goodbye People-Pleasing, Hello Confidence: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Set Boundaries Without the Drama

If you follow me on social media, you know that I'm always talking about boundary setting. I argue that because of the limited bandwidth of some highly sensitive women, it is important to protect your energy through boundary setting. If you said “Yes” to every single thing and if you helped everybody who asked you for help, you'll never have time for yourself. You only end up in resentment and overtiredness. And when a highly sensitive person is overtired, they get cranky and their mood is just completely off. If you are constantly in the state of over tiredness, that will definitely derail your goals. Which is a no-no for highly ambitious, highly sensitive women.

One of the most important things to focus on as a highly sensitive, high performing woman is to realize that your needs matter too. When you are stuck in the people pleasing cycle, you are so focused as the needs of others and making sure that they don't get mad at you. But before you set a boundary, ask yourself, how would I handle this if I actually respected myself and believe that my values are important? If you ask yourself this question all the time then you are going to be able to see it much clearer and healthier boundaries for yourself.

So it is important to learn how to set clear, kind boundaries so that the people around you can know what you need. This does not have to be a whole dramatic event. You don't have to be mean, rude or go around upsetting everyone. However, that being said, if the people around you are not safe, they will feel offended when you're simply just setting a clear and kind boundary. Because someone gets upset about your boundaries does not mean that your boundaries are wrong. Just ask yourself, “Am I holding onto my values?” “Am I stepping on anybody's toes?” This will tell you everything you need to know.

One way I help highly sensitive women is by utilizing Brainspotting therapy as a tool to help them become more confident in setting boundaries without feeling guilt or causing too much conflict. Sometimes you know the boundary that you need to set, but you just do not have the confidence to implement it. And sometimes you really are at a loss for what boundary to set. This is where the brainspotting therapy comes in. It helps us go down the rabbit hole in your brain or to figure out where the connections need to be formed. I promise you that it is important to navigate relationships without being a people pleaser.

People Pleasing 101: How to Stay True to Yourself (Even When You Hate Saying ‘No’)

Sometimes saying the word ‘No’ can feel almost physically painful because:

• You think that you are being mean by saying “No.”

• You don't want to hurt the other person's feelings

• You feel guilty because you know that you can actually help them but because you do not have the bandwidth to choose not to help them in this moment.

• You worry about what they will think and say about you.

• You worry about the potential loss of relationship. Will they stop liking you? Will they think that you're a bad person?

  All these things are running through your head because you said “No.” However, let me put it into perspective for you. If you continue to say “Yes” to every single person and every single thing, you will absolutely NOT have time for yourself. That means that you will be burning the candle on both ends which will lead to you being completely tired, resentful of yourself and others, and just raggedy. And you do not want to be raggedy, because you're too ambitious to be raggedy. As an ambitious person, you need to be refreshed and clearheaded in order to actually meet your goals. So it is important to remind yourself of why you're setting these clear, kind boundaries.

This is why I like Brainspotting therapy. Rather than spending day after day going down the rabbit hole in talk therapy, in just a few Brainspotting therapy sessions, you can easily get to the root of why it is hard for you to say “No.” You learn what the roots of your people pleasing behaviors are, we're able to approach it so that you can finally be free to set boundaries that are actually in alignment with your values.

It'll be easier to find out why people pleasing is a thing for you. Once you find out why you do what you do, it is so much easier to break the unhelpful habit and form new non-people pleasing habits.

Master the Art of Standing Up for Yourself: How HSPs Can Set Boundaries and Still Be Loved

As a highly sensitive woman, you get uncomfortable with the idea of saying “No” constantly, but a big part of boundary setting is knowing how to stand up for yourself. Because people will constantly step on your toes. Some of them are just mean spirited and actually enjoy stepping on your toes. Because you are one of the few highly sensitive people that they know- they just assume that their behavior is fine.

Instead of expecting people to come and make things right, it is important that you move up to them and start to stand up for yourself. Because it is so important to realize that people will treat you the way you let them treat you. And it is your job to teach people how to treat you. Assume that nobody knows how to treat you until you teach them. The great thing about boundary setting is that it does not have to destroy your positive relationships. Please note that I am assuming that your relationships are safe relationships. Because I have no intention of teaching you how to maintain unsafe relationships. Because we all deserve safety in our lives.

When you stay true to yourself and when you understand how you want to be treated, you can actually build stronger relationships with the people around you. When you set good boundaries, that means that you're actually allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability allows people to see past the superficial level and actually see you just as you are.

And so this is where Brainspotting therapy comes in. This therapy helps you go into the deep areas of your brain where big emotions are stored so that we can start to uncover the people pleasing habits that you have and how to get rid of them. Please note that if people genuinely love you unconditionally, they will respect your boundaries. They may not enjoy your boundaries- your boundaries might take them aback, or they might not know why you even want those boundaries, however if it is important to you, it'll become important to them too.

The goal is not to destroy your relationships wit boundary setting. The goal is to actually strengthen them so that you can be better respected.

Stop Saying ‘Yes’ When You Mean ‘No’: How Brainspotting Helps HSPs Overcome People Pleasing

Has this ever happened to you? You get a call from a loved one, but you were already at home sitting down comfortably and happily. The plan was for you to Netflix and chill with the boo, but here comes your best friend crying on the other end, talking about how she needs you now. In your mind, you know that this is NOT an emergency. You know she's actually being dramatic and that all she needs is a nap. However because she's crying so hard and she keeps saying that she needs you, you have to unwrap yourself from the warm blanket, look at your boo in his eyes and say to him, “Sorry, my friend needs me.”

And so you venture out into the cold, make the 30 minute drive to your friend’s house, by the time you get there, you realize that she has calmed down and she never even needed you in the first place.

Why did you say “Yes” when you actually meant “No?” Well could it be that you are a people pleaser? In your mind, people pleasing is a way to help you maintain a good relationship so that nobody will be mad at you. It is a way to help you avoid conflict, but the problem with people pleasing is that it is eating you up from the inside out. You essentially sacrificed your relationship with your husband to maintain your relationship with your friend. However, if you had simply just said “No” to your friend she would've understood because she's your friend who loves you.

You can maintain both relationships at the same time. Even though people pleasing appears to save relationships, it actually just sacrifices them. With the help of brainspotting therapy we can become a lot more assertive, especially in personal and professional relationships. You'll learn how to set boundaries your way and without all of the guilt.

Stand Up for Yourself Without Conflict: A Guide for High-Performing Women Who Hate People-Pleasing

If you are a high-performing woman who absolutely hates people pleasing, then gather here. The great thing about Brainspotting therapy, is that it goes into the deeper layers of the brain where big emotions are held. That is important because instead of going down the rabbit hole for weeks and weeks in talk therapy, in just a few Brainspotting therapy sessions we will be able to get to the root of why you became a people pleaser and how we can help you reverse that.

When you are no longer a people pleaser, you actually begin to form authentic relationships that are not based on what you can do for people, but are just simply based on who you are as a person. When you form authentic relationships, they stay your friend or your business partner because of the value that you bring to the table, not because of the boundaries that you have set with them.

Authentic relationships are a whole lot deeper than people pleasing relationships. If your friend is just your friend because of what you can do for them, then it means that essentially, your relationship will fizzle out fast.

And when somebody steps on your toes or upsets you, it is important to be able to stand up for yourself without conflict. Setting a boundary does not mean that you are trying to fight the other person. It is simply just a statement to help them to notice that they hurt you. And if they're a safe person, they will apologize, take notes and not do it again.

Tired of putting everyone else’s needs before your own? If you’re a highly sensitive, high-performing woman in Houston, brainspotting therapy can help you break free from people-pleasing habits and build stronger, more balanced relationships. As a trauma therapist in Houston, specializing in working with Black women, I can help you stand up for yourself with confidence. Book a free 15-minute consult session today and take the first step toward healthier boundaries and deeper connections!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How to Balance Ambition and Sensitivity: A Blueprint for Thriving in Both Worlds

Ambition Meets Sensitivity: How to Have It All Without Losing Yourself

High sensitivity and ambition do not have to be mutually exclusive. They can actually exist together. High sensitivity simply means that you feel emotions deeply and you think things through also very deeply. Essentially you are a thinker and a feeler. Because you spend so much time processing the rich world within and around you, you can easily burn out if you do not set clear boundaries.

That being said, it is not uncommon to be a highly sensitive person who is very ambitious. The important thing is that you cannot burn the candle at both ends. Because of your sensitive nature, rest and boundary setting are essential for your well-being. Time management is also quite crucial. You have to know when to call it quits, when to say “No,” and when to keep going. It is also important to ask for help. Know that you cannot do it all by yourself -if not you will feel resentful, stressed out and completely burned out. And burnout does nothing to help you accomplish your big goals.

Nurture your personal relationships while keeping your ambition at the forefront. I have to say that I do not believe in balance, but I do believe in juggling different tasks and responsibilities. In some seasons you juggle things a little bit better, and in some seasons you'll have to drop other responsibilities. Wisdom is knowing the difference between the two. The great thing about Brainspotting therapy is that it allows you to go into the deeper layers of your brain to be able to sort out what you should prioritize and what should be on the back burner in each season of your life.

Mastering the Art of Being Both Bold and Gentle in Your Relationships

One of the pitfalls of high sensitivity is people pleasing. Because of your deep empathy and because you feel such a strong connection to people you love, you feel the need to carry their weight on your shoulders. The problem is that it suddenly becomes your job to take care of everyone else while keeping yourself on the back burner. This does nothing to help you achieve your big goals.

It is important to know how to navigate your relationships and to ensure that you are only inviting safe people into your circle. A safe person is someone who respects you, even if they do not understand your sensitivity. A safe person will also understand that your needs are just as important as theirs. When you set clear, kind boundaries with them, even if they might be disappointed, they will still respect you. Go to my goal is a highly sensitive person who is also ambitious is to be able to pursue your career ambitions fiercely (of course while sticking to your values) and being able to be soft but boundaried in your personal relationships.

One of the reasons why I love Brainspotting therapy in Houston, is that it helps you uncover emotional blockages that keep you stuck and in people pleasing mode. Once these blockages have been removed, it allows you to be more assertive both in your career and personal relationships (while still being gentle). And the truth is that even though we might run away from boundary setting, your friends and family members tend to respect you better and think about your needs more when you said clear boundaries with them.

Brainspotting therapy in Houston sometimes will help you unlock why you struggle with boundary setting, how you got stuck in the first place and it will take you down the rabbit hole to help you actually get unstuck. Once you know why you do the things that you do, it is so much easier to change those habits. Sometimes just knowing yourself better gives you the confidence to change and to get unstuck from patterns that have been keeping you uncomfortable and preventing you from achieving big goals.

Striking the Perfect Balance: How High-Performing Women Can Cultivate Deeper Connections

If you're struggling with how to strike the perfect balance between your sensitivity and ambition, just keep your relationships at the forefront. And know that balance is not actually a real thing. The important thing to know is that your personal relationships are so much more important than ambition. Now you do not have to get rid of ambition for the sake of personal relationships. They can coexist quite happily. If you pick the right people in your circle, they will be able to help you to continue to work towards your goals while also being able to honor the friendship.

Personal relationships can actually help us with our ambition. You can find people who are similar to you, whether it is their high sensitivity, or they are safe people who respect your sensitivity. You can also find friends who are equally as ambitious and can put you onto new ideas. Just build relationships naturally. High sensitivity is just simply who you are. Lots of people would love to connect with you because of your sensitivity. It is your sensitivity and the empathy that you have that will actually help you attract close friends and confidantes.

One of the things that I love so much about brainspotting therapy, as a trauma therapist in Houston is because it is a great way to help actually strengthen your personal relationships while excelling professionally. I have done therapy with entrepreneurs, with people who are working hard to climb up the ladder in their career. Brainspotting therapy is a great way to help you learn how to remove blocks and barriers that are keeping you from being your true self and excelling both personally and professionally. As a highly sensitive person it is important to embrace vulnerability. As vulnerability is the only path to true connection. The more you put yourself out there, the higher chances you have of meeting like-minded people who are willing to embrace who you are. You do not have to go through the rest of your life putting on a mask or a persona.

No More Compromising: How to Stay Ambitious Without Sacrificing Your Sensitivity

Think of yourself as a whole person. You do not have to choose either high sensitivity or ambition- both can exist quite nicely together. When we work together in a Brainspotting therapy session, we work a lot on boundary setting. If you are a highly sensitive woman who has very low bandwidth or your energy gets depleted easily, it is definitely very important to know how to prioritize your time. You cannot get sucked into stressful conversations or carrying everybody else's burdens because that means that none of your stuff will ever get done. You have to learn how to say no without feeling guilty and you have to learn when to ask for help because you cannot do everything by yourself.

But the great thing about Brainspotting therapy in Houston is once we have removed those mental blocks, things become a whole lot easier. The great thing about being an ambitious highly sensitive woman, is that as you build your career, you have a team approach. You're able to take care of your needs while also keeping the needs of others in mind. As an enterpreneur that means that you are an ethical boss. You're bringing all of the things that you wish you had in your 9-to-5 and you create a work environment that is conducive for everyone. You are very intentional in the way you do your work and this is great when you are ambitious. Because most ambitious people are very intentional in the way they carry themselves and execute tasks. And if you work in a 9 to 5, intentionality actually gets you noticed.

Turn Your Sensitivity Into a Superpower: How to Build Strong Relationships While Chasing Success

Because high sensitivity it's not a common of a trait, only about 20% of the population of highly sensitive. It can be very important to use your high sensitivity to your advantage. People are not used to the level of detail that highly sensitive women bring in the workplace. People are not used to the level of detail that highly sensitive women also bring in personal relationships. Because of the deep level of empathy and the deep thoughts that we put into everything, we make for actually very good friends.

You might not have the bandwidth to have a long list of friends and connections, however you can treasure the few that you have. When you have deep relationships, you're able to talk to them about your goals and ambitions, your struggles as well as your successes. We know that a big part of success is your network. It is important to build the right network of people and this will deeply help you with your ambition. The goal is to ensure that you have the right people around you as you are climbing up the ladder.

Are you a high-performing, highly sensitive woman who’s struggling to balance ambition and personal relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in brainspotting, I help ambitious women like you thrive in both worlds. Whether you're navigating relationship challenges or seeking a deeper connection with yourself, brainspotting therapy can help.

Book a free 15-minute consult call with me- a Black therapist in Houston and start your journey to emotional balance and success.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Boundaries without the guilt: How to say ‘No’ and still feel like the superwoman that you are

Embracing Your Inner Superwoman: The Power of Saying ‘No’ in Personal Relationships

Let’s face it, without you, your household will end up in chaos. You don’t enjoy it being this way, but that’s where you are currently. The goal is to get to a point in which you still maintain your sensitivity, warmth and softness, but you no longer shoulder everyrone’s burdens on your back. I have to be honest, I don’t personally love the title of ‘Superwoman,’ but I do have to admit that you are definitely playing that role right now.

You are the nucleus of your family- both your immediate and extended family. Without you, it appears that everything will fall apart. While that sounds great in theory, in practice, it means you get no days off. It means you rarely get time to yourself. It also means that the people around you do not attempt to do certain tasks, because it is assumed that you’ve got this.

The outcome?

You end up burned out, frustrated and resentful. Not a good place to be.

But then you begin to know your boundaries and set those boundaries with your friends and loved ones, you start to reclaim some of your time. You start to tell them what you will be willing to do and what you are no longer willing to do. They begin to see you as human- not Superwoman. They start to think about your needs, your wants, your bandwidth and your time. They start to check up on you the way you have checked up on them for years. This can greatly strengthen your relationships.

Overcoming Guilt: Why Saying ‘No’ Doesn’t Mean You’re Letting Others Down

The most difficult part of setting boundaries is the guilt that comes with it. When you first learn to say ‘No,’ you will most likely get push back from the people around you. They might think you are mean, they might think you no longer care about them, they might wonder why you have chosen not to help them, even though they know you are capable.

And this will scare you, sadden you, surprise you. Because you know you are only setting boundaries to maintain your own mental and physical health. So there has to be a mindset shift that comes with boundary setting. Every time you try to set a boundary, give yourself a pep talk. Remind yourself that you might receive backlash. But also remind yourself that you are doing this to set yourself free from a life of resentment, burnout and complete exhaustion.

You might also think that setting boundaries is selfish. Because you have spent majority of your life catering to people who are perfectly capable of helping themselves. The more you have done that, the more they have thrived and the more exhausted you have felt. After a while, people begin to think that it is your job to take care of them. They stop thanking you for your help and they start assuming that it is now your duty. Remind yourself of this. If you don’t get good at boundary setting, where will you be? Write it out.

Boundary setting is a strength- not a form of selfishness. Selfishness means you never think of others. Strength means that you are able to do something, but you hold back so that the other person can learn how to take care of themselves and how to think about your needs too.

The Art of Saying ‘No’ with Confidence: Tips from a Trauma Therapist in Houston

When you are trying to set a boundary, it is important to exude confidence and to be very clear. I often say that I specialize in helping people set clear, kind boundaries. Because boundaries and assertiveness doesn’t equal meanness. Sometimes you try to set a boundary, but your words are so unclear that the person has no clue what you’re talking about. And for people who are manipulative, if they notice that you appear uncomfortable about your boundaries, they will steam roll you.

Sad, but true.

Here are some simple boundary setting steps:

1)) The first step in boundary setting is believing in the boundary. Know why you are setting the boundary in the first place. What is your goal? Is it to gain freedom from the expectations of others? Is it to finally have time to yourself? Is it to stop the phone from ringing so much? Know why you are setting the boundary.

2) The next step is to allow guilt to come. When you have taken care of people for so long, you almost feel obligated to continue to do so- even though you are tired. Expect that you will feel guilty when you set the boundary. However do not let the guilt completely take over. Notice the guilt, let it sit there, but still set the boundary anyway. The more you get used to setting boundaries, the sooner the guilt will shrink.

3) Next comes the practice. Practice what you are going to say. The goal of clear communication is this:

If a stranger were to walk in on your boundary setting conversation, will they be able to understand exactly what you meant? Or could they draw another conclusion from your statement?

Here is a simple framework to use. Please remember to keep your statements short and straight to the point. There is no need to beat about the bush or over explain why you have chosen a certain set of boundaries. Use this simple framework that was developed by Dr. and Dr. Gottman.

I feel [include emotion], about [say the situation]. Here is what I need [include needs here].

For example: “I feel frustrated about having to wake you up every day. What I need is for you to set an alarm every morning.

Notice I didn’t over explain. I kept it straight to the point. When you try to over explain yourself, people tend to try to poke holes in your explanation and talk you out to it. So Just keep it short and sweet.

Building Healthy Relationships: How Boundaries Lead to Stronger Connections

Boundary setting is also a great way to know whether or not the people around you are safe. Safe people generally respect the boundaries of others. Safe people also want to see you grow and thrive. When they upset you or cause you some sort of discomfort, they are quick to apologize. They also don’t take advantage of you. Even though they might know that boundary setting feels uncomfortable for you, they will take a step back and honor your wishes.

And when you realize that your friends are safe, it brings you so much closer together. It fosters an environment of respect and understanding. Saying ‘No’ helps the people around know your likes and dislikes. It also helps you better understand what you do and do not want to do. It enhances personal relationships because you can move beyond being superficial and get to your deeper feelings and needs.

Finding Freedom in ‘No’: A Journey with a Black Therapist in Houston

Learn how therapy can support you in establishing and maintaining boundaries that empower you in all areas of your life.

If boundary setting sounds like something completely terrifying, it’s okay. You can breathe. A knowledgable therapist in Houston (AKA me!) can help you work through how to gently establish and maintain boundaries in your life. Boundary setting can help empower you, remove a lot of the stress that comes from constantly putting your needs on the back burner. You will learn how to stand up for yourself, what your actual needs are, how to communicate them in a way that does not seem totally awful, and how to manage the big guilt that shows up when you do the brave thing and set boundaries.

The great thing about boundary setting is that it doesn’t have to be limited to just your personal relationships. You can learn how to set boundaries with strangers, at work, as well as even boundaries with yourself. The work can be hard at first, but once you get the hang of it, you can walk in freedom.

Ready to Reclaim Your Power? Connect with a Trauma Therapist in Houston Today!

Don’t let guilt hold you back any longer. Contact me to learn how to set loving boundaries and embrace your superwoman human self with the guidance of a skilled Black therapist in Houston! Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call and see if boundary setting therapy in Houston is right for you.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.