Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA & TX
4 common triggers for high sensitivity and how to manage them
Overwhelm is something you are all too familiar with. Your thoughts race constantly, you struggle to make easy decisions, or you find yourself regularly bursting into tears. It’s quite possible you are being triggered by one of these 4 things. Never fear, I’ve also included some ways to manage these triggers.
4 Common Triggers for Highly Sensitive People (and How to Tackle Them Like a Pro!)
Overwhelm is something you are all too familiar with. Your thoughts race constantly, you struggle to make seemingly easy decisions, or you find yourself regularly bursting into tears. It’s quite possible you are being triggered by one of these 4 things. Never fear, I’ve also included some ways to manage these triggers.
Remember that high sensitivity is not a disorder. It’s simply a part of who you are, and you can thrive once you understand it.
Not sure whether or not you are highly sensitive? Click here.
Here are 4 common triggers for highly sensitive people
1) Moving too fast
We live in a world in which things are moving faster and faster all the time. People are multitasking constantly- we even boast about getting 4 hours of sleep while juggling 3 businesses, 9 kids and a husband. As a highly sensitive woman, you might feel less than because you might not have the bandwidth to sustain such a lifestyle.
A life that moves at the speed of light can be a big trigger for highly sensitive people. Does that mean you can never become an ER physician or some other career that entails moving fast? Nope. It just means that you have to put systems in place that allow to care for yourself while in busy seasons.
This is where schedules and routines come in handy. Before rushing out in the morning, take a few minutes to get ready for the hectic day. Your cup has to be filled so that it doesn’t completely empty out.
That can look like:
Having a good breakfast (hunger is a BIG trigger for us HSPs)
Ensuring you get enough sleep at night
Starting the day off slowly in prayer or Bible study (rather than with the TV, news or emails)
Talking on the phone with an encouraging friend
Prioritizing certain tasks, rather than trying to juggle too many things at once
Learning to set good boundaries and say “No” when you are at capacity
2) Not enough alone time
Did you know that most highly sensitive people are introverts? Yup! But even if you are a highly sensitive extrovert, alone time is priceless. This is because of how highly sensitive people spend so much time deeply processing the world around them.
By the end of the day, it becomes so much that reducing stimulation is a great way to recharge.
What can that look like?
Taking a few minutes to sit in the car to breathe and reset before facing the many people who depend on you at home.
Have a ‘me time’ routine- which could look like whatever feels good to you- watching TV, reading, sewing, working out, sitting in silence (my favorite), etc. You make the rules. Try different things and see what works for you.
3) Hanging out with the wrong people
I am convinced that every highly sensitive person needs at least one healthy highly sensitive friend in their life. This does not mean that highly sensitive people are superior to non-highly sensitive people, it just means that it is sometimes nice to not have to explain yourself to others.
And it does not mean that all highly sensitive people are the same- we could still have disagreements, as not every highly sensitive person is necessarily empathetic or kind.
But when you constantly hang out with people who question your sensitivity, who speak unkindly to you, who make you feel small, or who dismiss your feelings, you will be triggered all day long.
So what do you do about this?
Take stock of the relationships you currently have.
Do they serve you well or is it just a one-way street? Do you feel happier when you are around your closest friends? Or do you have to pretend to be someone you are not? Remember that you have a voice and choice.
Do a friendship edit.
Once you have taken stock of the people around you, decide which ones are healthy, and which ones are not. You definitely will know people who are unhealthy, because they are the ones whose phone calls you dread taking. They also the ones you can be authentic with. Decide what you want to do with those relationships, do you want to continue to suffer, or are you able to speak to that person about how they hurt you? A safe friend listens and adjusts accordingly.
4) Ignoring your physical needs
Highly sensitive people tend to be more triggered by sickness, hunger and tiredness than their non sensitive colleagues. In a bid to want to ‘push through’ and ‘hustle,’ sometimes we ignore actual physical needs.
The fix?
Stop skipping meals- even if everyone seems to do so.
Take breaks when possible- again, even if others think you are ‘lazy’ or ‘low energy.’
Take care of yourself when you aren’t feeling well. It’s okay to seek medical attention and NOT push through.
And there you have it.
Ready to ditch the constant overwhelm, finally learn how to stand up for yourself and finally make high sensitivity your super power? Click here to schedule a consultation call.
About Me
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I am a licensed therapist and coach in Houston.
I teach highly sensitive women how to stand up for themselves, set clear, kind boundaries and create solid relationships.
Many of my clients are:
Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust
If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.
How to assertively set healthy boundaries in marriage and other relationships
The word ‘Boundaries’ is a popular buzz word. But do you really know what it means? Simply put, a boundary is something that tells people how to treat you. Think of it like a fence protecting your house. Somewhere in the middle of the fence is a gate. You decide when to open the gate, who to open the gate to, and when to close the gate.
Many highly sensitive people have been told that they are “Too much.” And because of this, they try to please people by not setting firm boundaries. Then there comes a feeling of shame after not setting a firm enough boundary.
The word ‘Boundaries’ is a popular buzz word. But do you really know what it means? Simply put, a boundary is something that tells people how to treat you. Think of it like a fence protecting your house. Somewhere in the middle of the fence is a gate. You decide when to open the gate, who to open the gate to, and when to close the gate.
Many highly sensitive people have been told that they are “Too much.” And because of this, they try to please people by not setting firm boundaries. Then there comes a feeling of shame after not setting a firm enough boundary.
It is important to note that you are in control of your own boundaries. You decide what is good for you, what is comfortable and what is uncomfortable. And it is your responsibility to communicate that to others. Boundaries are a practice. The more you practice it, the better you get at it.
Understand where your comfort zone lies
Before you are able to set boundaries, you must first know where your comfort zone is. A boundary is there to protect you and to help others understand how to treat you. The biggest struggle I hear about boundary setting is not wanting to hurt other people’s feeling. Before focusing on others, first check in with yourself and ask these questions:
What do I actually want?
How do I feel about the situation?
What outcome do I want?
Decide what to say
Once you have decided what you want from the situation, it’s time to practice what to say. Practice makes things better because as a HSP, you might not feel comfortable expressing yourself without prior practice. Here is a simple framework to help you ask for what you want:
State your feelings: “I feel [hurt, sad, angry, disappointed, ignored, disrespected].”
State why you feel that way: “Because you were staring at your phone when I was speaking to you.”
State your need: “What I need is for you to make eye contact with me when we are talking about serious issues.”
Keep Practicing
The more you practice boundaries, the better you get at it. If you falter a few times, it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. You’ll get better with time.
If you are a highly sensitive woman who wants to learn how to manage big emotions, stand up for yourself and stop people pleasing, click here to schedule a free breakthrough call so you can learn how to make sensitivity your super power. Let’s see if you can benefit from a high sensitivity coach.
About Me
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali.
I teach highly sensitive women how to stand up for themselves, set clear, kind boundaries and create solid relationships.
Many of my clients are:
Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust
If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.
Long day? Here's how to vent to your spouse and get the support you need in marriage-Tips from a marriage therapist in Houston
One of the most important skills that couples have to master when we work together in my Houston marriage counseling practice, is how to vent to one another when they are going though stress. Being that stress is a part of life, it's important to know how to support each other. On the surface, it might just look like venting, but when you can effectively communicate your stress and frustration to your spouse, you receive support in return.
Support builds intimacy and closeness between you and your spouse.
One of the most important skills that couples have to master when we work together in my Houston marriage counseling practice, is how to vent to one another when they are going though stress. Being that stress is a part of life, it's important to know how to support each other. On the surface, it might just look like venting, but when you can effectively communicate your stress and frustration to your spouse, you receive support in return.
Support builds intimacy and closeness between you and your spouse.
What most couples say they do when I see them in marriage counseling in Houston is they come home from work, or they have a long day, they have all this pent up stress inside them, but they have no place to put it. They do this same dance over and over again until it creates emotional separation between them.
When you are frustrated and stressed, but do not accurately communicate that with your spouse, it ends up looking like you are rejecting your spouse. If you are worried about how to effectively communicate with your spouse when you are having a bad or stressful day, here are some easy steps for you:
1) Pick the right time
Timing is everything when it comes to communication. Ensure that neither you nor your spouse are feeling emotionally charged before you have this conversation. If you need to take a few moments to relax or unwind first, then do so.
2) Decide who will be the speaker and who will be the listener
This sounds awfully formal, but it’s a lot easier than it sounds. While there is room for both of you to talk about your stress, it is a lot easier if you take turns. This will ensure that each person gets the attention and support they need.
The speaker’s job is easy. All you have to do is speak to your spouse about the stress you are going through. That’s it. In this framework, the listener does all the hard work.
3) The listener needs to stick to these simple rules
Most married people think they are great listeners, but you know what? Most people suck at listening. After you learn this framework in my Houston marriage counseling practice, you’ll realize we all have room to grow.
Here are some simple rules when it comes to listening.
Maintain eye contact and show interest. Ask questions to get more details about what your spouse is experiencing.
Ensure your partner knows that you are on his side. Do not take the side of whomever he is complaining about. This might be challenging for you, but just bite your tongue.
Remember that you are on the same team. This is not the time to correct or challenge your spouse.
Be empathetic. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try to imagine how he is feeling.
4) reflect back what you are hearing
To be a good listener in marriage, it’s important that you first understand what you are hearing. An easy way to know if you have heard correctly, is to simply repeat what you’ve heard.
Yup. Repeat exactly what your spouse has said word for word.
If your spouse corrects you, take note and just repeat what you’ve heard again. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes.
5) Ask your spouse what he needs
Once you have gone through this entire process, ask your spouse if he needs your advice or if he just wants to vent. This is important because often times, we skip the empathy and jump right to advice. But sometimes, your spouse isn’t looking for your advice. He just wants a listening ear.
And there you have it. A simple formula to help you vent and reduce stress with your spouse.
Is communication strained in your marriage?As a marriage therapist in Houston, I can help you and your spouse develop healthier ways to support each other. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consult call for marriage counseling in Houston.
About Me
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali.
Many of my clients are:
High sensitivity 101: 3 Simple questions to ask yourself when you're overwhelmed or stressed
When you are highly sensitive, emotions feel deep and intense. Sometimes you feel multiple emotions at the same time, making it difficult for you to sort through what is actually going on within you.
Because you go through so many emotions and chances are you spend so much time trying to keep these emotions under the surface, you haven't really gotten good at identifying your emotional needs.
Here are simple questions to help you identify what you need when you are overwhelmed or stressed.
When you are highly sensitive, emotions feel deep and intense. Sometimes you feel multiple emotions at the same time, making it difficult for you to sort through what is actually going on within you.
Because you go through so many emotions and chances are you spend so much time trying to keep these emotions under the surface, you haven't really gotten good at identifying your emotional needs.
Here are simple questions to help you identify what you need when you are overwhelmed or stressed.
Am I hungry?
Highly sensitive people are quite sensitive to internal stimuli. While many people can go long periods of time on an empty stomach, many highly sensitive people simply cannot do this. So when you're feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself “Am I hungry?," “Have I eaten something nutritious today?”, “Are there any nutrients that I'm lacking today?”
For example highly sensitive people can be very sensitive to caffeine or sugar, or basically any stimulant. And these could create strong emotional effects. So make sure your body is filled with nutritious foods. And do not forget to drink water!
Am I tired?
When you are a busy, high achieving person, who is used to being on the go, it becomes normal practice to just push through. But sometimes, it’s important to take a step back and give your body what it needs.
If you are feeling tired, it’s important to make a plan for rest. You can take a nap, watch some TV, take a break from work, get a full night of sleep, talk to a friend, or just do whatever feels relaxing to your body.
Do I want to talk to someone?
Sometimes it feels very helpful to offload your emotions by talking to someone. It is nice to be able to pour out whatever is going on internally so that you can process it. Sometimes you might just want to process the feelings alone, but other times, it feels good to share what’s going on with others.
High sensitivity is a great superpower to have, but sometimes it’s difficult to sort through deep feelings, stop people pleasing and ask for help. That’s where I come in, If you are ready to finally learn how to thrive as a highly sensitive person, click here to schedule your free breakthrough call.
What exactly is High Sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 4)
In my previous 3 blog posts, I have been sharing about the 4 characteristics of high sensitivity and simple ways to manage them. If you want to find out whether or not you are highly sensitive, take Dr Elaine Aron’s self test here.
In my 3 previous blog posts, I talked about;
Depth of Processing (Click here to read about it)
Overarousability (Click here to read about it)
Emotional Intensity (Click here to read about it)
And in this blog post, I’ll tackle Sensory Processing Sensitivity, which is the 4th characteristic of high sensitivity.
What exactly is sensory processing sensitivity?
Have you ever felt the itchy tag at the back of your shirt that drives you nuts? Or the seam in your socks that no one seems to notice? Or do you tend to feel cold when everyone else is fine? Maybe you have always had sensitive skin, or you pick up slight noises easily?
That’s sensory processing sensitivity. Your actual senses seem to be on overdrive.
People around you might not understand how you notice things like this. Maybe all the stimuli around you actually gives you a tummy ache or a headache. Or you seem to be bothered by certain fabrics, your foods touching, your hair being brushed, or shoes not fitting correctly. This could make you feel like something is wrong with you.
It is important to state here that you should probably first go to the physician to ensure that nothing is actually wrong, as we do not want to brush everything off as high sensitivity. Sometimes people actually do have allergies or actual physical disorders. So get that checked out first.
But if all of that pans out and you find out that you are actually highly sensitive, here are some things you might do about it:
How to cope with sensory processing sensitivity
One of the best ways to cope with sensory processing sensitivity is to set your home and work environment up for success. Think about taking care of your five senses.
Smell
Ensure your home, car, closet and work environments are aired out regularly if possible. That eliminates stale smells that could cause you to gag or feel uncomfortable. If you have specific scents that you like, consider getting some type of air freshener, candles or essential oils to create relaxing or refreshing smells all around you. You could even include fresh flowers or plants to help oxygenate the indoor air.
Sight
Clutter is the enemy of every highly sensitive person. Even if you are the most disorganized person on the earth, it will still drive you nuts. Come up with a very simple tidy up routine that you can do every night. I personally find it easier to tidy up as I go. If you struggle with being disorganized, this book will really help you thrive.
Minimalist decor also presents you with less clutter for you to look at or stimuli for you to notice.
Sound
When searching for an apartment or a home, if you can avoid it, avoid living on a busy intersection. The sound of traffic will most likely bother you. You might also try sleeping with a white noise machine or the sounds of nature to drown out environmental noises. Think about the sound of the appliances in your home. Things like televisions, radios, music or other appliances should be put into consideration. Having too many noises on at the same time can be overstimulating. For example, if your TV, computer and phone are going at the same time, it could become an issue for you.
Touch
Include soft and comfortable textures in your home or office decor. Buy furniture that feels warm and cozy in the winter, and cool in the summertime.
Although leather furniture tends to look appealing to the eye, it is often hot to sit on in the summer and pretty cold in the winter. Leather also tends to stick to the skin when you sweat.
Only buy clothes that feel comfortable. Although we all want to wear the latest fashions, you will feel miserable if your fabric feels itchy and non-breathable. Include items cozy socks, and warm breathable bedding and pajamas in your home.
Also be aware of the temperature you set your thermostat to- nothing too hot or too cold. Cool will feel the best.
Taste
Some highly sensitive people cannot handle certain foods due to their smell, texture or taste. Do not force yourself to eat these foods- even if they are a cultural norm. Get used to setting boundaries and letting people know your food preferences.
If you are a highly sensitive woman who is ready to turn sensitivity into your superpower, manage BIG emotions, set clear boundaries and stop people pleasing, click here to schedule your free 20-min breakthrough call so we can work together.
What exactly is high sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 3)
Emotional intensity simply means that highly sensitive people tend to experience emotions on a much deeper level than non-sensitive people. So for example when they're happy, you might see them with a big smile on their face, acting silly or giggling a lot. When they're sad it seems like their sadness is a lot deeper than usual, or if they are upset you might see them cry. This is often puzzling to people who are non-sensitive. It is important to note that emotional sensitivity is not necessarily a bad thing.
For the past few weeks, I have been diving into exactly what high sensitivity is. If you want a complete definition of what high sensitivity is, click here for the first part of this blog. And if you are wondering whether or not you are highly sensitive, click here to take Dr Elaine Aron’s high sensitivity self test.
In my previous blog I mentioned that there are four parts to high sensitivity:
Depth of processing (To learn more about depth of processing click here)
Overarousability (To learn more about depth of processing click here)
Emotional Intensity
Sensory processing sensitivity
Today, I'll be focusing on emotional intensity.
Emotional intensity simply means that highly sensitive people tend to experience emotions on a much deeper level than non-sensitive people. So for example when they're happy, you might see them with a big smile on their face, acting silly or giggling a lot. When they're sad it seems like their sadness is a lot deeper than usual, or if they are upset you might see them cry. This is often puzzling to people who are non-sensitive. It is important to note that emotional sensitivity is not necessarily a bad thing.
This is one of the top struggles I see in my practice as an anxiety therapist in Houston and as a high sensitivity coach. Most highly sensitive people are embarrassed because they tend to cry a lot. People with high sensitivity often complain that they cry when they're angry, sad, upset, frustrated, or even tired. And this often elicits negative comments from the non sensitive people around them such as “Why are you such a cry baby?” Or “Why do you always have to cry?,” or “You cry too much.” This then causes the sensitive person to believe that they are “Dramatic” or “Too soft.”
How to manage emotional intensity
Turn to the arts
Highly sensitive people often do well when they have an outlet for their emotions. If you do not have supportive people around you who can listen to your struggles, or help you process your emotions, you can try processing your emotions through arts, downs, music, writing or some sort of creative outlet.
Become your own cheerleader
Chances are you were called dramatic or you felt like your emotions were not welcome when you were growing up, so as an adult it might be helpful to become your own cheerleader.
Whenever you have an experience of a big emotion, you can let yourself know that it is actually OK to have those deep emotions. Remember that every single person on earth experiences emotions. The difference between you and them is that you just experience them on a much bigger scale and you express them a bit differently.
Learn more about emotions
I know that this might sound counterintuitive. On the one hand, you feel like you have way too many emotions, but on the other hand, you might not know too much about emotions because most of your life, your emotions were made fun of, shamed, or pushed away.
One of my favorite tools for recognizing emotions is called the feelings wheel. It is a colorful wheel that has a list of many different emotions that range in depth and intensity.
When you feel some sort of emotion going on inside you, take a look at the feelings wheel and try to pinpoint what emotion it is that you are feeling. This not only empowers you, but it puts a name to the feeling, thereby reducing your feeling of shame or confusion.
And there we go. The third characteristic of high sensitivity is done. If you are a highly sensitive woman looking to turn sensitivity into your superpower, manage BIG emotions and finally stop people pleasing, click here to schedule your free 20-min breakthrough session to see how we can work together.
Ready to get rid of anxiety, finally kick insomnia or for marriage counseling?