Going to marriage counseling? Here's how to make the most out of it.

So you’ve started couples counseling. You’re nervous. Sometimes you don’t even. want to be there, but what you really want is to feel connected to your spouse. You’re tired of the arguments, the cold shoulders and feeling like you live with a roommate.

Here are 5 simple tips to help you make the most out of marriage counseling.

1) Be clear about your goal for marriage counseling

It’s important to know what you want to get out of couples therapy before you start. For marriage therapy to be successful, both partners must be active participants in the counseling process. Sure, sometimes one partner drags the other one into therapy, but it’s so much more productive when both of you want to be there.

Ask yourself, “What do I want my relationship to look like in 3 months, 6 months or 1 year?” Write down the specifics. Your spouse should do this exercise as well as he or she might have a different outcome in mind.

• What would your friends and family members notice about your relationship if marriage counseling or therapy has worked? Write it down.

• What will your interactions with your partner look like? How would they be different? Write it down.

• What would your kids notice at the dinner table or at bedtime? Write it down.

• How will you both handle arguments or conflict if couples therapy was a success? Write it down.

People who come into couples therapy without any goals run the risk of falling out of therapy quicker or dragging out the process endlessly with limited results.

2) Shift your mindset before starting couples therapy or marriage counseling

This starts before you actually talk to your marriage counselor for the first time. It’s important to have a positive mindset before starting couples therapy.

If you believe that marriage counseling won’t work for you- it probably won’t. If you go into therapy thinking, “This sucks. It won’t work.” Or “I don’t want to be here,” then chances are, you won’t be attentive in session, your arms will be crossed the entire time, and you won’t follow through with any of the feedback that your couples therapist gives you. It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

But if you think “I know I will be asked to try new things. I know that this will be different and I’ll be asked to grow and stretch,” you’ll be in much better shape. Remember that even if you think your husband for wife is the problem, both of you have a role to play in improving your marriage or relationship. Don’t go in there thinking “I have nothing to change. I’m perfect.” Be willing to change something about your behavior, thoughts and dynamics.

3) Get a couples therapy notebook

I say this to all my clients- even those in individual therapy. Most of the work of marriage counseling happens outside of therapy. You only spend about an hour in session, but most of your life is lived outside of the therapy session. There are 23 other hours in the day.

It’s important that you still continue to process and explore what you learned in couples therapy when you’re out and about. As a homework giving therapist who believes that couples therapy should work, I expect my clients to write things that come up for them outside of session, so you can bring it into the marriage counseling session and have a more productive session.

Sometimes you come into session thinking, “There was something I wanted to tell my therapist, but now I’ve forgotten.” Your couples therapy notebook is the perfect place to keep a record of interactions within your marriage. These interactions don’t have to be negative ones. You can also write down positive things like progress you’re making, fun times that are happening, and ways that your relationship is flourishing. This keeps you motivated to keep going in therapy. Therapy shouldn’t just focus on the bad, so track the good.

4) It’s important to actually implement the skills you’re learning in couples therapy

Even if your couples therapist has 7 PhDs and 5 master’s degrees, or he literally wrote the book on couples therapy, your relationship will remain the same if you’re not implementing what you’re learning in marriage counseling. Same goes for individual and family therapy.

Therapy is a way to grow, stretch yourself and stretch your relationship. Even though therapy can be uncomfortable, remember that growth comes with discomfort.

You could be asked to use a softer tone, rather than raising your voice. Or to say “Thank you” more often or to soften your body language. No growth can happen if you continue the way things were.

5) Let your guard down when you go to marriage counseling

It’s normal to be a bit apprehensive, skeptical or afraid when you begin couples therapy. As a therapist, I don’t just throw you to the deep end. I’m able to create safety in the session. This is why I do a free 15-minute consultation call before we begin our work together- so that I ensure that both you and your spouse are ready to begin the process of marriage counseling.

I know it is very difficult to let your guard down in couples therapy- after all, no one goes to marriage counseling because their relationship is perfect. You’re here to fix the areas that are broken. But if your guard is up the entire time, you won’t be able to implement the skills you will learn.

On average most couples wait about 6 years before they go to see a couples therapist. You do not have to wait that long. If something feels off in your marriage or relationship, reach out to a couples therapist.

If you implement these tips I mentioned, chance are couples therapy will work for you. If you are ready to stop the arguing, refresh your marriage and create a lasting love again, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call to see if marriage counseling in Murrieta and online is right for you.

Other Related Blog Posts

• How to prepare for your first marriage counseling session

• How to find an amazing marriage counselor or couples therapist in Murrieta (or anywhere you live)

• 5 simple ways to stay connected (or reconnect) with your spouse even if you have no extra time in your day

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

5 simple ways to stay connected (or reconnect) with your spouse even if you have no extra time in your day

You’re a busy bee. Between work, taking care of the kids, managing a household and planning for your goals and dreams, you barely have a second to yourself- let alone hours and hours to spend with your spouse.

You’ve heard that quality time is important to keep things fresh in your marriage, but where are you supposed to find all this time?

That’s why I’m here. Here are 5 simple ways to stay connected to (or reconnect with) your spouse even if you have no extra time in your day. These are some of the simple tips that I give to my couples who are in marriage or couples counseling.

1) Give your spouse a hearty goodbye whenever you’re leaving the house

When you and your husband or wife are leaving the house for work, for vacation or just to run errands, don’t just run out the door like strangers, create a leaving ritual that’s unique to the both of you.

It could be something as simple as a goodbye kiss, it could be a hug, or it could be a simple “See you later!” It doesn't have to be complicated, but it’s a kind way to let your spouse know that you see them. Never run out of the house without letting your spouse know.

2) Warm greeting when you return home

In marriage counseling, I find that many couples stop greeting each other warmly. This leads to the slow death of a friendship and the waning of intimacy between them.

When you get back home after a long day, say something sweet to your spouse. Give them a smile, a wink, a hug or just say “Hey!” try to do it with a smile on your face. That communicates trust and warmth.

3) Have regular quality mealtimes

Many married couples and families have strayed away from family meals together. I get it, schedules are busy. You don’t necessarily have to eat meals together every single day, but carve out at least 1 meal a week where you get to just eat and talk.

What’s a quality meal time? It’s not about what’s on the menu, but it’s about being attuned to your spouse. Put the phones and devices away and just talk.

These meals don’t have to be formal. You don’t even have to sit at a dining table or have place setting. It doesn’t matter if you cook an elaborate meal, order a meal service or eat a frozen dinner- as long as you are both together.

4) Make bedtimes special

Bedtime can become so mundane. You both plop into the bed and drift off to sleep like exhausted puppies. In many cases, one partner is a morning bird, while the other is a night owl- making bedtimes a source of constant argument in your marriage.

What if you actually set specific times each week where you get to spend an extra 30 minutes together?

At the beginning of the week, look at both your calendars and decide what days and times you’ll both be able to meet this week. Decide what activities you’ll engage in. Some couples watch a weekly show together, some tea a book together, some just talk.

I tell all of my couples to download the Gottman card decks app. It’s a free app that has tons of ideas of conversation starters for you and your spouse. Make your conversations a lot more meaningful.

5) Have regular stress reducing conversations

Stress is one of the biggest reasons why couples seek marriage counseling in my Murrieta office. You and your partner both have so much sitting on your shoulders, and you’re not sure who to turn to.

Make a regular ritual out of talking about your days. If you are in the habit of going on and on about work- to the anger of your spouse- set a timer.

Give each partner 20 minutes to talk about the ups and downs of your day. For the listening partner, your job is to validate and support- not to complain or correct your spouse.

This creates a sense of unity and intimacy. If your partner is carrying the whole world on his or her shoulders, it’ll definitely affect the quality of your relationship. So try this.

Ready to take your marriage to a place of true intimacy and connection, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call so we can find out if couples counseling in Temecula is right for you.

Other Related Blog Posts

• How to prepare for your first marriage counseling session

• How to find an amazing marriage counselor or couples therapist in Murrieta (or anywhere you live)

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How to prepare for your first marriage counseling session

You and your partner have been struggling for a while. You’ve tried to patch things up, but to no avail. It seems like you’re arguing every other day. And you can’t stand it anymore.

You decided to contact a marriage counselor, after all you’ve heard that couples counseling can really improve your relationship.

Before you attend your first couples therapy or marriage counseling session, here’s what you should know:

Start with a great mindset before you begin couples therapy or couples counseling

Sometimes, when couples come to see me in my marriage counseling office in Murrieta, they are usually expecting their marriage counselor (me) to do all the work. The truth is that your couples therapist is simply a guide. He or she gives you the tools you need and it is the job of you and your spouse to implement the skills.

Simply listening attentively when you are in relationship counseling is not enough. You need to actually implement what you’re being taught. So step one of being successful in couples therapy, is to have a learning mindset.

Be ready to try new things- no matter how scary it might be. if you start therapy believing it will fail, your sessions will probably fail. But if you go in with a positive and proactive mindset, you’re setting yourself and your marriage up for success.

Identify your marriage counseling goals

To make the process a lot smoother, it’s important that your relationship counselor or marriage counselor knows what you and your spouse are expecting to gain from couples therapy.

Spend some time thinking about this before your first session. A simple way to pinpoint your marriage counseling goals, is to close your eyes, fast forward to 6 months from now and imagine what you want your day to day life to look like.

• Where will you live?

• Where will both you and your spouse sleep?

• What will your daily interactions with your spouse look like?

• How will you feel when your partner walks into the room?

• How will you both manage conflicts?

• How will your communication with your spouse change?

• Who will notice these changes?

Let your couples therapist know this so that everyone is on the same page.

Get a couples therapy or marriage counseling notebook

This isn’t mandatory, but when you’re in couples therapy or couples counseling, it’s important to have a system to document what you’re learning. A lot of difficult emotions will be stirred up in your couples counseling sessions.

Your notebook is a great place to journal about your feelings after sessions, and also a great place to store any homework your therapist gives you. That way you will be staying present and you won’t let anything fall through the cracks.

Your couples therapy notebook is also a place to celebrate wins, practice communication skills and to jot down any big issues that come up for you in between couples counseling sessions. That’ll make your sessions be a lot more productive.

These are some simple ways to get yourself ready for your first marriage counseling or relationship counseling session.

If you are sick and tired of a stale, loveless marriage, couples counseling in the Murrieta/Temecula area might be just what you need to turn your marriage around. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me- a licensed marriage and family therapist for people in Murrieta and throughout California.

Other Related Blog Posts

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How to find an amazing marriage counselor or couples counselor in Murrieta/Temecula and beyond

When you said “I do,” you had visions of marital bliss. You imagined that you and your spouse were going to walk happily ever after into the sunset.

But shortly, after you got married, things changed. Little things he said infatuated you.

You both feel like 2 ships passing in the night. It’s like both of you are speaking a foreign language. You’ve tried everything to fix its but it’s just not working.

Never fear, marriage counseling is a great way to reclaim your friendship with your spouse, learn how to communicate clearly and learn how to manage conflict without pain.

Here’s how to find an amazing marriage counselor in the Murrieta/Temecula area (or pretty much anywhere you live).

1) Ask your friends, family or loved ones for a referral for marriage counseling

Chances are you know at least one person who has spoken to a couples therapist or marriage counselor before. Marriage counseling is much more common than you think. Although there is still quite a bit of stigma around going to see a therapist, I assure you that therapy is a great way to improve your relationship and work towards the amazing marriage you’ve dreamed of for such a long time.

One of the simplest ways to find a couples therapist is to go to a therapist who has helped someone you know. Ask your friends what they liked about their couples therapist, what they didn’t like about the therapist, what the therapist’s style is like and what you can expect if you decide to see her fo marriage counseling.

This is a great way to determine whether that therapist will be a good fit for you.

Once you get the referrals, schedule a free consultation call with that that therapist, so you can get a sense of her vibe. It is very important that your therapist is an amazing fit for both you and your spouse.

2) Search for marriage counseling or a couples therapist on Google

These days you can pretty much find anything online. Because Google is the number 1 search engine out there, it’s also a great resource for finding someone who can help you with marriage counseling in Murrieta or marriage counseling in Temecula.

To increase your options, you could also consider virtual marriage or couples counseling (which can be just as effective as in person couples therapy). Expand your search to pretty much any city within your state. Marriage counselors and licensed marriage and family therapists are licensed to be able to see everyone within their state. That means, if you live in Murrieta, you don’t just have to see a marriage counselor in Murrieta. You could see a couples therapist in Los Angeles, San Diego, Sacramento, or any city in California.

Your options are limitless.

Consider typing the following search terms in Google:

• Marriage counseling Murrieta

• Marriage counseling Temecula

• Marriage counseling in Riverside

• Marriage therapist Murrieta

• Couples therapist Murrieta

• Couples counseling in Temecula

• Relationship counseling Los Angeles

If you want to narrow your search, you can be even more specific. For example, if you’re looking for a Black, Christian couples therapist, you can type in:

• Black couples therapist Murrieta

• Christian couples counseling Temecula

• Female Black therapist Murrieta

Scroll through the therapist’s website, read the words on the page and pick about 3 therapists you feel a connection with. Once this is done, it’s time to schedule that free consultation call so that you can ask the therapist or counselor any questions you have and find out more about the way they work.

Remember, it’s your session, so you deserve to see a therapist you are comfortable with.

3 ) Look for a couples therapist or marriage counseling on a therapy directory

Therapy and mental health directories are a great way to find a couples therapist. You can narrow your search by:

• Therapist’s gender

• Therapist’s specialty (couples counseling, infidelity, infertility, anxiety, women’s issues, etc.)

• Therapist’s location and zip code

• Cost of services

• Therapist’s faith

• Language the therapist’s speaks

• The types of therapy that the therapist utilizes (some therapists specialize in Gottman Therapy, Imago Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy and some use Prepare-Enrich).

After narrowing down the search terms, pick about 5 therapists you are drawn to. Read their profiles and further narrow down your search to 3 therapists.

The next step is to reach out to the therapists to schedule a free consultation call. On the call you’ll get a better sense of the therapist’s personality, her approach to therapy and whether or not you and your spouse will be a great fit for her.

Here’s where it’ll be important to trust your gut. Go with the person who feels like the best fit for you and your partner.

In the event that it doesn’t work out, it’s okay to break up with your therapist and find someone else. Keep trying until you find the right therapist.

Some mental health directories to try:

There are tons of therapy and counseling directories out there. Here are a few you could try:

Therapy for Black Girls

Melanin and mental health

Therapy Den

Therapy for Black Men

Good therapy

Black female therapists

If you are looking to regain the connection and friendship you had with your spouse and stop the endless cycle of arguments, I’m a Christian therapist who provides marriage counseling in the Murrieta/Temecula area. I also work online with clients throughout California.

Click here to schedule a free consultation call.

Click here to read other related blog posts.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Top 5 Myths About Working with a Black Therapist or Counselor in Riverside County

You’ve been struggling for a moment, so you do a Google search for a therapist. You review a few websites, and some of those therapists are Black. You however, are not sure whether or not you want to work with a Black therapist.

Here are a few myths about working with a Black therapist that we probably should clear up.

1) You have to be Black to work with a Black therapist

Let’s just shatter this now. Black therapists didn't get masters degrees and PhD’s to learn solely about the minds and experiences of Black people. We do have the experience and ability to help people of all backgrounds. While of course, a lot of Black and African American therapists do try to increase access to mental health services in Black communities and other communities of color, many Black therapists will be more than happy to work with you if you’re not Black.

It is important to examine your biases though. How do you really feel about working with a Black therapist?

2) You can’t tell a Black therapist your business- it’ll make you look weak.

I’ve heard it said that some people don’t want to talk to a Black therapist- because of the stereotype of the strong, Black woman. We sometimes assume that Black women do not feel pain (physical and/or emotional) and so, they will not be able to relate to your struggles. Sometimes there’s a myth that they will judge you because your problems aren’t “Bad enough.”

This cannot be further from the truth. Black women (and therapists) are just as capable of feeling physical and emotional pain as everyone else. In fact, I can say that we love it when our clients experience emotional breakthroughs, become vulnerable and begin to unpack emotional baggage.

So go ahead- relax your shoulders and feel free to begin to share with your therapist.

3) You can’t address issues of race, injustice and privilege

Sometimes there might be a feeling of guilt. You assume that because your therapist is Black she has struggled with racial trauma, and so you don’t want to ‘burden’ her with your own stories of racial injustice and pain. 

As therapists, we are highly trained. We do not do this work because we are looking for pity or guilt form our clients. We have many skills to help us separate our own experiences from the experiences of our clients. We do not have to experience everything that our clients have in order to help them. Think about it this way- a doctor can fix your broken arm without ever having the experience of a broken arm.

As a Black therapist, I have to say that part of my professionalism is to be able to immerse myself into your experience, then help you process through it and come out with greater clarity. So please, share whatever you need to. It makes the therapy experience much better.

4) A Black therapist will expect me to pray or go to church

Nope! Remember that not all Black therapists are Christian and not all Black therapists actually pray. On top of that, therapists learn how to set clear boundaries and do what is best for our clients.

As a Black, Christian therapist, I absolutely do not force prayer, the Bible or my spiritual beliefs down my clients’ throats. I do not integrate faith without your consent. And even if you are a Christian, and you tell me that you do not want your faith integrated into your treatment, there is no judgment from me.

Judgement actually gets in the way of all the great work we can do together. 

5) Working with a Black therapist will be just like talking to my sister or friend

Your therapist is NOT your friend. You won’t be going to lunch with her, celebrating your birthday with her, going on vacation with her or going to the spa with her. Unlike your friend, your therapist is there to help you meet your goals- not just nod, smile and agree with everything you say.

That being said, your therapist has your best interest at heart and wants to see you win.

Your therapist is laser focused on guiding you to a positive outcome. Sometimes your friends are unable to address difficult issues with you or set clear boundaries, because they are afraid that they will lose your friendship. Your therapist on the other hand, is willing to risk losing you as a client when she sets clear boundaries with you. 

I hope the above myths have been cleared up. 

If you are a high achieving woman of color in California who is ready to break free from your toxic past, stop the people pleasing and get comfortable with visibility, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. I also help couples get their spark back, and women with insomnia who want to simply learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep.

If you’re looking for a virtual support group for women of color, Read more about Lay Down Your Burdens: A Virtual support group for women of color here.

Want to read other related posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

What to expect when working with a Black therapist

The Top 5 Truths About Working with a Black Therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area

The Murrieta/Temecula area is a great place to live. It’s a family friendly neighborhood with lots of upwardly mobile professionals. It’s also a great place to raise kids. The beauty of living in Riverside County is that we are close enough to San Diego County, Orange County and Los Angeles County- we get the best of 4 worlds.

When it comes to seeing a therapist, it’s important to meet with someone who really sees you and gets you. It can be tough when majority of your session time is spent explaining yourself, code switching, and trying to force a fit that isn’t there.

We know that representation matters, and for many Black women and women of color, they typically tell me that it is important that their therapist is culturally sound, sensitive and in the know. And sometimes that means working with a Black therapist or a therapist of color.

If you’ve ever felt guilty about wanting to work with a Black therapist- Don’t. The single most important factor in choosing a solid therapist is the relationship between you and your therapist. So go with whomever works best for you.

If you’ve been thinking about getting signed up for therapy, here are 4 truths about working with a Black or African American therapist:

A Black therapist is always ready to give you a kick in the butt

Let’s just dive in to this one shall we?

As Black people, we are known for telling it like it is. Sometimes when you work with a Black therapist, she expects that you be willing to peel back the layers, be honest and open. Black therapists often like to hold you accountable. If you say you want to get something done in therapy, we are typically not afraid to call you out when you don’t get it done.

I personally believe that therapy should work. Therapy isn’t social hour. It’s not the place to laugh it up and socialize- although there might be some laughter involved in therapy. Therapy is supposed to help you accomplish goals, feel better and improve your relationship with yourself and others.

I know that before you call me, you have spent quite a bit of time researching, listening to podcasts, reading books and trying to utilize every possible tool you have available. So when you come in to work with me, I assume that you’re ready to roll those sleeves up and Get. To. Work.

It’s my job to give you support, but when you need a swift kick in the butt, I’m here to give you just that.

You don’t need to explain much to a Black therapist. She just gets it

One of the major complaints I hear from clients when they’ve been working with a therapist who is not a great fit for them, is that therapy felt like they were spending all their time explaining every little detail of their lives to the therapist. They had to explain details about their hair and culture, they had to explain what a micro aggression is, they had to explain colorism, they had to code switch. They also had to worry about coming across like the angry, Black, woman. Some said they felt a need to come across as strong.

When you’re working with a Black therapist, we know how to read between the lines. We typically don’t try to convince you that a micro aggression is not a micro aggression. We don’t try to convince you that your feelings are all in your head. And we certainly will not be asking you 987 questions about your hair, jewelry, head wrap or personal style.

Because we have had some similar experiences as you, we are able to empathize with you. We understand the subtle nuances and what they mean. We get the inflection in your voice, the discomfort you feel around certain people, the struggle of feeling like you’re too much, too Black, too educated, too successful, or that some people think you single handedly are responsible for the thoughts and opinions of every Black person.

Now does that mean every single Black therapist will be a great fit for you? Nope! I highly suggest that you request a consultation and look through the therapist’s website before you decide if she’s a great fit for you. Here’s a link to a blog post I wrote about questions to ask before picking a Black therapist.

The level of comfort is refreshing

Making the decision to begin therapy is difficult. I mean therapy is essentially you filleting open your life to a stranger and hoping that they will provide you with the support and safety you need to resolve the issues that brought into therapy in the first place.

It’s no joke. And it could be uncomfortable.

As a Black therapist, I do not take my position lightly. I know the level of vulnerability it takes to open up to a stranger (I’m not a stranger to therapy myself. Yup! I practice what I preach). I also understand the layers of systemic racism, environmental struggle, family dynamics, toxic work environments, on top of your own personal emotional struggles. When I work with my clients, I see them as people first, but I certainly do not brush issues of race, gender, socio economic status and politics aside.

When you sit across a Black therapist, many of us understand that there are so many layers lurking beneath the surface. We understand that your life is complex and we do not lump you into stereotypes and misconceptions about Black people or other people of color.

That level of acceptance is refreshing. Most people spend a huge portion of their lives trying to find that level of acceptance. You get to truly experience that when you work with a Black therapist.

Your Black therapist is not your friend

This is the part where I break your heart. As your therapist, I am absolutely not your friend. Now, I know when you work with a great therapist, it feels like a sisterhood. It feels so warm and fuzzy because you’re able to laugh, cry, get mad, and talk about issues you’ve never been able to talk to anyone else about.

You feel seen for the first time. You get lots of feedback about why you are the way you are. You are able to change your thought patterns, let go of your toxic past, repair relationships and regain a new sense of who you are. But even though your therapist can be your greatest cheerleader, she is not your friend.

A friend has a hard time seeing your patterns and telling you how it is. A friend is typically not trained in human behavior and patterns. A friend also will probably not call you out in a way that is both gentle and effective. If your therapist were your friend (which is unethical by the way), the emotional connection will get in the way of the logic and years of training we use to steer you in the right direction and guide you towards your goals.

I hope this is helpful in peeling back the layers about therapy. There is such a huge stigma about going to therapy in communities of color. It is my hope that we are able to chip away at the stigma so that we can create generational healing.

If you are a high achieving woman of color in California who is ready to break free from your toxic past, stop the people pleasing, let go of anxiety and get comfortable with visibility, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. I also help couples get their spark back, and women with insomnia who want to simply learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep.

If you’re looking for a virtual support group for women of color, Read more about Lay Down Your Burdens: A Virtual support group for women of color here.

Want to read other related posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

What to expect when working with a Black therapist