What to expect when working with a Black Therapist

You’ve been struggling for a long time. You know you need help. But finding a therapist can be a daunting task. It is even more daunting to find a Black therapist or a therapist of color. Some of your friends and family members seem to think that going to therapy is a waste of time. However, you know that you’re tired of doing it alone. You don’t want to be stuck in the same old cycle of feeling invisible, invalidated, anxious and tired. You’re willing to give therapy a try.

You might be on the fence about seeing a therapist, but here’s what you can expect when working with a Black therapist.

It’s important to note that not every Black therapist is the same- just like not every Black person is the same. We are a heterogenous group. Which is what makes us so wonderful.

Expect to be your real self when you work with a Black therapist

One of my favorite things about being a Black therapist is I get to see the real you. Many women of color often put on a persona- which is necessary for their survival and wellbeing in society. But when working with a Black therapist, you can expect to be you. Come as you are.

You don’t have to worry about how you speak, what you wear, or about being judged. We understand the immense amount of strength you have to possess just to be successful as a Black woman or a woman of color. You don’t have to bring your persona with you into session. Just do you.

I especially love it when we get to talk in slang, when we say “Mhhmmmm” or when we’re able to look at each other knowingly without speaking a word.

Expect some bluntness from your Black therapist

Here’s my therapist secret. I find that I am a lot more blunt when I work with Black women. Generally, Black people like to say it as it is. We typically are not a beat around the bush type of people.

I’m not mean, rude or judgmental, but I do call you out when I suspect that you are hiding, not living to your full potential or when you’re getting too comfortable in a toxic place. It is my way of gently guiding you towards your therapeutic goals. My job is to guide you so that you leave therapy feeling a lot better than when you started. Therapy should work.

Expect confidentiality from your Black therapist (and every therapist)

Black therapists practice according to the exact same code of ethics and laws that non-Black therapists do. So I will keep our sessions confidential- unless we are talking about mandated reporting requirements (child abuse, elder abuse and dependent adult abuse). Your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell your aunties, uncles, mama and all the other people.

Expect a serious level of comfort with your Black therapist

Often times, Black women and women of color come to me because they are looking for a therapist they can relate to and who can also relate to them. You want someone who understands what it feels like to be misjudged or discriminated against. You want someone who understands what it is like to be on the receiving end of microaggressions. You want someone who gets the subtle nuances of being Black.

When you sit in a session with a Black therapist, expect to feel as if you are home. Expect to slowly feel your burdens lifting and to be in a place of safety and comfort. It’s everything you never knew you needed until you got it.

Expect to maintain professional boundaries with your Black therapist

Working with a Black therapist isn’t the same as talking to your friends or sisters. Although you might feel a sense of connection and comfort, your therapist is not your friend. Expect to be listened to and to work on some clear goals. But do not expect your therapist to attend birthday parties, to text you back and forth all day or to friend you on social media.

Therapy with me isn’t long term. When you come to me, we outline some pretty specific goals. We check in on those goals periodically, and when those goals have been met, it’ll be time for you to graduate. I’m not a crutch or a lifelong friend. I’m simply the guide that gets you through the tunnel or that help soul you out of quick sand.

If you are every confused about where the boundary lines should be, it’s okay to ask your therapist.

Expect to not have to explain every nuance of your life to your Black therapist

The most beautiful thing abut working with a Black therapist is that sometimes she just knows. You don’t have to explain why your hair was short last week and is now long. You don’t have to explain why you felt uncomfortable when you were singled out at that conference. You also don’t have to explain why you feel nervous driving and shopping in certain parts of town. She just knows.

Now does that mean you will never have to clarify anything or that your therapist is a mind reader? Nope. It just means that a therapist who understands the intersection of race in an American society is already well versed in a lot of your experiences.

That being said, not all Black therapists are of the same ethnicity. Some Black therapists are African, some are South American, some are European, some are Australian, some are Asian. Never assume your Black therapist grew up in your same neighborhood under similar circumstances. We don’t want to stereotype.

If you are ready to work with a Black female therapist who can help you get unstuck and can finally work on reducing anxiety, insomnia or repairing your relationship, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

Want to read other related blog posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

Common questions about working with a Black or African American Therapist

A new year is upon us. With that comes new hope for a brighter future. 2020 was HARD- we had to dig deep to be able to survive it. Let’s make 2021 the year that you actually thrive. Remember that therapy can be an important tool in unlocking your emotional strength and learning tools to help you grow.

And now that we are in a new year, you might have come to the realization that you want to start therapy. Yay! Being in therapy isn’t a sign that you are broken- it’s actually a sign that you’re ready to heal, put the past behind you and begin to thrive.

When I talk to Black women and other women of color about mental health, they typically tell me that it’s important that they pick either a therapist who has similar religious beliefs as they do, a Black therapist or a therapist of color.

But because there is often a veil of secrecy and stigma wrapped around therapy, I’m here to answer your questions about working with a Black therapist. Here are some common questions about working with a Black or African American therapist.

Am I allowed to talk about issues of race, prejudice and color with a Black therapist?

When you are in therapy, it’s your time. You should get to talk about and work on whatever goals you have decided upon. If you want to bring issues of social justice, race, color and prejudice into the room, ensure that you pick a Black therapist who is comfortable with these issues. Do not automatically assume that every Black therapist is comfortable and well versed with these issues.

During your consultation call (if you have one), put it out on the table. Let the therapist know what issues are important to you, and specifically ask the therapist if he/she is comfortable with that. This is not the time to be coy. Clarity is always welcome.

Can a non-Black person work with a Black therapist?

The answer is typically “Yes,” however I can’t speak for every Black therapist out there. I’ve personally worked with women of different ethnicities, nationalities and backgrounds. Every year, hundreds and thousands of Black clients work with non-Black therapists, so I assume that every year, there are many non-Black clients who are working with non-Black therapists too.

If you are not Black, but you want to work with a Black therapist, just address the elephant in the room (if you think there is one) and ask them if they are fine working with you.

My approach is to be super open and honest. I don’t do elephants in rooms! I’m a straight up kinda therapist.

What is the therapist’s experience working with clients of my same background, color or ethnicity?

This is another important conversation to have during the phone consultation- and maybe even during the first session as well. Culture is so important- you can’t separate yourself from your culture, your beliefs and your upbringing- they shape you into who you are. It’s super duper important that the therapist you choose is able to understand your culture, is open minded and respectful of your way of life.

Now, depending on your ethnicity, you might not be able to find a therapist of the same ethnicity, however it’s important that the therapist you choose is curious and non judgmental. There’s no point working with a therapist who will make it sound like your culture is some type of illness. It can also feel extremely frustrating if you have to spend the entire time in therapy explaining why you do things a certain way, or defending your culture.

Will a Black therapist tell everyone my business?

This is usually a big concern in Black and Brown communities. A lot of us were raised to keep our dirty laundry indoors. We do not tell the whole world and their mama all our business- and that’s a fact. The great thing about therapy is that it’s actually confidential.

That being said, in the state of California, ALL therapists are mandated reporters- that means we have to report child abuse, elder abuse and dependent adult abuse. We could also potentially report if you are a danger to yourself, others or the property of others.

But as long as we are not talking about safety issues, your business stays between you and your Black therapist. So go ahead and tell them your business- it won’t be aired in these streets.

Do I have to be crazy to start therapy?

Many people believe that therapy is for crazy people. I personally loathe that word, but let me reassure you. You do not have to be crazy to go to therapy. You also do not have to be really ill, suicidal, severely depressed, self harming or on the verge of a breakdown.

You could go to therapy to address a breakup, your kids moving out of the home, process a new job, a relocation, your sadness, insomnia, anxiety, eating disorder, marital problems, process the pandemic- and the list goes on and on.

What’s your specialty?

It is important that the therapist you pick should have the necessary education, training and experience to help you with whatever struggles you are coming to them for. It typically isn’t enough that the therapist is Black.

So while you’re on your consultation call, ask the therapist what areas they typically specialize in.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have the ability to treat a really wide range of mental health issues, however I specialize in women with anxiety, women with insomnia, as well as couples therapy. I refer everyone else out as I like to focus on my strengths and ensure that every client gets an amazing result when working with me.

Can I be myself around a Black therapist?

As a Black therapist, yes you can absolutely be yourself around me. I am a far cry from the therapists that are portrayed on TV- you know the type- pants suit wearing, cold, aloof, head nodding, asking you “How does that make you feel?” every 5 - 10 seconds.

In my therapy sessions, there is laughter, sometimes tears, head wraps show up, eye rolls happen on occasion, and I’m not above the occasional shady comment. My clients can talk about their faith, we sometimes bring in scripture, we discuss pop culture and I create a space where you can find your authentic self and truly embrace it.

Let’s face it. You spend so much of your time trying to survive in rooms that weren't built for people like you, you go to work with people who don’t look like you and who might not get you, so in my therapy sessions, I ensure that you feel as if the room was built just for you.

Your job is to come as you are and get that healing.

Please note that the above is not an exhaustive list, but if you are a woman of color seeking a Black therapist in California, who can help you move beyond always feeling anxious and hiding, to finally being able to use your voice, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s make 2021 your year.

Want to read other related blog posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy?: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

New to therapy? Questions to ask a Black Therapist before you begin therapy

Some people have described 2020 as a dumpster fire. I’m not saying it was a bad year for everyone, but there certainly were some difficulties along the way. For some people, the COVID-19 pandemic brought them closer to their family and loved ones, and for others, it brought up all the problems and struggles they thought they’d buried a long time ago.

And so 2021 is a good year to heal some of the difficult emotions that 2020 brought up. It might be the year in which you go to therapy to learn to take off that strong Black woman armor you’ve been burdened with. It could be the year in which you learn to say goodbye to anxiety or finally learn how to sleep well.

It might be the year you decide to roll your sleeves up and finally do the emotional work so that 2021 can be your best year yet. In my last blog post, I wrote all about how to find a Black therapist near you. If you haven’t read it, please do so.

I imagine you’re at the stage in which you have your shortlist of therapists. You’ve scheduled a few consultation calls, but you have no clue what to ask the therapist, how to know if they are the best therapist for you, or how to get the most out of therapy.

Well, I got you. Take some notes. Let’s make the process of finding the best Black therapist for you easy peasy. Here are some quick questions you can ask a Black therapist when you’re on a consultation call (And FYI, I do not feel offended when potential clients ask me my gender, race, ethnicity or faith background when we are on consultation calls).

What is your therapy style?

Some therapists (like me) are very laid back. I laugh A LOT during therapy sessions, but don’t get it wrong, I am laser focused on helping you reach those goals. I am also very goal oriented. I suggest that all my clients get a therapy notebook in which they journal thoughts that happen outside of the therapy session so that we can talk about it in session.

I also give my clients homework- it can range from a 5-minute exercise to week long practices. As a Black female therapist who works with successful, high achieving, Black women, humor is very much a part of what I do. Although there might be tears during the session, I also share quite a few laughs with my clients. My clients can show up as they are- in their bonnets, pajamas, bath robes, head wraps- I’ve seen it all and I judge NONE of it.

There are other Black therapists who are more formal with their style. Neither style is better than the other. Some therapists talk quite a bit in session, others let their clients do most of the talking. Still, others do more somatic work in which the body and mind are incorporated. Some do animal assisted therapy, and others do outdoor therapy. 

The most important thing is what style you think works best for you.

Do you practice long-term therapy or short-term therapy?

Because human behavior can be so complex, it’s difficult to know how many sessions you will need to have. I happen to be a short-term therapist. I tell my clients that I work intensely with them (I see them weekly) until they have accomplished all their goals. 

During the first session, we set very clear, specific goals, and I check in periodically to see how close we are to meeting those goals. Once we have reached those goals, it’s time to graduate. That being said, the average client sees me for about 6 months. Although I’ve had clients who have been with me for years. I also have clients who have returned after graduation. Like I said, everyone’s path is different.

Do you have experience working with Black, Christian women [or insert some of your identifiers here]?

I am of the opinion that therapy is supposed to work for you. You shouldn't go to see a therapist just because you think that therapist is the only option for you. You should feel a deep, positive connection with your therapist in which there is safety and openness.

If you are currently in therapy and you feel like the process is not working for you, I suggest having a heart to heart with your therapist to see if something can be tweaked or if you can be referred out to someone who is a great fit for you. Your therapist should be a great fit for you.

I also believe that issues of culture are HUGE! As a Black, Christian, immigrant therapist, there are so many nuances to my clients’ backgrounds. It is also important that your therapist can see you and respect all the parts of you. So please do not be afraid to address this when you consult with a therapist on the phone. Many Black therapists or therapists of color understand the importance of including a clients’ experiences and culture in the sessions.

How often will you see me?

Therapy should happen regularly in order to see results. Typically, each therapy session builds upon previous sessions. If you only go to therapy once a year or once a month, it might be hard to gain the traction that you need. During the consultation call, address this with the therapist. Get clear on what his or her schedule looks likes to ensure that there will be space for your needs.

This might also be a good time to ask how long sessions are. Some therapists have quick 30-minute sessions. Others see clients for 45 minutes, 50 minutes, 60 minutes 75 minutes or even have intensives that last more than 2 hours. Please get clear on this so that you can decide if this suits your schedule and your needs.

How will I know when I’m ready to graduate therapy?

It’s usually nice to have benchmarks when you’re in therapy. It helps you identify your progress, what areas you still need to work on, and when you think you’ll be ready to graduate from the therapy process.

Ask the therapist if there are any systems in place to help with this. Please note that graduation from therapy doesn’t mean that you can never return to therapy. It also doesn’t imply that your life will be perfect. It simply means that this therapy cycle has helped you achieve specific goals.

Other Questions to ask

• How much does a session cost?

• Can you provide a super bill for my insurance? And what is the process like?

• Will I receive a mental health diagnosis? (Quick note here. If you choose to use your insurance, chances are you therapist would have to provide a mental health diagnosis. I always advocate for clients to know what they are being diagnosed with).

• Are you in network with my insurance company?

• What happens if I cannot make it to a scheduled appointment? (Some therapists have no show policies and others will terminate you after a certain number of missed sessions. It’s important to be clear about that).

• What type of license do you have? (Depending on your state, there are licensed marriage and family therapists, licensed clinical social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, licensed mental health counselors, licensed professional clinical counselors, etc.). To be extra careful, you could also decide to look up the therapist on the licensing board’s website to ensure that their license is in good standing.

• Do you engage in Christian [insert religious or spiritual background here] counseling?

• Do you work with [insert your issues here- it could be anxiety, depression, infidelity, infertility, athletic performance, etc].

Those are some questions you could ask your therapist before beginning therapy. If you are a Black woman in California, seeking a Black, Christian therapist who can help you manage anxiety, get rid of insomnia or create an amazing relationship, click here to schedule a free consultation with me.

Remember, the best therapist for you is one you feel safe with.

Want to read more?

How to find a Black therapist: A Simple guide.

How to find a Black Therapist: A simple step by step guide

2020 was quite an interesting year. It was the first time we experienced a pandemic. We had lockdowns, global unrest, economic upheaval, lockdowns, social distancing, mask wearing, hullabaloo about vaccines, virtual schooling, telecommuting, a presidential election…the list goes on and on.

Now that we have crossed over into a new year, maybe you find yourself feeling more anxious than usual. Maybe you toss and turn every night and you just can’t sleep. Or maybe 2020 was the year that brought chaos into your marriage. All that time spent working virtually and home schooling your kids has taken a toll on you.

You’re certainly NOT alone. Maybe it’s time to talk to a therapist. There is an erroneous belief that Black people and other people of color don’t go to therapy. But that certainly is NOT true.

You’ve thought about seeing a therapist, but you’re not sure where to go or who to call. Let’s face it, finding a mental health therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area or in Riverside County for that matter, can be a BIG struggle. 

You search ‘Black mental health therapist near me’ and you’re rewarded with 100 options. You look through the first 20, call 10, and you’re greeted by voicemail after voicemail. Your head begins to spin because you don’t even know who the right choice is. Some of the therapists ask you to schedule a consultation call, but you have no clue what that even means or what to say during said call. You know you want a Black therapist, but you’re not sure if that’s appropriate to think or ask for.

I’m here to simplify the process. As a Black therapist in Riverside County- who sees clients virtually throughout California, clients tell me all the time how hard it was to wade through all the options just to find me.

So here it goes- my step by step guide of how to find a Black therapist.

Think about what you need from a therapist

Before you make the first call, take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I need from my Black therapist?” This might be an odd question, but it’s important to note that every therapist cannot help you. You won’t automatically connect with every therapist you speak to- regardless of gender, ethnicity, location, cost, specialty, etc.

• Do you want a therapist who engages in traditional talk therapy in which both of you engage in a series of interventions that include talking?

• Do you want a therapist who digs into your past and uncovers past pain and trauma? Or do you prefer to stay present focused?

• Are you particular about the therapist’s religious background and do you want that religion or spirituality included in the therapy process?

• Do you want a therapist of a specific gender?

• Do you want a therapist who is more formal, or one who is casual, laid back, humorous and always has a head wrap to match her shirt?

• Are you looking for long term therapy or something more short term?

• What specific issues are you looking for help with? Can the therapist treat those issues? For example: trauma, infidelity, substance use, anxiety, depression, insomnia, couples counseling. Many therapists do specialized work.

Ask your friends, family members or loved ones for a referral

One of the easiest ways to find a Black therapist is simply to ask those around you. Chances are you have friends and loved ones who are either currently in therapy, who have been in therapy before or who know someone who knows a Black therapist (I promise you that we exist).

If you have other Black friends or loved ones of color- go ahead and ask them. Ask them what makes that therapist a great therapist, what the therapist’s style is, and possibly, what issues the therapist treats. It’s always great to get an insider referral. By the way, it’s okay if you and your friends see the same therapist- as long as you and the therapist do not feel it’s a conflict of interest.

I can assure you that going to therapy is so much more common than you think. Because therapy happens in a confidential setting, we often think that we are the only ones who go to therapy. Let me fill you in on a little secret- even therapists go to therapy. We are in the business of helping others and also receiving help.

Do a Google search for ‘Black Therapist near me.’

Yup, sometimes it’s as easy as that. Good old Google is at your service when you need it. Due to the pandemic, so many more therapists have gone virtual, so you can easily see a therapist that might not be geographically near you, but is located in your state.

The way therapy licenses are regulated in the United States, we are licensed to practice therapy throughout our states. That means if you live in California, you can see any therapist within California, but you can’t see a therapist who is licensed in Georgia or Florida for example (except the therapist is licensed in multiple states).

When you do a Google search, I always suggest that you visit the therapist’s website, spend time reading the website, notice what the specialties are, and ask to schedule a free consultation call. Not all therapists offer this, but it never hurts to ask. Also search therapists in nearby cities, just to broaden your options. So, if you live in Riverside County, you can search ‘Black therapist in Los Angeles,’ ‘Black therapist in San Diego,’ or even ‘African American therapist near me.’

Use a Therapist or Mental Health Directory

If you don’t feel like asking your loved ones for a referral and Google seems too overwhelming, you’re in luck. There are quite a lot of therapist directories out there. Some are broad, and some are specific to therapists who serve communities of color, Latinx communities, Black clients or women.

Many of these directories have filters so that you can be very specific in your search. Here are a few therapist directories you could try.

• Therapy for Black Girls: A directory specifically for Black women who are looking for a therapist.

• Melanin and Mental Health: A directory serving Black and Latinx communities.

• Clinicians of Color Directory: A directory serving communities of color.

• Therapy Den: A directory helping to connect people to therapists.

• Psychology Today: One of the largest mental health service directories. It’s very broad and you can find a psychiatrist on here too.

Schedule a Free Consult With The Therapists You Find

After you have scanned through the directories and glanced over the therapists’ websites, create a short list of therapists who stand out to you. The best therapist for you is the therapist who you have a great connection with AND who is skilled in helping you meet your goals. This is a good time to trust your gut.

Not every therapist offers free consultation calls, but you can always ask for one. During the consultation call you can ask about their style of therapy, what types of clients they typically work with, if therapy is short or long term, and get a general sense of the therapist’s vibe. What vibe am I talking about? You’ll feel it when you talk to a few therapists.

There you have it- a simple step by step guide to finding a Black therapist in your city or state. 

If you are a successful Black woman in California, struggling with anxiety, insomnia or relationship problems, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me.

I’d love to talk to you about your struggles and see if we are a great fit for one another, so you can finally get back on the right track. If you want to find out more about me, you can read up all about me here.

Letter to the invisible, strong woman

You are the one who carries your entire family on your back. You wake up before everyone else, you ensure that everything is in place for your family.

You have tons of hopes and dreams, but you often put them aside to ensure that everyone else is well taken care of. But deep inside, you are tired of being the strong woman. You are tired of having to plaster a smile on your face every day. You struggle secretly, and no one around you knows.

You feel lonely. The people around you have no clue what you’re going through because you are the designated strong woman. You are the trouble shooter and the official problem solver. You’re the go to woman who holds everyone’s emotions in your hands.

You would love to have a day set aside where you can just plop yourself on the bed and sleep all day. You’d love it if people checked up on you as well- rather than assuming that all is well with you.

So, strong woman, here’s how you can move from invisible superhero to seen and human.

Allow people to see your humanity

Because you’re so used to being the go to person, chances are your loved ones don’t notice when you’re down. Here’s where vulnerability comes in. When you are feeling sad, overwhelmed or upset, tell someone you trust. I say this over and over again to my therapy clients. If people aren’t used to seeing that side of you, they’ll assume that you’re always fine- thereby perpetuating the cycle that your needs should go unmet. When I work with clients in may therapy office in Murrieta, this is a big part of our work- feeling comforting with vulnerability.

Ask your loved ones for help

When you are the super competent, responsible person, everyone around you assumes that you can handle everything. Know your limits and be willing to ask others to help you. This is another big part of my therapy or counseling process. This prevents burn out and the endless feeling of disappointment that comes when no one offers to help you out.

Asking for help could seem very difficult- after all you’re used to handling it all on your own. But its time, you’ll feel a deep sense of relief when you learn to delegate or outsource.

Start saying “No.”

It’s important to accept that you are not superwoman. And that’s not a bad thing. Although you are the go to person and you’re also very competent, please know that rest is just as productive as work. Sometimes you have to say “No” to others when they are asking for your assistance- so that you can invest more time in rest.

The truth is that when you are the super responsible person, people who could be competent, begin to slack off because they know you will take care of things for them. But when you begin a new pattern of encouraging others to take care of responsibilities themselves, you actually will have more time to focus on tasks that are important to you.

Talk to a therapist or counselor

Assertiveness practice is such a key part of my counseling practice in Murrieta. If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of invisibility and in the superwoman role, maybe it’s time to talk to a mental health professional. As a Black or African American therapist in Murrieta, CA, I help women who identify as the responsible ones, learn how to communicate their needs, get their needs met and also be seen as human and fallible.

Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call so you can finally be seen and heard.

A lesson on showing up as the real you (even if your family doesn't understand you)

If you are the ‘Different one’ or the one who stands out in your family, it could be very difficult to show up just as you are. Or perhaps you’re still not sure who the real you actually is.

Maybe you were bullied, laughed at and basically told that you were not good enough. Maybe you had to spend your time trying to be like everyone else- begging to fit in. No matter how hard you tried, it just didn’t work. Sometimes when you are the non-toxic one in your family, you learn to build a persona to protect yourself.

There’s the you who puts up a suit of armor so that you can protect yourself from your family, and there’s the you who shows up in all other situations.

But it’s painful to constantly switch back and forth. After a while you don’t know who you are. Here’s a simple way to begin to show up as you.

It starts with self-validation

In my counseling practice, I love to give my clients exercises. Get out a sheet of paper, set an alarm for 5 minutes and write out as many good qualities about yourself that you can think of. Naturally, you will begin to think of all the negative messages your family or loved ones have sent you over the years.

For example, if one of your positive qualities is “I’m a great artist,” you might be tempted to delete that one because your family doesn’t embrace your art. Please don’t.

Self-validation is not about what your family or the world thinks about you. It is unlearning the toxic messages you were taught and re-learning how to embrace your own inner beauty- so that you can finally let go of the anxiety that comes with pretending to be someone that you’re not. It is coming to acceptance that you matter and your feelings matter.

Take stock of those you surround yourself with

On that same sheet of paper, write down the top 5-10 people you spend most of your time with. Think of the people you text the most, the ones you talk to on the phone the most, as well as who you follow on social media. Do you feel like you can be yourself around them? Or do you reach for your persona when you’re in those spaces?

Next to each person’s name, write down how you feel when you interact with them. Just use one or two words.

Are they pouring positivity into you or do you feel awful after every interaction with them? If you must show up as yourself, the people around you also have to be people who give you the space to be you.

Do a little social media/friend purge:

The beauty of social media is that it can transport us to beautiful, faraway places. The downside is it could sometimes lead to self loathing and sadness. Set another timer and go through your friends/follow list. How do you feel as you see the names and pictures of each social media friend?

Rely on your intuition. It never leads you astray. It might be time to mute or delete social media friends who are not adding positive value to your life.

Now on to real life friends. Take a moment to determine who your real friends are. Who has been there to celebrate you when things are going well? Write their names down.

Who was there to lean on when things weren’t going so well? Write their names down.

Who are the ones who try to outshine you, put you down or try to make you feel small? Write their names down. Remember that you can make a conscious choice to either surround yourself with loving, uplifting people or energy suckers.

The choice is yours. Give yourself permission to do it!

As a therapist for women and couples in Murrieta, CA one of my most important tasks is to teach my clients how to show up as themselves. Regardless of the level of toxicity you were raised in, I help high achieving women learn how to stand up for themselves, find their authentic voices and ditch toxicity.

If you are ready to roll up your sleeves, ditch anxiety and start showing up as the real you, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call. I’m a Black therapist in Murrieta who sees women and couples throughout California.