How to reconnect with your spouse emotionally to keep your marriage fresh

When you have been married for a while, it sometimes can feel like your marriage is stale. You get so busy with chores, kids, career, and taking care of the home, that it’s easy to lose your connection. But don’t lose hope. It is possible to reconnect with your spouse, even if your marriage is feeling dead. 

Here are some simple tips to build a strong emotional connection in your marriage. And the great thing is, it doesn’t even have to take all of your time.

When I work with couples during marriage counseling in Houston, I tell them that it is important to have specific rituals that connect you and your spouse. When you don’t have these, married life becomes mundane. Think back to when you were growing up. What important rituals did you and your family share? Or what rituals do you wish you and your family shared? Now is the time to create a family that feels cohesive.

Here are some important rituals to begin in your marriage:

1)    Marriage rituals about leave taking

When you are in a busy marriage, it can be very simple to just run out the door in the morning without actually saying goodbye. You won’t believe how many couples who are in marriage counseling in Houston who leave the house without talking to their spouse.

It’s important to give your spouse a proper good bye every single time you leave the house. And it only takes 30 seconds.

Think about what will feel really good to you as well as your spouse. It can be a hug, a kiss, holding their hand and letting them know that you’ll be back. It could be a fist bump. It does not even have to be anything formal.

If you want to be a little bit spicy, it can be a butt tap, a wink, or a head nod. Don’t be afraid to shake up your marriage. Speak to your spouse about what they would like to see happen when either of you is leaving the home. Something so little, helps to sustain the emotional connection between the two of you.

2)    Marriage rituals about coming back home

After a busy day, it feels so amazing to walk into the home and see a wonderful smile on your spouse’s face. Sometimes we get so incredibly busy, that we forget to actually greet our spouse when they come home after a long day.

No matter what is going on in your day, when your spouse gets home, try and take the effort to actually take a pause, smile, and maybe even give your spouse a hug and a kiss. This might seem very foreign to start with, but as you get used to doing this, they begin to feel appreciated. And when they feel appreciated, chances are they’ll begin to reciprocate this ritual when you get home.

Wouldn’t it be nice to get a hero’s welcome every time you walk through the door? This is another important skill I teach during couples therapy in Houston.

3)    Marriage rituals about meals

Everyone has to eat right? It appears that family dinners are getting fewer and far between. I’m pretty old fashioned, and so I really appreciate being able to sit together as a family and just talk. And yes, I do sometimes suggest family meals during relationship therapy sessions in Houston. Try it sometime.

You can even set the table, make it pretty, put the phones away and just have a conversation that involves eye contact and real connection. Of course, setting the table is not compulsory, but it’s a nice touch.

You can even have rituals around eating out. How often do you want to eat out as a family? Where would you like to go? What type of scene would you like to set? This can be used as an opportunity to catch up on the day and forget about all the worries of the world. During this moment, only you and your family matter.

4)    Marriage rituals around dates

Even if you and your spouse have been married for a long time, it is still important to date and pursue each other. Every woman likes to be pursued, and every man loves to pamper his woman. This helps to keep things fresh and exciting. Nobody wants a stale marriage. Have a conversation with your spouse around having regular dates. By the way, dates do not have to be expensive or lavish.

But it is important to be able to take some time away from the kids if possible and just connect. If you cannot get childcare, then plan a simple date when the kids are in bed. This could involve a simple meal, an at home picnic, movie night- it really doesn’t matter what you pick. The most important thing is being able to share some uninterrupted time together.

5)    Marriage rituals about holidays

The holidays are a great time to build family memories and to strengthen togetherness. Have another conversation with your spouse around how you would like to celebrate holidays that are important to you.

Will there be specific foods cooked? Who will cook the food? Will you cook it together? Would you be ordering it? What types of activities will be present during the holidays? Whom will you invite? Plan an entire event so that both of you remain on the same page. The goal is for holidays to bring up happy, connected memories for the both of you.

6)    Marriage rituals about sex

We all know that sex is super important in a marriage. It helps create a deeper connection between partners. The problem is many couples do not feel comfortable actually talking about sex. Talk about how often you want to have sex, when and where you would like to have sex (the bedroom isn’t the only place for sex, wink, wink), and what you enjoy. Remember, you are partners, and you both deserve pleasure.

How do you keep the spark alive in your marriage? Please share so we can all learn.

If you are ready to move your marriage from a place of constant disagreement, to a place of agreement, deeper communication and friendship, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. I’m a Black marriage counselor in Houston who provides Christian marriage counseling in Houston and throughout Texas. I am also a licensed marriage and family therapist in California.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Here's why Christians run away from marriage counseling/couples therapy

As a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I cannot tell you how many terrified clients come to see me in the dead of night. Okay maybe not in the dead of night, but I cannot tell you how many couples struggle with their marriage for 6 or 7 years before they finally decide to pick up the phone and call me.

I’ve often wondered why Christians run away from marriage counseling or couples therapy outside the church, and I think I’ve figured it out.

Here are 6 reasons why you might also be running from counseling or therapy as a Christian:

They think that marriage counseling or therapy in general is not biblical

The number one struggle or fear that Christians often have is going to a marriage counselor whom they believe will speak against their Christian beliefs. People often assume that because a therapist has studied psychology or human behavior, that they somehow will speak against the Bible.

In many churches, we are taught to pray, seek God and just keep your struggles to yourself. But if you search the Bible, you will notice that the early Christians actually shared each other’s burdens and lived life as a united community.

If you are in a place in your marriage where things feel super hard, I encourage you to do some research. Please know that there are indeed many Christian therapists who can integrate biblical principles into their counseling.

Here are some questions to ask a prospective marriage counselor to ensure that her beliefs are in line with your own Christian beliefs.

They are afraid to share their marriage struggles outside the church

Many Christians believe in a life of martyrdom.

No matter how hard they struggle, they hold it all to their chest and tell no one about it. Some people also believe that they are having struggles in their marriage because of some sin they must have committed in the past.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it holds your marriage ransom. When you go through couples therapy, you will quickly learn that your marriage can be fixed if you and your spouse have a desire to do so. And if you want to keep your sins close to your chest, then why did Christ die for you?

They think they can pray their marital problems away

This is one I see over and over again. Many Christians believe that if they pray hard enough, their marriage will be healed. But what they fail to realize is that faith without works is dead- and I got that straight from the Bible. Even the Bible tells us to seek wise counsel.

If you pray over and over again, but you and your husband do not have the adequate tools to strengthen your friendship, improve your communication and learn adequate conflict resolution skills, your marriage will feel like an uncofmrtorbale battle ground forever, and you will be robbing your family of a happy future.

They believe that people who go to couples therapy are weak.

No one wants to look weak. We all want to believe that we are made of grit and resiliency. But you see, as humans who live in a fallen world, we are bound to have struggles sometimes.

The problem with trying to avoid looking weak, is that your marriage will eventually deteriorate if you’re not doing anything to improve it.

The great thing about working with a licensed marriage and family therapist, is that we keep your business confidential. We are not allowed to talk to others about you. Many of us do not judge you or see you as weak. We simply just see you as to individuals who are doing the best you can to keep your marriage alive.

When people go to the doctor for a check up, we certainly don’t think they are weak. So why do we think people who go to marriage counseling or couples therapy are weak?

Their marital issues aren’t serious enough for therapy

Your marriage does not have to be on the verge of collapse for couples therapy to benefit you. Why would you wait for the house to collapse before you start repairs?

Couples therapy is best for people who are interested in doing the work, being vulnerable with one another and reconnecting.

It’s important to seek couples counseling in Houston before things become irreparable. Prevention is better than cure.

They can talk to their friends or family about their marital problems

Of course you can talk to your friends and family about your marital problems, but are they trained in human behavior? Do they have a background in psychology? Are they able to give you the necessary skills and tools to do life with your spouse? Or will they just nod their heads, pray for you and send you on your merry way?

Although your friends and family members probably mean well, sometimes, they inadvertently give you advice that will end up sabotaging your entire marriage.

It’s important to note that couples therapists have years of experience and training that is specific to couples and marriages, and they know how to help you listen, communicate in a way that is stress free, and also how to stop persistent problems that have plagued your marriage for years.

If you are ready to finally have a marriage that feels easy, and learn how to appropriately communicate with your spouse, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me.

The Top 8 Myths/Misconceptions about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston

Many people feel completely terrified at the idea of going to marriage counseling in Houston. But, a lot of couples just struggle on their own for years and years without knowing how to actually fix the situation.

What you do not know is that a skilled marriage counselor in Houston can take your relationship from raggedy and uninspiring, to fun, enjoyable and amazing.

Here are some of the top nine myths about marriage counseling and therapy in Houston that you need to know.

We have to stop this foolishness guys.

1) Marriage counseling will lead to divorce.

If you and your partner decide to get a divorce after going through marriage counseling in Houston, chances are it was NOT the couples counseling that led to the divorce. My guess is that your marriage has been on the rocks for a while, and the relationship counseling simply just helped shine the light on the cracks that are already present in your relationship.

Now I'll admit this, it is not the job of the couples therapist to fix your marriage. That is actually you and your spouse’s job. The goal of marriage counseling is simply to give you tools to help you work to improve your friendship, intimacy and trust.

If you and your spouse do not put in the necessary work, you will not meet your goals. Will marriage counseling guarantee that your marriage will be happily ever after? No. But marriage counseling most certainly can give you the tools that you and your spouse need to help you reach the happily ever after.

2) Marriage counseling is for non-Christians only.

There is this really dangerous myth within certain churches that couples counseling is for non-Christians only. So what does this mean? It means that there are thousands of Christians out there who are suffering in silence, rather than getting the tools that they need to unlock happiness in their marriages.

I believe that the Bible actually encourages us to seek wisdom. There is nothing unbiblical about marriage counseling. If you want to, you can even seek the services of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston. That way they can integrate your faith, as well as your Christian beliefs into the therapy.

But do not for one minute think that being a Christian means that your job is to be miserable in a marriage. I believe that God actually wants your married to succeed. So why not go to someone who has the professional skills and expertise to help your marriage succeed? Sometimes you need more than prayer.

3) The couples therapist will blame me for everything that has been going wrong in my marriage.

Many people run away from marriage counseling in Houston because they think that all the blame will be placed on them. I see this in women a lot.

A skilled, professional marriage and family therapist, or a skilled marriage counselor will NOT place the blame on one party. I have never seen a relationship in which one spouse holds all of the blame. After all, it does take two to tango.

I believe that marriages unravel because each person is unaware of how to meet their spouses needs, or sometimes they bring in trauma and negative relational dynamics into the relationship, which then starts to eat away at the happiness of the marriage.

If you are currently working with a marriage therapist who is blaming one party for everything, please run in the opposite direction. Couples counseling should not feel like you are getting stoned. Both partners should feel heard and supported by their therapist.

4) There's no point in going to see a marriage counselor when I can just read self-help books

If self-help books were enough to help you build your marital relationship, you will not be having relationship struggles in the first place. Is there a place for self-help books? Of course. They are a great addendum to couples or relationship therapy.

But self-help books will not help you understand how your generational trauma is playing a role in your marriage. Self-help books might not give you all the tools you need to clearly communicate when you're in a conflict with your spouse.

Self-help books are not tailored to focus on all the nuances that occur within relationships. Many self-help books are pretty generalized and might not completely pertain to your own marriage.

So I would suggest continuing to read self-help books, but also getting additional knowledge from a trained marriage therapist.

5) I cannot afford marriage counseling in Houston.

This might not be entirely true. Your insurance might actually be willing to cover a part of your marriage counseling costs. All you have to do is pick up the phone, and ask them if they cover marriage counseling.

If your insurance does not cover the cost of marriage counseling, there are tons of therapists out there who have affordable fee structures. Do your research first, before assuming that you cannot afford marriage counseling.

I would actually argue that the cost of marriage counseling is far less than the cost of a messy divorce. When you think about the emotional toll, the physical toll, as well as the financial mess that often happens after a divorce, you might need to put marriage counseling as a line item on your monthly budget.

Whatever we put our energy towards will grow.

6) Marriage counseling in Houston is pretty boring

If your only experience with marriage counseling has been through movies, I'm pretty sure that you have the wrong idea about marriage counseling. And chances are that you have not worked with me.

Marriage counseling does not have to be boring. Marriage counseling does not have to feel like a wrestling match.

Marriage counseling counseling is simply just a system to equip you with the necessary tools that you need to thrive in your relationship.

Every week, we focus on a different area of your relationship. It could be friendship and intimacy, managing conflict, building life's hopes and dreams, establishing communication, trust and commitment. I typically will bring my personality into the session, so we will share lots of laughs. I throw in a little bit of shade, and it does not have to feel like a funeral.

7) Marriage counseling will finally fix my husband/wife

If you're coming into couples therapy or marriage counseling to fix your spouse, I have bad news for you. Your entire job in couples therapy is actually to work on you. You have absolutely no control over what your spouse does or thinks, however you have 100% of control over your thoughts, your feelings and your behavior. The process of marriage counseling actually helps you look inward and repair the areas where you are weak.

You’ll learn how to listen, how to speak, how to manage overwhelming emotions, and possibly how to become a lot more trustworthy. It’s basically like individual therapy, but your spouse tags along.

8) we are going to be in couples counseling forever

Most of my couples actually do not spend a whole lot of time with me. Because I do an in-depth science backed assessment during the first four sessions, we will know what your relational areas of strength are as well as your areas of weaknesses.

My job during couples counseling is to focus solely on the areas of weakness, teach you practical skills to improve those weaknesses, and help you communicate with one another so that you're better able to manage conflicts.

Now depending on what your situation is (trauma, substance use, infidelity), the sessions could run longer. But the length of couples therapy sessions depend on you. Small work you put into it, the sooner you see positive results.

If you are ready to turn your cold relationship into a red hot, intimate and friendship filled marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. Couples counseling in Houston can help you turn your relationship around.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Questions to ask a prospective Christian marriage counselor

You’ve been thinking about going to marriage counseling. But you don’t want to go to the church or your pastor.

Because your Christian faith is very important to you, you would rather meet with a Christian counselor in Houston or a Christian marriage therapist in Houston who is also a licensed therapist.

Here are some questions you should ask a prospective Christian marriage counselor to let you know if they are the best marriage therapist in Houston for you.

Do you include faith and scripture in your marriage counseling sessions?

There's a difference between a marriage counselor who is a Christian and a Christian marriage counselor. Some marriage counselors are Christians, however they do not actually integrate Christian faith or scripture into their counseling work.

Christian marriage counselors in Houston on the other hand, feel much more comfortable speaking about Jesus in session, pointing you towards scripture, as well as exploring your Christian faith while integrating that into the marriage counseling process.

It is important to ask prospective marriage counselors whether or not they feel comfortable integrating your Christian faith into the therapy.

What are your faith belief systems/doctrinal beliefs?

The term ‘Christian’ is very broad. Some people are very conservative, while others are pretty liberal. There are so many different Christian denominations and doctrines out there. It is important that you find a Christian marriage therapist whose Christian beliefs are probably similar to yours.

Ensure that both you and the Christian marriage counselor in Houston share similar beliefs, so that they do not point you in the wrong direction or in a direction that you do not feel comfortable going into.

How often will we meet for marriage counseling sessions?

It is important to know what to expect so that you can put it on your schedule. Some Christian marriage therapists in Houston will meet with you once a week, while others can meet with you every other week. Ensure that you know how long the sessions will last. Some Christian couples therapists do 45 minute sessions, while others will do a 90-minute session.

What will Christian marriage counseling sessions look like?

Every Christian therapist is unique. Some will only meet with the couple. While others will meet with each party independently. Will there be prayer involved? Will there be homework involved? Will the therapy favor one person over the other? Just ask away, so you have some clarity before jumping in.

Do you interpret scripture during Christian marriage counseling sessions?

My personal belief is that it is not my job to interpret scripture. I believe that it is the Holy Spirit who does the work in your heart and convicts you. I however will point you in the direction of a scripture and we can explore what that scripture means to you and your spouse.

However, you might be looking for a Christian couples therapist in Houston who does interpret scripture and who does give you the understanding of what the scripture means. This is why it is important to have this conversation with a prospective Christian therapist in the first place. You want to ensure that the therapy is moving in the direction that you expect it to.

What are your Christian beliefs about the role of a husband and a wife?

This basic belief can color the entire process of Christian Marriage counseling. There are some Christians who believe that a husband is the ultimate authority and he is able to be borderline abusive towards his wife.

There are other Christians who absolutely do not believe this and believe that the man and the wife should be loving and kind towards his wife.

Ask the Christian marriage therapist in Houston what their beliefs are about the role of the husband and the wife. You do not want to pour gasoline on an already burning fire.

Apprehension is normal

If you are new to marriage counseling or Christian marriage counseling in Houston, it is normal to feel a little bit of apprehension before you jump in. My recommendation is that you create a short list of marriage counselors that you feel comfortable with.

Ask for a consultation

After doing this, ask to schedule a free consultation call so that you can get more of a feel for their personality and their beliefs.

Ask yourself what you need in a Christian marriage counselor before you begin. Do you have a specific gender? Christian denomination? Age range? Race? Ethnicity? Language spoke? You and your spouse have to be comfortable for marriage counseling or couples therapy to be effective.

If you're ready to start the process of healing and greater communication in your marriage, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. I am a Black Christian marriage counselor in the Houston area. I see married couples throughout California and Texas. Please remember that as long as you and your spouse are willing, you can have the marriage of your dreams.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Misconceptions about Christian marriage counseling

If you’ve never been to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, you might be confused about what it actually is. Perhaps you might be wondering, “Why don’t I just go to speak to a friend or a pastor?” I’m here to clear up some of the misconceptions around what Christian marriage counseling in Houston is.

Here are some popular myths about Christian marriage counseling.

Christian counseling is the same as speaking to your pastor

Pastors are experts in the Bible, teaching and service to others. Most pastors do not actually have training or a background in human behavior and mental health counseling. Most pastors also do not have training in mental health and trauma. Chances are if you or your spouse is experiencing depression, anxiety, OCD, an eating disorder or an addiction, your pastor won’t know what to do with that.

And that is the advantage of going to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston.

You're able to get the integration of your Christian faith, as well as the years of experience in all of the aforementioned areas. We are able to work with you on previous trauma, exploring emotions, effective communication skills, friendship, intimacy as well as whatever other mental health issues you might be struggling with. I am not against going to your pastor, however sometimes the marital issues are way beyond what your pastor can handle.

The only thing that Christian marriage counselors do is read Bible scripture to you

This is probably the biggest misconception about Christian marriage counseling in Houston. Most people assume that the Christian counselor will open up scripture, read it to you and send you on your merry way. While the marriage counselor could use the Bible to frame the counseling sessions, you'll be learning actual tools to help you communicate better with your spouse and repair what has been broken.

You'll also learn why certain behaviors came to be, how your past and your environment affect your relationship, as well as practical tips to help you improve your relationship.

Christian marriage counseling in Houston is not the same as listening to a sermon. if you’re currently working with a Christian marriage counselor in Houston who just preaches at you, but does not give you practical tools to work through your struggles, please run! NOW!

Christian MARRIAGE counselors blame the wife for everything

Christian Marriage Counseling not about the blame game. I am yet to see a relationship or a marriage in which one party is to blame for everything. A skilled Christian marriage counselor will spend time getting to know both parties, getting to understand your mental health needs, and helping you identify your part in the relationship. The goal is to create a system of accountability- not judgment or blame.

Christian marriage counselors just give you advice and tell you not to get divorced

First of all, it is not the role of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston to give you advice. We simply lay the foundation to help you communicate your needs and wants to your partner in an appropriate way. We teach you skills to increase friendship, trust, and improve your bond. It is not our job to tell you whether or not to get divorced. We don’t even give you advice. That decision is completely up to you and your spouse.

Christian marriage counselors only work with Christians

I often get calls asking me if I work with people who are not Christians. The answer is yes. It is not my job to indoctrinate anyone. It is also not my job to force anybody to believe what I believe. I only integrate Christian faith into marriage counseling when my clients actually want me to do so.

So as you see, Christian marriage counseling does not have to be a terrifying thing. The best Christian marriage counselors in Houston have a strong background in mental health and are able to integrate the Christian faith without blaming, shaming, indoctrination and intimidation.

If you are ready to finally learn how to communicate your feelings clearly and honestly to your spouse, I am a Black Christian marriage counselor in the Houston area. Click here to schedule your free 15-min consultation call. Your marriage does not have to be a constant struggle. it can actually be much easier than you think.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

What to expect when working with a marriage counselor in Houston

Starting marriage counseling can be daunting. You've been on Google for hours trying to find the best couples counselor in Houston. You have no idea what to expect. The average couple waits about six or seven years from the start of their marital struggles before they pick up the phone to call a marriage counselor.

So by the time you get to the marriage counselor’s Houston office or virtual office, chances are you have a WHOLE LOT to unpack.

Here's what to expect should you choose to make the amazing decision to start marriage counseling in Houston.

1) Expect to be nervous and uncomfortable during your first few marriage counseling sessions.

Like I said previously, when you go into marriage counseling you're probably there because there are one or more things within your relationship that you are desperately wanting to change. That’s what relationship therapy in Houston is for.

Chances are that you might be on the verge of divorce, or perhaps you and your spouse are still friends, but there's one persistent issue that keeps coming up over and over again.

You might find it a little bit embarrassing to share some of your issues in front of a couples therapist whom you’ve never met. This feeling is normal. It takes a little bit of faith, and a lot of courage to seek any type of counseling. The nervousness and discomfort will fade as you get to know your couples counselor better. As a marriage counselor in Houston, it’s my job to help you feel less awkward in therapy.

2) Expect a thorough assessment before you dive into couples counseling in Houston

Not every Houston couples therapist works in the same way. Some dive straight in on the first session. By the way, the way I work is pretty different. I actually spend the first four relationship therapy sessions truly getting to know you and your partner.

I ask questions about what brings you into couples therapy, I ask if you've ever been to couples therapy and what your experiences have been, I ask about your upbringing, your mental health history, if you have any children and what those relationships look like.

I ask about the friendship between you and your spouse, what is working for you, what no longer works for you, as well as what you wish to see.

I do not assume that every client or couple is the same. So, I spend quite a few hours really getting into the nitty-gritty, so that we can figure out what your areas of strength are, and the areas of growth, before we dive in.

This prevents us from playing the guessing game and it saves you time. I take couples counseling pretty seriously. Couples counseling in Houston is not a game- it’s about depending your friendship and actually improving your relationship.

3) Expect brutal honesty from me if I’m you’re couples therapist in Houston

Many people thoroughly believe that a couples therapist in Houston should be completely neutral. After all, when we watch couples therapy on TV, the marriage therapist sits on a couch with her legs crossed, glasses on, pen in hand and she just seems to nod and smile.

I do not take that approach.

I believe in brutal honesty. If I feel like your approach to your spouse is rude, I will say so. If I feel like you're holding back, I will say so.

If you have been waiting six years to work on your marital issues, the last thing that you need is a couples therapist who just stares at you blankly. My job is to actually help you work through those issues so that you can indeed meet your marriage therapy goals.

(Side note: I use the terms relationship counselor, marriage counselor and couples therapist interchangeably. In my opinion, they all mean the same thing).

4) Expect lots of laughs in our Houston marriage counseling sessions

I don't know how other couples therapists in Houston are conducting their couples therapy, but I am known for belly laughs and lots of cackling. I do understand that troubled relationships is very serious business.

But I also believe that there is room for laughter and lightness. You and your spouse are coming to see me because chances are you're both driving each other nuts. You deserve a few minutes of joy as you both work really hard to salvage your relationship. And let’s face it, a great marriage is based on a solid friendship.

So marriage therapy with me is not just somber and boring, there are some times when I throw in a little bit of shade and I bring in the lightness. Every couples counseling session will not feel like a funeral.

5) Expect lots of homework and accountability in Houston couples therapy

If you keep doing what you've been doing in your marriage, you will keep getting what you already have. And chances are you do not like what you already have, so you might as well try something different.

When you work with me in marriage counseling, I will be giving you specific skills that you should be practicing outside of session. You only meet with me for about an hour a week, but you live with each other for 24 hours each day, times seven days a week. That is a total of 168 hours each week.

To actually see some changes in your couples relationship, you have to work hard to change the way you think about your spouse, change the way you speak to him, and completely overhaul your interactions with one another. This is when you actually see true progress in your relationships.

And it is my job to hold you accountable so that you can actually get the desired results – which is an amazing marriage.

If I sound like your ideal Houston marriage therapist, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. You deserve a marriage that is filled with belly laughs, close friendship, intimacy and shared goals.

Do not wait seven years to seek marriage counseling. You can get the marriage that you've dreamed of right now.

As a Black couples therapist in Houston, I see couples throughout California and Texas.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.