An introvert's COVID-19 survival tips for extroverts

Social distancing is a new concept for most people. But if you are an introvert, chances are you have probably been practicing a watered down version of social distancing for most of your life.

Social distancing can be exceptionally problematic for extroverts. You crave in person connections with others. You love outdoor activities that involve face to face time with friends. Maybe you’re even a hugger who thrives off of physical connections with people. Perhaps you miss some of your hobbies and you just want things to go back to normal.

You’re going stir crazy and you don’t know what to do.

Never fear. Here are some tips for surviving social distancing from a self proclaimed ‘Introvert’s introvert.’

1) Adjust your mindset

Your outcome is really dependent on the way you view this situation. Don’t look at COVID-19 and social distancing as the end of fun. Rather, use it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself, connect with people around you (virtually), enjoy nature and to take a small step back.

Because you don’t have the luxury of seeing people in person, doesn't mean that you are completely disconnected from the world. So get creative.

You can schedule daily zoom or Google hangouts with friends. You can pick up the phone and call loved ones. Being faraway does not cut you off from others.

2) Get a workout in

Being home for the majority of the day is a great opportunity for you to get in shape. Even though you might not be able to go to the gym like you’re used to, many gyms are actually offering online group classes. Check in with your local gym to see if they are doing so.

If your gym doesn't have that service, you can actually start a virtual exercise group of your own. Just gather a few of your buddies online, and workout to the same routine. Youtube has thousands of workout videos ranging from dance, yoga, stretch, pilates to strength training.

If Youtube isn’t your thing, maybe you can find a routine that works for you and encourage your friends to workout alongside you virtually.

You get to enjoy time with your friends while sweating the stress away.

Plus your body produces endorphins (happy hormones) when you work out. It’s a win win.

3) Don’t forget to check in with your friends

Introverts are known for having deep, personal discussions with their small groups of friends. Here is your opportunity to truly be there for your loved ones. Social distancing is not the same thing as being a social recluse. Luckily for you, you have technology at your disposal and you can use it to your advantage. Because lots of people are working from home, some of your friends will be bored and more than happy to take your call.

Bored people typically enjoy being checked up on.

Now is the time to call friends that you have lost touch with or friends you wouldn't normally check in with. Embrace you inner introvert and really connect beneath the surface. Now you get to practice this skill.

At first it might seem awkward to talk about such important things, but you’ll really get to connect with others at a deep level.

You still have FaceTime and video chat platforms. That way you get to see their faces as you engage with them.

4) Take a nap if you can

Well this isn’t just for extroverts. Napping isn’t particularly an introverted trait. It just feels nice for all humans. Everyone can benefit from nap time. Naps not only rejuvenate you, but they also help pass the time away.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed in the middle of the day, set a 30 minute timer and lay down. If you have kids, you can institute family nap time. At first your kids will think you’re weird, but they might eventually get into it.

You will wake up feeling so refreshed and ready to complete your tasks.

5) Explore a new hobby

Many introverts engage in activities that keep them occupied all day. Think back to when you were a child. What did you enjoy doing? Now is the time to explore your rich inner world. Do you like to read? Do you like to draw, color, paint, knit, crochet, sing or dance?

If you like math, there are so many brain games out there to keep your mind focused. If you’ve always dreamed of writing a short story, here is your chance. Because your world might have slowed down a bit, it opens up the creative part of your brain.

Maybe you can even start virtual book club or a virtual Bible study with friends. Social distancing doesn’t necessarily mean boredom and gloom.

And here’s my personal favorite. Try downloading the calm app and practice mindfulness skills. It’ll really help you with some of the anxiety and angst you feel.

Here is your challenge. Write out 5 enjoyable activities and commit to participating in 1 or 2 a week. You will discover that there is so much fun to be had.

6) Spend intentional time with your family

Many introverts are very intentional about their relationships with their loved ones. While introverts tend to keep their friend circle small, they go really deep. Because they spend a lot of time noticing their environment, they tend to notice things about their loved ones that extroverts might miss.

Carve time each day to really connect with the people you live with. Ask them how social distancing is going for them. Talk about non corona related things. Talk about their hopes and dreams, talk about your relationship with them and how you can really deepen it.

Ask them how you both can support one another during this pandemic. When you turn toward each other, life feels so much better.

If you have a spouse, do regular relationship check ins in which you both discuss what has been going great and things you’d like to tweak within the home.

If you have kids, also have a daily check in with them to ensure that things are going well.

Embrace your inner child. Play board games, video games, engage in imaginary play and really bond with your kids. I bet you both will enjoy it. You will never get this time back.

7) Get out of the house (if you can)

Social distancing does not mean that you have to be cooped up at home 24/7. You can sit in your front yard or backyard and take in the sights and sounds of nature. One of my favorite mindfulness activities is using my 5 senses to enjoy nature.

You can sit outside and take in the smell around you, the feeling of the breeze on your skin, the sight of the leaves swaying in the wind, the fluttering of birds as they enjoy their day, the beautiful colors of the sky, trees and everything around you.

Take a moment to truly enjoy the beauty that is all around you.

You can take a walk around the block or find a new hiking trail. Your body and your mind will thank you for this.

If you find that you are struggling with anxiety, insomnia or your marriage feels challenged due to COVID-19, I provide online therapy services to individuals throughout California. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call so that anxiety can be a thing of the past.

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Parenting during coronavirus: How to stay sane with your kids amidst social distancing

Parenting during the coronavirus pandemic is exceptionally challenging. You don’t have the luxury of dropping your kids off at school, dropping them off at daycare, having the nanny come over, going to the public park or library, going out to eat, or having amazing playdates.

Now the pressure is on you to keep them entertained and occupied all day long.

If this is your plight, don’t fret. I’ve got you. Here are some simple ways to survive being cooped up with your kids all day.

1) Create a simple schedule

One thing that many parents do to make this transition easier, is to have a simple schedule. You do not have to map out every minute of every day, but a flexible schedule can be helpful in giving your kids structure.

That way you don’t feel like you’re raising wild chickens on a farm.

If you are working from home, ensure that the schedule works for you. Because your kids’ lives are no longer determined by the school schedule, you get to make your own! That’s actually a great thing.

The easiest tasks to plan out are meal times and bed times. But I’m sure you probably already have meal times in your home. Keep meal times and bedtime the same, so that the transition to normal life isn’t too hard when they have to go back to school.

Once you’ve chosen meal times and a bed time, it’s time to actually plan activities.

If your kids are school aged, chances are that they are homeschooling. Throw in a few of their school subjects (Math, ELA, Science), give them many breaks in between, and they should be good. Luckily, many schools aren’t just throwing parents in the wind. They are giving them some work and websites to play on.

If you feel confused about what your child should be doing academically, reach out to your child’s teacher for some tips. This is also a great time to reach out to other friends who are in the same boat. Remember, you are not alone. Pretty much most parents in the world are going through this with you.

Also add clean up time and chore time on your schedule. Chores help kids learn vital life skills. They also create a sense of independence and competence.

Ensure that you include a time when your child can hang out with you. This is an amazing time to secure that parent-child bond. Yes, even teenagers need time with mom and dad.

Let’s not forget that self care is incredibly important during this season. If you’re not taking care of yourself, things become increasingly frustrating. Here is a link to some healthy habits you can incorporate for yourself.

2) Include time for free play

Although schedules are great for kids- because predictable lives help kids feel safe- do not over schedule them.

Just like no adult can go 8 hours without some type of break, your kids also need to be kids.

Little ones do well when they are able to just roam around the house using their imagination. Elf course you want to secure cabinets and other areas that could present safety hazards. Encourage the kids to get off the couch and just move.

I personally love the Nintendo Wii and other gaming systems that encourage movement. Of course, there has to be a fine line. You don’t want your kids staring at a screen all day, You get to decide how much screen time is too much.

Many parents are also using Go noodle as a way to get their kids moving and shaking. And if you want to get the kids moving without using screens, put on some music so the kids can just dance. You can even join in the fun.

Younger kids can build forts (yes, I know they look a mess, but they are so enjoyable), play with Legos, draw, color or paint. Older kids can also create art, read and engage in all sorts of crafts. They don’t have to sit in front of video games all day.

You are only limited by your imagination.

3) Stay connected virtually

One of the toughest things about social distancing is that kids are disconnected from their friends. They don’t get playdates, they don’t get to run around the neighborhood, and they do not get to engage in their usual extracurricular activities.

Enter technology.

Virtual playdates can help to maintain social connections. Create blocks of time when your kids can call friends on the phone or even video chat with them.

I recently discovered a app called Marco Polo. It’s pretty cool. You get to send short video messages to your loved ones. Both you and your kids will probably enjoy this.

Although this isn’t the same as an in person connection, it’s much better than being all alone. So get creative.

4) Let the kids help you

If your kids are old enough, now is the time to get your house in tip top shape. If you already have daily or weekly chores for your kids, make sure you continue with those.

And if you don’t, now could be a good time to implement new ones.

You do not have to use the word ‘Chore.’ You can say ‘Responsibilities,’ or ‘Tasks.’ Truth is every human has to have chores.

If you’re an entrepreneur, your business is an endless list of chores. If you’re a parent, keeping your kids alive is a series of chores. If you are an employee, keeping your job is an endless list of chores. Starting them young only prepares them for the future.

Chores are simply life skills that help your kids become healthy, successful adults.

Embed the chores into your daily schedule. You could have them make their beds each morning, put away their dishes, fold laundry or put their toys away.

Here is a blog post that details a bunch of age appropriate chores for kids.

Start with 1 or 2 chores, then build up from there. Your kids will thank you when they become competent adults!

5) Help your kids understand the new normal

This is a stressful and uncertain time for a lot of people. And of course, as a parent, you don’t have all the answers.

Explain the situation as best you can. Little ones definitely have no idea what a virus is, so maybe help them understand that we have to stay in our bubble for a little while.

For older kids, you could explain what a virus is, and let them know why we are actually practicing social distancing.

There is no need to go over numbers, charts and all the gritty details with them. Let them be kids. But reframe this situation as our new normal. Naturally, some kids will feel afraid. This is the time to validate their feelings, offer them comfort and let them know that you will be here with them.

I highly suggest keeping the news turned off so that kids aren’t terrified. Their little brains cannot possibly process what’s going on.

Because social distancing is such an unknown thing, structure will help kids feel safe and loved. But if the house feels chaotic, it could make them feel so much more uneasy.

Check in with them daily or every few days so that they can share their thoughts with you. Nothing connects a child to a parent more than love and attention.

How is social distancing affecting you and your household?

If you are feeling anxious about the current situation or struggling with insomnia, I’m here to help. I’m a therapist in Murrieta who offers therapy for anxiety, insomnia, as well as marriage counseling in the Temecula-Murrieta area. Due to social distancing guidelines, I am now seeing clients online. Click here if you’d like to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation so that you can finally shake your anxiety.

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Unstructured structure: How to plan the perfect(ish) day for kids during COVID-19

A few weeks ago, you were living the life. You had a job you commuted to, you would drive your kids to a school they loved, and the world seemed to be perfectly aligned.

But things just got real. 

You are now a homeschool parent, wondering when the kids will go back to school and where to send your resignation letter. You are not used to being home with your kids all day, but here you are. Even though you were not built for this life, all hope is not lost. You can do this.

Here is how to plan the perfect (ish) structured day for your kids during this social distancing era. It’s a lot easier than you think.

1. Start with bedtimes and meal times

Because this shelter in place order is so open ended, please do not forget that your kids still need schedules and routines. If you let them run wild, by the time life returns to normal, they will have to readjust to going to bed at a specific time. This adjustment will most definitely affect them when they have to go to school. So save yourself the hassle and keep things simple.

When creating a schedule, the first thing to plug in is what time you want your kids to wake up, what time you want them to go to bed, and what time you want to serve meals. Super simple.

Now of course, there is room for leeway, but stick to specific mealtimes and bedtimes so you can schedule everything else around that. If you already have these in place, now is the time to continue to enforce that. Kids need a lot more sleep than we think for their own development and health. Please don’t overlook this. Here are the sleep guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Regarding meal times, when you feed kids around the same time each day, it just helps them have more predictability in their lives. They begin to get hungry around the same time each day and you have a better understanding of when to start getting meals ready. Your life as a parent is also a lot easier when you are able to predict how you want the day to unfold.

2. Schedule time for school work

Being that the entire world is struggling at this time, you’re now a homeschool parent and school work should be scheduled so that everyone is on the same page. The last thing you want is to be scrambling day after day. Block out specific times each day for learning. The easiest way to handle this is to lean on your kids’ teachers. Ask them for help so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Many teachers have created curricula for home. Just take that and plug it into a calendar.

Your child’s home school day doesn't have to be as long as the regular school day. Remember that learning doesn't just involve math and language arts. Kids can learn informally as they work with you at home. This is a great time to truly get to understand how your child learns, what his or her likes and dislikes are, and what makes him or her tick.

But be easy on yourself. If you imagine that you will be just as great as a teacher who has spent many years learning childhood education, honing the craft, and practicing with kids, please take the pressure off yourself. You are simply a substitute who is filling in for the teacher until your kids can return to school.

Decide the best timing for your child. Some people start school right after breakfast. Some start in the afternoon. Do what works for you. Fill in specific blocks of time when learning is supposed to happen. Depending on how old your child is, you can set aside 15 minute to 1-hour blocks for learning. Take into consideration your child’s attention span. Don’t expect a 5 year old so sit and work for 2 hours. It just won’t happen.

For example, you can spend 30 minutes on math, take a break in between, then move on to 30 minutes of art. Pick 2 or 3 activities per day, and voila! It’s done.

3. Schedule time for play

Play is a great part of learning. Think about this- even adults take regular breaks during the work day. Your kids need to do so too. Remember in step 2 above when I mentioned scheduling breaks in between? Now is where you decide what you want your kids to do during their breaks. The options are limitless. They can engage in free play (running around the place like kids do), imaginative play (using their imaginations), they can engage in crafts, art, they can draw, they can exercise with you, dance, learn a new language, learn how to type, or even sing. Whatever you decide is great, just make it fun.

Play is a great way to reduce boredom and engage your kids’ brains. And if you have teenagers, encourage them to begin a hobby within the home. Having them stare at a screen all day isn’t helpful. Perhaps they can begin a fun project. You can also encourage them to Facetime or video conference with their friends so that they still get human contact.

4. Schedule time for chores

Chores are another great way to teach kids. Chances are you’re going to be cleaning up around the home. Why not let the kids join you? One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is to teach him or her independence. Every child will one day grow up to become an adult, so wouldn't it be great if they learned valuable life skills?

Little kids would probably love being able to be your helpers. On your schedule, create a block of time for clean up. This would free up so much time for you and give your kids a great sense of independence. If your kids aren't used to doing chores, they might fight you when you start this, but as time goes on, everyone will settle in and get used to it. When everyone pitches in, parents are a lot less stressed.

5. Schedule family time

Another block of time can be set aside for the family to just unwind and have fun. Play some board games, talk to the kids, have a dance party, watch a movie, let loose and make the best of the situation. Although this COVID-19 pandemic was very unexpected, it can be a great time to bond with your kids. The goal is to have your kids relish this time they get to be with you.

Depending on how old your kids are, check in with them a few times a week to see how they are doing. Some kids will be totally unbothered by social distancing, and others will worry. Either way, it’s important that the kids know that you are there to protect them and validate their feelings.

And there you have it- the perfect (ish) unstructured schedule has blocks of time dedicated to work, blocks of time dedicated to play and blocks of time dedicated to family time. What does your perfect(ish) schedule look like?

If social distancing and spending time at home is bringing up feelings of anxiety or affecting your sleep, I am here to help. Like many therapists in Murrieta and Temecula, I am still providing therapy, but all services are being held online until social distancing guidelines have been relaxed. Don’t struggle alone. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

If you are struggling with anxiety and you are sick of it, I’ve created a FREE guide to help you manage anxiety and fear in 5 easy steps.

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Is your family toxic?

You hear about it all the time: “He’s toxic” or “She’s toxic.” But did you know that your own family members might actually be toxic and they can be causing you deep emotional pain? Well, here are 5 possible traits that could hint that your family members are toxic:

They keep Secrets and tell lots of lies

I always say that secrets and lies breed shame and trauma. If your family members typically keep things hush hush, they could inadvertently be creating a toxic environment for you and everyone else. Now does that mean that your family should always air their dirty laundry in public? Well, no. But what I mean by secrets and lies is that toxic families often hide wrongs. So for example, if a family members reports that he or she was disrespected or hurt in some way by another family member, rather than do the right thing and bring the offending family member to justice, the reporting family member will usually be punished for coming forward. Toxic family members often avoid important discussions and sacrifice the victim- so to speak.

Many families cover up things like abuse by shaming the victim or even making the victim of such abuse feel as if he or she is lying. Sometimes they’ll create alternative realities and make it seem as if a situation never happened. In this situation, the perpetrator of such abuse is protected- allowing him or her to continue to inflict harm on other family members. Sometimes families even hide things like illnesses because they believe it will bring shame upon the family. What this does is that it doesn't allow for the family to come together to help a struggling family member.

They do not validate your feelings

Toxic family members are pretty good at invalidating you. When you’re experiencing anger, sadness, happiness or frustration, they have a way of making you feel as if your feelings are not valid. Sometimes they even go as far as to telling you that you are not supposed to feel this way. In a healthy family dynamic, all of your emotions should be accepted and tolerated- even if your family members don’t understand why you feel that way.

For example, if something difficult is happening and you happen to be sad about it, the supportive thing to do is to allow you to have your feelings and talk to you about how you want to be supported. But in a toxic family dynamic, some emotions are not accepted, which leads to isolation, shame and sadness.

They are controlling

In toxic families, there are usually a few powerful people who like to control what everybody else should say do, think and sometimes, even wear. People in the family do not feel free and totally accepted, because there’s always going to be someone around the corner telling them what to do and how to act. It often feels like they are always being watched or judged. Being in a toxic family dynamic could feel isolating because sometimes family members appear close and united from the outside looking in, but for those who are actually in the family, there is truly no real closeness going on.

Typically there is lots of gossip (a form of bonding in many toxic families), shaming others and trying to force other family members to maintain the facade that maintains the family’s reputation. Individual family members often feel judged and suffocated because sometimes, everyone is involved in everyone else’s business.

Double standards

Toxic families often have scapegoats and golden children. There is always one person who can do no wrong (the golden child), and another person who bears the brunt of everyone’s anger and disappointment (the scapegoat). Grudges could be held for years, and it often feels like your sins are always being tallied or used as ammunition against you. One family member could be allowed to comport himself in one way, but if another person does the exact same thing, it is frowned upon. This could be very difficult, as the rules are always shifting as the days go by. This creates a sense of instability among individual family members. This is why toxic families often have lots of quarrels and fights. Eventually 1 person rebels and decides to break free from this difficult dynamic.

Undue jealousy and competition

Because of the double standards, everyone is competing to become the favorite. Although the family looks united to everyone else, everyone is vying to become the golden child. Sometimes there is even sabotage among family members so that they can save face or look better. Because toxic families often do not have room to love everyone equally, family members have to claw their way to the top spot. And even when they find themselves at the top spot, they have to continue to fight so that they do not lose it.

Rather than working together as a team and ensuring that everyone wins, there is a desire to look better and ‘one up’ one another, so there is fierce competition. This is where put downs, shaming and jealousy come in, They often feel better about themselves if they make other family members look bad. It’s difficult to find true connection, because everyone knows that they could be trend against at any time.

There are many more characteristics of toxic families that I did not talk about in this blog post. But typically, family members feel a sense of anxiety and sometimes even despair. In another blog post, I’ll address some ways to break free from this toxic family dynamic so that you don’t continue the cycle in the next generation.

If you are struggling to break free from a toxic family and you want to work on the anxiety or depression that your family upbringing has caused you, you can click here to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation. You can also call 951-905-3181. Although your family of origin might be toxic, you get to make the change and ensure that your kids, friends and loved ones are not victims of the same toxicity you were raised in. I provide therapy and counseling for women in the Murrieta/Temecula area as well as online throughout California.

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5 Myths about anger that are keeping you angry

In my anger management class in Murrieta, I teach people how to become more in tune with their emotions, how to express themselves in an assertive way, and to learn how to communicate better with the people around them. I've noticed a common thread among clients who take my anger management class in Murrieta. They often believe some myths about anger. Here are the top 5 myths about anger that I'd like to dispel:

Anger is genetic

How many times have you heard someone say "I'm Italian, so I have a big personality!" or "I'm from New York, so I scream when I talk." Or my favorite: "I'm Nigerian so that's just how I behave." We sometimes falsely believe that we should be angry because our parents were angry people or people from our culture or our town are angry. Well, I'm happy to let you know that anger is in fact NOT genetic. Your angry father did not pass his anger gene down to you like he passed down his brown eyes.

An angry expression of emotions is actually a learned behavior. So when you were growing up, perhaps your dad would yell whenever he was irritated or your mom would hit you whenever you broke the rules. Watching them express themselves in this way shapes you to believe that this is the only way to express frustration.

What this means is that the angry expression of emotions can actually be unlearned. Just like you were taught to scream at people, throw things or punch walls, you can also be taught to speak assertively, communicate clearly and to express yourself in a different way. Isn't that nice?

Anger leads to aggression

Many people actually believe that anger naturally leads to aggression. They run away from the emotions because they fear that it will lead to hitting, getting into fights or doing something they will regret later. To be clear, aggression is any behavior with the intention of controlling the other person. So if you refuse to listen to other people's point of view, if you constantly talk over others and try to get your way all the time, you're acting aggressively. Few people will actually admit that they are aggressive.

Anger doesn't automatically lead to aggression. You are actually in control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Now when people are in the heat of anger, they might feel like they have no control over themselves. This is untrue. The problem is you might not have the necessary tools to know what to do when your anger is reaching its peak. That's why you might feel out of control. But once you've learned specific tools to manage your anger (HINT: Which I teach in my anger management class), you'll find that your level of aggression becomes less and less.

Angry people always get their way 

Some people actually use anger as a form of manipulation. They believe that if they lash out or yell, their partners or loved ones will have no choice but to comply. Well, I have to say that it works sometimes. Their children, spouses and friends become so afraid of them, that they just do whatever they want to avoid an argument.

However, this can only work for so long. After a while, children grow up and become adults with boundaries. They'll move out of your house and decide to cut you out of their lives. Spouses will begin to stand up for themselves and you'll realize that you cannot always get your way. The only thing anger does is it creates separation between you and the people you love.

Anger is bad

Many clients have come in to my anger management group with their heads hanging low. They have been told or they believe that people who experience anger are bad. Anger is simply an emotion. And I believe it's neutral. Uncontrolled anger on the other hand, can lead you into a hot mess. When you are angry, it's important to dig in and figure out why exactly you are angry. In my group, I teach my clients that anger is simply a secondary emotion. This means it's just a symptom of something else going on. So when someone yells at you in public, you probably feel embarrassed or disrespected, which then leads to anger. When your child isn't listening to you, you might feel frustrated, which leads to anger. When your partner breaks up with you, you feel hurt, which leads to anger. 

Do you get it? Your anger is like the check engine light of your car. The light is simply a warning sign. The light is neutral. What you need to do is open up the hood of your car. If you cover up the light or ignore it, the problem will persist, get worse and then your car will be in worse shape. 

You should get anger out by hitting

Often times people say to me, "I'll just go hit the punching bags when I'm angry." While this might be a great work out, hitting something (or someone) when you're angry doesn't resolve anything. All it teaches you is how to be a great hitter. In the moment it feels great, because it's a good way to distract yourself from everything going on in your head, but punching something when you're angry doesn't resolve your relationship or soothe your hurt feelings. 

Ready to work on your anger issues so that your anger is no longer in control of you? Great! Click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me to see if my anger management group in Murrieta is right for you. You can also call me at 951-905-3181. Make anger a thing of the past. It's all up to you.

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How to set goals you can actually accomplish in 2019

Happy New Year! I can't believe it's already 2019. It seems as if last year rolled by too fast. Now, if you're like most people, you probably have great dreams for this year. You want your life to be filled with joy, you want your family to be healthy, and you want to accomplish some great goals. The problem is you have a bad habit of setting New Year's resolutions and then forgetting all about them by February.

Remember that unused gym membership from 2018? Remember the time when you said you were going to write a book but you didn't? Well, today is your lucky day because I'm going to give you 6 tips to increase your chances of actually following through with your goal.

1) Make your goals SMART

We all set life goals, but the problem is that some of us have goals that are way too vague. 'Make more money,' 'Lose weight,' 'Be happier,' all sound like great goals on the surface, but they are way too broad. I like to break my goals up in a SMART way. Here are the steps:

Make sure your goal is Specific: Make sure your goal isn't too vague. You brain can't compute anything that's too vague and your heart won't become emotionally tied to a vague goal. If you are emotionally attached to your goal, you'll be more motivated to follow through. So, you could say something like "I want to make $1,000 more in January 2019." That's as specific as it gets. 

Make it Measurable: Quantify your goals. Make sure each goal either has a completion date or some type of number attached to it. So your money goal of making $1,000 in January 2019 is measurable. We know exactly how much money you're trying to make and we know the deadline for completing the goal. That way you can break it down further each week to know what targets you should be hitting to stay on track.

Make sure it's Achievable: It's always great to reach for the sky, but how many of us have actually ever touched the sky?  If your goal is unattainable, it has the opposite result. You'll get discouraged and stop trying to pursue it. If your goal is to make $1000 in January 2019 but you haven't held a job in the past 5 years, chances are you might not be able to achieve it. So set something attainable, then set another goal as soon as you reach that one. So if you haven't had a job in 5 years, perhaps your goal could be to make $100 extra in January 2019. After you've met that goal, set a goal to make $200. Be systematic.

Make sure it's Reasonable: Also pay attention to your abilities, the level of support you have in your life, and your resources. If your goal is to travel to 5 countries this year but you know that you work a regular 9 to 5 job and you don't have any time off, that's pretty unreasonable. Even though it's great to think outside the box, an unreasonable goal will discourage you. And a discouraged person most likely won't be motivated to complete a goal.

Make it Time Limited: Add a completion date to your goal. An open ended goal will kill your ambition and you'll lose steam fast. But when you know you're going to be working toward a goal for a limited amount of time, it's easier to maintain focus. It's helpful to set 3 month and 6 month goals to begin with. Then as you get good at maintaining your focus, you can stretch those goals into 1-year, 2-year and 3-year goals.

2) Get an accountability partner: When you have someone positive cheering you on, you are more likely to work tirelessly toward your goal because you know they're going to ask you about it. No one wants to deal with the embarrassment of letting their accountability partner down. Make sure you only pick someone who is positive and encouraging. A Debbie Downer will kill your mojo.

3) Post your goals somewhere visible: I like the added accountability of posting my goals on a mirror, a door, in my car or somewhere I cannot ignore it. Why? Because if you can't see your goals, you can easily ignore them. Out of sight, out of mind. But when you are greeted by your goals every single day, you'll be more motived to actually work towards them.

4) Plan out small steps towards your big goal: A 5 year goal can be very daunting. So after writing the long term goal, break it down further. If you want to accomplish something big like buying a house in 5 years, what would you need to do in 3 years to help you reach the goal? Break it down further. What would you need to do in 1 year to reach your goal? Break it down further! What would you need to do in 6 months to reach your goal? Even further. What would you need to do in 3 months, and then weekly to reach your goal?

5) Schedule everything: Once you've broken down your goal into smaller steps, it's time to schedule it out on your planner or phone. I love Google Calendar. It's free and it can also send you reminders. Spend 1 day planning out your tasks and setting them automatically on your phone. That way when the alert pops up, you remember to get right on it.

6) Give yourself a reward: Goal setting is difficult business. Set a benchmark for yourself and agree to give yourself a reward every time you hit that benchmark. So for example, if your goal is to make $1000 more in January, you can buy yourself a treat every time you make $250. If your goal is to buy a house, you can do something special every 3 months as you're on your way to rocking your goal.

There you have it- 6 easy ways to actually accomplish your goals this year. And if anxiety or insomnia are keeping you from accomplishing your goals, I'd love to chat with you for 15 minutes to see if I might be a good fit for you. I help anxious women, insomniacs and engaged couples in the Temecula/Murrieta feel calmer, sleep better and lay a solid foundation for their future. Click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call.