High sensitivity 101: 3 Simple questions to ask yourself when you're overwhelmed or stressed

When you are highly sensitive, emotions feel deep and intense. Sometimes you feel multiple emotions at the same time, making it difficult for you to sort through what is actually going on within you.

Because you go through so many emotions and chances are you spend so much time trying to keep these emotions under the surface, you haven't really gotten good at identifying your emotional needs.

Here are simple questions to help you identify what you need when you are overwhelmed or stressed.

Am I hungry?

Highly sensitive people are quite sensitive to internal stimuli. While many people can go long periods of time on an empty stomach, many highly sensitive people simply cannot do this. So when you're feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself “Am I hungry?," “Have I eaten something nutritious today?”, “Are there any nutrients that I'm lacking today?”

For example highly sensitive people can be very sensitive to caffeine or sugar, or basically any stimulant. And these could create strong emotional effects. So make sure your body is filled with nutritious foods. And do not forget to drink water!

Am I tired?

When you are a busy, high achieving person, who is used to being on the go, it becomes normal practice to just push through. But sometimes, it’s important to take a step back and give your body what it needs.

If you are feeling tired, it’s important to make a plan for rest. You can take a nap, watch some TV, take a break from work, get a full night of sleep, talk to a friend, or just do whatever feels relaxing to your body.

Do I want to talk to someone?

Sometimes it feels very helpful to offload your emotions by talking to someone. It is nice to be able to pour out whatever is going on internally so that you can process it. Sometimes you might just want to process the feelings alone, but other times, it feels good to share what’s going on with others.

High sensitivity is a great superpower to have, but sometimes it’s difficult to sort through deep feelings, stop people pleasing and ask for help. That’s where I come in, If you are ready to finally learn how to thrive as a highly sensitive person, click here to schedule your free breakthrough call.

5 truths about marriage counseling or couples therapy in Houston

5 truths About Marriage Counseling in Houston

If you’ve thought about going to marriage counseling in Houston you, might find yourself feeling scared. That’s totally normal. After all, the challenge is for you to open up to a complete stranger about the inner workings of your marriage. 

Gulp!

This can feel deeply personal. The truth is that marriage counseling does involve a certain level of honesty and vulnerability from you. However, here are a few things to know about couples therapy in Houston before you dive in.

Your marriage might get worse before it gets better

The process of marriage counseling in Houston involves peeling back the layers of your marriage. Most people come in sugar coating what’s really going on, but the best marriage therapists in Houston are able to gently help you reveal the not so pretty parts of your marriage- so that we can fix them for good. 

This process can feel like things are getting worse. You’ll eventually be able to openly address issues that have long been swept under the rug, so you can hopefully fix them for good.

Marriage counseling in Houston is a lot of work

The truth is that no one can sustain a happy and healthy marriage without putting in some work. Marriage counseling isn’t about listening to your therapist speak to you for 45-50 minutes per week. It actually involves you voicing your real opinions, taking responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the relationship and taking intentional steps to do things differently. It will feel like you’re a newlywed who’s just learning the ropes. As long as you come in with a hopeful attitude, you’ll see real positive change.

You have to be ready to hear the bitter truth from your marriage counselor

The goal of marriage counseling is to help you learn how to manage persistent problems in your marriage, so they don’t keep popping up repeatedly. Most couples have the same set of problems that they deal with over and over again. It feels infuriating. To finally break this annoying cycle, what I do as a marriage therapist is that I actually show you where the cracks are in your marriage. I then give you a choice on which cracks you’d like to finally patch, then we dive in and work through it.

Your marriage won’t change if you’re not willing to do the work during couples counseling

Many people want their marriage to be peaceful and they want to be the best of friends with their spouses, but they aren’t willing to do the hard work of actually changing their behavior. Well, marriage counseling is most certainly not magic. If you do not change the way you speak to your spouse and interact with her, your marriage will remain the same. You might as well just save your money.

But if you are willing to actually follow my guidance, learn new skills, build trust and do things differently, it’ll be much better than when you first began.

Your Houston couples therapist isn’t your friend

I try to be a friendly and approachable marriage therapist in Houston because I understand that when you come to me, it is so difficult to open up about your pain and struggles. However, that being said, I am not your friend. A friend will listen to you, give you a hug and send you on your merry way. A friend will tell you that you’re always right.

My job is to get to know you and your spouse as much as possible, learn why your marriage has become this way, and then give you very practical tools to actually change what is broken. 

I work intensely with my couples, which means they see me for 50 minutes each week until their problem has been resolved. Every couple who works with me and actually does the work will see an improvement in their marriage relationship.

So, are you ready to see an improvement in your marriage? Are you sick and tired of arguments, misunderstandings and giving your spouse the cold shoulder? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation to see if marriage counseling in Houston is right for you.

About me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

What to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area

Everyone and their mother appears to be talking about going to therapy on every show these days. You've entertained the idea of therapy or counseling in your mind, but you're not sure what to expect.

You've probably heard that talking to a therapist is similar to talking to your best friend. But, if it's the same as talking to your best friend, why spend money, and the time you don't have in therapy? Why not ask your best friend?

Here's a quick list of what to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area.

Before we begin, all therapists must be different, so I will be speaking from my own perspective. These are my practices as a therapist.

I won't be giving you advice during therapy or counseling.

The number one misconception about therapy is your therapist specifically tells you what to do. Your therapist is entirely different from your best friend or your mentor. My job is NOT to tell you what to do; after all, who am I to tell you what to do? I am not your boss. My job is simply to ask you questions that give you the space to think deeply, weigh the pros and cons, brainstorm, and eventually come to your own conclusion. You'll learn more about the whys of things, common patterns in your life, and what makes you who you are.

Would it not be a form of control if I told you what to do?

I'm not 100 percent neutral in therapy.

When you watch TV, the therapist is 100% neutral. They really have a blank stare on their face, they nod and smile, and they just appear to have no personality.

I am not like that.

If I feel like you are moving in a perilous direction, I will let you know. I am not neutral at all. My ulterior motive is to guide you towards the completion of your goals. To be neutral will mean that I have no investment in your success. Being neutral would mean that I am a blank slate. I am no blank slate.

My real intention is to guide you to become the person you said you wanted to become when you began working with me.

Therapy is hard work.

From the outside looking in, therapy is just two people looking at each other and talking for an hour. This is far from the truth. As a couple therapist in Houston, I have spent over a decade honing my skills, learning human behavior, learning about interpersonal relationships, learning about nonverbal behavior, and even learning about how the brain works to quickly get you your therapy goals.

Therapy is not a walk in the park. There will be tears, some shade was thrown (mostly on my end), moments of deep reflection, and you will feel uncomfortable.

You'll feel like a lot better version of yourself when you've gone through some of those challenging feelings when you're done. To grow a healthy tree, I always remind my clients that they must first dig through the sludge.

And yes, another thing to expect when you work with me is a series of proverbs and sayings that I often make up on the fly.

What can I say? It is the West African therapist in me.

In our therapy or counseling sessions, I won't be blaming your mom for everything.

People often shy away from therapy in Houston (and everywhere else) because they believe their family will be put on blast or that the therapist will not respect their heritage.

As a Black marriage counselor in Houston and an immigrant, I understand the importance of culture and family and their complexity.

I will absolutely not be blaming your mom, your dad, your grandma, or your neighborhood for everything. I understand that your environment, personality, and family upbringing all play a role in making you who you are. It is entirely unjust to place all of the blame on one person.

As a therapist, I have no preconceived notions about you.

Although I primarily work with couples and high-achieving women with anxiety and insomnia, I do not expect all of my clients to be the same. I absolutely do not take a one-size-fits-all approach to my work.

I believe that you are unique, and a massive part of my work is listening and observing. You are the one who tells me the story of who you are, you are the one who walks me through, and you are the captain of the ship.

When you go to a therapy session with me, I have no preconceived notions about you. I do not expect you to check off all of the boxes in the DSM V (the DSM V is the official manual from which therapists diagnose clients).

Instead, I take an approach of not knowing, as I believe you are the expert yourself. You may not realize it yourself better than anyone else or will ever know you. Let us all learn to accept that together.

I ask you what your goals for therapy are

Our first Couples counseling Houston session together is like a discovery session. I ask you a lot of questions about your upbringing, your current environment, your time in school, your career, the significant relationships in your life, what brings you into therapy, your emotions, your past experiences in therapy, as well as who you want to be when our time together is done.

All of these questions help me (and you) understand you better. It is like putting 1 million puzzle pieces together to see the big picture. Therapy, in my opinion, should have clear goals so that we know precisely when it is time for you to graduate. No guessing games are involved.

Before diving into therapy, we get all the insurance things out of the way.

For therapy to succeed, you need to know exactly what to expect. That means also discussing the boring insurance stuff. If you wish to go through your insurance, I'll tell you everything you should be telling your insurance company so that the road will be smooth.

If you choose to work with me as an out-of-network therapist, I will also sort everything out before starting our sessions. It is essential that when we start sessions, there are no distractions. The ultimate goal is to get you in the headspace necessary to reach your therapy goals.

Expect to laugh (A LOT) in therapy.

I am absolutely NOT a nod and smile therapist. You will not get a blank slate or stare from me, and I won't be the therapist who repeatedly asks you, "How does that make you feel?"

We go deeper than that, and I bring in my authentic self. Some days I am loud. Some days I cackle. I happen to laugh A LOT, and yes, we'll have some belly laughs even while discussing anxiety, insomnia, marital struggles, and trauma.

I am an expert. I believe that laughter may help heal a broken heart. So even though we will be doing a lot of work, and tears will be shed, expect to laugh a lot. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

So there it is. Those are some of the elements you should expect when working with me in therapy in the Houston area. As a Black therapist in Houston, I pride myself on helping women of color and couples of color move from surviving to thriving. If you struggle and barely treading water, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call. Because you absolutely deserve to wake up every day and enjoy your life

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Questions to ask a prospective counselor or therapist in Houston

You’ve been searching for a therapist in Houston for a while. You've asked every friend you know, and looked in every therapist directory possible. Now you have a short list of therapists in Houston and you're not sure exactly what to ask them or how to know if this is the right therapist for you.

Well I've got you.

Here are some questions that you can ask a prospective therapist in Houston before you begin your therapy journey.

1) What is your therapy specialty?/What types of therapy clients do you typically work with?

Therapists in Houston have specialties just like physicians. Not every therapist in Houston is a Jack of all trades. Now don't get me wrong, there are some counselors in Houston who see a long list of people- such as people with anxiety, people with depression, people with trauma, children, adults, older adults, and everyone in between. However, most therapists have a specific population that they absolutely love to work with, and are also incredibly skilled at working with them.

So to make your life easy, ask your therapist exactly who they love to work with, so that you can decide if you fit in that category. It is important that you therapist enjoys working with you just as much as you enjoy working with them. I happen to be a Black therapist in Houston who is particularly skilled in anxiety therapy.

2) How long does your average therapy client typically work with you?

Some therapists in Houston are skilled at long-term therapy- seeing clients for years and years, or seeing clients with very severe mental health needs. While other therapists strongly believe in a short term model.

They often will see clients with mild to moderate needs, and they will graduate therapy within a few weeks months or even a year. Some clients are willing to be in therapy for as long as it takes for their struggles to finally be resolved.

However some people only want to be in therapy for a short period of time. It is important that your ideal situation matches the way your therapist works. If you go into therapy with the intention of seeing your therapist long-term, but your therapist happens to be a short term therapist, there will be a mismatch. It is important that you get this ironed out at the outset of therapy, so that there are no surprises.

3) What is your therapy style like?

It is also very important that your therapist’s style matches your personality. You can go to a therapist in Houston who has seven PhD's and wrote the book on therapy, however if their style does not work with your personality and your own emotional needs, therapy will absolutely fall flat.

For example, I use a lot of humor in my therapy sessions. I tend to be a little bit loud, I throw in a lot of laughter, and I also throw in a little bit of shade- what can I say? I’m a Black therapist in Houston who shows up as myself. If you are looking for a therapist who is much more reserved, extremely laid-back, and shows up looking very formal, then you'll find me absolutely irritating.

I also believe that you are the leader in the therapy room. Even though I have the education and the skills to guide you, I do not give you advice, and I absolutely will not tell you what to do. I help you figure out what the answer is, as I believe that it is already lying on the inside of you. I just have to guide you there.

With some of my clients, I don't do talk therapy- I do brainspotting therapy in Houston. Most of my clients liken it to EMDR. During brainspotting therapy, I will utilize some techniques to help you tap into the emotional side of your brain, thereby unlocking emotions that have been trapped, giving you insight and healing your brain. Brainspotting therapy in Houston is great for healing trauma and anxiety. This involves very little talking, but it is very effective. Click here to read more about brainspotting therapy in Houston.

4) Have you ever worked with clients who are struggling with [insert your issue]

It is important that your therapist has some experience in working on some of the issues that you are struggling with. After all, you do not want to be a lab rat. So, if you have wondered if your therapist has worked with somebody who is super independent, tries to fix everyone, and carries their entire family on their back, then ask your therapist. We will be honest with you and let you know whether or not we are able to help you. At least that is my policy. I only see clients whom I am confident that I can help. I would much rather refer you to another therapist in Houston, than waste your time or let you down. And if you specifically want a Black therapist in Houston, I’ll help you find one.

5) How often will we meet?

This is extremely important so that you can schedule your time and budget appropriately. Some therapists meet with their clients every week. Others meet with their clients every other week, and some therapist in Huston will want to meet in a more sporadic fashion.

I meet with new therapy clients every week, and as you get closer to graduating therapy (you’ll know when you’re ready because we check in periodically to check out your progress), we will go down to every other week and set a date for a last therapy session. I do have clients who see me once a month or as needed. However it is important that you know what to expect before you begin working with a therapist.

6) What are your fees and payments?

One of the most common misconceptions about therapy is that therapy is not affordable for everyone. These days, many insurance companies know that our mental health is just as important as a physical health. When you are working with a therapist in Houston, and if you choose to go through your insurance, ask them about their fees and if they will be billing your insurance. That way you know what your co-pay is, you can set a therapy budget, and there will be no surprises in your future.

Please know that if you choose to go through your insurance company, you should probably call them before you begin therapy so that you can find out how many sessions they will approve, what your out-of-pocket cost will be, as well as all the other benefits that come with your insurance. I wouldn’t want you to have any surprises.

7) What is your cancellation policy?

Many therapists in Houston work on a fee-for-service basis. This means we get paid when you come into session. Because of this, we often have cancellation policies for no-shows. Before you go into therapy, ask your therapist if they have a cancellation policy and what the policy is.

Some therapists in Houston will charge you a nominal fee if you miss a session without letting them know. Other therapists will charge you the full session fee if you do not give them a 24 or 48-hour notice. Ensure you know what policy they have so that you can adjust your life accordingly.

There you have it. These are some simple questions that you should ask a prospective therapist so that you can get ready for your first therapy session.

And if you are ready to begin the journey of healing from trauma, anxiety or an extremely boring or unfulfilled marriage, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call. I am a Black anxiety therapist in Houston who believes that everyone can benefit from therapy.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Top 9 Myths about counseling and therapy in Houston

Houston is a very beautiful place to live. However, the hustle and bustle, and the endless driving could leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Perhaps you've tried to work through your feelings on your own, and you feel like it's time for therapy. The problem is you've heard so many negative things about therapy, and you’re not sure what to believe. I'm here to clear the air.

Here are some common myths about counseling or therapy in the Houston area.

1) Therapy or counseling in Houston is just for White people

I've heard it said a million times that Black people (or non-White people) do not go to therapy. However I could not think of anything that is further from the truth. As long as you're a human with a brain and actual emotions, chances are that you can benefit from therapy.

As a Black therapist in Houston myself, I promise you that I have seen clients from diverse ethnic and racial backgrounds. Therapy is not just for White people, therapy is a great way to break through the intergenerational trauma that we often experience as Black people.

Therapy is a great way to learn to set great boundaries with loved ones and family members, and therapy is a way to self reflect and offload.

Plus there are only so many blogs, self help books and Tik Tok videos to help you. Cut through the noise and get yourself a professional therapist in Houston.

2) Therapy or counseling is just for ‘crazy’ people

First of all let me just mention how much I hate the term ‘Crazy.’ I don't believe there's any such thing as a crazy person. There are only humans who are absolutely trying their best to maneuver life situations.

And no, you do not have to be crazy, on the verge of a psychological breakdown, or about to break up a relationship before you begin therapy in Houston.

Actually, I recommend that you go to therapy before you’ve reached your breaking point. After all, why not prevent a breakdown altogether?

3) Going to therapy is just like talking to your best friend

First of all, your therapist is absolutely not your friend. You will not be hanging out in coffee shops with your therapist, you won't be going to Sunday brunch with your therapist, and your therapist will probably not be attending your birthday party. Your therapist’s job is to help you accomplish your mental health goals, and to help you see your blind spots.

My job is simply to act as a guide so that you can improve your emotional health, your relationships, and it will even trickle into your career life. You'll find that your self-esteem will improve and we keep it confidential.

Unlike your friends, I do not sugar coat as your counselor. I do want you to thrive and succeed, however my job is to guide you and help you find deeper insight about your emotions and experiences.

4) Therapy is only for people who have experienced trauma or for people who are in deep emotional distress

Therapy is really different in real life. It is not like in the movies. Typically, the heroine of the movie goes through deep emotional distress, then when she's at her lowest point, she then plops herself onto the couch of a wonderful therapist who changes her life.

This is not real life.

Sometimes therapy doesn’t even involve a couch. There are many amazing online therapists in Houston.

You do not have to be in a crisis to go work with a therapist in Houston or a counselor in Houston. Some people go to therapy because they are trying to adjust to what life is throwing at them. Some work with a therapist in Houston after they change their job. Some seek counseling in Houston so they can better manage a separation in their relationship. Relationship counseling in Houston is also very common and helpful.

While others learn how to set healthy boundaries, to overcome phobias, and a whole list of issues.

If you are experiencing any type of emotional distress- even a mild one-then you could benefit from therapy.

5) You have to spend several years in therapy

Some people believe that once they start therapy they'll have to continue for the rest of their lives. Some therapists do engage in deep, long-term therapy, but not everyone has to be in therapy for a very long time.

Being in therapy for years also isn’t bad. However some people just need a few sessions and then they're able to move on.

Many of my clients come in, roll up their sleeves, work on their goals, and when they are feeling much better, we make a plan to graduate therapy.

Some are in therapy for six sessions, and some do see me for years. It really all depends on what you want to dive into and the circumstances of your life.

6) All therapists in Houston ever do is just nod and smile

If you've combed through my website, then you know that I say that I am not ‘A nod and smile therapist.’ Unlike the therapists in the movies who wear two-piece suits with pumps, are chained to a notebook and pen, and also stare at you blankly, while nodding and smiling. Then they take a break from their note taking and ask you "How do you feel?" I am not that one.

My job as a therapist in Houston is to help you dive deep into your life so that you can actually reach the goals that you came in to see me for. I speak like a human, I smile, I raise my eyebrows, I cackle a little bit, and sometimes my clients say that I do throw them some shade.

What can I say? I can’t help myself.

Yes, sometimes we do have belly laughs in therapy, but I promise you that therapy is a whole lot more than me nodding and smiling blankly. If that is all therapy was then it would be a complete waste of your time and mine.

7) My insurance won’t cover therapy in Houston/ I won’t be able to afford therapy

These days, there are so many options for therapy in Houston. Insurance companies are understanding that our emotional health is just as important as our physical health.

So if you are thinking about going to therapy, the first step would be to contact your insurance company and find out more about your mental health benefits. Some insurance companies will want you to see a therapist in Houston that is within their network. While others a bit more flexible with it. Some will put a cap on the number of therapy or counseling sessions you can have within a time period. You’ll never know if you don’t ask. So ask. Don’t use assume you can’t afford therapy.

8) Christians cannot/should not go to therapy

As a Christian therapist in Houston who integrates faith with mental health, I know firsthand the importance of taking care of our mental health as people of faith. I see Christians in therapy all the time, and yes you can talk to me about Jesus, the Bible, as well as the leading of the Holy Spirit. No, I will not think that you are crazy, and yes I do welcome people talking to me about what the Lord is saying to them. If Christians do not take care of their mental health, how does that help us?

9) My therapist will blame my parents or my upbringing for my struggles

We are now in the 21st-century. Gone are the days when all therapists did was blame your mother for your struggles. We now know that there are so many other factors that make you who you are. My job is not to castigate your entire family. My job is to give you a deeper understanding of who you are, and to help you become who you want to be. Sometimes we talk about your upbringing, and sometimes we do not, however I do have the highest level of respect for you and your family.

If you are sick and tired of being a people pleaser, the responsible one in your family, or battling anxiety, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me. As an anxiety therapist in Houston, I’ll help you finally move from survival mode to thriving mode. You deserve a life free of anxiety.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.