Balancing Sensitivity and Assertiveness: Tips for Highly Sensitive People

Speak Up Without Shutting Down: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Find Their Assertive Voice

One of the difficulties of high sensitivity is being able to communicate effectively and assertively when you are feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes you find that it is much easier for you to write out your thoughts than actually speaking them out loud. But that's OK because we all process differently. The good thing about high sensitivity is that there's really nothing that you need to fix about yourself, you just have to learn how to live with your trait. Once you learn how to live with your trait, your relationships can blossom.

Sometimes when you do try to assert yourself in your personal relationships, you either feel overwhelmed or you think you are being mean. But remember, assertiveness simply means that you are talking to someone with the assumption that both of you matter. This means that your needs deserve to be met and so do theirs. Aggressiveness or meanness, means approaching a relationship with the assumption that the other persons needs do not matter.

A great way of remedying this situation, is to take a short time out when you feel overwhelmed, Rather than trying to push the big emotions away, take a break and lean into them. Notice the emotions welling up in your body. Acknowledge them and let them be there until they are ready to simmer down. Don’t try to fix the situation while still feeling overwhelmed.

The next step is to find an activity to take your mind off the situation. It could be going outside and noticing the passersby, writing, working out, praying, music, singing or spending time alone. Do whatever soothes you. Once you feel adequately soothed, you can now spend some time figuring out why you feel the way that you do and how you want to communicate your needs verbally. If it helps to write it out first, then do so. If it helps to practice what you’re going to say in your head or out loud, then do so. This could give you the confidence you need.

And if you just get stuck in the chronic cycle of shutting down, enter Brainspotting therapy in Houston. This is a great way to help you get unstuck and break habits that have not been serving you well. Brainspotting therapy in Houston can help you uncover the root of people pleasing and also help you build the confidence that you need to speak up assertively. Because if you have not uprooted people pleasing, speaking assertively will be very difficult for you.

How to Be Both Empathetic and Assertive in Your Relationships (Yes, You Can Do Both!)

Yes, it is actually possible to be empathetic and assertive at the same time. Because the root of assertiveness lies in the idea that both people in the relationship are important. And empathy is really about understanding the other person’s point of view and emotions. To be assertive means that you were able to take the other person into consideration, honor their emotions and state your point of view to get your needs met.

Before trying to be assertive with someone, ensure that you are not in an emotionally overwhelmed state. It is OK if you take some time to breathe and gather your thoughts. You might also want to practice your statement a few times before actually saying it to them. This ensures that you'll be able to discuss it in a clearheaded and confident manner. Ask yourself what outcome you are looking to achieve. And that will determine exactly what to say and how to say it. Remember to state what you have to say calmly and confidently. You might want to ask them to give you some time to talk without them interrupting you (to reduce feelings of overwhelm). And if you feel like past traumas or fears are preventing you from standing up for yourself, consider Brainspotting therapy in Houston. It is a great way to quickly uproot difficult emotional blocks that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from being the assertiveness boss lady that you know you can be.

Empathy is helping people also respect you and your feelings. We do others a disservice when we cater to them uneccesraily. The kind thing to do is show them how to share space with you by assertively speaking up when you do have soothing to say.

Here’s a quick formula to help you with assertiveness.

“I feel [insert feeling word] about [identify the situation]. And here’s what I need [include your direct and specific needs here].”

For example:

“ I feel upset about not being included in the planning. What I need is an invite to the planning committee.”

“I feel disrespected when you stare at your phone when speaking to me. What I need is eye contact when I am speaking to you.”

Setting Boundaries with Love: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Assert Themselves Without Guilt

When you are thinking about setting clear boundaries with others, remember your why. Give yourself one or two reasons why these boundaries are actually important to you. What do you have to gain from setting these boundaries? What will you lose if you refuse to set the boundary? What part of your life is not working well because you have refused to set boundaries?

You might even want to write this down on an index card or on your phone so that you can constantly remind yourself about the importance of boundary setting. For most people, lack of boundary setting can lead to people pleasing, frustration, and a breakdown in the relationship. You might even feel that you're constantly being used by the other person with nothing to gain on your part. Once you know exactly why boundary setting is important, it is a lot easier to finally set better boundaries. And ensure that when you want to set the boundary, you actually create rules that you are able to keep.

Start small, be firm, yet loving. Remember that when you set boundaries, it actually helps the other person respect you more. And respectful relationships are healthy relationships.

Here’s the simple formula again. First address your emotions, then say what led to the emotions. Finally, ask for what you need.

“I feel disrespected because you did not invite me to the dinner with the team. What I would like is to be included in team meetings and dinners.” It’s simple and straight to the point.

Here’s another example.

“I feel tired from working all day. I would like to stay home instead of go out tonight.”

To take the guilt away, remind yourself that healthy assertive boundaries help people respect you and also understand your needs. Assertiveness teaches others how to treat us so that we don’t feel stepped on.

From Overwhelmed to Empowered: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Master Assertive Communication

High performing women can quickly fall into the trap of constantly being overwhelmed by taking on the responsibility of others and creating mile long to do lists. High-performing women also struggle with asking for help and delegating when they do need it. And because of the elements of people pleasing, highly sensitive high-performing women sometimes struggle in silence while appearing to look competent.

Because you look so competent and you always seem to figure things out, nobody knows that you are struggling and so nobody comes to your aid. But when you have mastered the art of assertive communication, people tend to see you as human as opposed to a superwoman.

Instead of beginning your boundary setting journey with tough conversations, begin to practice outsourcing tasks to other people. You do not have to lead with “I am overwhelmed.” Simply look around and begin to take some things off your plate. This communicates to others that you need help just like everybody else. And sometimes when these conversations feel too tough for you, remember your why.

Remember how your shoulders feel like they are breaking and ask yourself what will happen to you if you don't actually do this. If this feels too hard to do on your own, then Brainspotting therapy in Houston can help. It can help you better communicate your needs so that you can build stronger relationships through assertive communication.

Why Assertiveness Is the Key to Healthy Relationships (and How Brainspotting Can Help)

Sometimes you feel like your needs are never met in your friendships. Everyone gets what they want, but no one even remembers to check up on you. Well, in this case, it might be because you are not speaking up. Consider that people might not know what you need, unless you actually tell them what you need.

But because you have such a great poker face, you tend to look like everything is alright- when it’s not. Assertiveness is a great way to know whether or not your friends are safe. If your needs go unmet because you never told your loved ones what you need, we can argue that they don’t know your needs. However, if your needs are going unmet despite telling them what you need- that’s different story,

Assertiveness helps build vulnerability, connection and trust. When you can tell people what you need clearly, it allows them to bless you by serving you, checking up on you and providing emotional safety. If you struggle with people pleasing or being direct with people brainspotting therapy in Houston could help. It could help you heal trauma that may be blocking your ability to stand up for yourself and create healthier, more balanced relationships.

And my favorite thing about brainspotting is that it’s quite gentle on your brain.

Struggling to balance sensitivity and assertiveness in your relationships? You’re not alone. As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, I use brainspotting therapy to help you overcome the fear of speaking up, set healthy boundaries, and build stronger relationships. Whether you’re seeking a Black therapist in Houston or need trauma therapy in Houston, virtual sessions are available. Book your free 15-minute consultation session today and start your journey toward empowered relationships!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

People Pleasing and HSPs: How to Stand Up for Yourself Without Conflict

Goodbye People-Pleasing, Hello Confidence: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Set Boundaries Without the Drama

If you follow me on social media, you know that I'm always talking about boundary setting. I argue that because of the limited bandwidth of some highly sensitive women, it is important to protect your energy through boundary setting. If you said “Yes” to every single thing and if you helped everybody who asked you for help, you'll never have time for yourself. You only end up in resentment and overtiredness. And when a highly sensitive person is overtired, they get cranky and their mood is just completely off. If you are constantly in the state of over tiredness, that will definitely derail your goals. Which is a no-no for highly ambitious, highly sensitive women.

One of the most important things to focus on as a highly sensitive, high performing woman is to realize that your needs matter too. When you are stuck in the people pleasing cycle, you are so focused as the needs of others and making sure that they don't get mad at you. But before you set a boundary, ask yourself, how would I handle this if I actually respected myself and believe that my values are important? If you ask yourself this question all the time then you are going to be able to see it much clearer and healthier boundaries for yourself.

So it is important to learn how to set clear, kind boundaries so that the people around you can know what you need. This does not have to be a whole dramatic event. You don't have to be mean, rude or go around upsetting everyone. However, that being said, if the people around you are not safe, they will feel offended when you're simply just setting a clear and kind boundary. Because someone gets upset about your boundaries does not mean that your boundaries are wrong. Just ask yourself, “Am I holding onto my values?” “Am I stepping on anybody's toes?” This will tell you everything you need to know.

One way I help highly sensitive women is by utilizing Brainspotting therapy as a tool to help them become more confident in setting boundaries without feeling guilt or causing too much conflict. Sometimes you know the boundary that you need to set, but you just do not have the confidence to implement it. And sometimes you really are at a loss for what boundary to set. This is where the brainspotting therapy comes in. It helps us go down the rabbit hole in your brain or to figure out where the connections need to be formed. I promise you that it is important to navigate relationships without being a people pleaser.

People Pleasing 101: How to Stay True to Yourself (Even When You Hate Saying ‘No’)

Sometimes saying the word ‘No’ can feel almost physically painful because:

• You think that you are being mean by saying “No.”

• You don't want to hurt the other person's feelings

• You feel guilty because you know that you can actually help them but because you do not have the bandwidth to choose not to help them in this moment.

• You worry about what they will think and say about you.

• You worry about the potential loss of relationship. Will they stop liking you? Will they think that you're a bad person?

  All these things are running through your head because you said “No.” However, let me put it into perspective for you. If you continue to say “Yes” to every single person and every single thing, you will absolutely NOT have time for yourself. That means that you will be burning the candle on both ends which will lead to you being completely tired, resentful of yourself and others, and just raggedy. And you do not want to be raggedy, because you're too ambitious to be raggedy. As an ambitious person, you need to be refreshed and clearheaded in order to actually meet your goals. So it is important to remind yourself of why you're setting these clear, kind boundaries.

This is why I like Brainspotting therapy. Rather than spending day after day going down the rabbit hole in talk therapy, in just a few Brainspotting therapy sessions, you can easily get to the root of why it is hard for you to say “No.” You learn what the roots of your people pleasing behaviors are, we're able to approach it so that you can finally be free to set boundaries that are actually in alignment with your values.

It'll be easier to find out why people pleasing is a thing for you. Once you find out why you do what you do, it is so much easier to break the unhelpful habit and form new non-people pleasing habits.

Master the Art of Standing Up for Yourself: How HSPs Can Set Boundaries and Still Be Loved

As a highly sensitive woman, you get uncomfortable with the idea of saying “No” constantly, but a big part of boundary setting is knowing how to stand up for yourself. Because people will constantly step on your toes. Some of them are just mean spirited and actually enjoy stepping on your toes. Because you are one of the few highly sensitive people that they know- they just assume that their behavior is fine.

Instead of expecting people to come and make things right, it is important that you move up to them and start to stand up for yourself. Because it is so important to realize that people will treat you the way you let them treat you. And it is your job to teach people how to treat you. Assume that nobody knows how to treat you until you teach them. The great thing about boundary setting is that it does not have to destroy your positive relationships. Please note that I am assuming that your relationships are safe relationships. Because I have no intention of teaching you how to maintain unsafe relationships. Because we all deserve safety in our lives.

When you stay true to yourself and when you understand how you want to be treated, you can actually build stronger relationships with the people around you. When you set good boundaries, that means that you're actually allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability allows people to see past the superficial level and actually see you just as you are.

And so this is where Brainspotting therapy comes in. This therapy helps you go into the deep areas of your brain where big emotions are stored so that we can start to uncover the people pleasing habits that you have and how to get rid of them. Please note that if people genuinely love you unconditionally, they will respect your boundaries. They may not enjoy your boundaries- your boundaries might take them aback, or they might not know why you even want those boundaries, however if it is important to you, it'll become important to them too.

The goal is not to destroy your relationships wit boundary setting. The goal is to actually strengthen them so that you can be better respected.

Stop Saying ‘Yes’ When You Mean ‘No’: How Brainspotting Helps HSPs Overcome People Pleasing

Has this ever happened to you? You get a call from a loved one, but you were already at home sitting down comfortably and happily. The plan was for you to Netflix and chill with the boo, but here comes your best friend crying on the other end, talking about how she needs you now. In your mind, you know that this is NOT an emergency. You know she's actually being dramatic and that all she needs is a nap. However because she's crying so hard and she keeps saying that she needs you, you have to unwrap yourself from the warm blanket, look at your boo in his eyes and say to him, “Sorry, my friend needs me.”

And so you venture out into the cold, make the 30 minute drive to your friend’s house, by the time you get there, you realize that she has calmed down and she never even needed you in the first place.

Why did you say “Yes” when you actually meant “No?” Well could it be that you are a people pleaser? In your mind, people pleasing is a way to help you maintain a good relationship so that nobody will be mad at you. It is a way to help you avoid conflict, but the problem with people pleasing is that it is eating you up from the inside out. You essentially sacrificed your relationship with your husband to maintain your relationship with your friend. However, if you had simply just said “No” to your friend she would've understood because she's your friend who loves you.

You can maintain both relationships at the same time. Even though people pleasing appears to save relationships, it actually just sacrifices them. With the help of brainspotting therapy we can become a lot more assertive, especially in personal and professional relationships. You'll learn how to set boundaries your way and without all of the guilt.

Stand Up for Yourself Without Conflict: A Guide for High-Performing Women Who Hate People-Pleasing

If you are a high-performing woman who absolutely hates people pleasing, then gather here. The great thing about Brainspotting therapy, is that it goes into the deeper layers of the brain where big emotions are held. That is important because instead of going down the rabbit hole for weeks and weeks in talk therapy, in just a few Brainspotting therapy sessions we will be able to get to the root of why you became a people pleaser and how we can help you reverse that.

When you are no longer a people pleaser, you actually begin to form authentic relationships that are not based on what you can do for people, but are just simply based on who you are as a person. When you form authentic relationships, they stay your friend or your business partner because of the value that you bring to the table, not because of the boundaries that you have set with them.

Authentic relationships are a whole lot deeper than people pleasing relationships. If your friend is just your friend because of what you can do for them, then it means that essentially, your relationship will fizzle out fast.

And when somebody steps on your toes or upsets you, it is important to be able to stand up for yourself without conflict. Setting a boundary does not mean that you are trying to fight the other person. It is simply just a statement to help them to notice that they hurt you. And if they're a safe person, they will apologize, take notes and not do it again.

Tired of putting everyone else’s needs before your own? If you’re a highly sensitive, high-performing woman in Houston, brainspotting therapy can help you break free from people-pleasing habits and build stronger, more balanced relationships. As a trauma therapist in Houston, specializing in working with Black women, I can help you stand up for yourself with confidence. Book a free 15-minute consult session today and take the first step toward healthier boundaries and deeper connections!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Why brainspotting works wonders for high performing women

Why High-Performing Black Women in Houston are Turning to Brainspotting Therapy

More and more women are flocking to therapy. Why? Because they are realizing that they don’t want to carry the emotional load all by themselves. And when you specifically talk about Black women who have historically carried entire households on their back, they are tired of the narrative of the strong Black woman.

Black women want to be soft. We want to laugh, cry, get angry, feel frustrated, be loved, seen and treated like humans too. We have hopes and dreams, that have historically been overlooked. We’ve had to put walls up to protect ourselves and our loved ones. And now, for you, the Black woman who is a leader and high performer, you also want your emotional needs to be met.

Because high performers often thrive when there is efficiency and speed, brainspotting is a great therapy of choice. Brainspotting therapy is effective, gentle and gets the job done. It connects you to yourself, helps you heal deep parts of your brain and doesn’t waste your time.

How Brainspotting Delivers Fast, Gentle Relief for High-Achievers

For Houston’s top performing women who don’t have any time to waste, brainspotting therapy is a great way to get rid of anxiety and trauma without spending an unusual amount of time in therapy. Brainspotting therapy essentially is a fast way to get access to the deep layers of your brain where trauma and big emotions are stored.

In a nutshell, brainspotting is a way to get the same results of talk therapy in a much shorter amount of time. During a brainspotting session, you are not solely relying on the educated guesses of your therapist. rather, your brainspotting trained therapist is utilizing an amazing therapy modality to help you access areas of your brain where huge emotions and memories are stored, so you can process, digest and be done with those strong triggers.

The results? It’s basically, fast, gentle relief for high achievers. No more nightmares, night sweats, crying, avoiding activities you used to love and being controlled by the past.

Beyond Talk Therapy: Why Houston’s Trauma Therapists Recommend Brainspotting

So I love talk therapy just as much as the next therapist, however I have to be honest, talk therapy is really no match for brainspotting. Brainspotting accesses much deeper layers of the brain than talk therapy ever could. The results you notice from brainspotting are much quicker than those of talk therapy, and it just seems that brainspotting is so much more efficient than talk therapy when we are targeting trauma.

My clients who have experienced trauma see results in much fewer sessions than when they do talk therapy. In fact, brainspotting is my preferred style of therapy when it comes to trauma. Brainspotting is simply fast acting. Usually in 1-3 sessions, you already notice the difference. I can’t promise these same results for talk therapy.

From Perfectionism to Peace: Brainspotting for the Highly Sensitive, High-Performing Woman

One of my favorite things about brainspotting is that it is great for getting you unstuck. If you have had a specific issue that you just can’t kick, then let’s utilize brainspotting. Many of my clients have tried traditional talk therapy unsuccessfully, and so they use brainspotting to finally resolve the issue.

Issues like perfectionism can be addressed using brainspotting. I can’t promise you that you will never have thoughts around perfectionism, however, brainspotting can help bring you a sense of peace and closure.

Brainspotting is even helpful when you are about to make a big decision or if you have a particular area of stuck-ness like writer’s block or difficulty making executive decisions at work. I especially love brainspotting for highly sensitive women because of how gentle it is on the body. Of course some sessions will feel difficult, however, it gets the job done.

Supporting High-Achieving Black Women’s Mental Health: The Brainspotting Advantage

As a Black therapist in Houston, I usually recommend brainspotting for people who have tried talk therapy before with very little results. I also love to recommend brainspotting therapy of course, for people who feel like they are being controlled by trauma and who just want to go about their lives without constant fear or anxiety. The third group of women I like to recommend brainspotting to are women who feel all talked out. They don’t want to go on and on about their problems, but they want a solution. They are ready to dig deep, feel more connected to their minds and ready to continue performing at a high level.

Take the First Step to Lasting Transformation

Looking for a compassionate Black trauma therapist in Houston? Discover how brainspotting can help you achieve deep healing while staying in touch with your ambition. Click here for a free consultation for brainspotting therapy in Houston.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Virtual Trauma Therapy: How to Heal from Trauma Without Leaving Your Houston Home

Healing from Home in Houston

You’ve been struggling for a while. You’re also curious about starting therapy, but you’re unsure. Do you really have the time to drive through Houston traffic with your already overpacked schedule? Are you ready to hear whatever the therapist has to say? And are you ready to put in the work? The process of finding a great therapist in Houston can be daunting, but once you’ve found the right one, your life will change. I guarantee it.

If time and traffic constraints are keeping you from seeking therapy, I present to you that virtual trauma therapy in Houston is a convenient and effective solution for you.

No office visits, no parking issues, no being stuck in traffic. All you need is an electronic device, internet access and a willing heart. Boom!

What is Virtual Trauma Therapy? A Modern Approach to Healing

Virtual trauma therapy is essentially therapy using the internet. Some therapists do phone sessions, while others add a video component to it. I prefer real-time video sessions because I can see you, you can see me and it feels like a regular conversation.

And once we add the layer of groundbreaking trauma therapy like brainspotting, it works amazingly over video. In fact, I received all my brainspotting trainings through video. That way I am sure that it’ll work for you.

After the pandemic of 2020, most therapists had to take a crash course in virtual therapy. Although prior to the pandemic I was already conducting both phone and video sessions. But after the pandemic hit, it was clear that we therapists had to figure out how to provide effective care to our clients regardless of whatever is going on in society. The great part about it is that it is not only convenient for you, it’s just as effective as in person therapy.

Benefits of Virtual Trauma Therapy for High-Performing Women

I love virtual sessions because they are flexible. I’ve had clients attend sessions while in their cars, in their bedrooms, in their kitchens, in between meetings, in hotel rooms, and at work. There is sometimes a fear that occurs when you are entering a therapist’s space. It is already dffiicult enough to open up and trust a therapist you’ve just met, let’s not add another barrier to it.

Highly sensitive women are especially vulnerable to their environments. Something as small as the smell of the therapist’s perfume or the rough texture of the couch can distract them from their own personal healing. Wouldn’t it be great for you to work on healing within our own safe space?

When I was only offering in person therapy sessions, location and distance were huge barriers. Some clients didn’t have reliable transportation, they had other life responsibilities that got in the way or they just couldn’t fit therapy into their busy schedules. With virtual therapy you’re saving probably about 30 minutes-1 hour each session, depending on the therapist’s distance to your home or place of employment.

I love that my clients can dress comfortably while they remain in the comfort of their own environment. You can snuggle up in your bonnet, with your favorite blanket, while wearing house shoes and drinking from your favorite mug. All of these things not only give you comfort but they provide space for you to open up in therapy. An open, comfortable client will receive better results than one who is struggling to open up.

How Brainspotting Works in a Virtual Setting

Brainspotting primarily focuses on eye gaze. When we do brainspotting online, because your field of vision is limited to the size of the screen, it allows you to really focus on the work. All the distractions that would have come from my office (the couch, the rug, my diffuser, items on my wall, smells, sounds) are gone. This way you can focus more on the work of processing trauma and engaging.

Some clients worry that virtual therapy is not as effective as in person therapy. Well that isn’t true. Because I am using the exact same skills and training to guide you. It’s just like saying you are unable to communicate with your loved ones because you’re talking through FaceTime.

When I utilize virtual brainspotting, I can actually focus on your brainspot a lot easier because I simply mark it on my computer screen. When we are in person, It is almost impossible for me to keep my hand so steady for an entire hour and move it to the brainspot you identified. If you’ve ever attended a brainspotting, all of this will sound like gibberish to you. That’s okay.

What to Expect in Your First Virtual Trauma Therapy Session

To prepare for a virtual brainspotting session or a virtual trauma therapy session, think about location. As long as you have a device that has access to the internet, and a place that offers some sort of privacy, you’re good to go. If you’re attending therapy in your busy living room, the entire family will be listening in on your business and they might be tempted to chime in. I’m pretty sure you don’t want that.

So pick a space where you can be focused and alone for about an hour. Emotionally, you don’t really have to do much. Brainspotting doesn’t involve any pre-work or preparation. Come with a willing, curious heart.

For maximum effectiveness, make sure you are comfortable in your environment. Prop your phone or device up so that you don’t have to tilt your neck in session and your hands can be free. I also advice that you bring a glass of water, some tissues (because tears happen in therapy) and a comfort object if you need one. Shoes are optional- wear them or don’t. It’s up to you. I will only be able to see you from about the chest up.

During the session, let go of distractions like the TV, place your devices on silent or do not disturb and let the people in your home or office know that you need about 1 hour of uninterrupted time.

Finding the Right Trauma Therapist in Houston for Virtual Sessions

It is important to note that not every therapist provides brainspotting or virtual therapy. So if you're specifically looking for someone who does brainspotting, you would have to ask them if they're open to virtual brainspotting. Another thing that you can ask them is if they have actually conducted virtual brainspotting sessions and how it has gone for them. It is also important to note that not every trauma therapist has been trained in brainspotting. It is a science backed game changing form of therapy that actually helps you heal trauma from the deeper levels of your brain. The results? A life free from fear, avoidance and the dissociation that trauma causes.

After you have found a brainspotting therapist in Houston who offers virtual therapy, it is also important to ask yourself what else you need. Think of the therapist’s age, gender, religious background, personality and also cost. How much are you willing to invest? I do have to say that in the long run, brainspotting tends to save you more money because your trauma heals fast and you will be attending fewer sessions than if you were only to attend talk therapy. As a high-performing woman I know you enjoyed value for money as well as efficiency. You don't have time to waste.

As a high performer or highly sensitive woman, ensure that your therapist is knowledgable about your unique needs. Scour their website or directory profile to find out if they make mention of these terms. And when you meet with them for a consultation, ask them directly if they understand your unique needs.

Embrace the Power of Virtual Trauma Therapy

I love brainspotting. I especially love that I am able to help my clients heal their brains and their bodies from the comfort of their own homes and offices. We all know that Houston traffic can be crazy, so don't get involved in it if you don’t have to. Find a great brainspotting therapist who can help you heal trauma and anxiety without leaving your own comfortable environment. Support is just a click away and healing can happen in the comfort of your own space.

Start Your Healing Journey with Virtual Trauma Therapy in Houston!
Are you a high-performing woman ready to heal from trauma without leaving your home? Experience the transformative power of virtual brainspotting therapy! Click here to schedule your free 15-min consultation call for trauma therapy in Houston and take the first step toward a healthier, happier you!"

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How to become an active listener in your marriage in 5 easy steps

One of the most prevalent concerns I see in Houston relationship therapy is couples that don't listen to one another. Things get heated at the moment, and you realize you have no idea how to listen to your partner correctly.

Better communication in marriage contributes to increased closeness and intimacy. When most people hear their spouse speak, they think about their possible responses rather than listening to what their spouse is saying. Here's a straightforward approach to improve communication in your marriage if you're having trouble improving your active listening skills.

Before we dive in, what exactly is active listening? 

Most couples come to Christian marriage counseling in Houston saying they want a stronger connection. Active listening is listening intently to grasp better what your partner is saying. It helps create empathy and connection in a relationship.

On the other hand, passive listening is listening just because or listening while waiting for your spouse to stop talking so that you can finish up whatever you are saying. 

Active listening helps improve intimacy and connection. Passive listening is self-serving and doesn't do anything to improve your relationship. And if you'd like to improve your communication in marriage, you want to become pretty good at active listening.

So, here are the steps to become a better active listener in your marriage or relationship.

1) Allow your spouse to speak without interruptions.

Listen without saying anything while your spouse is talking about something essential. All your energy should ensure you hear every last word. Focus on his body language gives you a little clue about how he feels. It's critical to fight the impulse to correct or defend yourself.

It seems easy, but it's pretty tricky, so I practice with my Couples counseling in Houston. 

This seems easy, but it’s actually quite difficult- which is why I practice with my couples who are in marriage counseling.

2.)Repeat what you heard him say.

So often, when we are trying to listen to others, we pass what they are saying through our mental filter. Sometimes what we hear them say is not what they're saying. 

It is when miscommunication and arguments happen in relationships. Instead of clarifying, we argue back and forth. To avoid arguments, after every sentence or 2, pause your spouse and repeat back what you heard him say. 

If he agrees with you correctly, he can move on to the following sentence. If you misheard him, he gets to clarify. Please don't blame him for the wording. Focus on trying to understand him.

It is another crucial step when clients work with me during marriage counseling in Houston.

3) Suspend judgment and the need to defend yourself. Marriage is not war.

Marriage is not war. I say this all the time during marriage therapy in Houston. A healthy marriage comprises two partners who are willing to communicate and understand each other. To achieve that, you should benefit your spouse from the doubt. Expect and assume that your spouse only wants what is best for you and your marriage. Because marriage is not war, you do not have to defend yourself. So when your spouse is speaking, do not jump in to defend yourself. Take some deep breaths and try to get to the bottom of what he is trying to say. Make it about him- not you.

The best marriage counselors in Houston will let you know that preconceived assumptions can cause trouble in relationships.

4) Put your empathy hat on.

One thing Houston relationship therapist is: "Trying to understand why your spouse is feeling this way." Put your feelings aside and try to empathize with him. When you can empathize, lower your guard to come to a resolution with him. It involves teamwork. Remember that your spouse is your partner, and your joint enemy is disagreement. So work together to overcome it.

5) Respond appropriately by validating your spouse. It's a great way to have a peaceful marriage.

After you have spent time actively listening to your spouse, and It is done with his side of the story, it's time to validate him. Most Houston couples in therapy do not validate enough. They jump straight from talking about the issue to trying to fix it. But they miss a huge step. Validation is the key to repairing when there's a misunderstanding. Validation doesn't necessarily mean you agree with what your spouse is saying. Validation helps your spouse feel seen and increases connection.

After completing the above steps, you can talk about your side of the story. Hopefully, your partner will also follow the above steps.

What will active listening do for your marriage?

If you are ready to improve the communication in your marriage to form a much deeper connection with your spouse, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me (I'm a Black marriage therapist in Houston seeing clients in Texas and throughout the Murrieta area). Remember, marriage isn't war.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.