Vulnerability as a Path to Emotional Intimacy: A Guide for Highly Sensitive Women

The Link Between Vulnerability and Emotional Intimacy

Vulnerability can be a scary word- especially if you have been hurt in past relationships. Some people have been hurt by their parents or caregivers, some have been hurt by friends, and others have been betrayed by exes. When this happens, you begin to feel like the world can never be safe again. But the interesting thing is that vulnerability is the only true path to emotional intimacy and connection in marriage.

When you are vulnerable, it means that you bring your walls down so that your spouse can see the real you. When your spouse can see the real you, then he gets a chance to actually choose you. And when he chooses you and knows you, then he can love you in the ways that you actually need to be loved. But when he doesn’t actually know you, the the object of his love is just a facade. This means he’ll only be able to partially love you. So that scary thing called vulnerability is actually the thing that you need to get to the other side of emotional intimacy in marriage. Being vulnerable is the only way to ever experience the deep, unconditional love that you’ve been craving this entire time. And when you receive unconditional love, your response will hopefully be to return the same level of love. That creates a stronger connection between partners.

Common Myths About Vulnerability and Why They’re Harmful

Some people have a misunderstanding about vulnerability. We equate vulnerability to weakness, lack of intelligence or having poor boundaries. Sometimes we think that vulnerability means that you're not strong. However it does take a certain level of strength to know what your walls are and to intentionally bring them down so that you can receive the love that you know you deserve. It does take a certain level of emotional intelligence to identify someone whom you would like to love you and allow them to love you in the deepest of ways.

When we do not have a good understanding of what vulnerability is, it actually leaves us lonely. This is because if you shy away from being vulnerable with someone, it means that you go through life alone and you might risk never having received true love. You might have lots of friends and even romantic relationships, but without vulnerability, the emotional connection will always be shallow. There will be things you will be unable to share with that person. There might also be experiences that you are too scared to let them have with you. Therefore the relationships will lack emotional depth.

Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability in Your Marriage

Vulnerability does not mean that you just go around telling people your business. It also does not mean that you allow people to hurt you. Vulnerability is an intentional choice. Only people who deserve to see and know the real you are invited to experience your vulnerability.

The first step in knowing who to be vulnerable with is to watch them and ensure that they are actually safe. Safe people typically exhibit safe behaviors over a period of time. Therefore you can only tell who is safe through time and consistency. It's like how in the Bible talks about how you can know who is a Christian by their fruit. A safe person will exhibit safe fruits such as showing interest in you, comforting you when you are down, apologizing when they are wrong, taking responsibility for their behavior, and the relationship will be reciprocal. You can give and take. It’s never one sided.

Vulnerability also starts slowly. Pick something simple to share with the other person and see how they react to it. Do they laugh at you? Do they judge you? Or do you feel completely seen and validated by the person? If someone is worthy of smaller pieces of vulnerability, then you can start building up to the larger things. It takes time. And this has to be reciprocal.

You also are expected to be a safe place for them to land. That means you have to help them feel understood, you have to have moments where you’re soft with them and they have to feel like you accept them for who they are. This is what an emotionally healthy relationship looks like

How to Be Vulnerable Without Feeling Overwhelmed

There's a difference between being vulnerable in an emotionally intelligent way and word vomit. Testing vulnerability does not mean that you have to share every single thing that has happened in your life in one day. Pace yourself. Before you share your first vulnerable thing, take some time to ground yourself. Take a look around the room and identify five things you can hear, four things you can see, three things you can smell, two things you can touch and one thing you can taste. This will get your heart rate nice and slow.

After this, practice out loud how to share the valuable piece of information with them before they even enter the room. Give yourself grace. Whenever you're about to do something different or scary, your body will respond accordingly. Nerves are normal when you're about to do something as important as bringing an emotional wall down.

Also pick the right day and the right time. Only share when you’re truly ready to share and pick a day in which you’re not already overwhelmed with work and too many responsibilities. Prepare the other person for the conversation. Let them know that you are about to share something important, and you would like some support and undivided attention.

How Christian Marriage Counseling Can Facilitate Emotional Intimacy Through Vulnerability

If you have tried being vulnerable and it has not quite worked out for you, then maybe Christian marriage counseling in Houston can help. My job as a Christian marriage counselor is to help you provide guidance and tools to help you connect better with your spouse. My job is to help you learn how to talk to him in a way that he can receive and also for him to talk to you in a way that you can receive. The only way to do this successfully is through vulnerability. I’ll help you both get there. I teach couples how to become safe partners for one another so that you can pretty much share anything with one another. Through couples counseling, you'll learn how to strengthen your friendship, build trust, laugh together again and also talk about the hard things.

If you’re ready to deepen your emotional intimacy and embrace vulnerability, Christian marriage counseling in Houston with a Black therapist can support you in nurturing a more intimate, connected marriage. Click here for your free 15-minute consultation call.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Self-Care Tips for Highly Sensitive People: Creating a Routine That Supports Your Well-Being

Your Self-Care Routine, Reimagined: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Build Stronger Relationships

Self care is such an important lifestyle choice for everyone to consider. Without self care, you will eventually burn out. But especially for Highly Sensitive People, it is important that you take time to recharge so that you actually have something left to pour out into the world. But self care does not have to be only about bubble baths and facials.

Self care can involve intellectual, emotional, spiritual, physical AND social. Now before you run away, the social aspect can be interwoven into all the other areas, and it does not have to be exhausting. Let’s explore them.

Think about intellectual self care like things that stimulate the intelligent part of you- reading books, watching educational videos, having intellectually stimulating conversations with others and generally getting smarter. See, social and intellectual marry very well.

Emotional self care looks like doing things that take care of you emotionally. That could be going to therapy, journaling, working with a life coach, or even venting to a safe friend at the end of the day. See how we added the social there?

Spiritual self care involves engaging in activities that connect you to God. That could be going out in nature, reading your Bible, attending a Bible study or church services. The last 2 directly utilize social skills as well.

Physical self care involves taking care of your body- eating well, exercising, getting physicals and getting medical care when you don’t feel well. And if you would like to add the social aspect, you can exercise in a group or workout with a friend. If you don’t enjoy this, you may even have a friend be your accountability buddy. So you’re not necessarily working out with her, but you check every once in a while to spur each other on.

I’m sure you’ve never thought about adding the social aspect into your self care. You see, you need people. Even though you might get drained when you’ve been pouring into others all day, you need people because they can provide you with social stimulation, they give you advice when you need, they’re there for you to laugh with cry with and just not feel all alone in the world.

Boundaries, Baby! How to Protect Your Energy While Building Meaningful Connections

When dealing with relationships, it’s always important to know your limits. Although we all need people to combat loneliness, we also need time to recharge. And your limits will change on a week to week basis. Some weeks, self care will involve being by yourself, and other weeks, you might need to reach out to others to support you.

But start with a solid self care routine. Know your non negotiables, so that no one can push you around. Think about activities like having a nice morning routine, as well as a bedtime routine. That way you day starts and end in a non chaotic way.

And when you reach out to others, be clear about what you need from them. Be direct and specific. If you need a shoulder to cry on, say that. If you need them to just sit and be quiet with you, then say that. In some seasons of your life, you might not want to pick up your phone whenever it rings, and that’s okay too. But your loved ones do need you to tell them what you need so that they can help provide it.

To prevent complete burnout from relationships, there has to be a good balance between spending time with others and connecting back to yourself. That way you’re not always pouring into others.

From Overwhelmed to Overflowing: Self-Care Tips to Recharge and Reconnect

Self care does not have to be anything huge- just tiny changes in your daily routine can make a huge difference. Pay attention to what time you go to bed every night, what time you wake up, as well as what you do right before bedtime and when you wake up. Instead of grabbing your phone first thing in the morning, consider spending some time in quiet, or starting the day with a prayer or Bible study. Maybe listen to some calming music to start your day off right.

Throughout the day, be intentional about eating and drinking enough food and water. The way you treat your physical body will also affect your emotional state. Be careful about zoning out. Try to stay in the moment as much as you can. And when you need someone to talk to, do so. Vulnerability will help you get stuff off your chest while sttaying connected to others.

Choose your friends wisely. Safe friends understand the need for both connection and alone time. They won’t judge you- they’ll actually encourage you so that you don’t burn out.

When you are not completely exhausted all day, you will be able to better connect with the people around you, because you have more to give. If you want to be overflowing with energy and clarity, it starts with taking care of yourself first.

The Perfect Self-Care Routine for High-Performing HSPs: Less Stress, More Connection

Think of a routine not as a list of never ending obligations, but simply as a flexible set of guidelines that help you stay afloat and thriving. A good self care routine will involve multiple aspects- physical, social, emotional, relational and spiritual. Simply ask yourself how you can feed all those areas daily. You don’t have to pay equal attention to all the above areas- just as long as you’re neglecting any of the area.

Delete anything that causes you to feel stressed, overwhelmed, fearful or tired (within reason of course). To do this, take stock of all the activities you do within a week and ask yourself how you feel when engaging in the activity, as well as after the activity is complete. This would include social media scrolling, friends you talk to, places you visit, books you read and rooms within your home. After the week is over, notice the activities that aren’t seeing you well, and find a way to limit or get rid of them if possible.

Then think about the activities that recharge and bring you joy. Is it sitting alone in your bed, talking to a specific friend? reading something specific? Going outside? Do more of that. Sometimes we have to pay attention before we notice things that are good for us. The goal is to cut out as much stress as you can.

And for the stressful activities you cannot delete, is there a plan to delegate them to someone else, or delete them eventually?

Nurture Yourself, Nurture Your Relationships: The HSP Guide to Self-Care and Connection

What some highly sensitive people think his that they do not like people. But that is untrue. Because of the deep level of empathy that you feel, you might get easily exhausted when you are around too many people- especially people who drain your energy. So the best thing to do is to be intentional when you are building relationships. Does the person accept you for who you are? Do you feel comfortable around this person? Can you laugh, cry and just be vulnerable around this person or do you feel your wall going up when you're in their presence? Pay attention to how you feel when you're with them as well as when you are away from them. If you find yourself feeling excited and at peace with someone, then that is a good sign. But if you find yourself wishing the conversation will stop right now or sighing before you pick up their call, then that might be a red flag. It is quite possible to take care of yourself while keeping healthy relationships. It is just really about knowing when to connect and when to take some time to yourself. My suggestion is to carve out alone time every single week. This will give you time to reflect, recharge and regain the energy that you need to pour into others.

The better you take care of yourself and use your voice, the easier it will be to balance your relationship with others. Emotional wellbeing will enhance relationship satisfaction. People who feel good about themselves will be able to select health relationships.

Struggling to find balance between self-care and maintaining meaningful relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston, I specialize in working with high-performing, highly sensitive women, including Black women, to create routines that support well-being and relationship building. Through brainspotting therapy, you can release the emotional blocks that prevent you from fully caring for yourself and connecting with others. Book a free 15-minute consultation call today with a Black therapist in Houston, and let’s get started on your self-care journey!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

How Brainspotting Can Help You Break Free from Childhood Trauma: A Step-by-Step Guide

Childhood trauma seems to be more pervasive than we expect. Even though you might have survived a rough childhood or some rough moments in your childhood, these experiences can actually affect you into adulthood. It could affect your ability to connect with others, it could introduce people pleasing and perfectionism into your life. You might have bad dreams, avoid situations and people who are actually safe, find it difficult to trust people and ask for help. This could end up causing quite a bit of tension in your romantic relationships as well as work relationships.

The good news is neuroplasticity exists. This means that even though trauma might affect the structure of your brain, as well as your patterns of behavior, with science backed tools like brainspotting you could experience gentle and effective healing. And as a trauma therapist in Houston, brainspotting has been my jam for quite a while.

What Is Brainspotting and Why It’s Perfect for Healing Childhood Trauma

Brainspotting is simply utilizing where you look to target the deep layer of your brain where trauma is stored. Once you’re able to do that, then you can access the trauma, process it and then digest it. Once it’s digested, it has no reason to still sit in your brain.

Think of trauma like a ghost that hides in a closet. As long as it’s trapped in the closet, you continue to fear the closet, and maybe even fear your bedroom. You’re afraid to walk in, you can hear it moving around and making awful sounds. Every night when you go to sleep, you can’t sleep deeply, because there’s activity in the closet.

But once you call in a professional to open up the closet and contain it, you can reclaim your closet, sleep with both eyes closed and finally feel at peace in your own home.

That’s what brainspotting does.

But traditional talk therapy is like a superficial ghost containment service that cleans everything but the closet. Although your room looks and smells clean, the scary closet still goes untouched. So most things look safe, but that ghost is still running around the the deeper layer of your bedroom. Brainspotting makes for deeper and faster levels of healing from trauma.

Step 1: Identifying Emotional Triggers from Childhood

One of the first things you will notice during brainspotting is it uncovers old emotional wounds. However, never fear, because your brain will only bring up what it knows you are ready to process. Unlike traditional talk therapy in which your therapist has no choice but to keep poking around to see what will stick. Sometimes, unbeknownst to your therapist, they can inadvertently retraumatize you during talk therapy for trauma.

No bueno!

As a high performing, highly sensitive woman, one of your biggest complaints is that people don’t get you. You might have been to several therapists who either have never heard of high sensitivity (because we usually aren’t taught about it in graduate school) or they have heard about high sensitivity but have no clue what your needs are.

The great thing about brainspotting is, it completely takes all the guess work out. It is targeted and deep work.

As a high performer, you are so used to being self sufficient, and sometimes it’s really just a way for you to protect yourself after experiencing trauma. With brainspotting, you will most likely get answers to what your emotional triggers are, so that you can begin to work through them and finally find peace.

Step 2: The Beauty of Eye Positioning—How Brainspotting Targets Trauma

When your brainspotting trauma therapist guides you towards a specific eye position, that position correlates to a specific part of your brain that is linked to the specific traumatic or troubling memory you are trying to work through. So we find the location of the trauma in the brain so that you can finally get rid of it. No more ghosts in the closet.

Think of it like using a laser pointer to locate emotional knots. This makes brainspotting such a unique tool for trauma therapy. Talk therapy tends to target the outer layers of the brain, while brainspotting goes deeper. Deeper means more effective.

Step 3: Processing and Releasing Trauma Gently and Safely

When you are in a brainspotting session, the first few times, you might be in your head a lot. You might be worried about things like-

• “Is the therapist staring at me?” (My answer is “No.”).

• “Am I doing this correctly?” (My answer is “Yes”).

• “This feels weird.” (My answer is “Of course it feels weird, because it’s therapy”).

Once you are relaxed and locked in, you will feel like you are playing a video of the event. Your body will take over and you will experience a series of emotions. Sometimes you might cry, other times you’ll be in deep thought. What I love about brainspotting is that it is a safe and non-invasive approach to trauma healing. You feel relief without doing the absolute most. You do not have to ever give me a play by play of the trauma events or experiences.

Even when you feel overwhelmed, sad or anxious in session, you will eventually have moments in which you feel calm, at peace, like you finally have closure.

Back to our ghost example.

When you are trying to get rid of ghosts in your closet, opening up the closet door will cause you to scream or experience fear, but once the ghost is contained, those scary emotions will dissipate. Your room will go from a place of horror too a calm oasis where you can rest.

Step 4: Moving Forward—Building a New Relationship with Your Past

Once the traumatic memories and events are no longer taking up so much space in your brain, you will then have the ability to work through other areas of your life. You’ll be able to work through people pleasing behaviors, you’ll notice irritability will decrease, you will no longer dissociate, and you will be able to work on asking for help, making new friends, inviting safe people into your world, amongst others. You will have the freedom to create a healthier relationship with your past experiences.

In other words, you will feel empowered and more in control of your life after you’re done with the process of therapy.

We won’t delete the events form your brain, but remembering your past traumas will no longer cause you emotional overwhelm. You will be in more control over your temper and emotions once therapy is over. Imagine being bolder, more confident, no longer on the verge of tears and just excited to do life.

Brainspotting is such a powerful tool for trauma healing because in a relatively short time, you can safely and gently heal from years of childhood trauma. All you need to do is reach out.

Ready to break free from childhood trauma? As a trauma therapist in Houston, I can help you find lasting healing with Brainspotting. Book a free 15-minute consultation today to start your path to freedom!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Family drama no more: How to survive family holiday events without stress or drama

The holidays are upon us. If you happen to be blessed with amazing family dynamics, then you’re probably looking forward to sitting down to a good meal with your loved ones. But if you are like millions of people out there, you cringe at the thought of yet another family gathering. Because your family is known for shade, side eyes, underhanded comments, and a general feeling of thick tension in the air.

Well, never fear, here are some simple tips to help you survive the holidays this year.

The first thing to ask yourself is “Should I actually be attending family events this year?”

Yes, I know people say, “Blood is thicker than water,” but if blood will demean you, drive you nuts or leave you in tears, perhaps you might want to skip the gatherings altogether.

Please note that I’m not a big fan of canceling people or cutting them off, but if your family situation truly is toxic, you might have to sit this one out for your peace of mind. Your holidays can be spent alone or with other loved ones. Sometimes our friends can quickly become family.

Who says every holiday must be spent with family?

Once you have decided to actually go to family events, the following guidelines will save you from a heart attack.

Decide how long you will stay at the event

Because your family gets together for 8 hours on Thanksgiving Day, preps the meal together, sets the table together, then cleans up together, does not mean you have to follow that tradition. If you can only stomach them for 2 hours at a time, you decide when to show up and when to leave.

Yes, they’ll make a big fuss about you either leaving early or arriving late, but your peace of mind will be intact. Go in there, make the rounds and leave with your dignity intact.

That’s what we are aiming for this year.

Stay away from hot button topics and nosey aunties

If you’ve spent a lot of time with your family, you definitely know what topics you cannot discuss. In some families it’s politics. In others, it’s religion. And for others it could be issues around marriage, career plans, where you choose to live, child rearing issues, etc. Know the hot button topics and stay away from them at all costs.

If someone decides to bring those topics up (I’m referring to the nosey, fire starting aunties, then you can politely decide not to engage). Here’s what you can say:

“I’m not comfortable discussing that at this time.”

If they continue to query you, put your big girl pants on and stand your ground. No one can get you to discuss something you’re not ready for. No one.

Stick with the cool family members

Even though your family might be filled with troublesome characters, you probably have 1 or 2 cool family members left. You know, the quiet cousin who sits in the corner because she doesn’t like drama. Or the uncle who is positioned in front of the TV because he doesn’t care for gossip.

Find the cool, level headed family members and make them your buddies during the event. They’ll probably appreciate you for doing that because they don’t care for family drama either.

Stay away from lies

When we find ourselves in a pickle, sometimes we revert to our 7 year old selves and we spew tons of lies to protect ourselves. For example, if Aunt Margaret asks you “Why are you 2 hours late to dinner?” you feel like you’re in trouble and you start to tell an entire tale to save yourself.

You are no longer a child and Aunt Margaret has no control over you. Answer her like the adult that you are. You don’t have to be rude, but you don’t have to lie either. A big part of gaining peace of mind is being able to be yourself, regardless of what your family thinks.

There you have it. Some simple tips to help your holiday festivities feel a little more festive.

If you are sick and tired of being controlled by gossiping aunties and a toxic family, and you are ready to learn how to be an adult again, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me. I’m a licensed therapist in CA and TX, and helping to set people free from the bondage of a toxic family, is one of my favorite things to do.

I hope you enjoy your holiday season!

The Top 8 Truths about counseling or therapy in the Houston area

The Houston area is bustling and full of diversity, vibrancy and lots of hard working people. Sometimes the hustle and bustle could take a toll on your physical and mental health. And when you're going through stress, worry and anxiety it might be time to begin counseling or therapy in Houston.

Some people jump headfirst into the therapy process, while others prefer to tiptoe. If you are someone who prefers to tiptoe, here's a little glimpse behind the curtain of therapy in Houston.

Here are some of the top five truths about counseling or therapy in Houston.

1) Every therapist in Houston is not the right therapist for you

Although every single therapist in Houston has at least a master’s degree, not every therapist’s style will match your needs. Therapist’s vary in their philosophy of how they serve their clients.

The first step in finding a therapist in Houston or a counselor in Houston is being clear about what it is that you're trying to get out of therapy. Are you looking to reduce anxiety? Are you perhaps struggling with depression and would like a therapist to help you with that? Or are you the super independent family member whom everybody goes to for help, and now you're sick of it?

If you decide to work with a therapist in Houston, it is important that you get to know what their style is as well as what their niche is. The best way to get to know them is to read their website to see if what they talk about actually hits your heart.

The next step after reading their website is to call the therapist to see if they offer free consultation calls. During this time you get to ask all of the questions about therapy.

Remember, not every counselor in Houston is the same. Not every therapist in Houston is right for you. It is OK for you to keep searching until you find the right counselor in Houston for you.

2) therapists in houston are not your friend

Although I'm a huge advocate of therapy- especially in a large, busy area like Houston, it is important to know that we therapists are not your friends. Unlike your friends who might struggle to tell you the truth, and who are not trained to see the different dynamics in your life, we are masters of human behavior and family dynamics.

We try to help you break through different blocks that have been holding you back, and we also help you gain awareness of different dynamics in your life that might blocking your progress. Even though we want to see you succeed, we will not be spending time on empty chitchat, we will not be hanging out with you after session, and we certainly will not follow you on social media.

We draw the line between our therapeutic relationship and your personal life.

3) You might have to try multiple therapists in Houston before you find the therapist who is the best fit for you

Sometimes the first therapist that you work with, will not be the therapist that you work with for the rest of your life. And this is perfectly OK.

If you are new to therapy, you might not know what to expect (read this blog post on what to expect from therapy in Houston), and so you might just be a passive participant in the process. It is perfectly OK if you decide to stop therapy whenever you want. I highly suggest that you speak to your therapist about what is no longer working for you, so that you give them a chance to make some changes.

If the first few therapists you work with do not feel like a good match for you, the problem is not you, the problem is most likely the therapeutic relationship. The single most important factor in the success of therapy, is the relationship between the client and the therapist. Please do not feel like you have to stay with a therapist that you don't feel a connection with. There are too many counselors in Houston for you to have to settle on the wrong one. It is your right to move on whenever you feel you are ready.

4) You might have different therapists for different seasons in your life.

Sometimes you need therapy to support you in a specific season in your life, such as the divorce of your parents when you were a teenager. And after you've worked through that issue, it is possible that you graduate therapy and you don't go back to therapy for years.

But maybe you graduate college and you find that the transition as an independent woman who is out in the real world feels overwhelming to you. So you decide to seek therapy for that specific issue.

Later in life, you might get married, have a few kids, and you need support to get through the long days as a mother. And so you decide to get an anxiety therapist in Houston or a Black therapist in Houston to help you through that season of your life.

It is perfectly OK to find a new therapist when you're in a different season in your life, or if you're going through a different transition. It is normal to have had multiple therapists that have helped you in different stages of your life. Bravo to you if you have sort out support before.

5) Therapy in houston is often not a quick fix

The biggest misconception about therapy is that you will feel better in the first two sessions. Sometimes, you might even feel worse before things get better. If you think about it, most people do not seek the support of a therapist until the issue they're struggling with has been brewing for months, or maybe even years.

It is really difficult to fix an issue that has been brewing for years- in just a few days or weeks.

The reason why you might feel worse before you feel better is that the work of therapy looks like unearthing difficult emotions, and possibly dissecting long-standing dynamics that are no longer working for you.

After all of those issues have been unearthed, then you can find your way back to healing and figuring out who you now want to be.

So hang in there. Counseling or therapy might not feel easy, but it is well worth it.

6) Your first therapy session might feel awkward

When people come to therapy for the first time, they often feel awkward. Some people; find it a bit easier if they participate in online therapy, rather than in person. Think about this- your therapist is asking you to be vulnerable and open with a complete stranger. Sometimes it’s much easier to be vulnerable when you’re sitting in the comfort of your own home.

This is the definition of awkward.

But a complete stranger who is well educated in human behavior and dynamics, is probably the best person to work with.

Because we do not follow you home and we do not work with you outside of your therapy or counseling session, we can help create a situation of true growth and healing. You pour out your heart to us, you leave it in your counseling session, and you can continue to live your life.

As you continue to attend sessions, the awkwardness will die down, and you get to the point where you'll start to look forward to the level of vulnerability that leads to growth.

7) Your therapist will not be prescribing medications

One reason why people often run away from therapy in Houston or counseling in Houston is because they assume that their therapist will be prescribing medications or that they will have to take psychiatric medication to be in therapy. Well I have news for you- as a licensed marriage and family therapist in Houston, I did not attend medical school, therefore I cannot prescribe medication even if I wanted to.

When you work with a therapist like me, I probably will not talk much about medication. If you have concerns about your medication, or if you wish to begin taking medications, then I recommend that you speak to your primary care physician or a psychiatrist.

Medications and pills are completely out of the scope of practice of therapists and counselors in Houston.

8) Anyone can benefit from therapy (even strong, super responsible Black women)

Another big misconception about therapy in Houston is that it is only for ‘weak people’ or ‘crazy people.’ Well, I am yet to meet someone who is too strong for therapy. Every human is probably carrying a burden on their shoulders, and even the strongest, most independent Black woman can benefit from additional support of a therapist. If you’re specifically seeking a Black therapist in Houston, that’s okay too. Some of the reasons people go to therapy are trauma, anxiety, depression, a difficult transition such as a move, getting deployed in the military, working a difficult job, etc.

I hope this helps clarify some misconceptions about therapy in Houston. If you are searching for a Black therapist in Houston who can help you get in touch with your vulnerable side, and break through that superwoman shell, or help you fix that marriage that has gone stale, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call. You deserve the life that you have always dreamed of.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.