Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA & TX
What exactly is High Sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 4)
In my previous 3 blog posts, I have been sharing about the 4 characteristics of high sensitivity and simple ways to manage them. If you want to find out whether or not you are highly sensitive, take Dr Elaine Aron’s self test here.
In my 3 previous blog posts, I talked about;
Depth of Processing (Click here to read about it)
Overarousability (Click here to read about it)
Emotional Intensity (Click here to read about it)
And in this blog post, I’ll tackle Sensory Processing Sensitivity, which is the 4th characteristic of high sensitivity.
What exactly is sensory processing sensitivity?
Have you ever felt the itchy tag at the back of your shirt that drives you nuts? Or the seam in your socks that no one seems to notice? Or do you tend to feel cold when everyone else is fine? Maybe you have always had sensitive skin, or you pick up slight noises easily?
That’s sensory processing sensitivity. Your actual senses seem to be on overdrive.
People around you might not understand how you notice things like this. Maybe all the stimuli around you actually gives you a tummy ache or a headache. Or you seem to be bothered by certain fabrics, your foods touching, your hair being brushed, or shoes not fitting correctly. This could make you feel like something is wrong with you.
It is important to state here that you should probably first go to the physician to ensure that nothing is actually wrong, as we do not want to brush everything off as high sensitivity. Sometimes people actually do have allergies or actual physical disorders. So get that checked out first.
But if all of that pans out and you find out that you are actually highly sensitive, here are some things you might do about it:
How to cope with sensory processing sensitivity
One of the best ways to cope with sensory processing sensitivity is to set your home and work environment up for success. Think about taking care of your five senses.
Smell
Ensure your home, car, closet and work environments are aired out regularly if possible. That eliminates stale smells that could cause you to gag or feel uncomfortable. If you have specific scents that you like, consider getting some type of air freshener, candles or essential oils to create relaxing or refreshing smells all around you. You could even include fresh flowers or plants to help oxygenate the indoor air.
Sight
Clutter is the enemy of every highly sensitive person. Even if you are the most disorganized person on the earth, it will still drive you nuts. Come up with a very simple tidy up routine that you can do every night. I personally find it easier to tidy up as I go. If you struggle with being disorganized, this book will really help you thrive.
Minimalist decor also presents you with less clutter for you to look at or stimuli for you to notice.
Sound
When searching for an apartment or a home, if you can avoid it, avoid living on a busy intersection. The sound of traffic will most likely bother you. You might also try sleeping with a white noise machine or the sounds of nature to drown out environmental noises. Think about the sound of the appliances in your home. Things like televisions, radios, music or other appliances should be put into consideration. Having too many noises on at the same time can be overstimulating. For example, if your TV, computer and phone are going at the same time, it could become an issue for you.
Touch
Include soft and comfortable textures in your home or office decor. Buy furniture that feels warm and cozy in the winter, and cool in the summertime.
Although leather furniture tends to look appealing to the eye, it is often hot to sit on in the summer and pretty cold in the winter. Leather also tends to stick to the skin when you sweat.
Only buy clothes that feel comfortable. Although we all want to wear the latest fashions, you will feel miserable if your fabric feels itchy and non-breathable. Include items cozy socks, and warm breathable bedding and pajamas in your home.
Also be aware of the temperature you set your thermostat to- nothing too hot or too cold. Cool will feel the best.
Taste
Some highly sensitive people cannot handle certain foods due to their smell, texture or taste. Do not force yourself to eat these foods- even if they are a cultural norm. Get used to setting boundaries and letting people know your food preferences.
If you are a highly sensitive woman who is ready to turn sensitivity into your superpower, manage BIG emotions, set clear boundaries and stop people pleasing, click here to schedule your free 20-min breakthrough call so we can work together.
What exactly is high sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 3)
Emotional intensity simply means that highly sensitive people tend to experience emotions on a much deeper level than non-sensitive people. So for example when they're happy, you might see them with a big smile on their face, acting silly or giggling a lot. When they're sad it seems like their sadness is a lot deeper than usual, or if they are upset you might see them cry. This is often puzzling to people who are non-sensitive. It is important to note that emotional sensitivity is not necessarily a bad thing.
For the past few weeks, I have been diving into exactly what high sensitivity is. If you want a complete definition of what high sensitivity is, click here for the first part of this blog. And if you are wondering whether or not you are highly sensitive, click here to take Dr Elaine Aron’s high sensitivity self test.
In my previous blog I mentioned that there are four parts to high sensitivity:
Depth of processing (To learn more about depth of processing click here)
Overarousability (To learn more about depth of processing click here)
Emotional Intensity
Sensory processing sensitivity
Today, I'll be focusing on emotional intensity.
Emotional intensity simply means that highly sensitive people tend to experience emotions on a much deeper level than non-sensitive people. So for example when they're happy, you might see them with a big smile on their face, acting silly or giggling a lot. When they're sad it seems like their sadness is a lot deeper than usual, or if they are upset you might see them cry. This is often puzzling to people who are non-sensitive. It is important to note that emotional sensitivity is not necessarily a bad thing.
This is one of the top struggles I see in my practice as an anxiety therapist in Houston and as a high sensitivity coach. Most highly sensitive people are embarrassed because they tend to cry a lot. People with high sensitivity often complain that they cry when they're angry, sad, upset, frustrated, or even tired. And this often elicits negative comments from the non sensitive people around them such as “Why are you such a cry baby?” Or “Why do you always have to cry?,” or “You cry too much.” This then causes the sensitive person to believe that they are “Dramatic” or “Too soft.”
How to manage emotional intensity
Turn to the arts
Highly sensitive people often do well when they have an outlet for their emotions. If you do not have supportive people around you who can listen to your struggles, or help you process your emotions, you can try processing your emotions through arts, downs, music, writing or some sort of creative outlet.
Become your own cheerleader
Chances are you were called dramatic or you felt like your emotions were not welcome when you were growing up, so as an adult it might be helpful to become your own cheerleader.
Whenever you have an experience of a big emotion, you can let yourself know that it is actually OK to have those deep emotions. Remember that every single person on earth experiences emotions. The difference between you and them is that you just experience them on a much bigger scale and you express them a bit differently.
Learn more about emotions
I know that this might sound counterintuitive. On the one hand, you feel like you have way too many emotions, but on the other hand, you might not know too much about emotions because most of your life, your emotions were made fun of, shamed, or pushed away.
One of my favorite tools for recognizing emotions is called the feelings wheel. It is a colorful wheel that has a list of many different emotions that range in depth and intensity.
When you feel some sort of emotion going on inside you, take a look at the feelings wheel and try to pinpoint what emotion it is that you are feeling. This not only empowers you, but it puts a name to the feeling, thereby reducing your feeling of shame or confusion.
And there we go. The third characteristic of high sensitivity is done. If you are a highly sensitive woman looking to turn sensitivity into your superpower, manage BIG emotions and finally stop people pleasing, click here to schedule your free 20-min breakthrough session to see how we can work together.
What exactly is High Sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 2)
Over arousal simply means that your nervous system picks up stimuli more easily than others. So the bright lights in the corner of the room might not affect anybody else, but you feel like they are piercing through your eyes. Here is how to manage over arousal as a highly sensitive person.
In my previous blog post, I discussed what high sensitivity actually is. I'll be breaking down the four characteristics of high sensitivity over the next few weeks.
In this blog series, I’ll be sharing the 4 characteristics of high sensitivity, which are:
Depth of Processing (Read more about it here)
Overarousability
Emotional Intensity
Sensory Processing Sensitivity
I already went over depth of processing in my previous blog post. Depth of processing basically means thinking very deeply before making decisions. Some people might call it over analyzing.
In this post, I'll be talking about the second characteristic of high sensitivity which is over arousability.
To be over aroused simply means that your nervous system picks up stimuli more easily than others, thereby causing you to feel overwhelmed in a way. So the bright lights in the corner of the room might not affect anybody else, but you feel like they are piercing through your eyes.
As an anxiety therapist in Houston and a high sensitivity coach, this is often a complaint I get. HSPs often think something must be wrong with them- because they notice things no one else does.
The smell that is ever so slight, feels so pungent to you, but other people barely notice it. It is also possible to be under aroused when you're not picking up enough stimuli. When this happens, you tend to get bored. The struggle is sometimes people do the wrong things when they are under aroused such as drinking coffee or other stimulants, or turning the TV up too loud.
What you want is an optimal level of arousal.
Over arousal might even mean that you pick up stimuli like pain a lot easier than others- which means your pain tolerance might be lower than others’. This should be very important to discuss with your physician so that they can come up with a great treatment plan for you.
Highly sensitive people can also be easily aroused by stimuli inside their bodies, such as hunger, thirst, and tiredness. This is why it is important to eat at the appropriate times and take care of your physical body, so that it doesn't negatively affect your mood. It might be the reason why you act like a grouch when you are hungry, and other people tend to be able to stay longer periods of time without food. Do not compare yourself to other people. You are a unique human and that's just OK.
Highly sensitive people have different levels of arousal, so this means one highly sensitive person might notice all the smells, and another person might not even pick up on them at all. Or one highly sensitive person might have very sensitive hearing, while the other does not.
So how does one manage over arousability?
Take a break.
If you find yourself in a crowded room, where they are too many people around you, the volume is high, everybody is sweating, and there are lots of perfumes in the room, rather than powering through it- which is what most highly sensitive people tend to do- just take a break.
You can head over to the bathroom to breathe for a few minutes, go outside for some fresh air, or you can sit and take a look at your phone to just give you a distraction in the moment. You also do not have to stay at events for very long. Normalize popping in and popping out.
Utilize mindfulness skills.
Mindfulness simply means being present in the moment and focusing on one external sensation or internal sensation to allow your body to be calm. So while you're in that very loud, uncomfortable room, start to slow your breathing down.
Take a few deep breaths in and a few deep breaths out, and focus on the breath. If taking a deep breath is difficult for you, then just notice your breath as it is. Notice air fill your lungs and move out of it. Doing this one simple action gets your brain off the external overstimulation that you're experiencing. Click here to watch some of my mindfulness videos.
Spend some time in nature.
Highly sensitive people tend to LOVE nature. We tend to enjoy the trees, the sound of chirping birds, the feeling of the breeze on our skin, looking around and just enjoying the calm.
You do not have to wait until you are overstimulated to enjoy nature. If you live in a beautiful, serene environment, make nature walks a part of your schedule. Even something as little as sitting near a window can help. If you don’t live in a serene environment and you don’t have windows, pull up a video online and imagine yourself walking through a peaceful neighborhood.
Change your environment.
If you find yourself completely over aroused by the same people or situations over and over again, then maybe it is time to go somewhere else. If you are around the same over arousing friend who seems to not respect your boundaries- even after you have set the boundaries 1 million times- then maybe it's time to change that.
Or if you live in an especially loud part of town, and you have the ability to move to a quieter apartment, or home, take advantage of that. Your job is not to be a martyr. You are allowed to be happy.
If you have some level of control over the situation, then change the situation.
For example if you're sitting in your home and you just notice that overwhelming feeling of anxiety, turn down the simulation. You can do this by thinking about your five senses.
You can reduce the sound of the TV or turn it off, you can adjust the temperature on the thermostat, you can turn off any irritating smells or put on a calming smell.
You can also visualize something pretty. This is why it is important to surround yourself and your home or working environment with pretty things. They do not have to be expensive. They just have to be pretty to you.
Shock your nervous system.
And if you want to completely shock your nervous system, a quick trick is to splash little bit of cold water on your face or at the back of your neck. You can also drink a nice glass of cold water, or go outside into the cold for a few seconds. This will shock your nervous system and get it to reset.
Utilize positive self talk.
Positive self talk is a simple way to help you feel safe. Think about it as being your own encourager or cheerleader. It is important to remind yourself that you are actually safe. This prevents your mind from racing, will hopefully slow down your heart rate and prevent you from moving into fear, anxiety or sheer panic.
If you are truly ready to learn more about how to turn your high sensitivity into your superpower, how to manage big emotions, stop people pleasing and stand up for yourself, click here to schedule a free 20 minute breakthrough call so that we can work together.
The Top 9 Myths about counseling and therapy in Houston
Houston is a very beautiful place to live. However, the hustle and bustle, and the endless driving could leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Perhaps you've tried to work through your feelings on your own, and you feel like it's time for therapy. The problem is you've heard so many negative things about therapy, and you’re not sure what to believe. I'm here to clear the air.
Here are some common myths about counseling or therapy in the Houston area.
Houston is a very beautiful place to live. However, the hustle and bustle, and the endless driving could leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Perhaps you've tried to work through your feelings on your own, and you feel like it's time for therapy. The problem is you've heard so many negative things about therapy, and you’re not sure what to believe. I'm here to clear the air.
Here are some common myths about counseling or therapy in the Houston area.
1) Therapy or counseling in Houston is just for White people
I've heard it said a million times that Black people (or non-White people) do not go to therapy. However I could not think of anything that is further from the truth. As long as you're a human with a brain and actual emotions, chances are that you can benefit from therapy.
As a Black therapist in Houston myself, I promise you that I have seen clients from diverse ethnic and racial backgrounds. Therapy is not just for White people, therapy is a great way to break through the intergenerational trauma that we often experience as Black people.
Therapy is a great way to learn to set great boundaries with loved ones and family members, and therapy is a way to self reflect and offload.
Plus there are only so many blogs, self help books and Tik Tok videos to help you. Cut through the noise and get yourself a professional therapist in Houston.
2) Therapy or counseling is just for ‘crazy’ people
First of all let me just mention how much I hate the term ‘Crazy.’ I don't believe there's any such thing as a crazy person. There are only humans who are absolutely trying their best to maneuver life situations.
And no, you do not have to be crazy, on the verge of a psychological breakdown, or about to break up a relationship before you begin therapy in Houston.
Actually, I recommend that you go to therapy before you’ve reached your breaking point. After all, why not prevent a breakdown altogether?
3) Going to therapy is just like talking to your best friend
First of all, your therapist is absolutely not your friend. You will not be hanging out in coffee shops with your therapist, you won't be going to Sunday brunch with your therapist, and your therapist will probably not be attending your birthday party. Your therapist’s job is to help you accomplish your mental health goals, and to help you see your blind spots.
My job is simply to act as a guide so that you can improve your emotional health, your relationships, and it will even trickle into your career life. You'll find that your self-esteem will improve and we keep it confidential.
Unlike your friends, I do not sugar coat as your counselor. I do want you to thrive and succeed, however my job is to guide you and help you find deeper insight about your emotions and experiences.
4) Therapy is only for people who have experienced trauma or for people who are in deep emotional distress
Therapy is really different in real life. It is not like in the movies. Typically, the heroine of the movie goes through deep emotional distress, then when she's at her lowest point, she then plops herself onto the couch of a wonderful therapist who changes her life.
This is not real life.
Sometimes therapy doesn’t even involve a couch. There are many amazing online therapists in Houston.
You do not have to be in a crisis to go work with a therapist in Houston or a counselor in Houston. Some people go to therapy because they are trying to adjust to what life is throwing at them. Some work with a therapist in Houston after they change their job. Some seek counseling in Houston so they can better manage a separation in their relationship. Relationship counseling in Houston is also very common and helpful.
While others learn how to set healthy boundaries, to overcome phobias, and a whole list of issues.
If you are experiencing any type of emotional distress- even a mild one-then you could benefit from therapy.
5) You have to spend several years in therapy
Some people believe that once they start therapy they'll have to continue for the rest of their lives. Some therapists do engage in deep, long-term therapy, but not everyone has to be in therapy for a very long time.
Being in therapy for years also isn’t bad. However some people just need a few sessions and then they're able to move on.
Many of my clients come in, roll up their sleeves, work on their goals, and when they are feeling much better, we make a plan to graduate therapy.
Some are in therapy for six sessions, and some do see me for years. It really all depends on what you want to dive into and the circumstances of your life.
6) All therapists in Houston ever do is just nod and smile
If you've combed through my website, then you know that I say that I am not ‘A nod and smile therapist.’ Unlike the therapists in the movies who wear two-piece suits with pumps, are chained to a notebook and pen, and also stare at you blankly, while nodding and smiling. Then they take a break from their note taking and ask you "How do you feel?" I am not that one.
My job as a therapist in Houston is to help you dive deep into your life so that you can actually reach the goals that you came in to see me for. I speak like a human, I smile, I raise my eyebrows, I cackle a little bit, and sometimes my clients say that I do throw them some shade.
What can I say? I can’t help myself.
Yes, sometimes we do have belly laughs in therapy, but I promise you that therapy is a whole lot more than me nodding and smiling blankly. If that is all therapy was then it would be a complete waste of your time and mine.
7) My insurance won’t cover therapy in Houston/ I won’t be able to afford therapy
These days, there are so many options for therapy in Houston. Insurance companies are understanding that our emotional health is just as important as our physical health.
So if you are thinking about going to therapy, the first step would be to contact your insurance company and find out more about your mental health benefits. Some insurance companies will want you to see a therapist in Houston that is within their network. While others a bit more flexible with it. Some will put a cap on the number of therapy or counseling sessions you can have within a time period. You’ll never know if you don’t ask. So ask. Don’t use assume you can’t afford therapy.
8) Christians cannot/should not go to therapy
As a Christian therapist in Houston who integrates faith with mental health, I know firsthand the importance of taking care of our mental health as people of faith. I see Christians in therapy all the time, and yes you can talk to me about Jesus, the Bible, as well as the leading of the Holy Spirit. No, I will not think that you are crazy, and yes I do welcome people talking to me about what the Lord is saying to them. If Christians do not take care of their mental health, how does that help us?
9) My therapist will blame my parents or my upbringing for my struggles
We are now in the 21st-century. Gone are the days when all therapists did was blame your mother for your struggles. We now know that there are so many other factors that make you who you are. My job is not to castigate your entire family. My job is to give you a deeper understanding of who you are, and to help you become who you want to be. Sometimes we talk about your upbringing, and sometimes we do not, however I do have the highest level of respect for you and your family.
If you are sick and tired of being a people pleaser, the responsible one in your family, or battling anxiety, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me. As an anxiety therapist in Houston, I’ll help you finally move from survival mode to thriving mode. You deserve a life free of anxiety.
About The Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust
If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.
Ready to get rid of anxiety, finally kick insomnia or for marriage counseling?