Faith and anxiety

You go to church every single week. You pray every day and you have a strong faith that God can take away whatever pain you've been carrying. You consider yourself to be a good Christian. But you ask yourself, "If I'm a good Christian, why do I still have anxiety? Why does worry seem to follow me wherever I go?"

Well, as a Christian therapist, I understand that sometimes although we are following God and doing all the right things to feed our souls, anxiety still creeps in. We still worry about our future, we worry about our friends, we worry about our families and we worry about ourselves. We wonder if our prayers will get answered, if our sickness will be healed, if our kids will grow up right and if our spouses will stay forever faithful. You might still have old wounds from the way you were raised or you might have hurts from things that have happened to you in the past. No one ever said that a Christian will not have worries-you definitely will.

As a therapist in Murrieta who understands this, I give my Christian clients the space to include prayer and scriptures into the work that we do. I understand that faith cannot be separated from the heart of a Christian. I also understand that Christians are also humans who have real hurts and real troubles. Counseling and faith can work hand in hand. God can use counseling to heal past hurts while you continue to pray. We can work together to help you to use your faith as a balm to soothe your anxiety.

So can a Christian go to therapy? Absolutely. Look at it this way- if your arm was broken, would you still go to a doctor to get it fixed? Yup. But would you also pray after the doctor has treated your arm? Absolutely. I believe God can use counselors and therapists to heal broken hearts, the same way he can use doctors to heal broken bodies. 

When last have you used your faith to soothe your anxiety? If you'd like to reach out to me for a free 15 minute phone consultation so we can talk about how we can merge faith and counseling together in order to reduce the worrisome thoughts in your head, click here to email me or call me at 951-905-3181. You don't have to put your Christian faith aside when you go to therapy or counseling.

What is anxiety?

You've felt funny for a while but you have no idea who to talk to or what to call it. Sometimes you feel odd butterflies in your stomach and other times you sweat. Maybe you get the odd feeling before stepping in front of a crowd, or just before you go outside in the morning. Your thoughts are constantly racing and you don't know how to slow them down.

You try to shake it off, but the feeling seems to be spreading from your mind to your body too. Your neck and back are always tight, you find it hard to sleep at night and you feel like you can't talk to anyone about it, because they'll think you're being dramatic. Sometimes it feels like the world is closing in on you.

Your feeling might just be anxiety. Anxiety is the thoughts and feelings of unease that sweep through a person's mind or body. Sometimes you might get anxious because there's an important event coming up, and other times you don't have any clue why you feel this way. There are many different types of anxiety disorders, which I'll talk about in another blog post coming up soon.

But the most common anxiety disorder I see in my practice is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This means the person isn't necessarily worrying about something specific, but there are many worries about many different things swimming through your mind all day long. For example, you could be worried about your weight, your kids' grades, your marriage, your long to do list as well as your career. Even when things seem to be going well on the home front, you might have this impending feeling of doom like something bad is about to happen.

So how do we treat anxiety?

Well there are many different ways. Some people choose to see a psychiatrist and get on anti anxiety medication. Others find more holistic treatments such as yoga, exercise, meditation and prayer. And still others choose to speak to a counselor or therapist and learn different ways to train their minds on how to not be so focused on situations, but think more realistically. Different therapists work from different approaches. Some focus on thought patterns, others focus on the emotional component, still some use approaches such as mindfulness among others.

Some people choose to use a hybrid method such as by taking meds and going to yoga. Or through prayer and therapy.

It really doesn't matter which route you take, or if you use a combination of treatments, all that matters is that you seek help if you feel that your anxiety is not under control. As I am not a doctor, I cannot prescribe medications. I also am not a yoga instructor or a certified physical trainer, so I cannot advise you on exercise or diet.

My approach to treating anxiety

My approach as a therapist, is to use a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Simply put, CBT looks at how to reduce anxiety by focusing on irrational thoughts. We work on shifting those thoughts, which will in turn shift your feelings and then your behavior. We know that your thoughts, feelings and behaviors are all linked. If you change one, you''ll change the other two.

DBT works mainly on helping you focus on the present. So instead of thinking about what you're going to do when you get back home, all the tasks on your to do list, how you're going to fix your marriage, how your life is falling apart, you'll learn how to focus on one thing at a time-living moment by moment.

So there you have it. If you've ever experienced anxiety, what helps you reduce it?

And if you're in the Murrieta area or you live anywhere in California, and you're tired of battling anxiety and worry all on your own, give me a call at 951-905-3181. I'll give you a free 15 minute consultation in which we'll talk about your worries and ways in which I might be able to help you find your calm. I believe that before you schedule an appointment with a therapist or counselor, you should have the opportunity to talk to him or her first.

How to pick a therapist in the Murrieta area

Your life has been difficult for a while. You're struggling with anxiety and you're considering therapy. You do a quick search online and you realize there are over 20 therapists in Murrieta alone. How on earth are you supposed to find the right one? Well here are some of my suggestions:

Does the therapist take your insurance? When people call me on the phone, one of the first things they ask me is if I take their insurance. Most people want to go this route because it's the most cost effective way for them. If you choose to use your insurance, just know that insurance expects the therapist to diagnose you. This diagnosis is permanent and will remain on your record. FYI. However, in some cases, if you don't meet criteria for any mental health disorder, then the session won't be covered by your insurance. Always ask your therapist what your diagnosis is. It's a great way to empower yourself. Note that because a therapist accepts your insurance doesn't mean they will be the best fit for you.

Also be aware that your insurance dictates how many sessions you get to have, the length of your sessions and what types of session you have. For example, some insurance companies don't cover couples counseling, some don't cover group counseling and others will limit you to 3 sessions. Call your insurance company to get all the details before making a decision. 

 Is the therapist male or female? Some people specifically want a male therapist, while others want a female and some don't have any preference. Figure out who you are more comfortable with and go that route. There's no advantage with either, just do what makes you feel comfortable.

How much do counseling sessions cost? If you are going the insurance route, ask your insurance company what your benefits are, figure out how many sessions you are approved for and also know if you'll have a copay or you have to meet a certain deductible. That way you can budget for the sessions. Note that it's also possible to work with a therapist who is not contracted with your insurance company. In this case, the therapist will give you a receipt called a super bill, which you will present to your insurance company for reimbursement. So don't fret if the therapist you want to work with isn't on the list of in network providers. Typically this works for PPO insurance companies, while HMO companies want you to see a therapist who is contracted with their network.

If you are not going the insurance route, also ask the therapist how much each session will cost so you're not taken unaware and you can budget accordingly. Either way, you'll have some planning to do.

Where is the therapist located? Do you want a therapist who's close to your home or close to your work? How far away from your home do you want to drive? Some people will drive an hour to see a therapist they deeply connect with, and others must have someone within a 10 mile radius. Think about that. Ultimately, the most important thing is having a therapist whom you deeply connect with.

Imagine driving 10 minutes to see a therapist whom you can't stand? Sounds awful doesn't it?

Can the therapist see you online if you have to be out of town? If you are a busy person who does not always have the time to drive over for weekly appointments or if you go out of town regularly, you might also want to consider a therapist who can see you remotely. I personally use a software called Vsee. It's similar to Skype, except it's more secure. Note that in California, I can only see my clients if they are physically located in California. So if you're traveling out of state, I can't see you.

How long will therapy take? Successful therapy takes anywhere from weeks to months. Have this conversation with your therapist so you can mentally prepare yourself and commit to the care you deserve. It's a lot better to be prepared than to unsuccessfully drop out of therapy.

What is the therapist's personality like? We all know which type of person we connect with the most. This is why it's important to have the free consultation that many therapists offer. Figure out if you like their voice, if they sound friendly enough, if you want someone older, younger, more experienced, etc. Do they remind you of someone from your past? Once you have your first session, if you don't feel like they are a good fit or you really don't like their personality, just tell them.  I promise my feelings will not be hurt. Remember. Not every therapist will be the perfect fit for you.

So, if you'd like to have a free 15 minute phone consultation call with me so we can figure out how to get you on board the counseling train, ou can call me on 951-905-3181.

Fears About Therapy

Your life has been in turmoil for a while. Maybe you and your spouse have been yelling daily or you're getting increasingly frustrated with the kids. You know you are unhappy. You've struggled for months and you can't seem to reach out for the help that you need. You've looked up therapy or counseling online, but you haven't had the courage to actually call a therapist.

 Here are the reasons why some people hesitate to call a therapist:

 1) Therapy means I'm crazy: Well not really. No one ever said that counseling was for "Crazy people." Therapy actually works great for people who are coherent enough to understand what the therapist is saying and can actually follow through with some of the homework given. Therapy isn't for the "Crazy," just like going to the doctor isn't for the comatose. Therapy is helpful for people who are willing to look at a different perspective and try something new. When you're stuck in old patterns, it much the time to call someone to help you get unstuck.

 2) People are going to laugh if they know I'm in therapy: Your therapist will definitely not be telling people about you. It's the law. Actually, if I see you at the store, I will walk right by you- that is unless you address me first. Now it's not because I'm ashamed of you, it's because I'm protecting your confidentiality. I do not tell anyone about you, that is of course unless you sign a form giving me permission to do so. So if your friend walks into my office and asks about you, I'll be saying to him or her "I cannot confirm or deny that I know her."

 Please note that in some instances California law actually mandates that we make a report. These instances are child abuse, dependent adult abuse and elder abuse. We also have to report if you are a danger to yourself or others. Plus you don't have to tell anyone that you're in therapy. It's YOUR business and you reserve the right to keep it to yourself.

 3) A therapist can't help me: Well, you wouldn't know unless you tried. Unless you actually picked up the phone to talk to a therapist, you'll never know if there is hope. A therapist might be able to help you, but if you don't call, they'll definitely not be able to do anything for you.

 4) Therapy will bring up painful memories: Well sometimes therapy does bring up memories we thought we had long forgotten. That is very true. But not always. Sometimes we need to dig up the dirt in order to lay the foundation. For a plant to bloom, its seed has to be buried in the soil for a while. After some time spent in the darkness, it springs out of the soil and makes its way up to become a beautiful flower. If this is a concern for you, definitely address it with your therapist. Don't let this stop you from seeking help. When we ignore our pain, it'll affect us negatively.

 5) The therapist will judge me: Well, let me speak for myself. I've had so many people come in to see me for literally thousands of hours that I really have no desire to judge you. Judging you will actually stand in the way of me doing my job. When I'm sitting across from you, I listen, I highlight patterns of behavior, I look for strengths, and then I try to challenge you to come up with solutions. If I spent my time judging you, I'd be completely useless to you. I serve as your guide, not your critic.

 6) Therapy is too expensive: Many people don't see therapy as an investment in themselves, rather, they see it as a luxury. Sometimes you might have to forgo other things in order to save up for therapy. If you spend time getting your nails and hair done regularly, you might be able to afford therapy. But think about it this way- just like you invest in a home to make memories forever, or a vacation to spend amazing family time, your mental health is super important and might take some sacrifices on your part so that you can shed the unhealthy, anxious parts of you. Would you rather spend money to heal old wounds or scrimp and continue to carry the baggage around?

And if saving and sacrificing is completely out of the picture for you, then contact your health insurance company to see if you could find a therapist who will take your insurance. Please note that when your therapist bills your insurance, your insurance company will have some of your information and your therapist will also be giving you a mental health diagnosis. So your information doesn't just stay between you and your therapist- it'll be shared with a third party. 

Are there any other fears you've had that have stopped you from seeking counseling? 

If you are searching for a therapist or counselor in Murrieta or somewhere nearby, and you'd like a free 15 minute phone consultation, call me on 951-905-3181. It's time to stop the anxiety and finally find your calm.

Questions to ask your therapist before you start counseling

So you've finally taken the plunge and decided to schedule an appointment with a therapist in Murrieta or Temecula. Your heart is beating wildly, you're embarrassed and you're not sure how it's all going to go.

You head into the counseling office, you check your shirt to make sure you didn't stain it with your lunch. Your thoughts won't slow down. You ask yourself, "What am I supposed to say?" "What if she asks me something I don't want to answer or a question I don't know?"

It's okay. Just breathe. Once you step into my Murrieta, CA counseling office, I'll welcome you, ask you to have a seat and make sure the room temperature is all good. I'll also have tissue boxes for you, just in case things get a bit tearful. When you sit on my couch, here are some questions you can ask me:

 1) Will COUNSELING or therapy help me? 

And I'll probably tell you that I'll try my best to help, but I cannot give you a 100% guarantee that your life will be perfect after therapy. We will work together as a team to help you inch closer to your goals. But just like your doctor cannot promise you a sickness free life and Nordstrom cannot promise you that those pumps will change your life, I can't promise you that your life will be perfect.

 2) Will Did you diagnose me during our therapy session? 

Great question. If you plan to use your health insurance, then yes you'll be getting a mental health diagnosis. It's the only way insurance will pay. However, if you do not fit the criteria for a mental health diagnosis, I will not be diagnosing you. FYI it's illegal to just give someone a diagnosis just to make insurance pay. No bueno.

 3) What's my diagnosis? 

Another great question. I love to discuss this with my clients. I will tell you what diagnosis I gave you (if indeed I gave you one), why and what it means. This is similar to how doctors explain to you what they diagnose you with. If you're diabetic, they tell you what that means and if you pulled a muscle, they also explain to you what it means. Don't be afraid to ask me about this. I believe it could be great for your healing.

 4) How long will I be in therapy? 

This varies. Some people are in therapy for 6 short sessions, and others, for as long as 1 year or more. Still there are some people who show up once, decide it's not for them and they stop coming. It really all depends on your diagnosis, your commitment to do the work and what your goals are. If your diagnosis is severe, chances are you'll be in therapy longer. If you're not willing to do the hard work, you might also be in therapy longer. Either way, this is a great conversation to have.

 5) Will you be sharing my information with anyone? 

Technically I will only share information if you are a danger to yourself or someone else, or if I'm having to make a child abuse, elder abuse or dependent abuse report. These reports are mandated by the state of California when the need arises. I'll also have to share your information if the Feds ask me to do this (because I do not want to be complicit or a partner in crime). This is called the Patriot Act. Read more about it here. Outside of any of these situations, your information stays in my brain like a steel trap.

 If you'd like me to share information with your doctor or lawyer or husband or childhood friend, you'd have to sign a document called a release of information. In the document you'll tell me which information specifically I'm allowed to share. If you change your mind in the future, you can choose for me not to share that information.

 6) How often will our sessions be? 

Every therapist works differently. I personally like to see my clients weekly. This seems to be the best option for people who really want to get the ball rolling. I'm all about, let's set a goal, let's work hard to reach a goal, and then let's get you graduated. Woohoo!!

 7) Do you charge cancelation fees? 

Not all therapists do this, but I absolutely do. If I don't get a 24 hour notice, I do charge you a portion of the fee. This is important to note so you know exactly what to expect. Remember this, therapists see clients hourly, so if you don't show up to your appointment, we're left twiddling our thumbs. Plus if you give me a 24 hour notice, I'm able to offer your appointment time to someone else who needs some therapy. So out of respect for other clients who might want an appointment, please give a 24 hour notice so that others who also need help may take your spot.

What other questions would you like to have answered before you see a therapist?

For a free 15 minute phone consultation call with me, call me at 951-905-3181 so you can begin a path to a happier, calmer life. During this 15 minute phone call, I'll ask you what you've been struggling with, what your goals are, if you've been in therapy before, and it's your time to ask me whatever you want. Look at it this way, you get to interview me before you work with me.

What is therapy?

Have you ever found yourself scouring the internet to find a therapist in Murrieta or counseling in Temecula, but you realize you don’t even know what therapy is?

Therapy or psychotherapy or counseling is simply treating mental health disorders while keeping the person's individual relationships and environment in mind.

It doesn't matter if you call me a therapist, a psychotherapist or a counselor-I'm fine with all three titles. 

'Mental health disorders' sounds really harsh, but what that simply means is some type of psychological problem one has which is causing him or her distress. Depression causes distress, so does anxiety, so does anorexia, so does OCD, and so do schizophrenia, phobias, PTSD, insomnia and Bipolar disorder.

Some mental health disorders are very severe and people struggle with them for a lifetime. While others last for a few weeks or a few months at a time. Some are recurrent and come back after a while, and some show up for a few weeks and never return. A mental health diagnosis does not make you 'crazy.' In fact millions of people work and raise families while living with a mental health disorder. 

Think of it this way-there are also millions of people around the world who struggle with physical health disorders and who live fruitful lives. Would you call them crazy? I'd hope not.

What to expect from a therapist in Temecula or counselor in Murrieta

When you are on the lookout for a therapist in the Temecula area, expect that each therapist you talk to will be very different. So a psychotherapist in San Diego might be different from other counselors or therapists in Murrieta.

Don’t assume an instant connection with the therapist or counselor

Don't expect to instantly form a connection with every therapist you call- simply because they have a master's degree or a doctorate. Some people will talk too slowly for you, some will be too pushy. Find the one who is just right for you.

Different therapists work from different perspectives.

Some work from a cognitive perspective, which means they focus on the way you think. And the different perspectives are not based on location either. You could find a CBT therapist in San Diego, as well as in Los Angeles and the Bay Area.

Others work from a behavioral perspective-they are more concerned with how you act. Still others work from a systemic perspective- taking into account your family background, your upbringing and your environment. Some rely heavily on helping you tap into your emotions, while others will never even mention the word 'emotions.'

Some therapists will take notes as you are talking, others will use a tablet or a laptop and still some will not take any notes. Typically when you walk into a therapist's office, expect him or her to ask you lots of questions about your medical history, childhood history and mental health history. This information is golden for us as we use it to figure out how best to help you. The more honest you are, the easier it will be for us to get you to your goal.

So therapy isn't this weird mysterious thing.

It just looks very much like 2 people sitting across from each other and having conversations until the other person begins to feel better. You are free to ask questions and your therapist is your ally.

If you are seeking an African American therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area- that’s me! I help women of color and couples manage anxiety, insomnia. I offer online counseling throughout California. Click here to schedule a 15-minute consultation call to find out if we are a great fit.

I serve clients in San Diego, Los Angeles, Riverside, the desert- all over California.