Fears About Therapy

Your life has been in turmoil for a while. Maybe you and your spouse have been yelling daily or you're getting increasingly frustrated with the kids. You know you are unhappy. You've struggled for months and you can't seem to reach out for the help that you need. You've looked up therapy or counseling online, but you haven't had the courage to actually call a therapist.

 Here are the reasons why some people hesitate to call a therapist:

 1) Therapy means I'm crazy: Well not really. No one ever said that counseling was for "Crazy people." Therapy actually works great for people who are coherent enough to understand what the therapist is saying and can actually follow through with some of the homework given. Therapy isn't for the "Crazy," just like going to the doctor isn't for the comatose. Therapy is helpful for people who are willing to look at a different perspective and try something new. When you're stuck in old patterns, it much the time to call someone to help you get unstuck.

 2) People are going to laugh if they know I'm in therapy: Your therapist will definitely not be telling people about you. It's the law. Actually, if I see you at the store, I will walk right by you- that is unless you address me first. Now it's not because I'm ashamed of you, it's because I'm protecting your confidentiality. I do not tell anyone about you, that is of course unless you sign a form giving me permission to do so. So if your friend walks into my office and asks about you, I'll be saying to him or her "I cannot confirm or deny that I know her."

 Please note that in some instances California law actually mandates that we make a report. These instances are child abuse, dependent adult abuse and elder abuse. We also have to report if you are a danger to yourself or others. Plus you don't have to tell anyone that you're in therapy. It's YOUR business and you reserve the right to keep it to yourself.

 3) A therapist can't help me: Well, you wouldn't know unless you tried. Unless you actually picked up the phone to talk to a therapist, you'll never know if there is hope. A therapist might be able to help you, but if you don't call, they'll definitely not be able to do anything for you.

 4) Therapy will bring up painful memories: Well sometimes therapy does bring up memories we thought we had long forgotten. That is very true. But not always. Sometimes we need to dig up the dirt in order to lay the foundation. For a plant to bloom, its seed has to be buried in the soil for a while. After some time spent in the darkness, it springs out of the soil and makes its way up to become a beautiful flower. If this is a concern for you, definitely address it with your therapist. Don't let this stop you from seeking help. When we ignore our pain, it'll affect us negatively.

 5) The therapist will judge me: Well, let me speak for myself. I've had so many people come in to see me for literally thousands of hours that I really have no desire to judge you. Judging you will actually stand in the way of me doing my job. When I'm sitting across from you, I listen, I highlight patterns of behavior, I look for strengths, and then I try to challenge you to come up with solutions. If I spent my time judging you, I'd be completely useless to you. I serve as your guide, not your critic.

 6) Therapy is too expensive: Many people don't see therapy as an investment in themselves, rather, they see it as a luxury. Sometimes you might have to forgo other things in order to save up for therapy. If you spend time getting your nails and hair done regularly, you might be able to afford therapy. But think about it this way- just like you invest in a home to make memories forever, or a vacation to spend amazing family time, your mental health is super important and might take some sacrifices on your part so that you can shed the unhealthy, anxious parts of you. Would you rather spend money to heal old wounds or scrimp and continue to carry the baggage around?

And if saving and sacrificing is completely out of the picture for you, then contact your health insurance company to see if you could find a therapist who will take your insurance. Please note that when your therapist bills your insurance, your insurance company will have some of your information and your therapist will also be giving you a mental health diagnosis. So your information doesn't just stay between you and your therapist- it'll be shared with a third party. 

Are there any other fears you've had that have stopped you from seeking counseling? 

If you are searching for a therapist or counselor in Murrieta or somewhere nearby, and you'd like a free 15 minute phone consultation, call me on 951-905-3181. It's time to stop the anxiety and finally find your calm.

Questions to ask your therapist before you start counseling

So you've finally taken the plunge and decided to schedule an appointment with a therapist in Murrieta or Temecula. Your heart is beating wildly, you're embarrassed and you're not sure how it's all going to go.

You head into the counseling office, you check your shirt to make sure you didn't stain it with your lunch. Your thoughts won't slow down. You ask yourself, "What am I supposed to say?" "What if she asks me something I don't want to answer or a question I don't know?"

It's okay. Just breathe. Once you step into my Murrieta, CA counseling office, I'll welcome you, ask you to have a seat and make sure the room temperature is all good. I'll also have tissue boxes for you, just in case things get a bit tearful. When you sit on my couch, here are some questions you can ask me:

 1) Will COUNSELING or therapy help me? 

And I'll probably tell you that I'll try my best to help, but I cannot give you a 100% guarantee that your life will be perfect after therapy. We will work together as a team to help you inch closer to your goals. But just like your doctor cannot promise you a sickness free life and Nordstrom cannot promise you that those pumps will change your life, I can't promise you that your life will be perfect.

 2) Will Did you diagnose me during our therapy session? 

Great question. If you plan to use your health insurance, then yes you'll be getting a mental health diagnosis. It's the only way insurance will pay. However, if you do not fit the criteria for a mental health diagnosis, I will not be diagnosing you. FYI it's illegal to just give someone a diagnosis just to make insurance pay. No bueno.

 3) What's my diagnosis? 

Another great question. I love to discuss this with my clients. I will tell you what diagnosis I gave you (if indeed I gave you one), why and what it means. This is similar to how doctors explain to you what they diagnose you with. If you're diabetic, they tell you what that means and if you pulled a muscle, they also explain to you what it means. Don't be afraid to ask me about this. I believe it could be great for your healing.

 4) How long will I be in therapy? 

This varies. Some people are in therapy for 6 short sessions, and others, for as long as 1 year or more. Still there are some people who show up once, decide it's not for them and they stop coming. It really all depends on your diagnosis, your commitment to do the work and what your goals are. If your diagnosis is severe, chances are you'll be in therapy longer. If you're not willing to do the hard work, you might also be in therapy longer. Either way, this is a great conversation to have.

 5) Will you be sharing my information with anyone? 

Technically I will only share information if you are a danger to yourself or someone else, or if I'm having to make a child abuse, elder abuse or dependent abuse report. These reports are mandated by the state of California when the need arises. I'll also have to share your information if the Feds ask me to do this (because I do not want to be complicit or a partner in crime). This is called the Patriot Act. Read more about it here. Outside of any of these situations, your information stays in my brain like a steel trap.

 If you'd like me to share information with your doctor or lawyer or husband or childhood friend, you'd have to sign a document called a release of information. In the document you'll tell me which information specifically I'm allowed to share. If you change your mind in the future, you can choose for me not to share that information.

 6) How often will our sessions be? 

Every therapist works differently. I personally like to see my clients weekly. This seems to be the best option for people who really want to get the ball rolling. I'm all about, let's set a goal, let's work hard to reach a goal, and then let's get you graduated. Woohoo!!

 7) Do you charge cancelation fees? 

Not all therapists do this, but I absolutely do. If I don't get a 24 hour notice, I do charge you a portion of the fee. This is important to note so you know exactly what to expect. Remember this, therapists see clients hourly, so if you don't show up to your appointment, we're left twiddling our thumbs. Plus if you give me a 24 hour notice, I'm able to offer your appointment time to someone else who needs some therapy. So out of respect for other clients who might want an appointment, please give a 24 hour notice so that others who also need help may take your spot.

What other questions would you like to have answered before you see a therapist?

For a free 15 minute phone consultation call with me, call me at 951-905-3181 so you can begin a path to a happier, calmer life. During this 15 minute phone call, I'll ask you what you've been struggling with, what your goals are, if you've been in therapy before, and it's your time to ask me whatever you want. Look at it this way, you get to interview me before you work with me.

What is therapy?

Have you ever found yourself scouring the internet to find a therapist in Murrieta or counseling in Temecula, but you realize you don’t even know what therapy is?

Therapy or psychotherapy or counseling is simply treating mental health disorders while keeping the person's individual relationships and environment in mind.

It doesn't matter if you call me a therapist, a psychotherapist or a counselor-I'm fine with all three titles. 

'Mental health disorders' sounds really harsh, but what that simply means is some type of psychological problem one has which is causing him or her distress. Depression causes distress, so does anxiety, so does anorexia, so does OCD, and so do schizophrenia, phobias, PTSD, insomnia and Bipolar disorder.

Some mental health disorders are very severe and people struggle with them for a lifetime. While others last for a few weeks or a few months at a time. Some are recurrent and come back after a while, and some show up for a few weeks and never return. A mental health diagnosis does not make you 'crazy.' In fact millions of people work and raise families while living with a mental health disorder. 

Think of it this way-there are also millions of people around the world who struggle with physical health disorders and who live fruitful lives. Would you call them crazy? I'd hope not.

What to expect from a therapist in Temecula or counselor in Murrieta

When you are on the lookout for a therapist in the Temecula area, expect that each therapist you talk to will be very different. So a psychotherapist in San Diego might be different from other counselors or therapists in Murrieta.

Don’t assume an instant connection with the therapist or counselor

Don't expect to instantly form a connection with every therapist you call- simply because they have a master's degree or a doctorate. Some people will talk too slowly for you, some will be too pushy. Find the one who is just right for you.

Different therapists work from different perspectives.

Some work from a cognitive perspective, which means they focus on the way you think. And the different perspectives are not based on location either. You could find a CBT therapist in San Diego, as well as in Los Angeles and the Bay Area.

Others work from a behavioral perspective-they are more concerned with how you act. Still others work from a systemic perspective- taking into account your family background, your upbringing and your environment. Some rely heavily on helping you tap into your emotions, while others will never even mention the word 'emotions.'

Some therapists will take notes as you are talking, others will use a tablet or a laptop and still some will not take any notes. Typically when you walk into a therapist's office, expect him or her to ask you lots of questions about your medical history, childhood history and mental health history. This information is golden for us as we use it to figure out how best to help you. The more honest you are, the easier it will be for us to get you to your goal.

So therapy isn't this weird mysterious thing.

It just looks very much like 2 people sitting across from each other and having conversations until the other person begins to feel better. You are free to ask questions and your therapist is your ally.

If you are seeking an African American therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area- that’s me! I help women of color and couples manage anxiety, insomnia. I offer online counseling throughout California. Click here to schedule a 15-minute consultation call to find out if we are a great fit.

I serve clients in San Diego, Los Angeles, Riverside, the desert- all over California.

Why does therapy in the Temecula/Murrieta area cost so much?

You have searched on every website out there hoping to find a good therapist but it just doesn't seem like the ones you like are affordable. Why on earth are these therapists in Temecula, counselors in Murrieta and throughout California so expensive? Don't they want to be helpful?

 Well I'll tell you why from my point of view:

psychotherapists in california have an extensive background

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in the Murrieta/Temecula area is a professional with at least a master's degree. Some have PhDs or Doctorate degrees. I even know one who has 2 PhDs! This means it took a minimum of 6 years of college for your therapist to actually learn her specialized skills.

Some Marriage and Family Therapist masters programs take 3 years to complete- thereby increasing the learning time and expertise. If the therapist has a Phd- it probably took her (or him) anywhere from 3 to 6 additional years of school after the masters' degree. That means a therapist in San Diego who has a PhD has spent about 10 years or more post high school, furthering her education.

Therapists and counselors start gathering client experience when they are in school

To become a licensed counselor or therapist in California, in addition to spending all that time in school, a therapist must also become an intern while in school. So for 1 to 2 years, not only are we taking a large number of classes, learning about law and ethics, diagnosis, human relationships, child development, research and a wide array of other important topics to help you, we are also spending literally thousands of hours seeing clients to make sure we know what we are doing. We are honing our skills and getting shaped into the professionals that sit in front of you today. It is similar to how a surgeon goes through a residency to sharpen his or her skills. Consider that when next you meet with your Temecula therapist.

Counselors and therapists must accrue client hours after we graduate

Once we graduate from university , we must get 3,000 hours of client experience while we are under the supervision of someone who is a licensed therapist. So even though we've studied for years, completed a supervised internship, we still need to continue learning. 

3,000 hours of client experience doesn't mean we are just sitting in a room for 8 hours a day and racking up hours. It means the hours that count are those spent sitting in front of clients. It takes years to complete these hours. Anywhere from 2 to even 6 years, depending on the situation. 

We also meet with our supervisor every week for 1 to 2 hours while we are interns. Our supervisors check our paperwork, ask us questions about the clients and basically make sure we aren't ruining people's lives. So 4 years of undergrad, 2 to 3 years of masters', and possibly another 3 years of on the job work.

After our 3,000 hours are done, we then sit through 2 rigorous exams. It took me months to study for and pass the exams. So when you think of it, your therapist spends anywhere from 8 to 12 years training to get their license. We might not be physicians, but we sure do train like long and hard like them.

Therapist's attention to detail

Usually when a therapist charges higher fees, it typically means that he or she can be very picky about the clients he or she takes on. 

Why is this important?

Because if I took on every client who called me, I would be doing them a huge disservice. I only take on clients whom I know will be a great fit for me. No one is a jack of all trades, so I choose wisely. I see very few clients, but I know that the few I have are getting the best of my attention.

Before I even meet you, I am already trying to figure out the best way to serve you. And after you are out of the room, I create a treatment plan-a document that describes what goals and objectives we will be working on together. So before you meet me in my Murrieta counseling office, I have already done quite a bit of research to get started on your goals.

No therapist is great at treating all types of clients, so have a conversation with your therapist about who they're great at working with. Don't just sign up with a therapist because they're cheap or they take your insurance. This is your life we're talking about here.

You might think you're paying for an hour-long session, but really your therapist is working on helping you before you sit in the couch and after you're gone.

Before each session, many therapists plan and prepare to make sure we will be of good service to you, and after you leave we do some documentation detailing how the session went and our plan for the next session. It's how we track progress. If your insurance is being billed, then the documentation is a lot longer. We would have to meet insurance standards as well.

My small client load allows me to give my best work and to be as attentive to you as possible.

Have you ever sat in front of a doctor and felt that he was trying to rush you out of the room? Or that he didn't know you? That's a feeling I never want you to have. I pride myself in giving each client 5 star service. But honestly, if I charged lower fees and saw each client for only 30 minutes, I'll start to forget your name and you become inconsequential. But when I charge slightly higher, I only see a few people at a time and I give you the best of my energy. I know what direction your life is going, I know exactly how close you are in meeting your goals-I actually remember you.

Charging very low fees could potentially lead to resentment of the client as the therapist might not be making ends meet-which will be sad considering the years spent on honing one's skills.

This will be a waste of my time and yours.

It's similar to the service you get when you go to a discount store, compared to the service you get at a small upscale boutique. Now this doesn't mean that therapists who charge higher are better, it just means that they typically see fewer clients and they have more time to do the back end work.

 So, what do you think of therapists' fees in the Inland Empire or Murrieta area?

If you are looking for a Black female therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area to help you manage anxiety, insomnia or repair your relationship through marriage counseling in Murrieta, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call. 

I also provide online counseling throughout California.

How do you know when you're drowning in overwhelm?

So often I hear people say, "I'm overwhelmed." In the moment it might feel like a quick avalanche that just sneaked up on you. But in reality, overwhelm is more like slow moving lava. It inches closer and closer and closer until you are knee deep in hot, fiery flames and you have nowhere to run. You get stuck and you have no clue how this happened.

 To avoid the hot trap, it's important to realize the warning signs that point to the fact that you are indeed overwhelmed. Take a closer look at your life. How does your appearance change when it starts to creep in? Maybe you stop wearing lipstick or mascara. Maybe you start to pull your hair in a bun instead of combing it out.

How does overwhelm creep in at work? Does your desk get messy? Do you stop socializing with coworkers? Do you yawn more or do you slack off? Or maybe you cram in every single task possible without taking lunch breaks.

How does overwhelm show up in your relationships? Do you pick fights with your partner or do you isolate yourself? Are you snapping at your kids for pouring milk on the floor or chewing too loudly?

 Are your relationships changing? Are you isolating yourself? Are you yelling more or are you becoming more cranky? Do you not feel like going to dinners? Ask your spouse or partner what he notices when things are getting difficult for you.

It's important to notice how overwhelm sneaks in-the gentle warning signs. Once you notice your hair going up in a bun, its time to start letting go of the things that might lead you to overwhelm. Take a break, do some yoga, talk to a friend- or a therapist. Pause so you can take a detour before the lava sucks you in. If you don't slow down, the lava it will sneakily creep its way into your life until you're burned into ashes. 

How will you stop overwhelm in its tracks today? To schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me, call 951-905-3181. During this consultation, we will talk about what's going on with you, what my therapy style is and how I may be able to help you find your calm and avoid the lava.

Can a therapist in Murrieta, CA help you?

You've felt lost and confused for years. Even though you put on a brave face for the people around you, your life feels miserable. You've lost your voice and you're not sure how to find it again. You pour all the energy you have into your family, but at the end of the night, you feel like you're left with nothing.

A therapist in Murrieta or Counselor in Temecula can help.

The first step is to find a therapist you trust. Finding a therapist is very much like learning to ride a bike. Finding a new therapist can be scary- whether they are a therapist in Temecula, a therapist in San Diego, a therapist in Riverside, or it’s counseling in Los Angeles.

Don't be afraid to ask the therapist a million questions. "Do you take my insurance?" "How many years have you practiced for?" "What's your specialty?" "Tell me how you work." "What's your cancellation policy?""Can you help me with my goal?" "How long will our sessions be?" Read my blog post on what to ask a therapist on a consultation call.

A therapist will help you sort through your thoughts and feelings and get you to your goal. I always encourage people - when they see me for counseling in Murrieta-to have a specific goal when they start therapy. This goal will ensure that both you and the therapist are clear on what exactly you're trying to accomplish. That way you can decide if you are on the right track and you can measure your progress.

Therapy can be uncomfortable as you might end up remembering painful memories or uncomfortable feelings, however, your feelings are safe with a psychotherapist (a fancy name for mental health therapist). Sometimes it takes some discomfort to get you to your desired place. Also realize that during your first few sessions, you're only trying to see if you're a good fit with this therapist. Don't be afraid to let the therapist know if something isn't working for you-openness leads to great results. Also don't feel bad if you don't click with the therapist. Keep searching until you find your person. 

If you are seeking a counselor in California, I am a Black therapist in Murrieta, who offers virtual therapy for women of color with anxiety or insomnia, and marriage counseling for those in Murrieta, CA and throughout California, click here for a free 15-minute consultation call.