8 Myths about therapy or counseling

Perhaps you have thought of seeking a therapist, but you are not sure what the outcome will be. Maybe your friends have had a negative interaction with a therapist, which makes you wary. Below I address a few myths about therapy and I delve into the truth from my perspective.

Please note that all therapists are different, and each of us approaches our work in a different way.

Your therapist only talks about the past:

I’ve read this one in many social media forums. There is a general idea that it is the therapist’s job to blame your mother for everything that’s going wrong in your life or to only focus on the things that have happened in your past. Well many many years ago, there was a time when your mother would have been blamed for pretty much every shortcoming you have. But we therapists have advanced beyond that. We now know that even though your environment does shape you, your personality, other biological factors and life experiences all play a role in your life.

So don’t worry. I will most certainly NOT focus solely on your past when you come to see me. While I believe that your past is a window into your present, I don’t dwell entirely on the past.

Your therapist can’t help you with your goals and dreams:

Many people believe that a therapist is simply someone who diagnoses you, but then after that the focus is on ‘Fixing.’ The truth is that there are many theoretical orientations that therapists adhere to. I utilize Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Solution Focused Therapy. As a Solution Focused Therapist we talk about what you want your life to look like, and we then create practical steps to help you get there. It’s quite present focused and it’s very powerful in helping you figure out what barriers prevent you from reaching your dreams, as well as getting the motivation to actually make those dreams come true.

Your therapist is focused on pathology and mental illness:

A lot of people run away from therapists because they believe that they will be diagnosed with some scary illness. I totally get it. I wouldn’t want a scary illness following me around either. If this is a concern for you, have a conversation with your therapist before you begin services. Ask him or her if there will be a diagnosis, and I also encourage you to ask about what diagnosis will be given to you. Knowledge is power.

When I meet with clients, my focus is actually more on their strengths than their areas of growth. I believe it is my job to help you uncover strengths so that you can utilize those strengths to actually become the person you’ve dreamed of. We also talk about your support system and how they can help you improve your life.

Side note: If you plan to use your healthcare insurance, it’s important to know that insurance companies typically only reimburse services if your therapist has diagnosed you. So this is an important factor to weigh when you decide to go through your insurance. Depending on your future career, a mental health diagnosis does remain as part of your permanent record.

Your therapist has to tell your loved ones that you’re in therapy:

This is a big, fat no no. Now while there are some situations in which the therapist might have to involve your loved ones in your care (for example if you are a danger to yourself), whatever you say in the therapy room is typically not shared with your loved ones, employer or colleague. Now if you want your loved ones involved in your care or if you want to bring them into session to support you, you absolutely can work that out with your therapist. But when you work with a therapist, expect that your information will remain the therapy room.

A special note here. Therapists are mandated reporters, so in some cases we will have to make a report. Read more about that here.

Your therapist will shame you:

It is never your therapist’s job to shame you, berate you or make you feel bad about yourself. Her (or his) job is to be your support, to help you feel better, to discover patterns of behavior that you haven’t noticed about yourself, and to see improvement. We do a lot deeper work than if you were to read a self development book. If your therapist is shaming you, it’ll be really difficult for therapy to be successful.

All your therapist does is nod and smile:

While it might seem like all we do is nod and smile, we are paying serious attention to you. We are looking at your body language to see if you are comfortable, uncomfortable and how things are affecting you. We actively listen for patterns that might be important for us to change. In some forms of therapy like in EMDR or Brainspotting, the therapist might even bring in gadgets to help you change unhelpful patterns. In some instances we bring in worksheets, videos, or audio materials to help you. Outside of session we often plan out the session ahead of time, look for helpful materials and when you leave the room, we are ensuring that we are keeping good notes so that we can continue with an effective plan of action. Sometimes we even coordinate your care with your psychiatrist, physician or any other professional in your life whom you choose to be a part of your care.

You have to be on medication to be in therapy:

As a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, I am unable to prescribe or sell you medications. I am even unable to give you advice about what medications to take and when to take them. Medication is the job of nurses, physicians and pharmacists. In fact you do not have to be on medication or even want medication to be in therapy. Medication is your choice and you can decide to do what is best for you. If you are thinking about taking medications, I would highly suggest that you have a conversation with a physician so that you can make an informed decision.

Therapy is for “Crazy people” with serious problems:

I hear this one A LOT. The truth is I have never had a “Crazy” client and I am not even sure what that word means. To participate in therapy, you have to have a certain level of insight. It’s important that you aware of who you are, where you are, what day and time it is, what goals you are trying to accomplish, etc. To work with me, we have to be able to communicate with each other effectively and I only work with people who actually want to work with me. So I guess “Crazy people” by default, probably won’t be able to benefit from traditional therapy.

You also don’t have to have “Serious” life and death problems to benefit from therapy. Some people come to therapy after they relocate so they can work on the adjustment. Others come because they have struggles in their jobs, mild depression, mild anxiety, struggles in their relationship, difficulty making friends, or they just need someone to provide them with emotional support.

Sometimes mom life can get you feeling stressed or sleeping issues and insomnia can lead you to seek therapy (Another side note: Yes your therapist can help you resolve insomnia. I personally utilize a short-term 5 to 7 session insomnia treatment called CBT for insomnia or CBT i. Read more about that here). No problem is too small for therapy because we can all benefit from a little extra support. Sometimes, therapy is purely preventative. You come in when your symptoms are still very mild so that you prevent them from becoming severe.

If you’re ready to try therapy and get rid of anxiety or insomnia, I offer a free 15 minute consultation call. While my therapy office is in Murrieta, I also see women from all over California via a secure form of tele therapy. Click here to request your free consultation call.

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FAQs About Counseling, Therapy or Psychotherapy in Murrieta

Happy new year folks! I took a blogging break so that I could rest and begin to work on some more helpful mental health topics for you in 2020. I hope you had a great holiday break and you’re ready to take 2020 by storm.

Today I’m going to be answering some of the frequently asked questions about therapy or counseling that are often thrown at me. I know that finding a therapist or counselor in Murrieta/Temecula or even in the Inland Empire could be daunting, so my goal today is to make the process a bit easier for you. Many people who seek a therapist out in the Inland Empire are new to therapy. It’s normal to have some questions before you begin. And even if you don’t live in Murrieta, Temecula or the Inland Empire, chances are you have some of these questions when you’re seeking out a therapist.

Okay, let’s dive in. Below are some of the questions I get asked quite a bit. If you have questions about therapy that you’d like a licensed therapist to answer, go ahead and write them down in the comments section:

1) Is therapy confidential?

I get this question all the time. In short, the answer is “Yes and no.” I know it’s confusing, but let me explain. In the state of California, therapists are mandated reporters. It means that there are certain situations we have to report under the law- for the protection of certain people.

Some of these situations are:

• Child abuse- That includes physical, emotional, sexual abuse, or neglect of a child who is less than 18 years of age. When you are in the therapy room, if you disclose that a child is being abused, the therapist has the mandate to make a report to Child Protective Services (CPS). Now as a therapist, I do not investigate whether or not the allegation of abuse is true. My job is to simply pass the report on to CPS and let them do their job. Click here to read more about CPS child abuse reporting in California.

• Dependent adult abuse- This is the abuse of someone who is an adult ages 8 to 64, but due to his or her physical or emotional state, he or she cannot perform certain independent tasks without assistance. Types of abuse that must be reported include sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect and even financial abuse. So if you’re in a session with me and you report for example. that your 19 year old neighbor, who is a dependent adult, is underfed, malnourished and always being yelled at, I will be mandated to report to Adult Protective Services (APS). Here is the link to Riverside County APS.

• Elder adult abuse- This is the abuse of an adult who is 65 years or older. It includes abandonment or neglect, financial abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse or even healthcare abuse. So abuse doesn’t only mean harming the person physically or emotionally, misuse of the elder’s funds and healthcare fraud could also be reportable. In this case if I suspect any of the above types of abuse is going on, I’ll also make a report to APS so that the individual is kept safe.

• Danger to self or others: My job as a therapist is to ensure that you are safe. If at any time, it becomes obvious that you are going to be a danger to yourself, to another person or to the property of another person, it is my prerogative to report to the necessary authorities so that everyone concerned can be safe. In this case, I can choose not to report, but if I deem that this is the best action, then I could go ahead and bring in a third party to keep you safe.

• Patriot Act of 2001: This law was enacted as a response to the horrific attacks on September 11, 2001. This indicates that if a client of mine is a suspected terrorist, the FBI or their law enforcement agencies can request information from me, and I would have to comply with their requests. Read more about the Patriot Act here.

But if you are not a danger to yourself or others, if you are not a suspected terrorist and if there is no suspected elder, dependent or child abuse, then the information you divulge in therapy remains confidential.

2) Will my health insurance pay for my therapy visits?

The answer to this one is “It depends.” Some insurance companies have mental health coverage and they will allow you to see a therapist who has signed a contract with them. These therapists are “In network” with your insurance company. It’s important to ask your insurance company what your benefits are, so you can decide what you want to do.

Some insurance companies will specify the number and types of sessions that you can have. For example, some insurance companies do not cover couples therapy. Others will cover tele therapy (therapy over the phone or computer), while some won’t.

In some situations, you might find a therapist whom you really like, but they might not have a contract with your insurance company. If you have a PPO plan, you might be able to still work with an out of network therapist and also get a percentage of the therapy cost reimbursed by your health insurance company.

What I do in this case is that the client pays me out of pocket for each session, and then I provide them a superbill (it’s sort of a receipt for services), which the client forwards to the insurance company for coverage.

It’s important to ask your insurance company if you have to be diagnosed with a mental health disorder in order for services to be covered.

Insurance companies often determine the length of sessions, types of sessions covered, how much you will be reimbursed, and sometimes which therapist you see.

3) Will my spouse, parents, kids, family and loved ones know that I’m in therapy?

It really depends on what you want and the circumstances under which you came to therapy. If you are mandated to come to couples or family therapy by a judge, then of course your family will know that you’re in therapy. But if you are coming of your own will as an adult, you don’t necessarily have to tell anyone that you’re seeing a therapist.

Some people have their family members (like their parents, spouse, etc). In that case, by default, the payer will know that you’re in therapy. However they don’t necessarily get access to your records or get to chat with the therapist about your personal business. It really depends on what you want. Remember- your mental health is your personal business. You can tell whomever you want about what happens in your therapy, but I cannot tell anyone (except I’m doing a mandated report as stated above). In other words, your secrets are safe with me.

And in the case that your spouse, child, in laws, friends or coworkers call me asking for information about you, the standard response I give is “I cannot confirm or deny that I know her.” My lips are sealed unless you give me written permission to speak to a loved one or colleague.

4) Can I be honest with my therapist?

Well do you want to make progress in your life? When you work with me, I typically start where you’re comfortable. We go where you want to go, and talk about the areas that you feel comfortable addressing. I will in no way force you to talk about trauma or childhood memories- except you’re comfortable with it.

As we build more rapport, you will naturally begin to tell me about deeper issues that are bothering you. For therapy to work well, it is important to be honest with your therapist so that we can work together as a team. In my therapy office in Murrieta, there is no room for judgement or blame. I help you uncover your strengths, combat thoughts that don’t work well for you and identify new, positive coping skills. That’s a brief summary of my role as a therapist.

5) What will my first therapy session look like?

Therapy looks different depending on who you choose as your therapist- because we all have different approaches to the work that we do. When you work with me, your first contact with me will either be through a phone call or an email. If it’s through email, I'll ask you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me so that I can find out more about what your struggles are and you can also decide if I’m the best fit for you. I believe very strongly that you have to pick the therapist that is the right fit for you, not the one who is the cheapest or whose office is the closest to your home.

After the consultation call, if you decide to begin services with me, we’ll schedule an appointment and you get to see me either in my therapy office in Murrieta or online. As licensed marriage and family therapist in California, I can see anyone in California through teletherapy- which is kind of like a Skype video call- only through a more secure platform.

During your first therapy session, I’ll collect your payment, ask you questions about your background and what brought you into therapy. And we will work together to create a plan of action so that you can find relief as fast as possible. I’m more of a short term therapy kind of therapist. I like us to find the fastest route to healing because I don’t want you to be in therapy forever!

We typically will meet every week as I see the most progress in clients who see me weekly. When things are improving, naturally we’ll taper down to every other week, then probably once a month.

You’ll sit on my comfy couch, we’ll talk and you’ll get homework sometimes (yes, I’m a fan of homework) to ensure that you’re able to implement what you learned. I believe therapy should be helpful- not just weekly jibber jabber.

And that’s pretty much it. If you have any other questions about finding a therapist in Murrieta/Temecula, feel free to comment below or email me.

Thinking about starting therapy? I love working with women who struggle with anxiety, people pleasing behaviors and self esteem issues. I also love helping insomniacs sleep through my CBT for insomnia work. If you’re ready to get rid of anxiety or insomnia, click here to request a free 15-min consultation call.

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Risks and benefits of therapy

Therapy or counseling has become quite widespread in the US. In the Murrieta/Temecula area alone, there are probably almost about 100 therapists- if not more. There are therapists that specialize in anxiety, therapists for depression, for grief and loss, postpartum depression, family counseling, you name it. While some people have embraced therapy whole heartedly, others are still wary of it. After all, I can see why the idea of talking to a third party behind closed doors can appear scary to some. So let’s pull the curtain back. Let’s dive into the risks and benefits of therapy, so you remain informed when you make a decision to embark on your journey of healing.

Benefits of Therapy

1) An opportunity for growth: Most people see a therapist because they are ready for a change. Typically, there is something going on in their lives that they want to work on or improve. Usually your friends and your family members do not have the training to help you see patterns that aren’t working for you. Sometimes they might notice these patterns, but they either are too emotionally involved to help you, or they just don’t know how to communicate with you in a way that you can receive it. This is where your therapist comes in. We help you put the pieces together so that you can change those parts of you that are no longer working for you and move forward. We essentially help you get unstuck, but without judgement and shame.

2) A safe sounding board: Sometimes we just aren’t ready to hear what our family members have to say about us. And sometimes your family members and friends aren’t able to listen to you when you need them to. Sometimes your loved ones are really harsh with their feedback. In the therapy room, there is emotional safety. It’s time for you to get someone’s undivided attention and bounce your situation off of them. If you’ve never sat in a room that’s a safe space for all your deepest thoughts and ideas, try it. There is so much healing that could happen in the process. Without safety no one can open up, and without opening up you can’t do the work of growth.

3) A deep understanding of yourself and your environment: Therapy is the place where you can find out why you are the way you are or why your family is the way that they are. You learn to stop shaming yourself. You’ll probably learn how to put away guilt and you’ll begin to learn how to work through patterns of behavior that you’re trying to break. Once you know why you do the things that you do, it becomes a lot easier to stop making the same mistakes over and over. You begin to let go of things that don’t work for you and move forward.

You can also have a deeper understanding of your family, your loved ones and your environment. Through family therapy, you can bring your loved ones in and learn about what triggers you, better ways to communicate. You can also talk about hurts and pain in a safe environment so that you can grow and move forward. Couples therapy allows you to open up to your partner about emotions and thoughts that you probably did not know how to communicate. But a trained therapist facilitates important discussions.

4) Decrease in negative thoughts: I love to work from a cognitive behavioral therapy perspective. What this simply means is that I believe that your thoguths, your feelings and your behaviors are all connected. If you are aware of the way you think about the world, you can then begin to change any thoughts that have held you back for years. Each week, we’ll work on analyzing those thoughts, figuring out whether or not they are true, and coming up with alternative, more realistic thoughts. Once you switch the way you think about situations, your feelings also begin to shift. If your thoughts are mostly negative, you will also feel negative about your circumstances. You’ll learn to approach the world in a whole new way. You learn how to take control of the things that you can and let go of those that you cannot change. Talk about taking off burdens!

5) Stronger relationships: Sometimes you and your loved ones just can’t see eye to eye. The love might be strong, but the communication might be weak. In the therapy room, you learn communication skills that help you get your point across clearly and respectfully. You learn what the barriers are to successful communication and how to overcome them. Now, therapy is not a magic pill. It takes hard work and commitment, but if you and your loved ones are committed to making it work, it truly can heal your relationships- whether it is marriage counseling, family therapy or just individual counseling for anxiety, depression, trauma or whatever struggle you’re experiencing. You begin to have a deeper understanding of the way your environment works and how to make it better.

6) Increased self confidence: When you have the same struggle over and over again, it affects the way you feel about yourself. Often times, we blame ourselves for the struggles we are having, which takes a huge toll on our self confidence. But once you start to unlock the negative thinking and your emotions get lighter, increased self confidence follows.

Now that we’ve talked about the benefits of therapy, let’s dive into the risks.

Risks of Therapy

1) You may feel worse before you feel better: Therapy takes work. I always tell my clients that we have to dig through mud if we want to get fruit from a tree. This simply means you have to roll up your sleeves, look inwards and unpack difficult emotions. Sometimes there will be tears involved, sometimes you’ll be angry, and sometimes difficult memories will also come up. Some days you’ll leave the therapy room feeling worn down, tired and stressed out, but this is typically the process to growth. Have you ever seen a child learning to walk? She falls down hundreds of times. And each time, she looks frustrated, but if she hangs in there, she’ll eventually master the skill and even learn to run. You can’t skip the difficult parts.

2) Your relationship might worsen or even end: With couples therapy, sometimes couples come in when they are on the brink of divorce. One partner has her foot out the door, while the other one is begging her to remain in the relationship. In this situation, sometimes the partner who wants the divorce may never be willing to reconcile because he has made up his mind about wanting the relationship to end. Most people think that couples therapy always saves a marriage, but in some cases, both partners might come to the realization that they don’t want to stay together. It’s not the therapist’s job to force one party to reconcile with the other, rather we simply facilitate a peaceful process so that both parties can move forward. Sometimes couples therapy becomes a path to navigate a healthy breakup.

3) Discomfort: Being in therapy brings up a whole lot of difficult emotions. There might be traumatic memories that come up to the surface, there might be the realization that your family members aren’t the supportive bunch you thought they were, sometimes your partner might bring up a secret that he or she has been keeping from you, or sometimes your child confronts you about mistakes you made in your past. There might be some cringing, tears, sadness, feelings of guilt and shame. But it is the therapist’s job to hold space for you so that you can work on processing these difficult emotions and memories.

4) Growth could be slow: Therapy is not always a quick process. Depending on what issues and circumstances you want to work on, it could take weeks, months or sometimes, even years to get a resolution. My advice is to start therapy when you are ready. And when you are ready, be open, honest and committed to the process. If you come in to see your therapist only once in a while and you’re not open with her, chances are your growth will be stalled. It’s normal to sometimes try to self sabotage. That’s something you can discuss with your therapist and work through. But if you are committed to the process, the growth will come.

And there you have it. Those are some of the risks and benefits of therapy. If you are in the Murrieta/Temecula area, struggling with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, or insomnia, I provide therapy or counseling in Murrieta and online. Call me on 951-905-3181 or email me to schedule your free 15 minute consultation so that you can finally get the sleep you deserve or find your voice. I also provide online therapy to individuals throughout California.

Is Suicide Preventable?

Suicide Prevention Week is September 8th-14th, 2019

During this week individuals and organizations around the country join their voices to broadcast the message that suicide can be prevented, and to reach as many people as possible with the tools and resources to support themselves and those around them. The theme of Suicide Prevention Week is Finding Purpose: Caring for Ourselves and Others. It truly takes whole communities joining together to make a difference – from individuals and families to workplaces, government agencies, and community organizations. 

Is suicide preventable?

In the last couple of years several well-known figures in the food and entertainment industries, died by suicide, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that suicide rates rose in nearly every state in the U.S. Many of us have been personally impacted by the death of someone we know or someone we love. The problem can sometimes seem insurmountable.

You may have heard people asking, or asked yourself: “Is suicide preventable?” 

The causes of suicide are complex, and so are the solutions. Asking “why” when we lose someone is natural, but suicide can’t be attributed to a single cause. Preventing suicide requires sustained, broad-based efforts involving many sectors of the community and reaching into people’s relationships with friends and family. Working together, we can develop a comprehensive safety net for ourselves, friends and loved ones that includes prevention, early intervention, and support for those who are struggling, have attempted, or have lost someone to suicide.

There are reasons for hope!

The next time you hear someone ask “Is suicide preventable”, or you ask this question yourself, the answer lies partly in recognizing how much we do know about preventing suicide. 

 Did you know that:

·     Effective suicide prevention strategies exist that can reduce suicidal thinking and behavior? Some programs take place within clinical settings, and others are based in the community, but evaluation studies and research have shown that they can help. Find out more about these programs by checking out the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Technical Package

·     National initiatives are underway that are enhancing suicide prevention in health care settings (e.g.zerosuicide.sprc.org) and within industries (e.g. Construction Industry Alliance for Suicide Prevention, www.cfma.org) and workplaces.

·     National and local efforts are helping us to change the conversation about suicide to one of hope and help and to encourage effective messagingaround suicide prevention. And as a result, more often we see compassionate portrayals and responses in media and in the entertainment industry after a suicide death.

·     The Know the Signs campaign is helping Californians to Know the Signs, Find the Words, and Reach Out to help someone they are concerned about. Check out the web site in Englishor Spanishtoday.

What is your role in suicide prevention?

While not every suicide can be prevented, by joining together throughout communities, we can reduce risk. Everyone has a role to play and a contribution to make. 

·     Visit the Each Mind Matters Resource Center for suicide prevention resources in many different languages.

·     Be ready and aware: learn the warning signs and how to help by visiting suicideispreventable.orgor by participating in a local training.

·     Reach out to local organizations, county agencies, or a crisis center to learn more about how you can support their work. 

·     Forge connections within your community-  check in with friends, family members, co-workers or neighbors who are struggling.

More ideas can be found in the online 2019 Each Mind Matters Suicide Prevention Week Activation Kit.

Add Your Voice to World Suicide Prevention Day

Tuesday, Sept. 10, 2019 is World Suicide Prevention Day. This is an opportunity to join millions of others around the globe to focus public attention on preventing suicide through diverse activities to promote understanding about suicide and highlight effective prevention activities. For example:  Light a candlenear a window at 8pm to show your support, remember a lost loved one, and for the survivors of suicide. Click here to find e-cards or postcards in 62 languages.

The Know the Signs campaign is one of several statewide initiatives funded by counties through the voter-approved Mental Health Services Act (Prop 63).  These efforts are administered by the California Mental Health Services Authority (CalMHSA) and are part of Each Mind Matters:  California’s Mental Health Movement.

More Resources

And if you are in need of some more resources, click here for this depression resource guide from The Recovery Village.

Will marriage therapy in Houston work for you?

When you are struggling in your marriage, it can feel like a stifling, never ending roller coaster. One day things look good, then out of the blue, arguments just show up. You can feel like you're having the same old argument over and over again.

Perhaps you've heard people talk about the wonders of couples therapy or marriage counseling. You’ve thought about it, but you don't know if it's going to be a waste of time or money.

Here's how to know if marriage therapy couples therapy in Houston will work for you.

Are you willing to tell the truth?

The process of marriage counseling is no joke. You have to be willing to tell the truth about your situation, and you have to be willing to talk about sore topics. If you are not 100% committed to telling the truth about past events, then marriage counseling will definitely not work for you.

Are you willing to do the marriage counseling homework?

If you happen to work with me, then you know that I give homework after every single session. I actually believe that most of the work of marriage counseling or couples therapy actually happens outside of session. But if you're willing to implement what you're actually learning in session and actually do the homework, then your marriage will see a drastic change. If you do not do the homework, then your marriage will continue to stay the same. But if you're willing to implement what you're actually learning in session and actually do the homework, then your marriage will see a drastic change.

Are you willing to change past habits and learn a new dance while you’re in couples therapy?

Most people come to marriage counseling because the patterns they have been used to for years are either destructive or are causing them a level of pain. The problem is because you are so used to the way things have been, you might not be willing to change them. Even though you don't like the way things are going, but your behavior has become a habit or maybe your behavior is now a part of your character. If you are willing to learn a new couple’s dance, then there is hope for your marriage.

Are you willing to do the work it takes to find the right couples therapist in houston for you and your spouse?

The process of finding the right couples therapist in Houston is not easy. Most couples therapists in Houston are so swamped with clients that they might not get back to you (I respond to every voicemail within 2 business days).

This means that it takes dedication on your part. You first have to do a bit of research to find a short list of couples therapists in Houston. After that, you'll probably be scheduling a free consultation call if the therapist offers that (I happen to offer a free 15-minute consultation call to determine if we are a great fit).

Are you patient?

If you put in the work during your marriage counseling sessions in Houston, you'll see a definite difference in your marriage. However you do have to be patient as change does not happen overnight. It has taken years to get your marriage to a place that doesn't feel good, so it will take more than 2 sessions to get your marriage to a place where you both feel understood and friendly again.

.If you are finally ready to take your marriage from a place of confusion and miscommunication to deeper friendship and understanding, click here to schedule a free 15 minute couples therapy consultation call with me.

Confessions of a therapist- everything you don't know about your therapist

Most therapists go into the mental health field because we either have a burning desire to help people live great lives, or we have experienced hurt and pain-which creates a need to walk people out of the pain they are currently experiencing.

It is a great responsibility to walk side by side with you as you are on your journey of healing. Now there are many misconceptions about therapists and counselors. Many people view us as mysterious people- but what you don't know is that we are quite easy to crack.

Here are some secrets you should know about your local therapist.

I'm a regular person-just like you

Even though I'm a mental health therapist, it's important to know that I'm a regular person just like you. I have hopes and dreams- to be healthy and happy. The only difference between me and you is that I have dedicated my life to helping people become unstuck so they can move on to brighter futures.

Many therapists have families, we live in homes, some have spouses and kids. Some of us create art, sing, dance (even though I might have two left feet), watch movies, and travel. We have hobbies and do regular people things.

It really is the only way we can take care of ourselves so that we can give you the care you need. If you're local in the Murrieta/Temecula area, you might even catch me around town just living life. If you've worked with me before, then you've probably heard my really loud laugh, my animated jokes and all the craziness that comes out of my mouth.

I sometimes nap on my therapy couch

Now this is one of my deepest, darkest secrets as a therapist or counselor. Sometimes the days can be long, and when I find myself lucky enough to have a long break between sessions, I sometimes take a cat nap on my lovely couch. You see the couch isn't just for you to feel comfortable, it's also a great napping spot for me (Shh! Don't tell anyone).

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I believe in you before you can even believe in yourself

So often clients come to me broken, disillusioned and feeling lonely. Life feels so horrible that they just can't bear it. The moment you walk in to see me- sometimes with tears in your eyes-I usually can tell that you will be just fine.

Because I've worked with so many women over the years, and I take great care to only take clients whom I believe I can help in some capacity. I have high hopes for you when you come to see me. I believe it is my job to hold the hope for you until you believe that you deserve to hold the hope for yourself.

I don't judge you

It usually takes a while before a new client can trust me. But eventually, all my clients learn to trust me. I completely understand why many take a while to trust- after living a life of brokenness, trust is difficult to come by and must be earned.

Sometimes clients are not completely truthful with me- because of guilt and shame. It is important to know that when you walk into my office, all you will receive is kindness, empathy and understanding. You can trust me with your emotions, but it is important to be truthful so I can help walk you out of the stuck, dark place.

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I also have struggles of my own

I'm a therapist, not a robot. I have struggles, emotions and hard days. I have learned how to schedule my time appropriately so that I can take care of my own needs. I practice what I teach my clients.

You see, self care helps me do my job effectively. But if I didn't have struggles or difficult days, I wouldn't be able to walk with you in the dark places. It is my humanity that helps me better understand my clients.

I've been in therapy before

Now I'm sure this confession will make you gasp. But there's no scandal here. Sometimes we also need our own therapists to help us see our blind spots. You see, the reason why therapy works so well, is that the therapist is able to view your situation from the outside looking in.

When you're trapped in your struggle, all you can see is the struggle. It takes someone who isn't emotionally attached to you to help guide you out of your troubles. And yes, I've been in therapy before. It was one of the greatest blessings. And I’ll go back again and again as needs arise.

I don't walk around "Therapizing" people all day

People often ask me, "Ibinye, are you analyzing me right now?" The answer is no. When I'm out and about, I take my therapist hat off and put my human hat on. I don't walk around watching parents interact with their kids or sniffing out anxious women in Murrieta. Nope. I live my life.

So you don't have to run away from me if you catch me at a mental heath fair or at a pumpkin patch. But if you're my client, I'll let you say hi to me first to protect your confidentiality. 

You can also find out ways that I can help you in this blog post- How can a therapist help you?

If you are searching for marriage counseling in Temecula or couples counseling in Murrieta, now is the time to reach out. I am a Black therapist for women who struggle with anxiety and insomnia. Click the button below to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call. I also provide online therapy for women throughout California. 

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.