Here’s why going to marriage counseling in Houston is so much better than just talking to your friends

Why marriage counseling is better than just talking to your friends

Did you know that the average couple typically waits 6 years before seeking the help of a marriage counselor or marriage therapist? That means couples notice a problem, but they try to fight through it for 6 years!

Do you know what can happen in 6 years? You can watch your newborn become old enough to successfully start the first grade. You can get a bachelor’s degree AND a master’s degree. In 6 years you can also grow the most amazing friendship with your spouse.

But if you do not play your cards right, in 6 years you could completely watch your marriage deteriorate without the support and guidance of a trained Houston licensed marriage and family therapist.

But because most people do not understand the value of marriage counseling, they defer to self- help books (which aren’t totally bad), videos, reels and the advice from friends (who may or may not know how to actually help your marriage).

Let’s talk further about why you’re much better off attending marriage counseling in Houston than confiding in your well meaning friends.

Not all your friends are well meaning

First of all, not all your friends mean well or have enough knowledge to actually help your marriage grow. Some of your friends are amazing people who are skilled in business or parenting, but behind closed doors, their own marriages suck. So they’ll give you the same sucky advice they’ve been implementing at home and your marriage will become a dumpster fire. Some friends will give you bad advice on purpose, while others genuinely mean well, but their approach to marriage will worsen your situation.

Your friends are biased

Friends typically are one sided. They feel the need to stand by you at all costs. That means if you’re doing something wrong in your marriage, they won’t feel comfortable telling you that you’re doing something wrong. They watch you make missteps, but they don’t say anything. They also will nod and smile at you every time you complain to them about your spouse, but they don’t actually correct you. 

But when you’re in couples counseling in Houston, on the other hand, your therapist is skilled in the art of pointing out harmful behavior and gently correcting you. So you actually leave each session having accomplished something great for your marriage.

Your friends don't know your family dynamics

Your lovely friends do not know the impact that your upbringing and your husband’s upbringing play in your relationship. All they see are the current behaviors within your household and they will give you advice based on that. That’s an incomplete picture.

I, on the other hand, approach marriage counseling in Houston from a holistic approach. I take the environment and family that you and your spouse were raised into consideration when I support you. We work to strengthen patterns that are working and fix patterns that are broken. Can your friends do that?

Your friends aren't professionally trained

Your friends don’t know the right questions to ask. They only know what you’ve told them. And let’s be honest, most of us do not tell our friends about the shenanigans that we pull with our spouses. We sugar coat our stories to make ourselves look better. So when you go to your friends for marriage advice, they have no clue what they should actually be saying to help you.

Your friends don't know the signs of a mental health diagnosis

Your friends often do not know the difference between typical marital issues and marital issues that arise as a result of a mental health diagnosis. Let’s be honest, most people wouldn’t know what anxiety, depression or ADHD looked like if it slapped them in the face. But a trained, specialized marriage counselor in Houston will not only help you improve your marriage relationship, but they can actually work with you to help manage your mental health. It’s a two for one.

The next time you are tempted to pick up your phone to call or text a friend to complain about your struggling marriage, ask yourself if that’s actually a wise decision.

If you are finally ready to break your 6-year marriage turmoil streak and have a marriage that feels easy, is filled with laughter and great communication, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for marriage counseling in Houston. 

Marriage counseling in Houston (I also provide marriage counseling to people in the Temecula, Murrieta CA area) can end your awful 6 year streak.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Here's why Christians run away from marriage counseling/couples therapy

As a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I cannot tell you how many terrified clients come to see me in the dead of night. Okay maybe not in the dead of night, but I cannot tell you how many couples struggle with their marriage for 6 or 7 years before they finally decide to pick up the phone and call me.

I’ve often wondered why Christians run away from marriage counseling or couples therapy outside the church, and I think I’ve figured it out.

Here are 6 reasons why you might also be running from counseling or therapy as a Christian:

They think that marriage counseling or therapy in general is not biblical

The number one struggle or fear that Christians often have is going to a marriage counselor whom they believe will speak against their Christian beliefs. People often assume that because a therapist has studied psychology or human behavior, that they somehow will speak against the Bible.

In many churches, we are taught to pray, seek God and just keep your struggles to yourself. But if you search the Bible, you will notice that the early Christians actually shared each other’s burdens and lived life as a united community.

If you are in a place in your marriage where things feel super hard, I encourage you to do some research. Please know that there are indeed many Christian therapists who can integrate biblical principles into their counseling.

Here are some questions to ask a prospective marriage counselor to ensure that her beliefs are in line with your own Christian beliefs.

They are afraid to share their marriage struggles outside the church

Many Christians believe in a life of martyrdom.

No matter how hard they struggle, they hold it all to their chest and tell no one about it. Some people also believe that they are having struggles in their marriage because of some sin they must have committed in the past.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it holds your marriage ransom. When you go through couples therapy, you will quickly learn that your marriage can be fixed if you and your spouse have a desire to do so. And if you want to keep your sins close to your chest, then why did Christ die for you?

They think they can pray their marital problems away

This is one I see over and over again. Many Christians believe that if they pray hard enough, their marriage will be healed. But what they fail to realize is that faith without works is dead- and I got that straight from the Bible. Even the Bible tells us to seek wise counsel.

If you pray over and over again, but you and your husband do not have the adequate tools to strengthen your friendship, improve your communication and learn adequate conflict resolution skills, your marriage will feel like an uncofmrtorbale battle ground forever, and you will be robbing your family of a happy future.

They believe that people who go to couples therapy are weak.

No one wants to look weak. We all want to believe that we are made of grit and resiliency. But you see, as humans who live in a fallen world, we are bound to have struggles sometimes.

The problem with trying to avoid looking weak, is that your marriage will eventually deteriorate if you’re not doing anything to improve it.

The great thing about working with a licensed marriage and family therapist, is that we keep your business confidential. We are not allowed to talk to others about you. Many of us do not judge you or see you as weak. We simply just see you as to individuals who are doing the best you can to keep your marriage alive.

When people go to the doctor for a check up, we certainly don’t think they are weak. So why do we think people who go to marriage counseling or couples therapy are weak?

Their marital issues aren’t serious enough for therapy

Your marriage does not have to be on the verge of collapse for couples therapy to benefit you. Why would you wait for the house to collapse before you start repairs?

Couples therapy is best for people who are interested in doing the work, being vulnerable with one another and reconnecting.

It’s important to seek couples counseling in Houston before things become irreparable. Prevention is better than cure.

They can talk to their friends or family about their marital problems

Of course you can talk to your friends and family about your marital problems, but are they trained in human behavior? Do they have a background in psychology? Are they able to give you the necessary skills and tools to do life with your spouse? Or will they just nod their heads, pray for you and send you on your merry way?

Although your friends and family members probably mean well, sometimes, they inadvertently give you advice that will end up sabotaging your entire marriage.

It’s important to note that couples therapists have years of experience and training that is specific to couples and marriages, and they know how to help you listen, communicate in a way that is stress free, and also how to stop persistent problems that have plagued your marriage for years.

If you are ready to finally have a marriage that feels easy, and learn how to appropriately communicate with your spouse, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me.