The Top 5 Myths About Working with a Black Therapist or Counselor in Riverside County

You’ve been struggling for a moment, so you do a Google search for a therapist. You review a few websites, and some of those therapists are Black. You however, are not sure whether or not you want to work with a Black therapist.

Here are a few myths about working with a Black therapist that we probably should clear up.

1) You have to be Black to work with a Black therapist

Let’s just shatter this now. Black therapists didn't get masters degrees and PhD’s to learn solely about the minds and experiences of Black people. We do have the experience and ability to help people of all backgrounds. While of course, a lot of Black and African American therapists do try to increase access to mental health services in Black communities and other communities of color, many Black therapists will be more than happy to work with you if you’re not Black.

It is important to examine your biases though. How do you really feel about working with a Black therapist?

2) You can’t tell a Black therapist your business- it’ll make you look weak.

I’ve heard it said that some people don’t want to talk to a Black therapist- because of the stereotype of the strong, Black woman. We sometimes assume that Black women do not feel pain (physical and/or emotional) and so, they will not be able to relate to your struggles. Sometimes there’s a myth that they will judge you because your problems aren’t “Bad enough.”

This cannot be further from the truth. Black women (and therapists) are just as capable of feeling physical and emotional pain as everyone else. In fact, I can say that we love it when our clients experience emotional breakthroughs, become vulnerable and begin to unpack emotional baggage.

So go ahead- relax your shoulders and feel free to begin to share with your therapist.

3) You can’t address issues of race, injustice and privilege

Sometimes there might be a feeling of guilt. You assume that because your therapist is Black she has struggled with racial trauma, and so you don’t want to ‘burden’ her with your own stories of racial injustice and pain. 

As therapists, we are highly trained. We do not do this work because we are looking for pity or guilt form our clients. We have many skills to help us separate our own experiences from the experiences of our clients. We do not have to experience everything that our clients have in order to help them. Think about it this way- a doctor can fix your broken arm without ever having the experience of a broken arm.

As a Black therapist, I have to say that part of my professionalism is to be able to immerse myself into your experience, then help you process through it and come out with greater clarity. So please, share whatever you need to. It makes the therapy experience much better.

4) A Black therapist will expect me to pray or go to church

Nope! Remember that not all Black therapists are Christian and not all Black therapists actually pray. On top of that, therapists learn how to set clear boundaries and do what is best for our clients.

As a Black, Christian therapist, I absolutely do not force prayer, the Bible or my spiritual beliefs down my clients’ throats. I do not integrate faith without your consent. And even if you are a Christian, and you tell me that you do not want your faith integrated into your treatment, there is no judgment from me.

Judgement actually gets in the way of all the great work we can do together. 

5) Working with a Black therapist will be just like talking to my sister or friend

Your therapist is NOT your friend. You won’t be going to lunch with her, celebrating your birthday with her, going on vacation with her or going to the spa with her. Unlike your friend, your therapist is there to help you meet your goals- not just nod, smile and agree with everything you say.

That being said, your therapist has your best interest at heart and wants to see you win.

Your therapist is laser focused on guiding you to a positive outcome. Sometimes your friends are unable to address difficult issues with you or set clear boundaries, because they are afraid that they will lose your friendship. Your therapist on the other hand, is willing to risk losing you as a client when she sets clear boundaries with you. 

I hope the above myths have been cleared up. 

If you are a high achieving woman of color in California who is ready to break free from your toxic past, stop the people pleasing and get comfortable with visibility, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. I also help couples get their spark back, and women with insomnia who want to simply learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep.

If you’re looking for a virtual support group for women of color, Read more about Lay Down Your Burdens: A Virtual support group for women of color here.

Want to read other related posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

What to expect when working with a Black therapist

The Top 5 Truths About Working with a Black Therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area

The Murrieta/Temecula area is a great place to live. It’s a family friendly neighborhood with lots of upwardly mobile professionals. It’s also a great place to raise kids. The beauty of living in Riverside County is that we are close enough to San Diego County, Orange County and Los Angeles County- we get the best of 4 worlds.

When it comes to seeing a therapist, it’s important to meet with someone who really sees you and gets you. It can be tough when majority of your session time is spent explaining yourself, code switching, and trying to force a fit that isn’t there.

We know that representation matters, and for many Black women and women of color, they typically tell me that it is important that their therapist is culturally sound, sensitive and in the know. And sometimes that means working with a Black therapist or a therapist of color.

If you’ve ever felt guilty about wanting to work with a Black therapist- Don’t. The single most important factor in choosing a solid therapist is the relationship between you and your therapist. So go with whomever works best for you.

If you’ve been thinking about getting signed up for therapy, here are 4 truths about working with a Black or African American therapist:

A Black therapist is always ready to give you a kick in the butt

Let’s just dive in to this one shall we?

As Black people, we are known for telling it like it is. Sometimes when you work with a Black therapist, she expects that you be willing to peel back the layers, be honest and open. Black therapists often like to hold you accountable. If you say you want to get something done in therapy, we are typically not afraid to call you out when you don’t get it done.

I personally believe that therapy should work. Therapy isn’t social hour. It’s not the place to laugh it up and socialize- although there might be some laughter involved in therapy. Therapy is supposed to help you accomplish goals, feel better and improve your relationship with yourself and others.

I know that before you call me, you have spent quite a bit of time researching, listening to podcasts, reading books and trying to utilize every possible tool you have available. So when you come in to work with me, I assume that you’re ready to roll those sleeves up and Get. To. Work.

It’s my job to give you support, but when you need a swift kick in the butt, I’m here to give you just that.

You don’t need to explain much to a Black therapist. She just gets it

One of the major complaints I hear from clients when they’ve been working with a therapist who is not a great fit for them, is that therapy felt like they were spending all their time explaining every little detail of their lives to the therapist. They had to explain details about their hair and culture, they had to explain what a micro aggression is, they had to explain colorism, they had to code switch. They also had to worry about coming across like the angry, Black, woman. Some said they felt a need to come across as strong.

When you’re working with a Black therapist, we know how to read between the lines. We typically don’t try to convince you that a micro aggression is not a micro aggression. We don’t try to convince you that your feelings are all in your head. And we certainly will not be asking you 987 questions about your hair, jewelry, head wrap or personal style.

Because we have had some similar experiences as you, we are able to empathize with you. We understand the subtle nuances and what they mean. We get the inflection in your voice, the discomfort you feel around certain people, the struggle of feeling like you’re too much, too Black, too educated, too successful, or that some people think you single handedly are responsible for the thoughts and opinions of every Black person.

Now does that mean every single Black therapist will be a great fit for you? Nope! I highly suggest that you request a consultation and look through the therapist’s website before you decide if she’s a great fit for you. Here’s a link to a blog post I wrote about questions to ask before picking a Black therapist.

The level of comfort is refreshing

Making the decision to begin therapy is difficult. I mean therapy is essentially you filleting open your life to a stranger and hoping that they will provide you with the support and safety you need to resolve the issues that brought into therapy in the first place.

It’s no joke. And it could be uncomfortable.

As a Black therapist, I do not take my position lightly. I know the level of vulnerability it takes to open up to a stranger (I’m not a stranger to therapy myself. Yup! I practice what I preach). I also understand the layers of systemic racism, environmental struggle, family dynamics, toxic work environments, on top of your own personal emotional struggles. When I work with my clients, I see them as people first, but I certainly do not brush issues of race, gender, socio economic status and politics aside.

When you sit across a Black therapist, many of us understand that there are so many layers lurking beneath the surface. We understand that your life is complex and we do not lump you into stereotypes and misconceptions about Black people or other people of color.

That level of acceptance is refreshing. Most people spend a huge portion of their lives trying to find that level of acceptance. You get to truly experience that when you work with a Black therapist.

Your Black therapist is not your friend

This is the part where I break your heart. As your therapist, I am absolutely not your friend. Now, I know when you work with a great therapist, it feels like a sisterhood. It feels so warm and fuzzy because you’re able to laugh, cry, get mad, and talk about issues you’ve never been able to talk to anyone else about.

You feel seen for the first time. You get lots of feedback about why you are the way you are. You are able to change your thought patterns, let go of your toxic past, repair relationships and regain a new sense of who you are. But even though your therapist can be your greatest cheerleader, she is not your friend.

A friend has a hard time seeing your patterns and telling you how it is. A friend is typically not trained in human behavior and patterns. A friend also will probably not call you out in a way that is both gentle and effective. If your therapist were your friend (which is unethical by the way), the emotional connection will get in the way of the logic and years of training we use to steer you in the right direction and guide you towards your goals.

I hope this is helpful in peeling back the layers about therapy. There is such a huge stigma about going to therapy in communities of color. It is my hope that we are able to chip away at the stigma so that we can create generational healing.

If you are a high achieving woman of color in California who is ready to break free from your toxic past, stop the people pleasing, let go of anxiety and get comfortable with visibility, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. I also help couples get their spark back, and women with insomnia who want to simply learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep.

If you’re looking for a virtual support group for women of color, Read more about Lay Down Your Burdens: A Virtual support group for women of color here.

Want to read other related posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

What to expect when working with a Black therapist

What to expect when working with a Black Therapist

You’ve been struggling for a long time. You know you need help. But finding a therapist can be a daunting task. It is even more daunting to find a Black therapist or a therapist of color. Some of your friends and family members seem to think that going to therapy is a waste of time. However, you know that you’re tired of doing it alone. You don’t want to be stuck in the same old cycle of feeling invisible, invalidated, anxious and tired. You’re willing to give therapy a try.

You might be on the fence about seeing a therapist, but here’s what you can expect when working with a Black therapist.

It’s important to note that not every Black therapist is the same- just like not every Black person is the same. We are a heterogenous group. Which is what makes us so wonderful.

Expect to be your real self when you work with a Black therapist

One of my favorite things about being a Black therapist is I get to see the real you. Many women of color often put on a persona- which is necessary for their survival and wellbeing in society. But when working with a Black therapist, you can expect to be you. Come as you are.

You don’t have to worry about how you speak, what you wear, or about being judged. We understand the immense amount of strength you have to possess just to be successful as a Black woman or a woman of color. You don’t have to bring your persona with you into session. Just do you.

I especially love it when we get to talk in slang, when we say “Mhhmmmm” or when we’re able to look at each other knowingly without speaking a word.

Expect some bluntness from your Black therapist

Here’s my therapist secret. I find that I am a lot more blunt when I work with Black women. Generally, Black people like to say it as it is. We typically are not a beat around the bush type of people.

I’m not mean, rude or judgmental, but I do call you out when I suspect that you are hiding, not living to your full potential or when you’re getting too comfortable in a toxic place. It is my way of gently guiding you towards your therapeutic goals. My job is to guide you so that you leave therapy feeling a lot better than when you started. Therapy should work.

Expect confidentiality from your Black therapist (and every therapist)

Black therapists practice according to the exact same code of ethics and laws that non-Black therapists do. So I will keep our sessions confidential- unless we are talking about mandated reporting requirements (child abuse, elder abuse and dependent adult abuse). Your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell your aunties, uncles, mama and all the other people.

Expect a serious level of comfort with your Black therapist

Often times, Black women and women of color come to me because they are looking for a therapist they can relate to and who can also relate to them. You want someone who understands what it feels like to be misjudged or discriminated against. You want someone who understands what it is like to be on the receiving end of microaggressions. You want someone who gets the subtle nuances of being Black.

When you sit in a session with a Black therapist, expect to feel as if you are home. Expect to slowly feel your burdens lifting and to be in a place of safety and comfort. It’s everything you never knew you needed until you got it.

Expect to maintain professional boundaries with your Black therapist

Working with a Black therapist isn’t the same as talking to your friends or sisters. Although you might feel a sense of connection and comfort, your therapist is not your friend. Expect to be listened to and to work on some clear goals. But do not expect your therapist to attend birthday parties, to text you back and forth all day or to friend you on social media.

Therapy with me isn’t long term. When you come to me, we outline some pretty specific goals. We check in on those goals periodically, and when those goals have been met, it’ll be time for you to graduate. I’m not a crutch or a lifelong friend. I’m simply the guide that gets you through the tunnel or that help soul you out of quick sand.

If you are every confused about where the boundary lines should be, it’s okay to ask your therapist.

Expect to not have to explain every nuance of your life to your Black therapist

The most beautiful thing abut working with a Black therapist is that sometimes she just knows. You don’t have to explain why your hair was short last week and is now long. You don’t have to explain why you felt uncomfortable when you were singled out at that conference. You also don’t have to explain why you feel nervous driving and shopping in certain parts of town. She just knows.

Now does that mean you will never have to clarify anything or that your therapist is a mind reader? Nope. It just means that a therapist who understands the intersection of race in an American society is already well versed in a lot of your experiences.

That being said, not all Black therapists are of the same ethnicity. Some Black therapists are African, some are South American, some are European, some are Australian, some are Asian. Never assume your Black therapist grew up in your same neighborhood under similar circumstances. We don’t want to stereotype.

If you are ready to work with a Black female therapist who can help you get unstuck and can finally work on reducing anxiety, insomnia or repairing your relationship, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

Want to read other related blog posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

Common questions about working with a Black or African American Therapist

A new year is upon us. With that comes new hope for a brighter future. 2020 was HARD- we had to dig deep to be able to survive it. Let’s make 2021 the year that you actually thrive. Remember that therapy can be an important tool in unlocking your emotional strength and learning tools to help you grow.

And now that we are in a new year, you might have come to the realization that you want to start therapy. Yay! Being in therapy isn’t a sign that you are broken- it’s actually a sign that you’re ready to heal, put the past behind you and begin to thrive.

When I talk to Black women and other women of color about mental health, they typically tell me that it’s important that they pick either a therapist who has similar religious beliefs as they do, a Black therapist or a therapist of color.

But because there is often a veil of secrecy and stigma wrapped around therapy, I’m here to answer your questions about working with a Black therapist. Here are some common questions about working with a Black or African American therapist.

Am I allowed to talk about issues of race, prejudice and color with a Black therapist?

When you are in therapy, it’s your time. You should get to talk about and work on whatever goals you have decided upon. If you want to bring issues of social justice, race, color and prejudice into the room, ensure that you pick a Black therapist who is comfortable with these issues. Do not automatically assume that every Black therapist is comfortable and well versed with these issues.

During your consultation call (if you have one), put it out on the table. Let the therapist know what issues are important to you, and specifically ask the therapist if he/she is comfortable with that. This is not the time to be coy. Clarity is always welcome.

Can a non-Black person work with a Black therapist?

The answer is typically “Yes,” however I can’t speak for every Black therapist out there. I’ve personally worked with women of different ethnicities, nationalities and backgrounds. Every year, hundreds and thousands of Black clients work with non-Black therapists, so I assume that every year, there are many non-Black clients who are working with non-Black therapists too.

If you are not Black, but you want to work with a Black therapist, just address the elephant in the room (if you think there is one) and ask them if they are fine working with you.

My approach is to be super open and honest. I don’t do elephants in rooms! I’m a straight up kinda therapist.

What is the therapist’s experience working with clients of my same background, color or ethnicity?

This is another important conversation to have during the phone consultation- and maybe even during the first session as well. Culture is so important- you can’t separate yourself from your culture, your beliefs and your upbringing- they shape you into who you are. It’s super duper important that the therapist you choose is able to understand your culture, is open minded and respectful of your way of life.

Now, depending on your ethnicity, you might not be able to find a therapist of the same ethnicity, however it’s important that the therapist you choose is curious and non judgmental. There’s no point working with a therapist who will make it sound like your culture is some type of illness. It can also feel extremely frustrating if you have to spend the entire time in therapy explaining why you do things a certain way, or defending your culture.

Will a Black therapist tell everyone my business?

This is usually a big concern in Black and Brown communities. A lot of us were raised to keep our dirty laundry indoors. We do not tell the whole world and their mama all our business- and that’s a fact. The great thing about therapy is that it’s actually confidential.

That being said, in the state of California, ALL therapists are mandated reporters- that means we have to report child abuse, elder abuse and dependent adult abuse. We could also potentially report if you are a danger to yourself, others or the property of others.

But as long as we are not talking about safety issues, your business stays between you and your Black therapist. So go ahead and tell them your business- it won’t be aired in these streets.

Do I have to be crazy to start therapy?

Many people believe that therapy is for crazy people. I personally loathe that word, but let me reassure you. You do not have to be crazy to go to therapy. You also do not have to be really ill, suicidal, severely depressed, self harming or on the verge of a breakdown.

You could go to therapy to address a breakup, your kids moving out of the home, process a new job, a relocation, your sadness, insomnia, anxiety, eating disorder, marital problems, process the pandemic- and the list goes on and on.

What’s your specialty?

It is important that the therapist you pick should have the necessary education, training and experience to help you with whatever struggles you are coming to them for. It typically isn’t enough that the therapist is Black.

So while you’re on your consultation call, ask the therapist what areas they typically specialize in.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have the ability to treat a really wide range of mental health issues, however I specialize in women with anxiety, women with insomnia, as well as couples therapy. I refer everyone else out as I like to focus on my strengths and ensure that every client gets an amazing result when working with me.

Can I be myself around a Black therapist?

As a Black therapist, yes you can absolutely be yourself around me. I am a far cry from the therapists that are portrayed on TV- you know the type- pants suit wearing, cold, aloof, head nodding, asking you “How does that make you feel?” every 5 - 10 seconds.

In my therapy sessions, there is laughter, sometimes tears, head wraps show up, eye rolls happen on occasion, and I’m not above the occasional shady comment. My clients can talk about their faith, we sometimes bring in scripture, we discuss pop culture and I create a space where you can find your authentic self and truly embrace it.

Let’s face it. You spend so much of your time trying to survive in rooms that weren't built for people like you, you go to work with people who don’t look like you and who might not get you, so in my therapy sessions, I ensure that you feel as if the room was built just for you.

Your job is to come as you are and get that healing.

Please note that the above is not an exhaustive list, but if you are a woman of color seeking a Black therapist in California, who can help you move beyond always feeling anxious and hiding, to finally being able to use your voice, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s make 2021 your year.

Want to read other related blog posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy?: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

New to therapy? Questions to ask a Black Therapist before you begin therapy

Some people have described 2020 as a dumpster fire. I’m not saying it was a bad year for everyone, but there certainly were some difficulties along the way. For some people, the COVID-19 pandemic brought them closer to their family and loved ones, and for others, it brought up all the problems and struggles they thought they’d buried a long time ago.

And so 2021 is a good year to heal some of the difficult emotions that 2020 brought up. It might be the year in which you go to therapy to learn to take off that strong Black woman armor you’ve been burdened with. It could be the year in which you learn to say goodbye to anxiety or finally learn how to sleep well.

It might be the year you decide to roll your sleeves up and finally do the emotional work so that 2021 can be your best year yet. In my last blog post, I wrote all about how to find a Black therapist near you. If you haven’t read it, please do so.

I imagine you’re at the stage in which you have your shortlist of therapists. You’ve scheduled a few consultation calls, but you have no clue what to ask the therapist, how to know if they are the best therapist for you, or how to get the most out of therapy.

Well, I got you. Take some notes. Let’s make the process of finding the best Black therapist for you easy peasy. Here are some quick questions you can ask a Black therapist when you’re on a consultation call (And FYI, I do not feel offended when potential clients ask me my gender, race, ethnicity or faith background when we are on consultation calls).

What is your therapy style?

Some therapists (like me) are very laid back. I laugh A LOT during therapy sessions, but don’t get it wrong, I am laser focused on helping you reach those goals. I am also very goal oriented. I suggest that all my clients get a therapy notebook in which they journal thoughts that happen outside of the therapy session so that we can talk about it in session.

I also give my clients homework- it can range from a 5-minute exercise to week long practices. As a Black female therapist who works with successful, high achieving, Black women, humor is very much a part of what I do. Although there might be tears during the session, I also share quite a few laughs with my clients. My clients can show up as they are- in their bonnets, pajamas, bath robes, head wraps- I’ve seen it all and I judge NONE of it.

There are other Black therapists who are more formal with their style. Neither style is better than the other. Some therapists talk quite a bit in session, others let their clients do most of the talking. Still, others do more somatic work in which the body and mind are incorporated. Some do animal assisted therapy, and others do outdoor therapy. 

The most important thing is what style you think works best for you.

Do you practice long-term therapy or short-term therapy?

Because human behavior can be so complex, it’s difficult to know how many sessions you will need to have. I happen to be a short-term therapist. I tell my clients that I work intensely with them (I see them weekly) until they have accomplished all their goals. 

During the first session, we set very clear, specific goals, and I check in periodically to see how close we are to meeting those goals. Once we have reached those goals, it’s time to graduate. That being said, the average client sees me for about 6 months. Although I’ve had clients who have been with me for years. I also have clients who have returned after graduation. Like I said, everyone’s path is different.

Do you have experience working with Black, Christian women [or insert some of your identifiers here]?

I am of the opinion that therapy is supposed to work for you. You shouldn't go to see a therapist just because you think that therapist is the only option for you. You should feel a deep, positive connection with your therapist in which there is safety and openness.

If you are currently in therapy and you feel like the process is not working for you, I suggest having a heart to heart with your therapist to see if something can be tweaked or if you can be referred out to someone who is a great fit for you. Your therapist should be a great fit for you.

I also believe that issues of culture are HUGE! As a Black, Christian, immigrant therapist, there are so many nuances to my clients’ backgrounds. It is also important that your therapist can see you and respect all the parts of you. So please do not be afraid to address this when you consult with a therapist on the phone. Many Black therapists or therapists of color understand the importance of including a clients’ experiences and culture in the sessions.

How often will you see me?

Therapy should happen regularly in order to see results. Typically, each therapy session builds upon previous sessions. If you only go to therapy once a year or once a month, it might be hard to gain the traction that you need. During the consultation call, address this with the therapist. Get clear on what his or her schedule looks likes to ensure that there will be space for your needs.

This might also be a good time to ask how long sessions are. Some therapists have quick 30-minute sessions. Others see clients for 45 minutes, 50 minutes, 60 minutes 75 minutes or even have intensives that last more than 2 hours. Please get clear on this so that you can decide if this suits your schedule and your needs.

How will I know when I’m ready to graduate therapy?

It’s usually nice to have benchmarks when you’re in therapy. It helps you identify your progress, what areas you still need to work on, and when you think you’ll be ready to graduate from the therapy process.

Ask the therapist if there are any systems in place to help with this. Please note that graduation from therapy doesn’t mean that you can never return to therapy. It also doesn’t imply that your life will be perfect. It simply means that this therapy cycle has helped you achieve specific goals.

Other Questions to ask

• How much does a session cost?

• Can you provide a super bill for my insurance? And what is the process like?

• Will I receive a mental health diagnosis? (Quick note here. If you choose to use your insurance, chances are you therapist would have to provide a mental health diagnosis. I always advocate for clients to know what they are being diagnosed with).

• Are you in network with my insurance company?

• What happens if I cannot make it to a scheduled appointment? (Some therapists have no show policies and others will terminate you after a certain number of missed sessions. It’s important to be clear about that).

• What type of license do you have? (Depending on your state, there are licensed marriage and family therapists, licensed clinical social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, licensed mental health counselors, licensed professional clinical counselors, etc.). To be extra careful, you could also decide to look up the therapist on the licensing board’s website to ensure that their license is in good standing.

• Do you engage in Christian [insert religious or spiritual background here] counseling?

• Do you work with [insert your issues here- it could be anxiety, depression, infidelity, infertility, athletic performance, etc].

Those are some questions you could ask your therapist before beginning therapy. If you are a Black woman in California, seeking a Black, Christian therapist who can help you manage anxiety, get rid of insomnia or create an amazing relationship, click here to schedule a free consultation with me.

Remember, the best therapist for you is one you feel safe with.

Want to read more?

How to find a Black therapist: A Simple guide.

How to find a Black Therapist: A simple step by step guide

2020 was quite an interesting year. It was the first time we experienced a pandemic. We had lockdowns, global unrest, economic upheaval, lockdowns, social distancing, mask wearing, hullabaloo about vaccines, virtual schooling, telecommuting, a presidential election…the list goes on and on.

Now that we have crossed over into a new year, maybe you find yourself feeling more anxious than usual. Maybe you toss and turn every night and you just can’t sleep. Or maybe 2020 was the year that brought chaos into your marriage. All that time spent working virtually and home schooling your kids has taken a toll on you.

You’re certainly NOT alone. Maybe it’s time to talk to a therapist. There is an erroneous belief that Black people and other people of color don’t go to therapy. But that certainly is NOT true.

You’ve thought about seeing a therapist, but you’re not sure where to go or who to call. Let’s face it, finding a mental health therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area or in Riverside County for that matter, can be a BIG struggle. 

You search ‘Black mental health therapist near me’ and you’re rewarded with 100 options. You look through the first 20, call 10, and you’re greeted by voicemail after voicemail. Your head begins to spin because you don’t even know who the right choice is. Some of the therapists ask you to schedule a consultation call, but you have no clue what that even means or what to say during said call. You know you want a Black therapist, but you’re not sure if that’s appropriate to think or ask for.

I’m here to simplify the process. As a Black therapist in Riverside County- who sees clients virtually throughout California, clients tell me all the time how hard it was to wade through all the options just to find me.

So here it goes- my step by step guide of how to find a Black therapist.

Think about what you need from a therapist

Before you make the first call, take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I need from my Black therapist?” This might be an odd question, but it’s important to note that every therapist cannot help you. You won’t automatically connect with every therapist you speak to- regardless of gender, ethnicity, location, cost, specialty, etc.

• Do you want a therapist who engages in traditional talk therapy in which both of you engage in a series of interventions that include talking?

• Do you want a therapist who digs into your past and uncovers past pain and trauma? Or do you prefer to stay present focused?

• Are you particular about the therapist’s religious background and do you want that religion or spirituality included in the therapy process?

• Do you want a therapist of a specific gender?

• Do you want a therapist who is more formal, or one who is casual, laid back, humorous and always has a head wrap to match her shirt?

• Are you looking for long term therapy or something more short term?

• What specific issues are you looking for help with? Can the therapist treat those issues? For example: trauma, infidelity, substance use, anxiety, depression, insomnia, couples counseling. Many therapists do specialized work.

Ask your friends, family members or loved ones for a referral

One of the easiest ways to find a Black therapist is simply to ask those around you. Chances are you have friends and loved ones who are either currently in therapy, who have been in therapy before or who know someone who knows a Black therapist (I promise you that we exist).

If you have other Black friends or loved ones of color- go ahead and ask them. Ask them what makes that therapist a great therapist, what the therapist’s style is, and possibly, what issues the therapist treats. It’s always great to get an insider referral. By the way, it’s okay if you and your friends see the same therapist- as long as you and the therapist do not feel it’s a conflict of interest.

I can assure you that going to therapy is so much more common than you think. Because therapy happens in a confidential setting, we often think that we are the only ones who go to therapy. Let me fill you in on a little secret- even therapists go to therapy. We are in the business of helping others and also receiving help.

Do a Google search for ‘Black Therapist near me.’

Yup, sometimes it’s as easy as that. Good old Google is at your service when you need it. Due to the pandemic, so many more therapists have gone virtual, so you can easily see a therapist that might not be geographically near you, but is located in your state.

The way therapy licenses are regulated in the United States, we are licensed to practice therapy throughout our states. That means if you live in California, you can see any therapist within California, but you can’t see a therapist who is licensed in Georgia or Florida for example (except the therapist is licensed in multiple states).

When you do a Google search, I always suggest that you visit the therapist’s website, spend time reading the website, notice what the specialties are, and ask to schedule a free consultation call. Not all therapists offer this, but it never hurts to ask. Also search therapists in nearby cities, just to broaden your options. So, if you live in Riverside County, you can search ‘Black therapist in Los Angeles,’ ‘Black therapist in San Diego,’ or even ‘African American therapist near me.’

Use a Therapist or Mental Health Directory

If you don’t feel like asking your loved ones for a referral and Google seems too overwhelming, you’re in luck. There are quite a lot of therapist directories out there. Some are broad, and some are specific to therapists who serve communities of color, Latinx communities, Black clients or women.

Many of these directories have filters so that you can be very specific in your search. Here are a few therapist directories you could try.

• Therapy for Black Girls: A directory specifically for Black women who are looking for a therapist.

• Melanin and Mental Health: A directory serving Black and Latinx communities.

• Clinicians of Color Directory: A directory serving communities of color.

• Therapy Den: A directory helping to connect people to therapists.

• Psychology Today: One of the largest mental health service directories. It’s very broad and you can find a psychiatrist on here too.

Schedule a Free Consult With The Therapists You Find

After you have scanned through the directories and glanced over the therapists’ websites, create a short list of therapists who stand out to you. The best therapist for you is the therapist who you have a great connection with AND who is skilled in helping you meet your goals. This is a good time to trust your gut.

Not every therapist offers free consultation calls, but you can always ask for one. During the consultation call you can ask about their style of therapy, what types of clients they typically work with, if therapy is short or long term, and get a general sense of the therapist’s vibe. What vibe am I talking about? You’ll feel it when you talk to a few therapists.

There you have it- a simple step by step guide to finding a Black therapist in your city or state. 

If you are a successful Black woman in California, struggling with anxiety, insomnia or relationship problems, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me.

I’d love to talk to you about your struggles and see if we are a great fit for one another, so you can finally get back on the right track. If you want to find out more about me, you can read up all about me here.