What to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area

Everyone and their mother appears to be talking about going to therapy on every show these days. You've entertained the idea of therapy or counseling in your mind, but you're not sure what to expect.

You've probably heard that talking to a therapist is similar to talking to your best friend. But, if it's the same as talking to your best friend, why spend money, and the time you don't have in therapy? Why not ask your best friend?

Here's a quick list of what to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area.

Before we begin, all therapists must be different, so I will be speaking from my own perspective. These are my practices as a therapist.

I won't be giving you advice during therapy or counseling.

The number one misconception about therapy is your therapist specifically tells you what to do. Your therapist is entirely different from your best friend or your mentor. My job is NOT to tell you what to do; after all, who am I to tell you what to do? I am not your boss. My job is simply to ask you questions that give you the space to think deeply, weigh the pros and cons, brainstorm, and eventually come to your own conclusion. You'll learn more about the whys of things, common patterns in your life, and what makes you who you are.

Would it not be a form of control if I told you what to do?

I'm not 100 percent neutral in therapy.

When you watch TV, the therapist is 100% neutral. They really have a blank stare on their face, they nod and smile, and they just appear to have no personality.

I am not like that.

If I feel like you are moving in a perilous direction, I will let you know. I am not neutral at all. My ulterior motive is to guide you towards the completion of your goals. To be neutral will mean that I have no investment in your success. Being neutral would mean that I am a blank slate. I am no blank slate.

My real intention is to guide you to become the person you said you wanted to become when you began working with me.

Therapy is hard work.

From the outside looking in, therapy is just two people looking at each other and talking for an hour. This is far from the truth. As a couple therapist in Houston, I have spent over a decade honing my skills, learning human behavior, learning about interpersonal relationships, learning about nonverbal behavior, and even learning about how the brain works to quickly get you your therapy goals.

Therapy is not a walk in the park. There will be tears, some shade was thrown (mostly on my end), moments of deep reflection, and you will feel uncomfortable.

You'll feel like a lot better version of yourself when you've gone through some of those challenging feelings when you're done. To grow a healthy tree, I always remind my clients that they must first dig through the sludge.

And yes, another thing to expect when you work with me is a series of proverbs and sayings that I often make up on the fly.

What can I say? It is the West African therapist in me.

In our therapy or counseling sessions, I won't be blaming your mom for everything.

People often shy away from therapy in Houston (and everywhere else) because they believe their family will be put on blast or that the therapist will not respect their heritage.

As a Black marriage counselor in Houston and an immigrant, I understand the importance of culture and family and their complexity.

I will absolutely not be blaming your mom, your dad, your grandma, or your neighborhood for everything. I understand that your environment, personality, and family upbringing all play a role in making you who you are. It is entirely unjust to place all of the blame on one person.

As a therapist, I have no preconceived notions about you.

Although I primarily work with couples and high-achieving women with anxiety and insomnia, I do not expect all of my clients to be the same. I absolutely do not take a one-size-fits-all approach to my work.

I believe that you are unique, and a massive part of my work is listening and observing. You are the one who tells me the story of who you are, you are the one who walks me through, and you are the captain of the ship.

When you go to a therapy session with me, I have no preconceived notions about you. I do not expect you to check off all of the boxes in the DSM V (the DSM V is the official manual from which therapists diagnose clients).

Instead, I take an approach of not knowing, as I believe you are the expert yourself. You may not realize it yourself better than anyone else or will ever know you. Let us all learn to accept that together.

I ask you what your goals for therapy are

Our first Couples counseling Houston session together is like a discovery session. I ask you a lot of questions about your upbringing, your current environment, your time in school, your career, the significant relationships in your life, what brings you into therapy, your emotions, your past experiences in therapy, as well as who you want to be when our time together is done.

All of these questions help me (and you) understand you better. It is like putting 1 million puzzle pieces together to see the big picture. Therapy, in my opinion, should have clear goals so that we know precisely when it is time for you to graduate. No guessing games are involved.

Before diving into therapy, we get all the insurance things out of the way.

For therapy to succeed, you need to know exactly what to expect. That means also discussing the boring insurance stuff. If you wish to go through your insurance, I'll tell you everything you should be telling your insurance company so that the road will be smooth.

If you choose to work with me as an out-of-network therapist, I will also sort everything out before starting our sessions. It is essential that when we start sessions, there are no distractions. The ultimate goal is to get you in the headspace necessary to reach your therapy goals.

Expect to laugh (A LOT) in therapy.

I am absolutely NOT a nod and smile therapist. You will not get a blank slate or stare from me, and I won't be the therapist who repeatedly asks you, "How does that make you feel?"

We go deeper than that, and I bring in my authentic self. Some days I am loud. Some days I cackle. I happen to laugh A LOT, and yes, we'll have some belly laughs even while discussing anxiety, insomnia, marital struggles, and trauma.

I am an expert. I believe that laughter may help heal a broken heart. So even though we will be doing a lot of work, and tears will be shed, expect to laugh a lot. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

So there it is. Those are some of the elements you should expect when working with me in therapy in the Houston area. As a Black therapist in Houston, I pride myself on helping women of color and couples of color move from surviving to thriving. If you struggle and barely treading water, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call. Because you absolutely deserve to wake up every day and enjoy your life

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

The Top 8 Truths about counseling or therapy in the Houston area

The Houston area is bustling and full of diversity, vibrancy and lots of hard working people. Sometimes the hustle and bustle could take a toll on your physical and mental health. And when you're going through stress, worry and anxiety it might be time to begin counseling or therapy in Houston.

Some people jump headfirst into the therapy process, while others prefer to tiptoe. If you are someone who prefers to tiptoe, here's a little glimpse behind the curtain of therapy in Houston.

Here are some of the top five truths about counseling or therapy in Houston.

1) Every therapist in Houston is not the right therapist for you

Although every single therapist in Houston has at least a master’s degree, not every therapist’s style will match your needs. Therapist’s vary in their philosophy of how they serve their clients.

The first step in finding a therapist in Houston or a counselor in Houston is being clear about what it is that you're trying to get out of therapy. Are you looking to reduce anxiety? Are you perhaps struggling with depression and would like a therapist to help you with that? Or are you the super independent family member whom everybody goes to for help, and now you're sick of it?

If you decide to work with a therapist in Houston, it is important that you get to know what their style is as well as what their niche is. The best way to get to know them is to read their website to see if what they talk about actually hits your heart.

The next step after reading their website is to call the therapist to see if they offer free consultation calls. During this time you get to ask all of the questions about therapy.

Remember, not every counselor in Houston is the same. Not every therapist in Houston is right for you. It is OK for you to keep searching until you find the right counselor in Houston for you.

2) therapists in houston are not your friend

Although I'm a huge advocate of therapy- especially in a large, busy area like Houston, it is important to know that we therapists are not your friends. Unlike your friends who might struggle to tell you the truth, and who are not trained to see the different dynamics in your life, we are masters of human behavior and family dynamics.

We try to help you break through different blocks that have been holding you back, and we also help you gain awareness of different dynamics in your life that might blocking your progress. Even though we want to see you succeed, we will not be spending time on empty chitchat, we will not be hanging out with you after session, and we certainly will not follow you on social media.

We draw the line between our therapeutic relationship and your personal life.

3) You might have to try multiple therapists in Houston before you find the therapist who is the best fit for you

Sometimes the first therapist that you work with, will not be the therapist that you work with for the rest of your life. And this is perfectly OK.

If you are new to therapy, you might not know what to expect (read this blog post on what to expect from therapy in Houston), and so you might just be a passive participant in the process. It is perfectly OK if you decide to stop therapy whenever you want. I highly suggest that you speak to your therapist about what is no longer working for you, so that you give them a chance to make some changes.

If the first few therapists you work with do not feel like a good match for you, the problem is not you, the problem is most likely the therapeutic relationship. The single most important factor in the success of therapy, is the relationship between the client and the therapist. Please do not feel like you have to stay with a therapist that you don't feel a connection with. There are too many counselors in Houston for you to have to settle on the wrong one. It is your right to move on whenever you feel you are ready.

4) You might have different therapists for different seasons in your life.

Sometimes you need therapy to support you in a specific season in your life, such as the divorce of your parents when you were a teenager. And after you've worked through that issue, it is possible that you graduate therapy and you don't go back to therapy for years.

But maybe you graduate college and you find that the transition as an independent woman who is out in the real world feels overwhelming to you. So you decide to seek therapy for that specific issue.

Later in life, you might get married, have a few kids, and you need support to get through the long days as a mother. And so you decide to get an anxiety therapist in Houston or a Black therapist in Houston to help you through that season of your life.

It is perfectly OK to find a new therapist when you're in a different season in your life, or if you're going through a different transition. It is normal to have had multiple therapists that have helped you in different stages of your life. Bravo to you if you have sort out support before.

5) Therapy in houston is often not a quick fix

The biggest misconception about therapy is that you will feel better in the first two sessions. Sometimes, you might even feel worse before things get better. If you think about it, most people do not seek the support of a therapist until the issue they're struggling with has been brewing for months, or maybe even years.

It is really difficult to fix an issue that has been brewing for years- in just a few days or weeks.

The reason why you might feel worse before you feel better is that the work of therapy looks like unearthing difficult emotions, and possibly dissecting long-standing dynamics that are no longer working for you.

After all of those issues have been unearthed, then you can find your way back to healing and figuring out who you now want to be.

So hang in there. Counseling or therapy might not feel easy, but it is well worth it.

6) Your first therapy session might feel awkward

When people come to therapy for the first time, they often feel awkward. Some people; find it a bit easier if they participate in online therapy, rather than in person. Think about this- your therapist is asking you to be vulnerable and open with a complete stranger. Sometimes it’s much easier to be vulnerable when you’re sitting in the comfort of your own home.

This is the definition of awkward.

But a complete stranger who is well educated in human behavior and dynamics, is probably the best person to work with.

Because we do not follow you home and we do not work with you outside of your therapy or counseling session, we can help create a situation of true growth and healing. You pour out your heart to us, you leave it in your counseling session, and you can continue to live your life.

As you continue to attend sessions, the awkwardness will die down, and you get to the point where you'll start to look forward to the level of vulnerability that leads to growth.

7) Your therapist will not be prescribing medications

One reason why people often run away from therapy in Houston or counseling in Houston is because they assume that their therapist will be prescribing medications or that they will have to take psychiatric medication to be in therapy. Well I have news for you- as a licensed marriage and family therapist in Houston, I did not attend medical school, therefore I cannot prescribe medication even if I wanted to.

When you work with a therapist like me, I probably will not talk much about medication. If you have concerns about your medication, or if you wish to begin taking medications, then I recommend that you speak to your primary care physician or a psychiatrist.

Medications and pills are completely out of the scope of practice of therapists and counselors in Houston.

8) Anyone can benefit from therapy (even strong, super responsible Black women)

Another big misconception about therapy in Houston is that it is only for ‘weak people’ or ‘crazy people.’ Well, I am yet to meet someone who is too strong for therapy. Every human is probably carrying a burden on their shoulders, and even the strongest, most independent Black woman can benefit from additional support of a therapist. If you’re specifically seeking a Black therapist in Houston, that’s okay too. Some of the reasons people go to therapy are trauma, anxiety, depression, a difficult transition such as a move, getting deployed in the military, working a difficult job, etc.

I hope this helps clarify some misconceptions about therapy in Houston. If you are searching for a Black therapist in Houston who can help you get in touch with your vulnerable side, and break through that superwoman shell, or help you fix that marriage that has gone stale, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call. You deserve the life that you have always dreamed of.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.