How to Sleep Again After Losing Your Loved One

There is no loss that compares to losing someone you love. No preparation can make you completely ready for it, and it affects every aspect of life including sleep. While nothing can replace the feeling of having your beloved next to you at night, there are ways you can improve the quality of sleep you get and thereby improve your overall wellbeing. Here are some suggestions to help you through this difficult time.

Don’t Stay Still

While there are no instant cures for losing sleep after a loved one’s passing, there are ways you can take care of yourself even in your darkest moments. Nurture yourself by engaging in physical activity. Go for a long run in the morning, take your dog for a walk during a break from work, or take a class at your local gym in the evening.

At times it can seem impossible to do almost anything when grieving, but it’s important for both your mental and physical health to stay active. To best support healthy sleep habits, Healthline recommends engaging in light to moderate exercise between 60–90 minutes before bed. They suggest exercises that include yoga, stretching, walking or swimming, and light weightlifting.

Make the Best Sleep Environment

It is important to know the difference between gadgets that will assist you in falling asleep and things that are simply a waste of money. While there are plenty of apps designed to help you rest, Nuvanna says it’s wise to rid your sleeping space of unnecessary electronics. The blue light from the screens on your phone, tablet, or electronic reader can inhibit your body from producing melatonin.

If your mattress is around 10 years old, it may be negatively affecting your sleep and time to get a new one. When purchasing a mattress, consider your sleep position, as this will affect what material you need and how firm it should be. Back sleepers need a firm bed while stomach sleepers require different support to keep from sinking.

Learn Calming Techniques

If you struggle to calm your mind at night, sleeping will be difficult. Fortunately, there are relaxation exercises you can do to help you let go of thoughts while in bed. One such technique is to focus on deep breathing. As you breathe in, feel the air entering your lungs and try to picture it moving through your body.

Progressive relaxation is another great way to distract your mind and let your body unwind naturally, according to Psychology Today. Focus on one area of your body at a time and intentionally relax it, slowly progressing until your whole body is relaxed. If you need something more tangible, however, you could try taking a bath at the end of your day. Use bath bombs, essential oils, or bath salts to help you experience deep relaxation.

Honor Their Memory with a Nonprofit

One profound way you can honor the departed while also giving yourself something positive to focus on is to create a nonprofit in your loved one’s honor. Formation services can help you through the process of setting things up, and it can be an invaluable step on the road to making peace with your loss. If you’re not sure how to get started, there are helpful guides available that lay out the process and everything it entails. Just remember that starting a nonprofit—even a small one—requires a lot of hard work.

Eat for Sleep

What you eat and drink can also affect how well you sleep at night. If you find yourself agitated or restless in the evenings, drinking caffeine or alcohol may only make this worse. Both drinks cannot only prevent you from falling asleep but may also interfere with your ability to remain asleep. Be mindful of when you consume caffeine or alcohol relative to your bedtime.

There are many foods that can help improve your sleep, but there are also foods that can make sleep more difficult. Try to avoid foods that are high in acidity, sugar, and fat. Acid can upset your stomach when you lie down, and fatty foods can increase your stomach’s production of acid. Foods heavy in protein can take a long time to digest, which can also keep you awake. Lastly, avoid foods that act as a diuretic. If you have to get up several times during the night to use the bathroom, you are not getting adequate rest.

If you’ve recently lost a loved one, you may be experiencing difficulty sleeping. This can exacerbate the stress you may already be feeling. While there is no instant solution for troubled sleep, these tips will help you ensure that you’re taking the necessary steps to prioritize healthy sleep during this difficult time.

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Misconceptions about Christian marriage counseling

If you’ve never been to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, you might be confused about what it actually is. Perhaps you might be wondering, “Why don’t I just go to speak to a friend or a pastor?” I’m here to clear up some of the misconceptions around what Christian marriage counseling in Houston is.

Here are some popular myths about Christian marriage counseling.

Christian counseling is the same as speaking to your pastor

Pastors are experts in the Bible, teaching and service to others. Most pastors do not actually have training or a background in human behavior and mental health counseling. Most pastors also do not have training in mental health and trauma. Chances are if you or your spouse is experiencing depression, anxiety, OCD, an eating disorder or an addiction, your pastor won’t know what to do with that.

And that is the advantage of going to a Christian marriage counselor in Houston.

You're able to get the integration of your Christian faith, as well as the years of experience in all of the aforementioned areas. We are able to work with you on previous trauma, exploring emotions, effective communication skills, friendship, intimacy as well as whatever other mental health issues you might be struggling with. I am not against going to your pastor, however sometimes the marital issues are way beyond what your pastor can handle.

The only thing that Christian marriage counselors do is read Bible scripture to you

This is probably the biggest misconception about Christian marriage counseling in Houston. Most people assume that the Christian counselor will open up scripture, read it to you and send you on your merry way. While the marriage counselor could use the Bible to frame the counseling sessions, you'll be learning actual tools to help you communicate better with your spouse and repair what has been broken.

You'll also learn why certain behaviors came to be, how your past and your environment affect your relationship, as well as practical tips to help you improve your relationship.

Christian marriage counseling in Houston is not the same as listening to a sermon. if you’re currently working with a Christian marriage counselor in Houston who just preaches at you, but does not give you practical tools to work through your struggles, please run! NOW!

Christian MARRIAGE counselors blame the wife for everything

Christian Marriage Counseling not about the blame game. I am yet to see a relationship or a marriage in which one party is to blame for everything. A skilled Christian marriage counselor will spend time getting to know both parties, getting to understand your mental health needs, and helping you identify your part in the relationship. The goal is to create a system of accountability- not judgment or blame.

Christian marriage counselors just give you advice and tell you not to get divorced

First of all, it is not the role of a Christian marriage counselor in Houston to give you advice. We simply lay the foundation to help you communicate your needs and wants to your partner in an appropriate way. We teach you skills to increase friendship, trust, and improve your bond. It is not our job to tell you whether or not to get divorced. We don’t even give you advice. That decision is completely up to you and your spouse.

Christian marriage counselors only work with Christians

I often get calls asking me if I work with people who are not Christians. The answer is yes. It is not my job to indoctrinate anyone. It is also not my job to force anybody to believe what I believe. I only integrate Christian faith into marriage counseling when my clients actually want me to do so.

So as you see, Christian marriage counseling does not have to be a terrifying thing. The best Christian marriage counselors in Houston have a strong background in mental health and are able to integrate the Christian faith without blaming, shaming, indoctrination and intimidation.

If you are ready to finally learn how to communicate your feelings clearly and honestly to your spouse, I am a Black Christian marriage counselor in the Houston area. Click here to schedule your free 15-min consultation call. Your marriage does not have to be a constant struggle. it can actually be much easier than you think.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.